Lost control for just a second

[Shaderon]

I've been told I am pretty scary when I get angry, probably because I look so "girlie" and am bright and bubbly most of the time it's a total flip when I loose my temper. It doesn't happen much because it takes a lot for me to loose it but someone very close to me avoided me for days once because I growled something at him in temper. When I asked why he was avoiding me, he said it was because he was genuinely scared I'd hurt him. He puts my abilities down a lot now and is always trying to prove he's tougher than me.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Not that I know of. I kind of get the opposite.

What I've heard, more than once, is:

"HE'S a 'bad ***'? I just don't see it ..."

(Not saying I AM a bad ***, fwiw ...)

So I get the impression I look pretty harmless — especially with a fresh haircut.

You just described me to a tee.
Sean

 

[jdinca]

I was just posting on another board how I don't have a "mean" look, but I guess I do. The other night I was at a bar and a friend I have known for years decided to mess with me and began berating me. I was fine until he said just the wrong thing. I swear I felt my blood drop; I slowly turned to look at him with an "I'm going to kill you and then move on to people that even vaugley resemble you" stare. He was smiling and laughing so I quickly covered up that look with my wining smile. It didn't work. He said, "Sean, after the way you just looked at me, I'm not sure I ever want to speak to you again". We parted and I am left wondering if he was serious. This bring me to my question. Have you ever scared someone with a look.(its really a new one on me)
Sean

Unintentionally, just as you did, but yes, my sweet, loveable face has on a couple of occasions had someone taking a step back.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Hello, Learning to be humble and NOT letting someone get to you (berating), is NOT an easy thing to do. Most of us take (berating) seriously.

Similing alot helps...people at bars usually don't have the best manners in talking to others, most are trying to look tough. Acts like a wise guy.

If it is still bothering you? ...he has won the battle of the wits...he got your goat.

As a martial arts...(even if your face looks mean)...you can still practice...humbleness, kindness, and greatness!

Learning to ignore what you should and pay attention to what is important is : PART OF GROWING UP.....LEARNING TO BE MORE MATURE!

Your so call friend is still a child that needs to grow-up.

Who's winning and who is the loser in this incident? Life has many lessons...learn from this one and be a WINNER FROM NOW ON!

Maturity sometimes takes time and many lesssons......HOPE my thoughts will help you here............Aloha

PS: AGE is not a sign of maturity or grown up....IT is the way you handle life...

Yes, he is going to get himself killed someday with bad habbits like that.
Sean

 

[Nomad]

This look that can make other people stop in their tracks and reconsider their words or actions is, IMO, a very valuable martial arts tool. Their are multiple legends of people like Matsumura and Musashi who were able to "win" battles by staring down their opponents (who were about to fight to the death with them).

The trick is controlling the look so you don't scare your friends inadvertently, and using it as you would any other weapon.

While I won't make any claim to having much of this myself yet, there are a couple of seniors in our dojo who do this very effectively... they are the nicest guys most of the time, but when they put on their "kata" face, it is very intimidating and you just gulp... in sparring they tend to dominate their opponents before even moving in the ring.

 

[Trent]

Reading the original post, it could be your "evil looking" face scared him to the point that he doesn't consider being safe around you anymore, but it could be simply that the face offended him and he has decided your lack of ability to take a joke simply isn't worth your company.

I'm not going to describe myself as it isn't relevant, but I will say that in life I've had people give me what they considered intimidating or angry looks (from law enforcment, prosecutors, U.S. Attorneys, federal agents, legislative bodies, etc.), and I haven't been frightened since I was a young adolescent. I'm much older (read decades) than that now. If I were joking around, and someone gave me a look that indicated they were angry, I may ignore it, or I may apologize to keep the social function moving if they were a real friend to make them feel better (perhaps I did misspeak or they had a bad day). I may pick on the person some more to see if they were joking about the look, and call them out on it, or I might decide the person was an individual with a poor disposition and simply not worth my time and ignore them for the rest of my days. But I surely wouldn't be afraid of them.


Since the guy did approach you later and make a statement, or reference it, later on, I didn't get the impression he was afraid of you. But he did seem offended. There is a big difference.

 

[Gray Phoenix]

The subtle changes in the way a person carries themselves, stands, focuses or whatever are what this person picked up on. There is something almost on a genetic level in people that gives us the ability to recognize a predator.
I suspect you gave a predator like look, and that is frightening to many people. Martial Artists are trained to have that look even if we have been told. Its a level of confidense. A lawyer once came to our dojo and told our Professor that he was there to learn something very specific, but did not know what it was. He stayed in our dojo for a few months and then one day todl the prof. that he had learned what he came to learn. it was how to intimidate indirectly, in order to manipulate his juries through body language. this is something I am slowly, oh so very slowyly learning to control.

Of course there is the metaphysics of it as well, if you believe in that kind of stuff. Did you do something to change your aura, presence, or what ever you want to call it. Did that person pick up on it. They way its been described to me: Have you ever been somewhere and got the feeling you were being stared at only to snap your head around and find someone staring at you. The average persons reaction: why is that guy lookin at me? The Martial Artists reaction: How did I know to look?:asian:

 

[Touch Of Death]

Reading the original post, it could be your "evil looking" face scared him to the point that he doesn't consider being safe around you anymore, but it could be simply that the face offended him and he has decided your lack of ability to take a joke simply isn't worth your company.

I'm not going to describe myself as it isn't relevant, but I will say that in life I've had people give me what they considered intimidating or angry looks (from law enforcment, prosecutors, U.S. Attorneys, federal agents, legislative bodies, etc.), and I haven't been frightened since I was a young adolescent. I'm much older (read decades) than that now. If I were joking around, and someone gave me a look that indicated they were angry, I may ignore it, or I may apologize to keep the social function moving if they were a real friend to make them feel better (perhaps I did misspeak or they had a bad day). I may pick on the person some more to see if they were joking about the look, and call them out on it, or I might decide the person was an individual with a poor disposition and simply not worth my time and ignore them for the rest of my days. But I surely wouldn't be afraid of them.


Since the guy did approach you later and make a statement, or reference it, later on, I didn't get the impression he was afraid of you. But he did seem offended. There is a big difference.

I think you are on to something. In my defense I came down with the flu the next day; so, I was probably feverish and in a bad disposition to begin with. I intend to speak to hem about the incident when I next see him.
Sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

The subtle changes in the way a person carries themselves, stands, focuses or whatever are what this person picked up on. There is something almost on a genetic level in people that gives us the ability to recognize a predator.
I suspect you gave a predator like look, and that is frightening to many people. Martial Artists are trained to have that look even if we have been told. Its a level of confidense. A lawyer once came to our dojo and told our Professor that he was there to learn something very specific, but did not know what it was. He stayed in our dojo for a few months and then one day todl the prof. that he had learned what he came to learn. it was how to intimidate indirectly, in order to manipulate his juries through body language. this is something I am slowly, oh so very slowyly learning to control.

Of course there is the metaphysics of it as well, if you believe in that kind of stuff. Did you do something to change your aura, presence, or what ever you want to call it. Did that person pick up on it. They way its been described to me: Have you ever been somewhere and got the feeling you were being stared at only to snap your head around and find someone staring at you. The average persons reaction: why is that guy lookin at me? The Martial Artists reaction: How did I know to look?:asian:

Believe me, I felt predatorial; so, I imagine it showed.
Sean