Question on recognizing a sexual predator in the dojang????

dcsma

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Hey everyone I have a serious question here and would like all of your feed back. I have a concern on a student that he is using the classes for his own personal gain cause he may be going through a rough spot in his marriage. How does one deal with such a possible issues. In the 7 years of teaching I've never had to be concerned about this till now. And what are some signs that I should be looking out for other then jealousy with in this student? And are these the type of students who will buddy bud up to the head instructor? Cause he has been with me for more then one year and where good friends.

Any feed back is welcome and please be patient for any responses here. I'll be busy for a couple of days and will try and pop in here and respond when I can. Thanks for your responses
 

Cyriacus

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First off, his marriage is NOT YOUR PROBLEM and if she is a CONSENTING ADULT, back off. If him and his wife wind up in a divorce case you can come running along to play hero and tell everyone you suspected him of adultery.

Secondly, a sexual predator conceals their intentions until they can make it 'safe' to prey on their intended victim. Unless he is raping her, having her without her consent, he is not a sexual predator. A sexual predator is a rapist, or someone who uses sexuality in order to abuse someone (again, without their consent).

Thirdly, people budding up to the head instructor is a symptom of anyone whos trying to garner special attention or praise. That has precisely nothing to do with sexual predation. Sexual predators pick victims and work them. They hide. They do not want their intentions to be known, or theyd have to be penalized for it by society. Go look at some actual rape cases, and while youre at it pick up the statistics for the most common forms of assault against women.

If hes having a rough spot in his marriage, and hes getting it on with a student, that is not your concern. If you wanted to be a pain you could go tell his wife, i guess. Make a few enemies, you know.

Ill leave it at that.
 

Rumy73

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Sexual predator is a legal status that results from a hearing that follows a criminal conviction of a designated offense. Calling someone a sexual predator who is hitting on classmates or adult students will get your a$$ $ued for defamation. Now if the school has a policy about instructors dating students that is another matter. In that case, he should be reminded of the policy. Still the use of the term sexual predator or stalker, etc is going to get you in trouble. Truly do not be a biddy. Mind your own business. People develop relationships in all kinds of settings.
 

dancingalone

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People develop relationships in all kinds of settings.

Indeed. I met my wife when I started training aikido. She was a sempai there and she spent countless hours with me during my newbie stage. From there, it was a natural step to start spending time together away from the dojo.

It seems like the OP feels a certain creep factor with his particular case though. I don't have any great advice to offer other than to watch him closely, but I have spoken to enough people in law enforcement to know that a bunch of them believe in sensing dangerous situations and following one's hunches.
 

Cyriacus

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Indeed. I met my wife when I started training aikido. She was a sempai there and she spent countless hours with me during my newbie stage. From there, it was a natural step to start spending time together away from the dojo.

It seems like the OP feels a certain creep factor with his particular case though. I don't have any great advice to offer other than to watch him closely, but I have spoken to enough people in law enforcement to know that a bunch of them believe in sensing dangerous situations and following one's hunches.

Theyre qualified to work with those hunches, though. If you have a negative predisposition towards someones behavior (cheating on wife = sexual predator), its easy to go straight to a confirmation bias.
 

dancingalone

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Theyre qualified to work with those hunches, though. If you have a negative predisposition towards someones behavior (cheating on wife = sexual predator), its easy to go straight to a confirmation bias.

The context in which I discussed it with them was with regard to crime victims. Many times the victim, often female, felt something was off in their interaction with their attacker before the violence started.
 

granfire

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http://www.amazon.com/Predators-Ped...UTF8&qid=1376580553&sr=1-1&keywords=predators

http://www.amazon.com/Other-Surviva...d=1376580572&sr=1-1&keywords=the+gift+of+fear


I am not sure if I got the scenario right:
Student is going through a rough spot personally and he is hitting on a female...student or instructor?

From what I understand, the dangerous type is very well versed in concealing his/her true intentions and working hard on producing layers upon layers of camouflage to a point where nobody believes he/she is that big of a scumbag.

So I am not sure, is the center of the attention the instructor?

Some guys are just inapt when it comes to showing their appreciation. Many reasons why the guy would seek out another woman - the BF of my sister picked up chicks at the clubs he went to when she tore into him and picking fights (she had the rare talent to cut you to the quick with the first swipe). It was his way to bolster his ego and self worth I assume (and I can't really say I blamed him although I think cheating sucks)

It never hurts to keep an eye out for your fellow man, but generally speaking, when it involves adults, influence is limited.

(BTW, according to some statistics I read, women are most likely to be attacked by people they know and trust, so being cautious is not a bad thing)
 

Balrog

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The guy is married, but is having a mid-life crisis and is hitting on a female in your school, right? You need to have a closed-door, come-to-Jeebuz meeting with him and caution him to be very, very discrete and keep the romance outside the school.

This is not a good situation for you to be in.

Possible outcomes:

1. Woman really doesn't want him hitting on her and quits your school as a result. She then tells everyone what happened. Your school gets a bad rep.

2. Same as #1, except she escalates and sues you for not stopping it. Yes, it can happen.

3. One of them dumps the other. Now there is tension and you are liable to lose two students and the other students aren't going to be happy.

4. After the closed door session, the guy gets pissed and quits. You lose a student, but in this case, that's not such a bad deal because of the potential trouble he's causing.

5. Guy divorces his wife, marries the gal and they live happily ever after. The odds of that happening are minuscule.

Yes, this is your business. Literally. If you let them carry on, the other students are going to see it and not be happy. There it is.

(And btw, this is the voice of experience speaking. I didn't do anything when I saw it happening. Scenario 3 occurred in my case. I lost them and several other students who told me they were pissed about it.)
 

Gwai Lo Dan

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From the opposite viewpoint, I've been in the situation of practising self defence in class, and "having" to push a teenage girl in the chest, and separately, to bear hug the girl from behind.

I think the girl understood when I said "I'll just push you on the shoulder". For the bear hug, I just did it weakly, across top of the shoulders. As a middle-aged guy, there is no way I am risking anything for practice!
 

msmitht

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None of your business unless the girl in question is a minor or if it disrupts class time. If they are both adults then look out for behavior that could be disruptive (flirting, use of sexual body language, inappropriate grabbing) during class. If that happens have a private meeting with one or both of them to discuss and make it clear that you are there to teach and they are there to learn. If there are minors around then simply tell them that a child/child's parent might see it, if they haven't already, and it would put you in a difficult situation(liability).
Unless of course you practice "Hot tkd" in booty shorts and sports bra's for women and PT shorts/no shirt for men.....then you have a whole different set of issues...rotflol! Just kidding.
 
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Rumy73

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From the opposite viewpoint, I've been in the situation of practising self defence in class, and "having" to push a teenage girl in the chest, and separately, to bear hug the girl from behind.

I think the girl understood when I said "I'll just push you on the shoulder". For the bear hug, I just did it weakly, across top of the shoulders. As a middle-aged guy, there is no way I am risking anything for practice!

I have had those moments, too. Never liked those classes.
 

RTKDCMB

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5. Guy divorces his wife, marries the gal and they live happily ever after. The odds of that happening are minuscule.

I once knew an Instructor (NOT from the school I am in) that ran off with the wife of one of his students, they ended up getting married.
 

msmitht

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I surprised that more of you do not discourage this label.

Labeling him a sexual predator is inappropriate. Sounds like a lonely guy going through a tough time. Just watch out for inappropriate behavior before, during and after class. Unless of course he has a history of it and has been convicted of a crime that deems him a sexual predator.
Otherwise I still say it is none of your business.
 

RTKDCMB

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I surprised that more of you do not discourage this label.

Since you mentioned it, I highly discourage this label. Calling someone a sexual predator without cause just because you think he may have a wandering eye can potentially ruin an innocent person's life and make it more difficult for real victims to be believed when they find the courage to come forward.
 

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