A disturbing trend

[Sam]

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but I have seen this both in my own school (mostly from females) as well as on the net as well.

I'd been sort of thinking about it lately, and something someone said on here really brought it to my attention. The quote was something along the lines of, "No matter how good you are, there will always be somebody better or faster or more flexible and younger than you, that's the nature of life".

I don't disagree with that in itself, but I've noticed people having attitudes of, "Well, there's no way I can ever be the best." Attitudes like that lead people to stop training their hardest or set goals.

Just this week, a friend of mine from my studio told me she was no longer going to compete tournaments after this year because next year I would move up in her division and, "There's no way I could beat you."

Aside from the fact that she is sufficently talented to give me a run for my money, it seems to me that that shouldnt matter. You have to train with and fight with people who are better than you to better yourself. I think that you have to realize that, yes, you ARE going to lose some, and everyone can't be the best, but does that mean we shouldn't aim for the best?

SOMEONE has to be the best. And while it isnt likely that it will be me or you, the person who IS the best has to believe that they have the ability to BE the best. You have to expect and believe big things from yourself, or it won't happen.

So I guess I really just want to encourage everyone to believe in themselves and their training, and encourage others to do so, because you can definitely do more than you think you can. And when we get better, the people we train with get better, and when the people we train with get better, we get better too.

Has anyone else noticed this mindset? Thoughts or comments?

 

[Cirdan]

Since I don`t live my life to impress others I don`t have to be "The Best" at anything. I`m happy doing "My Best". And anyway most of the time the journey is more important than the destination.

 

[Drac]

Since I don`t live my life to impress others I don`t have to be "The Best" at anything. I`m happy doing "My Best". And anyway most of the time the journey is more important than the destination.

Bravo, well said....

 

[terryl965]

Since I don`t live my life to impress others I don`t have to be "The Best" at anything. I`m happy doing "My Best". And anyway most of the time the journey is more important than the destination.

Excellent answer
Terry

 

[MJS]

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but I have seen this both in my own school (mostly from females) as well as on the net as well.

I'd been sort of thinking about it lately, and something someone said on here really brought it to my attention. The quote was something along the lines of, "No matter how good you are, there will always be somebody better or faster or more flexible and younger than you, that's the nature of life".

I don't disagree with that in itself, but I've noticed people having attitudes of, "Well, there's no way I can ever be the best." Attitudes like that lead people to stop training their hardest or set goals.

Just this week, a friend of mine from my studio told me she was no longer going to compete tournaments after this year because next year I would move up in her division and, "There's no way I could beat you."

Aside from the fact that she is sufficently talented to give me a run for my money, it seems to me that that shouldnt matter. You have to train with and fight with people who are better than you to better yourself. I think that you have to realize that, yes, you ARE going to lose some, and everyone can't be the best, but does that mean we shouldn't aim for the best?

SOMEONE has to be the best. And while it isnt likely that it will be me or you, the person who IS the best has to believe that they have the ability to BE the best. You have to expect and believe big things from yourself, or it won't happen.

So I guess I really just want to encourage everyone to believe in themselves and their training, and encourage others to do so, because you can definitely do more than you think you can. And when we get better, the people we train with get better, and when the people we train with get better, we get better too.

Has anyone else noticed this mindset? Thoughts or comments?

I think that your friend could learn alot from what you said here Sam. We should all have some goals in mind, and always strive to meet them. Will we ever be perfect? Most likely not, but that does not mean that we should give up on being our personal best.

Mike

 

[FearlessFreep]

Keep in mind that too much of the same attitude can lead to a fatalism of fear when thinking about dealing with self-defense applications

 

[OnlyAnEgg]

Being the best to others is significantly less important than being the best to me. My sensei told me, some time ago (with regards to competition) that winning a comp means I was only the best that day. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.

 

[Drac]

My sensei told me, some time ago (with regards to competition) that winning a comp means I was only the best that day

How true...

 

[Xue Sheng]

There is always going to be someone, better, stronger faster, or just plain luckier than you. But who cares, it has nothing to do with trying to be the best you can be. It has a lot more to do with don’t get to cocky because eventually you will run into this person and if you have based your “Being the best” as being better than anyone else than you are due for a major fall. If you are working towards being the best you can be than you can learn form these experiences and become better because of them.

 

[evenflow1121]

You have to expect and believe big things from yourself, or it won't happen.

Absolutely, that is half the battle, the other half is effort

So I guess I really just want to encourage everyone to believe in themselves and their training, and encourage others to do so, because you can definitely do more than you think you can. And when we get better, the people we train with get better, and when the people we train with get better, we get better too.

Has anyone else noticed this mindset? Thoughts or comments?

Excellent Post Sam, I totally agree, and aside from that if the people you train get better then the lineage lives on and becomes stronger, encouraging people is very important.

 

[Bigshadow]

Yes, I have seen it and it is easy to fall into that mindset.

The mindset should never be "I want to be the best!" If so you are competing with everyone and that may be what you like, but... There will always be someone much stronger, faster, agile, skilled, younger, etc, that can eat your lunch.

However, one should train with this in mind "I want to be the best I can be!" This way you are competing with yourself, always pushing yourself to the next level. Training is a very personal thing it also tearing down the obstacles that prevent you from being YOUR best! It is personal refinement.

 

[Sam]

I can see your point about wanting to be the best you can be; although never explicitly stated, to me, being the best there is, is the same thing as being the best I can be - I think people can achieve nearly anything if they want it enough... (see blue part of my siggy). In fact, I think most of us could acheive better than "the best" with "our best".

however, it seems that since the martial arts has more of an internal focus, and have a focus on bettering yourself, this doesnt take away from the fact that it is still a sport in many contexts.

If I went on a gymnastics, or baseball, or soccer forum, and entered similar sentiments - "I want to be the best there is", I don't think I would encounter much, if any, resistance to the concept.

 

[FearlessFreep]

Just as a counter-argument, "I want to be the best I can be" can become an excuse to settle for what you are. "I'll never be better than him, but that's okay because I'm going to be the best I can be (and well..I think this is it)" "I'll never be better than him" is defeatist. "He's better than me now...but I'm *going* to be better than him" is motivation.

 

[Grenadier]

Well,

The fact remains that there is always someone that is faster, stronger, etc. out there. Unless someone is at the absolute pinnacle of human evolution (we haven't reached that stage), this will pretty much remain true.

However, the martial arts shouldn't be about who the best at a particular aspect is, or even who might be the best overall. Instead, it's more of a matter of how much better are you, versus yourself of a day ago? A week ago? A month ago? A year ago? Several years ago?

This is the real measurement of how good someone is. How far has the practitioner come along in a given time period?

The way I see it, if a talented practitioner otherwise fails to improve himself overall after a good amount of training, then I would either think that he needs a change in instruction, or that maybe he's a talented individual that was being lazy. At the same time, someone who isn't dextrous, strong, etc., at the start, yet makes a lot of improvement along the way, has done the better job.


Now, does this mean that we shouldn't try to compare ourselves to others? No!

It's perfectly OK to look at someone who has a superior techinique, and try to learn from it. If anything, by your trying to get better, that's a good chunk of the obstacle being removed.

Also, it's perfectly OK to study someone, to watch for strengths and weaknesses in their techniques, strategies, etc. If you notice that a potential opponent wth a blindingly fast punch shoots on in, but has lousy footwork, then I would hope that you would take the opportunity to improve upon your sweeping techniques. If someone loves to bull rush you, then I would hope that you would work on taisabaki techniques, and so forth.

Bottom line: Worry about improving your own self. If someone's that much better in an area, then so be it, but there's no real reason why you can't learn from them.

 

[Bigshadow]

although never explicitly stated, to me, being the best there is, is the same thing as being the best I can be - I think people can achieve nearly anything if they want it enough... (see blue part of my siggy).

I don't believe this to be true. All people are not equal in their physical and mental capabilities. It just isn't so. Certainly, I could train my hardest to be the olympic champion sprinter, but I know for a fact it is NOT possible for me to be the worlds' best long distance sprinter, no matter how hard I try to believe I can be anything I want to be.

 

[matt.m]

MA's are predominately taught in a school environment. It is all good, the whole point of competition and open tournaments are the very nature of competition.

However, what substantially differentiaties the MA's from Track and Wrestling perse is the fact that there is no overall school trophy just individual achievement.

This is where doing your best and trying to achieve more as to your limits comes into play. I am not one to compare myself to others anymore, however every time I do a form for example I try and do it better than I did the last time.

 

[Bigshadow]

Just as a counter-argument, "I want to be the best I can be" can become an excuse to settle for what you are. "I'll never be better than him, but that's okay because I'm going to be the best I can be (and well..I think this is it)" "I'll never be better than him" is defeatist. "He's better than me now...but I'm *going* to be better than him" is motivation.

That isn't what I meant either. A defeatist will not endeavor to be the best they can be.

 

[Swordlady]

I agree with you on many points. I also think there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Being confident in your skill level, knowing that there is always room for improvement, and striving to make yourself better. Perfection is something none of us will ever have, but it doesn't mean we never stop trying to get ourselves as close to that point as we can.

On the other hand, one who is arrogant already believes to be the "best" and doesn't believe that there is nothing more to be learned. One who is arrogant often has a harder time picking themself up after a fall, because they elevated themselves so high up above everyone else.

With that said, I also think that a big problem with many female MA students is that they lack confidence in themselves. It doesn't help that our society reinforced the idea about how "weak" women are in general. Women being empowered is actually still a pretty new concept - just about three or four decades old. Unfortunately, some old stereotypes still exist, and it certainly doesn't help that the martial arts are still largely male-dominated. Although...from my end, the men I've worked with have been largely helpful and supportive. But I know full well that isn't the case in every MA school. That is where the challenge comes to find strength from within yourself, as opposed to looking to others to give you that "boost". That's quite a daunting task for anyone, regardless of gender. It is far easier to be confident in yourself, when others are also encouraging you.

Does this make any sense?

 

[jkd friend]

I notice it, but it is not that everyone can,t be the best you can. Look at it this way what is the definition of the best most people have a different view of what is the best.

 

[Fuzzy Foot]

Hhhmmm. Interesting. Many of us are taught unknowingly by our mother, father, teacher, or preacher (MTFP) to NOT think very highly of ourselves as we're growing up. Hence, self image is lacking. A reason why some people look to build their confidence through MA and beat fear of failure through the courage to get up and try again. Statements like you mentioned may stem from such feelings. Want to stop this disturbing trend ? Then help a lady (or fella' ) out, let them know that to do your best is to succeed and the only failure is not to try. Don't know if this makes sense but it sounded good when I was typing it !!