Lost control for just a second

Touch Of Death

Touch Of Death

Sr. Grandmaster
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I was just posting on another board how I don't have a "mean" look, but I guess I do. The other night I was at a bar and a friend I have known for years decided to mess with me and began berating me. I was fine until he said just the wrong thing. I swear I felt my blood drop; I slowly turned to look at him with an "I'm going to kill you and then move on to people that even vaugley resemble you" stare. He was smiling and laughing so I quickly covered up that look with my wining smile. It didn't work. He said, "Sean, after the way you just looked at me, I'm not sure I ever want to speak to you again". We parted and I am left wondering if he was serious. This bring me to my question. Have you ever scared someone with a look.(its really a new one on me)
Sean
 
Yes. I've been told that I can get a really scary crazy look in my eyes. A look that says that I am out for blood and noone going to stop me. But, I haven't felt that I was close to a point of losing control though. Years ago I even played it up a little to keep people from bothering me.

Near the end of Army AIT from someone that also went through basic training with me told me about my 'look'. He said something like, "You know why noone ever messes with you? You look like like you should be locked up before you kill someone." I just kind of half-smiled at him and only said, "due process." Then I laughed on the inside.

My wife says I have that crazy look every once in a while. It's likely the result of reading or watching the news.
 
Hello, Learning to be humble and NOT letting someone get to you (berating), is NOT an easy thing to do. Most of us take (berating) seriously.

Similing alot helps...people at bars usually don't have the best manners in talking to others, most are trying to look tough. Acts like a wise guy.

If it is still bothering you? ...he has won the battle of the wits...he got your goat.

As a martial arts...(even if your face looks mean)...you can still practice...humbleness, kindness, and greatness!

Learning to ignore what you should and pay attention to what is important is : PART OF GROWING UP.....LEARNING TO BE MORE MATURE!

Your so call friend is still a child that needs to grow-up.

Who's winning and who is the loser in this incident? Life has many lessons...learn from this one and be a WINNER FROM NOW ON!

Maturity sometimes takes time and many lesssons......HOPE my thoughts will help you here............Aloha

PS: AGE is not a sign of maturity or grown up....IT is the way you handle life...
 
Touch Of Death said:
Have you ever scared someone with a look.
Click to expand...


Not that I know of. I kind of get the opposite.

What I've heard, more than once, is:

"HE'S a 'bad ***'? I just don't see it ..." :rolleyes:

(Not saying I AM a bad ***, fwiw ...)

So I get the impression I look pretty harmless — especially with a fresh haircut.
 
Touch Of Death said:
Have you ever scared someone with a look.(its really a new one on me)
Click to expand...

All of the time. I have PTSD, hence I am depressed and/or in a bad mood most of the time, and I've been told it shows. Funny thing is, I'm always surprised when I scare someone. In general, I'm not pissed at anyone in particular, just the world in general ;) I'm actually the person who tries to diffuse fights, not start them. Now I'm just rambling, but I thought that I would share.
Peace.
 
First, if you had truly lost control, you wouldn't have been able to pull back and change your expression.

Second, I don't know if I'd call mine a "mean" look - it's a teacher look... and it only comes out when I'm reallly pissed, and my voice tends to get really low and quiet at the same time... that's the point at which my students (school students, I mean - my TKD students have never really triggered it) get really quiet and well behaved... very quickly.
 
Touch Of Death said:
Have you ever scared someone with a look.(its really a new one on me)
Sean
Click to expand...

Do it all the time, although I am rarely aware of it, generally I am told about it later.

It must just be me happy go lucky demeanor, that and 13 years in security dealing with drunks and drug addicts. (Happily I no longer do that)

By the way it is a good thing to have, it prevents a lot of fights and physical confrontations. My sanda sifu and my Xingyi sifu can both scare the hell out of me with a look. It gets me to do what I need to do and that too is a good thing.
 
A couple of times in high school? Yes- I've been told I've given a few people a look that looked like I could shoot lasers out at someone. I was/ am the type that will let a lot slide, but once I actually got mad- look out. Now, I wasn't a physically violent person, but I did have a mouth. And growing up with 2 older brothers did help with defending myself if I needed to- which was an extremely rare need.
 
I'm a pretty tame, pretty lame dork. Not many folks are gonna be intimated by me on sight, but I can be a little intense when the dooky hits the fan,and with that goes a glare. Only rarely, though.
 
Touch Of Death said:
Have you ever scared someone with a look.(its really a new one on me)
Sean
Click to expand...

One time after watching one of my daughter's many sporting outings, she came up to where I was waiting and said, What did you do to _________ (another player's dad)? I said, Don't know what you mean. She persisited. I said, Well, only thing I can think of is he got really obnoxious and I didn't like it. She said, So you beat him up? NO! I just looked at him. Her comeback broke my heart: Yeah, you beat him up. That was probably 15 years ago, and it's still as clear as if it was today.
 
Nope, never. Most people I run into realize right at the start that I am a fun loving kind of guy with a heart of gold and they tend to be able to relax around me and joke with me from the word go. My younger friends, 5-10 year olds are the ones most prone to take advantage of my kind and generous nature. BUT!!!!! Elder abuse is epidemic and should not be tolerated!
 
I think ones' demeanor is the result of your overall experiences. I'm an average looking, middle aged guy; not very intimidating. I've been doing MA for a long time and am fairly senior at the dojo. I've been in my profession for a few decades and am in a leadership role at work. So I'm fairly confident in my abilities and I think it shows, though I'm not even close to arrogant. I haven't found myself needing to express a warning via a 'look' in a long time, and I don't usually place myself in situations where it could be needed (another kind of self defense ;-) ).
 
Ninjamom said:
I'm a mom. Get real.
Click to expand...
Ditto that.

Actually I also have some PTSD issues and have been told I look angry even when I'm not.

But all in all, my daughter's boyfriends are more afraid of me than they are my husband. And my husband is the one who told my daughter, "if you ever see a little red glowing dot on your boyfriend's forehead ... don't ask questions - DUCK!"
 
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