Outside Dojang Behavior

[Lord-Humongous]

Ok...what about instead of drinking you found out he was a pot smoker? Would that change your outlook? (General question not just aimed at you)

I'd generally lose some respect if an instructor was high. I am training to acheive the best physical fitness & conditioning possible. I'd have a hard time following an instructor who didn't place health and fitness as high (excuse the pun) on the priority list as I do. And no, I don't think that smoking pot is healthy no matter what spin you put on it.

This is probably a good topic for a seperate thread, I'd be curious what others think of same.

 

[miguksaram]

I personally do not like liars or cheats. If you are running around on your wife, with a married woman, then you and she are both. This type of activity would actually make me loose respect for the Master. The loss of respect would probably make me leave the school. Like it or not if you are a Master and your primary business is being a teacher or leader in the school, you are considered by your students to be something admired or emulated. If your personal values do not jibe with the lessons that you are trying to teach then everything that is taught is B.S.

Just to be clear, I never said the instructor was married. Just that he was sleeping with married women.

 

[miguksaram]

I'd generally lose some respect if an instructor was high. I am training to acheive the best physical fitness & conditioning possible. I'd have a hard time following an instructor who didn't place health and fitness as high (excuse the pun) on the priority list as I do. And no, I don't think that smoking pot is healthy no matter what spin you put on it.

This is probably a good topic for a seperate thread, I'd be curious what others think of same.

Keep in mind that this person does this outside of the dojang. So he never comes into class high. Is your loss of respect due to him smoking pot or is just that he is doing something bad towards his body in general? In other words do you still lose some respect for him regardless if he is drinking, smoking pot or smoking cigarettes?

 

[Daniel Sullivan]

Sleeping with married (and not separated) parent or parents of students: bad news and a heep-o-drama just waiting to happen.

If he's sleeping one parent who is not married and is not married himself, then he just has a girlfriend and teaches her child. No biggie.

If he's sleeping with multiple moms of students, then that is a problem.

Drinking: Its legal. Don't drive home drunk, don't show up on the school property drunk or hung over and I don't care (the OP implies that he does not).

Pot: Is illegal. Regardless of one's opinion of whether or not it should be illegal,the fact is that it is illegal. I'd have a problem with the pot. Don't care about the booz.

Would I leave?
If he's playing the field with the moms of students, I'd be inclined to approach him about it, starting with a, 'A moment of your time sir, you're not as discreet as you think you are; just a heads up.' My leaving would depend partly on his response.

If he drinks outside of the dojang? So long as he doesn't drive drunk or allow it to interfere with the lessons I'm paying for? No.

If he's drinking and driving? Not only will I leave, I'll do whatever I can to get the police involved and get him off of the road.

If he's a dope head, yes. No questions asked.

Daniel

 

[KELLYG]

miguksaram,

I missed that part, but my opinion remains the same. If both are single OK if one or both of them are married not so much.

 

[Earl Weiss]

Ok. So here is the scenario. Mst. John Doe is an outstanding teacher. He knows his stuff, he relatest well to his students. He has several students who are great competitors, he has several students who have been commended for outstanding acedemics. He runs his dojang with utmost professionalism and is very giving to the community. Everyone loves Mst. John Doe.

However, you find out that Mst. John Doe is sleeping around with a couple of the married women of the students.

Not only that, you run into him at a local bar where he seems to frequent a lot and likes to tie one on almost nightly. Should this instructor be shunned? Would you stop going to him for classes? Would you pull your kid out of the class?

No right or wrong answers...just looking for some discussions.

I do not sit in judgement of consenting adults engaged in legal private action.

 

[Lord-Humongous]

Keep in mind that this person does this outside of the dojang. So he never comes into class high. Is your loss of respect due to him smoking pot or is just that he is doing something bad towards his body in general? In other words do you still lose some respect for him regardless if he is drinking, smoking pot or smoking cigarettes?

It's that he's doing something bad towards his body. I don't find smoking, drugs or drinking excessively consistent with being healthy or being an athlete (which includes being a top martial artist). It's inconsistent to me.

 

[Tez3]

If this were happening at my club, you'd be surprised I suppose if I told you no one would be very bothered but then our squaddies are a very different breed, they are lots of things, though not hypocrites. A lot of wives play around, a lot of the husbands do as well, it's SAS (a shags a shag), they don't preach or get pious, the soldiers are like brothers, whatever happens you won't separate them. Their honour is on the battlefield.

The kids wouldn't know about it though, we'd all carry on same as usual as we always do.
Know you'd be shocked.

 

[puunui]

I do not sit in judgment of consenting adults engaged in legal private action.

I try not to comment on this type of thing either. But a lot of people do take offense at their teacher's personal habits. Their teacher smoking seems to be a big one for martial artists. People can get really judgmental over that issue.

 

[granfire]

Would you want him around your wife? Probably not & I would hold it against him on moral grounds. Indiscreet afairs with married women = bad news, watch some dude show up with a baseball bat and beat him to a pulp in fromt of your kid's class.

LOL, think infidelity is catching?

If/when one partner in a marriage is vulnerable to outside temptation there is something happening (or not happening) in the marriage anyhow.

 

[Lord-Humongous]

LOL, think infidelity is catching?

If/when one partner in a marriage is vulnerable to outside temptation there is something happening (or not happening) in the marriage anyhow.

Listen here, my wife is hot. If this guy is chasing tail all over town, he won't be able to resist making a pass at her. She will slap him in the face and then come home and tell me right away. Not an ideal situation to be in for me, I train to avoid conflict and don't want to run into it at the dojang.

 

[d1jinx]

Gonna catch some flack for this but.....

Martial art schools are a MILF factory... There is Always gonna be that Mom, who is attracted to the Man who spends the most time and shows so much attention toward their little Johnny or Tabitha... Not all, but I guarantee 1 or 2 a year... (roles reversed for Women instructors and probably greater odds of getting hit on by Dads AKA... FILFS... lol)

Now it comes down to the Instructor, single=hard to pass over hand-outs; Married=wrong but still a test of personal marriage and self control, lets face it, Lonely and neglected approached with easy opportunity will test most.

Having made no point by now, I have to say, personal life outside of school... I dont care. But for every action theres an equal and opposite reaction... oh... and Karma, yes I believe in Karma. Things dont last and soon a price will be paid. I prefer not to be involved, but a front row seat is priceless

.

I wouldn't quit, or leave, or say anything. No one will ever accuse me of snitchin. Snitches end up in ditches :rofl:

 

[d1jinx]

oh, and the drinkin... who cares as long as he don't show up at class drunk or it affects the abilities to teach.

If its "legal" who cares.

Next we can say how wrong we think it is cause the instructor drives a Chevy but teaches a Korean art... He should be devoted to everything "Asian"....... people will complain about anything they feel they dissaprove of.

thats our problem... minding everyone elses business.

my 2cents!

 

[Carol]

Keep in mind that this person does this outside of the dojang. So he never comes into class high. Is your loss of respect due to him smoking pot or is just that he is doing something bad towards his body in general? In other words do you still lose some respect for him regardless if he is drinking, smoking pot or smoking cigarettes?

He may never come to class high, but ask anyone that has seen a habitual pot smoker and

wait

what were we talking about again?

 

[ralphmcpherson]

He may never come to class high, but ask anyone that has seen a habitual pot smoker and

wait

what were we talking about again?

Im not condoning pot use, nor do I use it, but I know too many people who smoke it every night who lead very normal lives, own businesses and are very good parents etc and you would never even know they smoke it. The problem with pot is that the people who can smoke it regularly and handle it generally dont go around telling everyone so no one knows, its the people who cant handle it that make it public knowlege they're on it. Actually one of the fittest and best martial artisits I know smokes a lot of pot, and there's only a handful of people he lets know.

 

[Cirdan]

I wouldn`t be too concerned. His love of alcohol does not seem to affect how he runs the dojo. As for the affairs, as Tez points out a lot of married people play around (about 50% if one is to belive statistics) and I am not about to shun everyone who does.

 

[andyjeffries]

Actually one of the fittest and best martial artisits I know smokes a lot of pot, and there's only a handful of people he lets know.

Eddie Bravo? :wink:

 

[Bruno@MT]

Ok...what about instead of drinking you found out he was a pot smoker? Would that change your outlook? (General question not just aimed at you)

That depends on whether it causes problems for someone else, or anyone else is harmed etc.
Someone I know well, smoked pot for years. 1 joint per day. He didn't even smoke tobacco. Just the pot. He had a solid medical reason for doing so, way before it became legal. He had basically 3 choices:

1) be in chronic pain from morning till evening
2) take 4 strong prescription painkillers spread throughout the day, with the associated side effects as a bonus
3) start each day with 1 joint and be pain free for the rest of the day.

I don't see why I should think less of that person. Otoh, if he was unemployed and just spent his day smoking pot, I would definitely think less.

Or for example, if the sensei would be a wife beater, or just abusive of other students, or had an alcohol problem that made him neglect his family, or ... then yes, I would formally resign.

 

[Bruno@MT]

If this were happening at my club, you'd be surprised I suppose if I told you no one would be very bothered but then our squaddies are a very different breed, they are lots of things, though not hypocrites. A lot of wives play around, a lot of the husbands do as well, it's SAS (a shags a shag), they don't preach or get pious, the soldiers are like brothers, whatever happens you won't separate them. Their honour is on the battlefield.

Yeah... until it's one of their wives their fellow squaddy has been banging.
I suspect then suddenly it will be a big deal.

 

[elder999]

Eddie Bravo? :wink:

Nah, he doesn't keep it much of a secret.