Sexuality

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Despairbear

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There are singles clubs to looks for "chicks" a dojo is for training nothing else.




Despair Bear
 
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girlychuks

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As a 25 year old beginner woman in the martial arts, I have to say, that it is better to keep it all in the pants and let the sexual energy reinforce your Ki.
I have been wondering about this recently- if you don't have strong resolve, I think there is a bit of potential for trouble- after all, you are getting grabbed, thrown, and hugged.
Dating within the dojo seems just way out of whack- I am not sure how I would deal with going to bed with someone, then getting up and sparring with them the next day (there are not many women in my dojo so gender separated sparring is out of the question)
So in my humble female opinion, it's cooler to just keep it under wraps and REALLY enjoy the throws and takedowns.:kiss:
 
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girlychuks

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PS
Martial arts porn?
LOL - I am off to register the domain dirtydojo.com for my future moneymaker. I can't imagine the tournament events!!

Never looking at my nunchuku the same way again-Cathy
 

Cthulhu

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I never really considered getting involved with anybody in my instructor's school. I think mostly because, as his highest ranking student, I was in effect his assistant instructor, so I knew any kind've funny business would have probably ended poorly. Now that I'm happily married, the point is moot :D That is, unless my wife ever decided to seriously train with me. I'd be in a pickle, then.


Originally posted by girlychuks
Never looking at my nunchuku the same way again-Cathy

:erg:
Um, I think you've inadvertantly (or not :)) planted a very distracting image in the heads of many of the board's members. CENSOR! Oh, Censor!

Ahem. We now return you to your regularly scheduled forum.

Cthulhu
 

Bob Hubbard

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quote:
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Originally posted by girlychuks
Never looking at my nunchuku the same way again-Cathy
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Um, I think you've inadvertantly (or not ) planted a very distracting image in the heads of many of the board's members. CENSOR! Oh, Censor!

Oh man...there was this 1 cartoon...."Offenders of the Universe"... a real BAD! star trek/wars clone.....

They had a very special set of nunchuku...and I won't mention the sword.....

:rofl:

Thank you for the images.... :D
 
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GouRonin

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Hey, I have no problem punching anyone in the mouth. Heck, most of my friends I HAVE punched in the mouth. That's why they're my friends. I used to date a girl when I was boxing who liked to spar with me. Nothing like having her rabbit punch my kidneys when I didn't want to get up for work.
 

Bob Hubbard

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I can relate....My SO -LOVES- nailing me in the kidneys......:shrug:

But, leaping back to the original topic.... Its hard to seperate the 2, especially if youre single and your entire social life -is- the dojo. My SO and I go to some of the same schools. We try to not work together there, cuz its distracting for us both. Plus, she's not too keen on sparing, and I can't get enough, so it tends to not work well that way. heh
 
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Rob_Broad

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I really have no problem with anyone's sexual orientation. I just know that a flamboyant homosexuak as a teacher would not be a good thing for that business.

I don'tthink it is right for instructors to use their facilities as a dating pool. I know an instructor who every 5 yrs or so moulds a young lady into exactly what he is looking for. I say he does this every 5 yrs because after they have been in the hospital a couple times the start to wizen up.

Offenders of the Universe - I don't want to touch that one even with Gou hands.

Gou I'll still be your friend, you don't have to punch me in the mouth.
 
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Kroy

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Being gay shouldnt have any bearing on teaching, as long as the teacher is proffesional and knows their MA well.
Instructors should know better than to date students it sets a bad example for the school. But if the instructor really wants to be with a student, just make her quit and teach her at home for free.:shrug:
 

theletch1

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Dating in the school is a definite no-no. Especially if one of the two doing the dating is married!! seen this a time or two. makes for a very uncomfortable training situation..., especially if the other married person is in the class as well and for some reason seems to have blinders on.
 
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Jill666

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It's fun! Why make it into a big deal, or dip your pen where it don't belong. Just enjoy it, it's there, we all know it's there, and dammit, it's fun. :p

It stinks when people don't realize that dating in work OR the dojo aren't likely to work out. I have never seen it NOT get ugly, and if there really is something there worth exploring, a lot of discretion has to be employed.

Just get sweaty, look at those pecs, and grin.

As for homosexuality vs. heterosexuality, I couldn't care less. In work, in training, in friendship. Same rules apply. :shrug:
 

Matt Stone

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Y'know Jill, the more you post, the more I read, the more I like your viewpoints!

We are adults (well, most of us anyway), and when adults get together in groups in social situations, things happen. Chemistry starts bubbling, folks start sniffing the pheromones, and interest is piqued.

Deal with it.

You can either give in and turn into a train wreck later, or tough it out, enjoy the flirting, and remember what you are there to do.

Gambarimasu.
:asian: :tank: :asian:
 

cali_tkdbruin

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Well, here's my two pennies worth...

I wouldn't give a rat's *** about about an instructor's sexual orientation as long as he/she maintained their professionalism in the dojang. What an instructor or student do in their lives outside the dojang is nobody's business as along as they're not commiting crimes.

As far as an instructor dating a student goes, that can get messy. IMHO, it's in an instructor's best interest not to date their students. It's the same thing as a manager dating one of his/her employees, or a professor dating one of his/her college students. Doing it is just asking for trouble, so it's always best not to date your subordinates.

And students dating students is also a bad idea, but,what can a school do? You cannot outlaw it. Inevitably, when a break up
between the love birds occurs, it makes it awkward I'm sure to go into the training hall and seeing your EX there day in and day out. So, IMO, it's best not to date other students or your co-workers for that matter. To me the dojang should only be a place to train in the Arts and nothing more. And that means it's no pick up joint, club, bar, etc... :asian:
 
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Quick Sand

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When it comes to dating in the dojang I don't think I would do it myself but I do know one success story. I'm not sure if they were both students when they first started dating, but now he's a 2nd degree Black Belt and she's a 3rd or 2rd gyup brown belt. In otherwords he's an instructor and she's a student. They're completely 100% professional in class and you would never know they were together if you didn't know them outside of class. Now they're getting married next month. :D
 

Nightingale

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Personally, I don't care whether my instructor is gay, straight, or somewhere in between. what matters is whether they're a good instructor. Who they're sleeping with is not only irrelevant, its not my business.
 

Michael Billings

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I concur! Usually the instructor / student relationship has something to do with authority figure transference, identification with the aggressor, and a perceived care taker/teacher role. Is that psychobabble enough for you?

Just like a professor taking advantage of a graduate student (happens all the time) there is a power disparity seldom perceived by the party with less power. They experience it as an attraction. The instructor often has no idea how he or she affects their students, how important we are in their lives, or how they perceive us, consciously or subconsciously. We often have little training in this area and respond when we are flirted with.

On the other side, I have seen instructors taking advantage of this subconscious attraction/identification/transferrance and moving through students like they were dating back in high school or college.

Normal healthy relationships can be initiated in the dojo, school, studio, kwoon, or dojang - and they can work out. But there are many more where Senior students "date" people who are attracted to "what" they are rather than "who."

I am speaking from personal experience and observations over 30 years of martial arts. It is better not to seek sexual partners or a mate from the ranks, don't rule it out, but realize the repurcussions could get you kicked out of an Association (seen it), alienated from other students, teachers, and friends (been there), or in actual legal trouble (I have missed this bullet.) It is just smarter not to mess where you have to live, especially when things don't work out and it gets tense or hostile in the school.

And yes .. flirting is fun and I like it lots, but you gotta know when to draw the line, and not leave it up to the student. I could only wish we were all adults. A silly supposition at best, a dangerous one if you really believe it.

Oss,
-Michael
 
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MartialArtist

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Originally posted by Cthulhu
A student's or instructor's sexuality really would matter little to me, as long as things are kept professional and respectful.

A student/instructor relationship has the potential for disaster written all over. The danger of favoritism and bias will always be present, and the other students may suspect these things are happening, whether they are or not, leading to resentment.

However, it all depends on the maturity and professionalism of the people involved. If such a relationship did occur, as I'm sure they often do, I would suggest discretion for a period of time before revealing the relationship to the rest of the school. This could help dispel any suspicion of favoritism.

Sort of on the same topic, my instructor became involved (coincidentally) with a student's ex-girlfriend. This led to much resentment on the student's part, so much so that he left the school. That was a shame, since he was fairly promising. I think the immaturity of the student was the major problem in this case, however, as he was fairly young and emotional.

Cthulhu
I agree

Look at Bruce Lee, he had a relationship but it didn't bother his students.
 

jfarnsworth

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I'm another one who could care less who does what with whom. It's none of my business what other people do with their sexuality. As long as everything stays cool in the studio then I have no problems.:asian:
 
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MartialArtsGuy

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I agree with Kaith. In the dojo its time to put foot to @ss. :asian:
 
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Rob_Broad

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I guess I am one of the very lucky ones. I met my wife by accidentally kicking her in the back of the head; she walked into a sparring matched and got lightly touched. We went out for drinks after class with about 20 of the other students and it just clicked from there.

She has never got any increase in rank from our being together, she has probably been judged too harshly because she was with me, but we have have both accepted it.
 

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