Picking Martial Arts
- Thread starter Dolev
- Start date
Chris Parker
Grandmaster
You know my system? One insult (serious one, not a joking around one), and you're gone. I don't associate with you anymore.
Try it. Much better in the long run.
Try it. Much better in the long run.
oftheherd1
Senior Master
- Joined
- May 12, 2011
- Messages
- 4,685
- Reaction score
- 817
I may be wrong, but it seems to me you have difficulty in expressing yourself, as well as how to react to jibes from your 'friends.' When most of us say we beat someone up, we mean more than we took a playful jab at someone, or that we returned a so called playful strike at them in kind, and moved on. Or, we make it plain we are joking, and no such thing happened. You seem to be using 'beat someone up' in a different context. If English isn't your first language, you do seem to have a good command of the word usage and grammer, but not colloquialisms.
My personal feelings about BJJ (and of course BJJ practitioners will rightfully disagree) is that I don't want to be on the ground. My Hapkido went to great lengths to show me how to defend without that happeneing. Later, I was shown defenses should that happen, but it was to allow me to get back on my feet. So I don't care how one gets to the ground. I don't want to be there. That shouldn't be an awkward feeling, nor should the joint locks BJJ practitioners use when they get to the ground in a position to use them.
I and some others have made suggestions about other martial arts. If those don't tweak your twanger, I suggest you browse the many sub-forums here at Martial Talk. All the major martial arts, and many of the minor ones are covered. Some aren't real active, so it might take you a while to learn more. You also have the option of visiting schools near where you live.
And please watch how you express yourself. I am not favorably impressed by your descriptions of your life in the martial arts. It's not how I see good martial arts practiced. If you are describing some normal facets of teenage life, it just isn't coming across to me that way. I and others want to help you. But be careful not to put us off, and try to sound like you are listening. Most especially how you describe your school. I would cross to the other side of the street if I had to pass it based on how you describe it. If it's truely that bad, I really encourage you to find a better school, no matter the art.
oaktree
Master of Arts
Can you find another adjective to describe your friends?
Your line about well they are my friends even though they insult me and it makes me mad its better than notihng.
This is kinda of like the beaten wife/mother/child scenerio. In which someone makes excuses for why they should take the abuse, they are not that bad, I don't want to be alone, better than nothing are all classic excuses for that.
I remember being a teenager, I had friends who played around alot some took it to far so I disassociate myself from them. I had times were I had no friends but I never felt alone, I have me.
So maybe you need to find you and when you do find yourself than you will know. In dealing with fools you will always depart, you can depart with them in tragedy or you can depart from them in prosperity. In your choosing a martial art school look for a good instructor one who you feel confident in, someone who can be a good role model for you.
'Warning' people is usually provocative.
Enough said there.
Dolev, You and your friends sound familiar. You don't happen to live in a small town in Colorado???
Seriously dude, maybe you need to find some new friends. Haters are totally uncool.
Last edited by a moderator:
Well, as someone who was the target of a lot of Jewish "jokes" in high school, I can emphathize, heavily. It's tough for people who haven't experienced it to conceptualize, as anti-Semitic humor is dicey, at least when it comes to figuring out if they're really joking or not. It sucks to feel like the outsider, even in your own friend group.
I'm telling you this because I went through it myself: Don't allow this in your life, one way or the other. It erodes the self-respect.
This is part of why you're hitting them. It re-establishes some self respect. It's part of why I used to hit a number of friends of mine. But as long as you keep hitting them, you're still giving them the reaction they want. What I found is you either counter jokes:
"They circumcise us so the gentiles don't get intimidated." etc.
Or you set boundaries. And in setting boundaries, be willing to lose your friends. They're not the only people at the school, right? That means there are other people to get to know.
Allowing your friends to act that way towards you puts you in a victim role. It's not a healthy way to live. It's MUCH better to be alone than with friends like that. And you would be surprised. Breaking with that group would likely open a wider range of possibilities for friends.
Trust me. I've been there.
There is a lot of anti-semitism out there and it's real and needs to be confronted. But there is also a lot of pure immaturity among kids around Dolev's age. When I was about that age the kids I knew would mercilessly tease each other just to get a reaction. I grew up without any real experience of anti-semitism. Somebody being Jewish was something vague and not of concern, like knowing that somebody was Catholic, protestant, agnostic, or whatever.
The "leader" of our little, not-so-exclusive clique was Jewish (Yeah, we hung out in cliques at that age). And then there was this one "outsider" guy we thought was a real doofus and used to try and tease. Not to much effect, ...until we found out that he was Jewish and very sensitive to any kind of anti-semitic slur. So our own Jewish ringleader, "Roger" schooled the rest of us ignorant goyim in how to deliver really cutting anti-semitic taunts to torment this poor guy. For a couple of weeks we made his life a living hell just to see how he'd react when we'd yank his chain. Finally, I was called to task for this behavior by a teacher who lectured me on prejudice. I remember being very ashamed, explaining that I wasn't prejudiced, and that I just wanted to torment the kid because I didn't like him personally. ...Like that somehow made it OK? I grew up a bit that day, and sincerely apologized to the guy I'd been messing with. Maybe Dolev's "dickish" friends will grow up too. Meanwhile, my advice stands. Get new friends.
The "leader" of our little, not-so-exclusive clique was Jewish (Yeah, we hung out in cliques at that age). And then there was this one "outsider" guy we thought was a real doofus and used to try and tease. Not to much effect, ...until we found out that he was Jewish and very sensitive to any kind of anti-semitic slur. So our own Jewish ringleader, "Roger" schooled the rest of us ignorant goyim in how to deliver really cutting anti-semitic taunts to torment this poor guy. For a couple of weeks we made his life a living hell just to see how he'd react when we'd yank his chain. Finally, I was called to task for this behavior by a teacher who lectured me on prejudice. I remember being very ashamed, explaining that I wasn't prejudiced, and that I just wanted to torment the kid because I didn't like him personally. ...Like that somehow made it OK? I grew up a bit that day, and sincerely apologized to the guy I'd been messing with. Maybe Dolev's "dickish" friends will grow up too. Meanwhile, my advice stands. Get new friends.
QFT. Could not agree more. If it wasn't anti semitism, they would find something to pick at. My teenage years were a living hell of victimisation and gang bullying, for reasons I still can't fathom. Took me a long time to realise that I could operate the ParkerTM system of not associating with those who would do me harm.
You really can choose your friends, and when you're bullied, possibly the biggest hurdle is developing enough self-worth to believe that you don't deserve to be treated that way.
These people aren't your friends Dolev. You don't need to hurt them, you just need to find the friends you really deserve. On that point, a good friend is not just someone who doesn't taunt or hit you. That should be a given, a prerequisite to get through the first round. True friends actually care about you and will try to stop others from hurting you.
Good luck finding the friends you are worth.
Sent from my GT-N7000 using Tapatalk 2
What we're all trying to tell you, Dolev, is you don't have to hang around with these "friends" of yours. Small school or no, there are other opportunities for friendship. These guys aren't benefiting you. So drop them. We've been there ourselves. And it does get better. A lot of Life's happiness is the company you keep.
