The Girlfriend

[10,000 Hit Combo]

I got into a fight recently. I don't know what my girlfriend said to this guy but he was pretty upset. I tried to diffuse the situation but I couldn't ask my GF what the scoop was. Before I knew it I got punched in the nose and had to "make the scrap". She told me later that the guy had been hitting on her and she told him she had a boyfriend. He wouldn't stop so she told him I took kung fu. He laughed, apperently, and she said something about how I could kick his *** or something. I wish she would have let him laugh at my kung fu and tolerate or ignored his advances. I just can't abide willful provocation (especially when it wasn't me) but I feel I was a bit hasty breaking up with her. Not looking for relationship advice, just wondering what other people would have done. If nothing else, I had an unwelcome opportunity to test my kunf fu.

 

[MA-Caver]

I got into a fight recently. I don't know what my girlfriend said to this guy but he was pretty upset. I tried to diffuse the situation but I couldn't ask my GF what the scoop was. Before I knew it I got punched in the nose and had to "make the scrap". She told me later that the guy had been hitting on her and she told him she had a boyfriend. He wouldn't stop so she told him I took kung fu. He laughed, apperently, and she said something about how I could kick his *** or something. I wish she would have let him laugh at my kung fu and tolerate or ignored his advances. I just can't abide willful provocation (especially when it wasn't me) but I feel I was a bit hasty breaking up with her. Not looking for relationship advice, just wondering what other people would have done. If nothing else, I had an unwelcome opportunity to test my kunf fu.

Next time or next girlfriend... don't tell her you know Kung Fu. at least tell this one to shut the hell up about your skills. As far as guys hitting on her persistently then tell her to walk over to where-ever you are and hang on your arm... that usually puts across the (unspoken) message right there... but then this is of course the guy hitting on her has the intelligence to read non-verbal communications. If not then kiss her, long and hard. That says it all, no?

 

[MJS]

I got into a fight recently. I don't know what my girlfriend said to this guy but he was pretty upset. I tried to diffuse the situation but I couldn't ask my GF what the scoop was. Before I knew it I got punched in the nose and had to "make the scrap". She told me later that the guy had been hitting on her and she told him she had a boyfriend. He wouldn't stop so she told him I took kung fu. He laughed, apperently, and she said something about how I could kick his *** or something. I wish she would have let him laugh at my kung fu and tolerate or ignored his advances. I just can't abide willful provocation (especially when it wasn't me) but I feel I was a bit hasty breaking up with her. Not looking for relationship advice, just wondering what other people would have done. If nothing else, I had an unwelcome opportunity to test my kunf fu.

Perhaps next time, explain to your girlfriend that in situations like that, its best to not mention Martial Arts. MAC brought up some good points. Have her attempt to remove herself from the situation by walking to you, or if you see what is going on, walk over to her. And last but not least, make sure that you're aware of whats going on around you. We don't have eyes in the back of our head, but given this situation, where things can be unpredictable, its important to keep your eye on the person in question.

Mike

 

[arnisador]

It's hard to tell if she was intentionally making a bad situation worse, or if she naively thought that saying this would make him re-think his position and back down.

She made the incorrect choice, but whether it was her intent to do so is less clear. But definitely, she needs to hear a bit about defusing situations and the benefits of the Element of Surprise.

 

[King]

I agree with your attempts to diffuse the situation but it doesn't look right the way you just dumped her like that. Sorry to sound like a devil's advocate. But I see it as her defending her honor by using your strength/prowess as an example to fend off another male. It is unfortunate that it turned into a brawl but it was the other guy who initiated the attack because he felt like he had something to prove to win her over.

Sorry to go all Discovery channel on you, but I don't really think she was at fault. It was the other guys fault but she's the one who got dumped. *tsk* *tsk* But hey, if I was in your shoes win or lose I still go home with MY girl.

 

[jdinca]

I got into a fight recently. I don't know what my girlfriend said to this guy but he was pretty upset. I tried to diffuse the situation but I couldn't ask my GF what the scoop was. Before I knew it I got punched in the nose and had to "make the scrap". She told me later that the guy had been hitting on her and she told him she had a boyfriend. He wouldn't stop so she told him I took kung fu. He laughed, apperently, and she said something about how I could kick his *** or something. I wish she would have let him laugh at my kung fu and tolerate or ignored his advances. I just can't abide willful provocation (especially when it wasn't me) but I feel I was a bit hasty breaking up with her. Not looking for relationship advice, just wondering what other people would have done. If nothing else, I had an unwelcome opportunity to test my kunf fu.

Have there been other lapses in judgement, or was this a first time thing? Makes a difference. If she thought she was helping her situation and didn't realize what was going to happen, that's one thing. If it's a pattern of behavior, I wouldn't feel too bad about your decision.

 

[MA-Caver]

I agree with your attempts to diffuse the situation but it doesn't look right the way you just dumped her like that. Sorry to sound like a devil's advocate. But I see it as her defending her honor by using your strength/prowess as an example to fend off another male. It is unfortunate that it turned into a brawl but it was the other guy who initiated the attack because he felt like he had something to prove to win her over.

Sorry to go all Discovery channel on you, but I don't really think she was at fault. It was the other guys fault but she's the one who got dumped. *tsk* *tsk* But hey, if I was in your shoes win or lose I still go home with MY girl.

No, she was at fault, running off at the mouth about how her "boyfriend could kick his ***" and who knows what else! Think about it... mebbe 10-15 years ago that statement probably wouldn't have done anything but get the guy to leave her alone ... but in today's environment and violence prone world? Common sense dictates to move away from the situation that's makes you uncomfortable and to a place where you feel safe, i.e. her bf's side.
Yes, a gentleman defends a lady's honor by coming to her defense when it's needed, and that is becoming less and less now-a-days as more and more women are more capable of defending themselves better than their great-grand-mothers.
At the same time, a Lady; defends/respects her gentleman's honor by not making him out more than what he really is. She also protects his skills/strengths by saying nothing about them, so that, as said earlier the element of surprise isn't lost. If he lost the fight, got HIS *** whupped how does that make HIM feel? She obviously wasn't thinking ahead and/or was hoping to bluff her way out of this guy's attention.

The guy who initiated the attack was in the end, definitely the jerk/******* but she didn't help by tossing a cup of gasoline on the fire.

I probably wouldn't have dumped her but it depends upon how I felt about her... but she'd definitely would've gotten an earful from me afterwards, .. and if she didn't like it... well, there's always something called "the door."

 

[bluekey88]

Have there been other lapses in judgement, or was this a first time thing? Makes a difference. If she thought she was helping her situation and didn't realize what was going to happen, that's one thing. If it's a pattern of behavior, I wouldn't feel too bad about your decision.

This is a really excellent point. You really don't want to be with someone who is going to make you prove your skills time and again ("llok how tough my guy is" sort of thing), but it's not fair to punish someone for understandable ignorance. In the latter case, it is better to talk about the situation and try to learn something from it (for both of you). However, it is up to you to evaluate this woman's motivations.

Peace,
Erik

 

[Jonathan]

It's entirely possible she really just spoke out of reflex- think about how much our training preps us mentally to deal with someone who won't leave us alone.

Now think about someone who *hasn't* had to think like that, who hasn't been trained to do so. And consider how they'd handle someone making unwelcome advances. She honestly, probably thought it'd be enough, or maybe it was all she could think to do. Some way of getting the guy to leave her alone.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sorry this happened... but I'd talk this over with her before booting her.

(And, if she actually has taken self-defense or martial arts of some kind... she probably should know better. Still, talking = good.)

 

[10,000 Hit Combo]

I've told her once before not to mention my MA to anyone else because there are "tough guys" who want to show you how "useless" it is. I think I was hasty to break up with her but this has happened once before for the same reasons. Last time it didn't get physical though. Also, when you spend a lot of time with your GF and a lot of time doing kung fu, you can't hide it for long. I don't think it was her intention to get me into a fight, but that's why I warned her not to talk about it. The second time is the last straw. If she wants a BF like that, she can feel free to persue one now.

 

[Touch Of Death]

I got into a fight recently. I don't know what my girlfriend said to this guy but he was pretty upset. I tried to diffuse the situation but I couldn't ask my GF what the scoop was. Before I knew it I got punched in the nose and had to "make the scrap". She told me later that the guy had been hitting on her and she told him she had a boyfriend. He wouldn't stop so she told him I took kung fu. He laughed, apperently, and she said something about how I could kick his *** or something. I wish she would have let him laugh at my kung fu and tolerate or ignored his advances. I just can't abide willful provocation (especially when it wasn't me) but I feel I was a bit hasty breaking up with her. Not looking for relationship advice, just wondering what other people would have done. If nothing else, I had an unwelcome opportunity to test my kunf fu.

Dump her, dump her, dump her, dump her! I was in a similar situation just a six months ago. I avoided the fight, but I knew perfectly well what she was doing. Of course, I was called a ***** for avoiding the fight and a ***** for leaving in the middle of the night after we got to her place as she slept, but now I never have to worry about anything except for the occassional text rant; but, a few well placed texts of my own put a stop to that; because, she knows damn well there are more where that came from. :mst:
Sean

 

[Jonathan]

I've told her once before not to mention my MA to anyone else because there are "tough guys" who want to show you how "useless" it is. I think I was hasty to break up with her but this has happened once before for the same reasons. Last time it didn't get physical though. Also, when you spend a lot of time with your GF and a lot of time doing kung fu, you can't hide it for long. I don't think it was her intention to get me into a fight, but that's why I warned her not to talk about it. The second time is the last straw. If she wants a BF like that, she can feel free to persue one now.

Oh, so she's done it before? Yeah... I can see why you'd want to take a step back. You explained *why* you broke up, yes?

 

[CoryKS]

This is a really excellent point. You really don't want to be with someone who is going to make you prove your skills time and again ("llok how tough my guy is" sort of thing), but it's not fair to punish someone for understandable ignorance. In the latter case, it is better to talk about the situation and try to learn something from it (for both of you). However, it is up to you to evaluate this woman's motivations.

Peace,
Erik

True. And also, you don't want to be her "Enforcer". I've known girls who act like complete arrogant jerks in bars with the expectation that their boyfriend would bail them out of any situation their mouth got them into.

 

[JBrainard]

I've told her once before not to mention my MA to anyone else because there are "tough guys" who want to show you how "useless" it is. I think I was hasty to break up with her but this has happened once before for the same reasons. Last time it didn't get physical though. Also, when you spend a lot of time with your GF and a lot of time doing kung fu, you can't hide it for long. I don't think it was her intention to get me into a fight, but that's why I warned her not to talk about it. The second time is the last straw. If she wants a BF like that, she can feel free to persue one now.

Don't feel bad about dumping her. Being that it's happened before, you can conclude that she really isn't listening to you and she didn't learn anything from the first experience. Who knows, she may even get off on you "fighting for her honor" and intentionaly provokes it. That last part is just conjecture on my part, but my point is that you don't need the kind of girfriend that behaves the way she does.

 

[10,000 Hit Combo]

I think we could've worked it out. Then my nose hurts and I think, "I got pretty lucky". I'm just too afraid of next time. It only takes one that you don't come home from. What if I get totally smoked and she gets assaulted, abducted or worse? Now, because I handled the last guy, I'm afraid she's twice as encouraged. That's all I have to say right now cause I'm steamed and this isn't relationship therapy. Thanks for your feedback and reassurance.

 

[thardey]

If I were you I'd watch my back.

My Grandfather nearly got killed because an ex started provoking an otherwise nice guy to "defend her honor". He had recently dumped her, and she wanted revenge.

All my Grandfather knew was that some guy was blindsiding him in the bar. What saved him was that the guy came up and offered his left hand to shake. He knew something was up, so he grabbed his left hand, and punched him with his right. They found a knife in his right hand in his jacket pocket, opened and ready to use.

He visited the guy in the hospital later, and found out that she was telling him all kinds of lies about my Grandfather, and he thought he was doing the "Good Guy" thing by defending her honor (but first she got him pretty drunk).

If she is the type to use your fighting skills to for her benefit, it's a possiblity she'll use someone else's skills to get her revenge.

 

[10,000 Hit Combo]

Never thought of that! It just gets better and better. I'll keep my eyes peeled. Thanks!

 

[Touch Of Death]

I think we could've worked it out. Then my nose hurts and I think, "I got pretty lucky". I'm just too afraid of next time. It only takes one that you don't come home from. What if I get totally smoked and she gets assaulted, abducted or worse? Now, because I handled the last guy, I'm afraid she's twice as encouraged. That's all I have to say right now cause I'm steamed and this isn't relationship therapy. Thanks for your feedback and reassurance.

I don't belive you could have worked it out. She obviously needs this validation or she would have stopped after the first warning. Even if you do impose a rule about some glaring character flaw, she would eventualy resent you for it, if not right away. I tried to get a girlfriend to stop plugging her nose every time she sneezed; for her sake and that of her children. She became so defensive about it, she had her daughter start doing it too. It was no small factor in our splitting up (that and her boyfriend). Not too long ago she let me know that she blew her sinuses all to hell. Nipped that one in the bud before she could teach it to our baby. ROTFLMAO.
Sean

 

[thardey]

I don't want to make you paranoid or anything, and I hope it all works out -- it's just something to keep an eye out for.

You know what they say: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

 

[10,000 Hit Combo]

Agreed.
Thanks again.