Sexuality

[GouRonin]

I was on another forum and there was a post regarding an instructor who was openly gay but recently several students felt that he was coming onto them. Some did not care and some were deeply troubled by it.

So, here's a few questions. Should there be sexual relationships in the dojo? How do people feel about homosexuality and the martial arts?

Myself, I could care less if someone is gay or not, that's their thing and as long as it doesn't bother me I'm ok with it.

As for the relationship thingy I think they are dangerous for the student teacher aspect but for students themselves I don't see as much a problem.

Thoughts?

 

[Cthulhu]

A student's or instructor's sexuality really would matter little to me, as long as things are kept professional and respectful.

A student/instructor relationship has the potential for disaster written all over. The danger of favoritism and bias will always be present, and the other students may suspect these things are happening, whether they are or not, leading to resentment.

However, it all depends on the maturity and professionalism of the people involved. If such a relationship did occur, as I'm sure they often do, I would suggest discretion for a period of time before revealing the relationship to the rest of the school. This could help dispel any suspicion of favoritism.

Sort of on the same topic, my instructor became involved (coincidentally) with a student's ex-girlfriend. This led to much resentment on the student's part, so much so that he left the school. That was a shame, since he was fairly promising. I think the immaturity of the student was the major problem in this case, however, as he was fairly young and emotional.

Cthulhu

 

[GouRonin]

I think students and instructors should shy away from relationships other than a professional one. Perhaps higher ranking students maybe. I dunno.

Dating the yellow belts is a real past time in some schools. The problem comes when to comes time to test. You can see all the problems that arise.

Myself, I think that the dojo is where you work out. Not pick up babes. Leave that for outside the school. Or at least have some strict rules in place. Some kind of guide line.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I really don't have a problem with working with straight or gay instructors or students...just as long as they don't offer to help me with my cup.

Relationships....well, thats complex. 2 students dating, i guess thats ok, but an instructor dating a student I think is a bad idea. As was said, it leads to feelings of favortism, etc, unless it's handled carefully.

Course, on the other hand....since we spend all day in the training room, where else we gonna pick up gals/guys? Its real hard to impress the counterhelp at BK with the "Look how good I can go 'HiYA!'" thing.

 

[GouRonin]

As much as I love BK, and I really do. Most of their counter help is jailbait to me.

It's true though. Martial Arts instructors have it tough. But if you think about it, it isn't hard. I have a personal policy to not date people I work with. From when i was working as a doorman at a club to my current job I have only once dated someone I work with. I can't even begin to describe the horror that came of it. The problem is that unless it is long term then you are bound to have problems.

My wife I met while I was at work and refused to date her until she went to another company. While I did meet her at work I stuck with my policy and things went well. I used to meet tons of people doing other stuff. I think that it means people might have to go outsaide what they do and be a little more well rounded in their lives.

BUT!

I'm not anyone to be telling people how to live. Just offering my opinion.

 

[Cthulhu]

Ugh...I once made the mistake of dating someone from work, my supervisor, no less. Bad idea. Bad. Don't recommend it. What the hell was I thinking?

Were I to have a school of my own, with assistant instructors, I would not forbid dating students, but I would strongly discourage it. If a student/instructor relationship were to happen, I would probably insist that it remain discreet until I thought it was safe for the other students to know.

Now, if the people in question were dating previous to training together, the situation becomes more sticky. I would probably try to have someone else training the student if at all possible. If not possible, then I guess I'd just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Ultimately, it isn't something we can control, nor have the right to, really. People is people and hormones is hormones. Hopefully, the people involved would be mature and professional enough to behave accordingly while in class.

Cthulhu

 

[GouRonin]

My instructor has ex-students who now are strippers and one or two do porn movies.

Makes for really interesting reunions.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Really?

heh...martial arts porn..... now thats a, um, scary idea....

 

[Rob_Broad]

I met my wife in the club where we were training together, I was just a student there that ended up teaching more than getting lessons, but I refuse to work with her group. That way I could not be called biased or accused of favoritism. If anything I was harder on her when we trained at home thanI was when I did private lessons with people.

We dated for 6 months before we told anyone about it. No one knew why I didn't want to teach that group of students. Everybody just figured I want to work with the white belts only. When we told everyone that we were dating no one had a problem, they knew I would not show her favoritism. Eventually we got engaged, bought the school we were training in and are now married.

Realtionships in the Dojo can be very dangerous, I do not recommend them but who am I to say what is right. I went against what I normally tell people, but I set up a wall to protect both us fi it went sour.

 

[Rob_Broad]

I want to study KENPORN to where do I sign up?

My wife said it was okay as long as I don't enjoy myself.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I am -not- gonna ask about the "hand forms".

:shrug:

 

[GouRonin]

I do this form valled "long 9" and man, is it pretty.
:rofl:

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Let me guess though.....ya stopped "short" before ya got the the end?

:rofl:

 

[Despairbear]

Homosexuality in martial arts? Who cares..... It is a non-issue.

Relationships in the Dojo?

Out of the question, I feel that a dojo is a place to train and nothing more. My girlfriend and I train together in several types of martial arts but the moment we enter the dojo our relationship stops and she is just another student and I would not dream of making a pass at her. The Sensei/Student relationship should be one of respect and knowlage if some one is interested in someone they train with the most resonable course of action is to meet such a person outside of the dojo in a more normal setting.



Despair Bear

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I think as long as the relationships are kept to a professional level, its ok. But favortism, etc is wrong, regardless of the 'reason'.

 

[GouRonin]

I could care less myself, as long as the person teaching is competent but for a lot of people and parents it IS an issue even though it probably shouldn't be.

And I agree with your statement about walking into the dojo.

 

[bscastro]

Greetings,

This is actually my first post here. In any case, I think sexual orientation shouldn't matter as long as there is respect for students and teachers alike. It is just a matter of personal comfort level I suppose.

As for teacher student relationships, again I think this is a personal decision. Unlike say college professors and their students, the "rules" for teacher/student relationships in martial arts classes I think are more set by the teacher himself. I guess as long as it doesn't interfere with the teacher's effectiveness to teach, it shouldn't really matter. However, I have seen a couple cases where the student who is dating the teacher feels they can have certain privileges, but in both cases, the teacher handled it well.

 

[GouRonin]

Is it so wrong to just really want the babes?
:moon:

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Actually, yes.... if thats the SOLE reason for being there. I've been to at least 1 school where it always seemed like the head instructor was dating a student, ot thier mom.

Guess who aced their tests and got other favorable treatment?

Wasn't a pretty picture.

 

[GouRonin]

When I was boxing it was ok to get the babes.

Of course then there was only one or two belts and everyone wanted them. Then once you got it you have to prove you could keep it.
:asian: