Respect Inside and outside

[terryl965]

What is everyone take on respect her. I mean we all probaly have some respect for our instructors but what about the BB's and fellow students? What about for the everyday people we meet and have to deal with and finally what about those folks that you only know though the internet?

I mean we say we respect folks but can you really respct someone simply by saying so? Do we not need a certain amount of personal time with someone before we can actually have that respect.

I believe some of the student we train have a certain amount of respect out of fear, which is good I guess in the beginning but when does it change?

How can we really have respect for internet people, I mean really alll we know is what they say and how they communicate. Some people are more articulate than others but yet mayknow alot more about SD but we may give the articulate one more so because the other poster jsut cannot get what they are trying to say across in the forum?

What different level of respect does one really need? One - Two or more. Maybe we should jut either respect or not and if so what happens then if you judge and give no respect should you still try and respect he other person, what is really right and wrong nowadays whe it come to respect?

 

[Steve]

I think there's a difference between being courteous and being respectful. It sounds like you're talking more about courtesy than respect.

Personally, this is a pet peeve of mine as the word "respect" is often thrown around incorrectly, particularly in martial arts. I try to be courteous even to people whom I don't respect whether in person or otherwise. There are people on these boards for whom I have little respect, but I try to be courteous. If I disagree, I try to stick to the issues at hand and avoid being petty.

Often, courtesy is really all we need. Common courtesy. And then we'll leave it to individuals to earn respect.

 

[seasoned]

I think respect is something that is earned over time. Respectful, and courteous are the way we should treat everyone we meet, on line in the forums or in person. Once the person becomes an irritant in some way, then we begin to tolerate them. Over time any respect we could have had for this individual, may be lost. Respect IMO is a gut feeling, coupled with a genuine interest in you, and what you have to say. Everyone makes mistakes and very few people will let you off the hook. A friend will, and this can be the beginning of friendship and respect. As a example, on this forum, I have a gut feeling, who I can respect, and who I can’t. :asian:

 

[Guardian]

I've always had a hard time with that word "Respect". I don't respect allot of folks. That's an earned word with me and very few people can live up to my respect.

I do agree with courtesy, I'm courteous to almost everyone I meet unless they show me they don't deserve it. I personally think it's a dying way of life "to be courteous", it's easy to be mean or show lack of concern for your fellow human being.

I will continue to be courteous to all I meet (internet or outside of the internet) until they show me differently. It's just how I was raised (Parents, then Military).

Very good post in my view.

 

[Jimi]

In my experience, many people in the Arts will throw the word respect around too frequently. I have met instructors equal in rank to me, and the ego/popularity contest starts, usually with the statement "I demand respect because I give respect!" followed by cold disrespectful interaction & back stabbing. Case in point= I have seen that SOME who upon meeting me DEMAND respect then their character shows that they have no respect for anyone other than themselves. I bow, show respect & courtesy, do what is asked of me, then because he has bought half into the school location he decides that I should not teach the ground self defense in HIS school cause he does not know it (although the other related franchise schools have it & I taught it well there) as well as I should not teach the kickboxing class anymore because I was too popular with the participants and they requested I teach more often. Then I hear "Mr. James, I do not care that you are more knowledgeable than I am, or that you can teach better than I, but this is MY school & I won't have someone looking better than me". I gave his business partner (The man who hired me) my resignation and left,( I heard the scuttlebutt after the fact that) his partner told him he had better get me back or he would buy him out and he would have to return to his hole in the wall school. He came running out into the parking lot, "Mr James I need to speak with you". "I said I have heard all I want to hear from you, good bye ______". (Name withheld to keep from throwing someones (Good, LOL) name around). Courtsey= always. Respect is given when earned, not demanded cause you bought into the school. End Rant

 

[just2kicku]

All really good posts. I agree with the respect vs curteous thing. Respect is something earned, like trust. I don't meet you on the street and instantly respect or trust you. I feel it is something personal between yourself and another built over time.
I know people I don't like but respect, I know people I don't like or respect but will still be curteous to. I don't meet new students and demand respect, treat me nice, I'll treat you nice and over time we can respect one another.

 

[Steve]

All really good posts. I agree with the respect vs curteous thing. Respect is something earned, like trust. I don't meet you on the street and instantly respect or trust you. I feel it is something personal between yourself and another built over time.
I know people I don't like but respect, I know people I don't like or respect but will still be curteous to. I don't meet new students and demand respect, treat me nice, I'll treat you nice and over time we can respect one another.

I think this is a great point. I mentioned earlier that there are people I don't respect, but try to remain courteous. On the other side, there many people with whom I disagree completely, but respect immensely. I respect them for their character and behavior in spite of our differences of opinion.

 

[MarkBarlow]

I agree with those who say that courtesy is often mistaken for respect. As a middle aged southerner, courtesy is very important to me and it takes a lot of provocation for me to be unpleasant to someone. On the other hand, I've grown to be wary of rank and claims of ability. If it turns out that someone is all hat and no horse, I'll probably still be polite but only as long as it takes me to distance myself from them. Ignorance is curable, megalomania usually isn't.

A couple of years ago I took part in a seminar where the host was trumpeting the fact that a "world famous Master" was teaching. The only problem was that outside of a small circle of sycophants, nobody knew about him or cared. He was a great self promoter with nothing to promote. He spent the weekend listing his famous friends (don't we all have photos of us standing next to Chuck Norris?), trying to sell his dvd (after viewing it you could get your black belt for only a small additional fee), and handing out autographed photos to anyone who stood still long enough.

I was polite to him, as were my students. A few even tried participating in his sessions but left during breaks when he had students tossing mini frisbees at each other while doing the wax on/wax off to deflect them. After listening to him for a few minutes, I made a point of avoiding him for the rest of the weekend. The Camp host was furious with me. He said that I failed to show the proper respect. I was caught off guard. I'd smiled and nodded at the appropriate times, never disagreed when he spouted gibberish and never corrected obvious mistakes. To me, this was a prime example of the difference between courtesy and respect. I neither owed nor was willing to show respect to Master Wonderful but I was unfailingly polite.

Sometimes, civility is the best I can offer. No one walks in my dojo prepared to fall to their knees in adoration (although now that I think about it, that might cheer me up now and then) and I'm surprised when others expect it because of their rank. I suggest that everyone start off each relationship (in or out of the dojo) with courtesy and show respect where it is warranted.

 

[mozzandherb]

I try to give everyone the benefit of a doubt, so I try to respect everyone I meet. Of course not everyone that respect, but I try to remain objective in my approach. I think it's possible to have respect for people that you have just met, and even people you haven't met, at least I do

 

[Deaf Smith]

Terry,

As Robert Heinlein' said, "politeness is a sine qua non of civilization".

That is it's an essential requisite of civilization.

And it is.

Without that we are less than barbarians.

Deaf