How to handle the parents

[Gordon Nore]

I am a parent and I have had the unfortunate opportunity to sit in waiting rooms at Dojangs in the past. The behavior of some parents is very hard to take. Some parents make the rest of us look bad it is sad. Not all parents are selfish and rude some of us work with the Masters to get the best experience for all.

Gorilla,

I think both your posts to this thread have been right on point. I think we live in an era of customer satisfaction run amok. People have a perception that because they've paid for a service, they can make all sorts of demands on how the service is delivered.

Not all services are equal. If one pays for a taxi or a limo, one can dictate the ride. If one pays a bus fare, you go where the bus is going.

Obviously the OP doesn't want to drive business away, and probably does want to keep happy clients. I don't know what to say -- it sounds like some of the parents are being pretty petulant.

 

[shesulsa]

It's a delicate balance between treating the parents as your customers (which they are, of course) and not being their ***** (term for female dog).

 

[NPTKD]

Martial Arts businesses are run many different ways. Some cater to the public and are very customer service oriented. Then others are more Martial "Military" Oriented some are Sport schools all very different ways of doing business. I have seen some schools that are a mix of the 3. If you are a parent in a school situation that does not fit your needs you should speak to the Master about it and find a mutual solution to your problem. You should never gossip, undermine, complain publicly or take matters into your own hands. The Master has a business to run and it is his right to run it as he sees fit. The success of his business will be the measuring stick for which he is judged not the parent in the waiting room. Parents stop acting like you own the place. You have a very important role get with you Master to help define that role but never I repeat never take matters into your own hands. If you can't find a proper solution then pay your bill and leave!

We talked about something like this before...... I'm glad you are starting to see the other side!

 

[NPTKD]

Buisness with the same problems:

Some dance school on line:
Our Waiting Area is solely for the use of our students. Please do not bring friends to wait between classes as there is not enough room. Valuables should be brought into the dancing rooms with the students. Please bring small snacks only into our waiting area. Full meals should be eaten at home. No fried foods or open containers allowed in waiting area. Please bring closed water bottles. Our changing room must be used to store dance bags, clothes and coats. This room is not to be used as a playroom. Jody's School of Dancing is not liable for any lost or stolen item left in any area of the studio

Flex gym ( for kids)

Parents are to remain downstairs for the duration of the class for safety reasons. Also, kids are less distracted that way. Parents are welcomed to wait in our party room at the end of the downstairs hall where there are tables and chairs at your disposal. Also, please do not sit nor wait on the stairs as this is a fire hazard and is dangerous. Only 5 minutes before the end of the class may anyone wait in the upstairs seating area

 

[Gorilla]

We talked about something like this before...... I'm glad you are starting to see the other side!

Thanks but you are off base on this one. I started a thread about youth Black Belts. It was a hotly debated thread. I asserted that I had witnessed youth Black Belts (Poom belts) under 10 that deserved that rank. As I recall you had some heartburn about my stance. You accused me of being a difficult parent in the waiting room complaining about your master. I explained to you that this was impossible our school is a Sport Team which trains at multiple locations and has no waiting room and that our Master and I are good friends who travel the world together attending TKD events. This inspired another thread "I am a TKD addict" in which I described your posts as "VITRIOLIC". I was wondering if you remembered the exchange. I quite enjoyed it. I am glad that you recognize that I am not what you first thought. I still have a great relationship with our Master and consider him to be a great friend and part of our family.

 

[Manny]

I think the dojan is a respectful place, were kids,yourgsters and full greon people train for many reasons, however parents think they can seat and have a nice chat with another parents and have some coffe and a dojang is not a cafeteria or coffee shop.

Th sambunim or instructoir has to be ploite but strong telling the parents to be quiet and to not drink or eat anything in the waiting room.

It's very disconforting ear the moms chatting so loud or small children runing and playing inside the dojang it really pist me off.

So we have to ask in a very serius way to these people to be quiet and the waiting area is just for wait for their kids only not for social encouters.

Manny

 

[d1jinx]

It is amazing how rude people can be.
I was once teaching for this guy. This womans son got hit in the throat during sparring. It wasn't hard, but (forgive me for saying this) he was a little sissy to begin with. He fell to the floor and started crying. Mom ran out on the floor and started screaming, picked her son up and threatened to sue as she ran out the door with him. A few days later she returned and said her son was not allowed to spar again. Give me a break. What does she think TKD is, basket weaving. Try telling your football coach that its flag football and you can't get hit. But these are the parents...

I would've told them to stay gone, but the owner let them back... money and fear of lawsuit i guess. so it is.

 

[granfire]

It is amazing how rude people can be.
I was once teaching for this guy. This womans son got hit in the throat during sparring. It wasn't hard, but (forgive me for saying this) he was a little sissy to begin with. He fell to the floor and started crying. Mom ran out on the floor and started screaming, picked her son up and threatened to sue as she ran out the door with him. A few days later she returned and said her son was not allowed to spar again. Give me a break. What does she think TKD is, basket weaving. Try telling your football coach that its flag football and you can't get hit. But these are the parents...

I would've told them to stay gone, but the owner let them back... money and fear of lawsuit i guess. so it is.

Sissy Mom makes sissy kids....soooo, the kid just got his certificates handed to him? (I find that those who hit hardest cry the loudest, too)

 

[d1jinx]

Sissy Mom makes sissy kids....soooo, the kid just got his certificates handed to him? (I find that those who hit hardest cry the loudest, too)

Yeah more or less. Not sure how long that kid stuck around. I quit that school after I got fed up with paying to teach. There were a few things that I didnt agree with so it was a good move to .... MOVE.

 

[Twin Fist]

all you got to do to control that crap is tell one parent to take his kid and get OUT, that they dont GET to train with you anymore.

people feel SHAME very strongly

 

[miguksaram]

It is amazing how rude people can be.
I was once teaching for this guy. This womans son got hit in the throat during sparring. It wasn't hard, but (forgive me for saying this) he was a little sissy to begin with. He fell to the floor and started crying. Mom ran out on the floor and started screaming, picked her son up and threatened to sue as she ran out the door with him. A few days later she returned and said her son was not allowed to spar again. Give me a break. What does she think TKD is, basket weaving. Try telling your football coach that its flag football and you can't get hit. But these are the parents...

I would've told them to stay gone, but the owner let them back... money and fear of lawsuit i guess. so it is.

We had a similar incident (-minus them running out the door). Sensei just straight up told them that this is a contact activity and that is going to happen. He followe up by simply asking her "Do you want him to learn to be a punching bag in the street or learn how to defend himself in the school?" He told her that if she really didn't want it then she was welcome to leave, no hard feelings, and hopefully she can find a school that won't make her kid actually work.

She's still with us today.

 

[miguksaram]

Eric I have chairs and benches that goes up against the windows for the parents to sit and watch, the few that was sittting next to the window said the sun was beating down on them and remember the only thing is it was the back of there head and shoulders. I told them they could just move down a row and be closer to the front where there was no sun but they wannted to be in the back. I get alot of drive by people on the weekends and need them to see what is going on and at the same time I do not want to loose some people over little things.

My windows have a cover that allows people to see in but it blocks about 60% of the sun from coming in and by the way I have another seating area that is not by any windows, but they just want to sit there and then complain aout it.

Bottom line is that it is YOUR school and you just need to be firm about it. If they don't like it, then move down or go shopping and come back later. If need be talk to them privately so it will save any extra drama from popping up.

 

[granfire]

all you got to do to control that crap is tell one parent to take his kid and get OUT, that they dont GET to train with you anymore.

people feel SHAME very strongly

LOL, reminds me of the story my friend told me the other day. her kids did not listen answer up or do what they needed to do - advanced students at that, so she got fed up, lined them up and bowed them out and told them to leave.

Next class they came back with greatly improved attitude. :lool:

so yeah, standing your ground pays

 

[shesulsa]

LOL, reminds me of the story my friend told me the other day. her kids did not listen answer up or do what they needed to do - advanced students at that, so she got fed up, lined them up and bowed them out and told them to leave.

Next class they came back with greatly improved attitude. :lool:

so yeah, standing your ground pays

I just sat down and did nothing for about five minutes. One parent stuck her head in and asked if I was okay. I told her I was waiting for all of the kids to pay attention and follow instruction. She looked at the kids who looked at her expectantly and she said, "Oh," and walked back to her seat outside and watched. It took them five minutes to prepare for a basic exercise, so they now owe their parents 5 minutes of chores without question. Can't you just hear the "Awwwwwwww!" reaction I got?

I told the parents I'll handle discipline INSIDE the dojang so long as they handle it OUTSIDE. All but one admitted to me last night they do NOT encourage their children to practice and never see them practice. So ... I am sending home practice cards - their children are responsible for practicing and their parents are responsible for supervising and signing off that the children actually practiced. I told the parents I absolutely will *not* do their children the disservice of promoting them or giving them new material or going any further whatsoever until they make the corrections in their basic material which they have been given over and over and over again. I told them they were paying me to teach their children the SAME THING over and over and over again and the answer was to MAKE THEM PRACTICE and show the parents their improvement.

We'll see how that goes.

I won't shame these parents - they went to City Hall to keep this program alive. I will seek a partnership with the parents.

 

[Gorilla]

I just sat down and did nothing for about five minutes. One parent stuck her head in and asked if I was okay. I told her I was waiting for all of the kids to pay attention and follow instruction. She looked at the kids who looked at her expectantly and she said, "Oh," and walked back to her seat outside and watched. It took them five minutes to prepare for a basic exercise, so they now owe their parents 5 minutes of chores without question. Can't you just hear the "Awwwwwwww!" reaction I got?

I told the parents I'll handle discipline INSIDE the dojang so long as they handle it OUTSIDE. All but one admitted to me last night they do NOT encourage their children to practice and never see them practice. So ... I am sending home practice cards - their children are responsible for practicing and their parents are responsible for supervising and signing off that the children actually practiced. I told the parents I absolutely will *not* do their children the disservice of promoting them or giving them new material or going any further whatsoever until they make the corrections in their basic material which they have been given over and over and over again. I told them they were paying me to teach their children the SAME THING over and over and over again and the answer was to MAKE THEM PRACTICE and show the parents their improvement.

We'll see how that goes.

I won't shame these parents - they went to City Hall to keep this program alive. I will seek a partnership with the parents.

I think that you have it just right...The Instructor and the parents need to form a partnership...We have to work together for the best interest of the student, the dojang and the other students...true training is about the team you get the best results when everyone works together...nobody can become the best by themselves...we all have a role to play...define that role and play your part...I would warn instructors to recognize that parents have a role to play it is your job to define that role within your dojang...if parents don't understand what you want from them you are asking for trouble...That role can be as simple as pay the bills and stay out of the way or as complex as helping with training and monitoring homework but it is up to the instructor to make it clear for everyone...Parents need to know what to expect...

 

[Steve]

I told the parents I'll handle discipline INSIDE the dojang so long as they handle it OUTSIDE. All but one admitted to me last night they do NOT encourage their children to practice and never see them practice. So ... I am sending home practice cards - their children are responsible for practicing and their parents are responsible for supervising and signing off that the children actually practiced.

I think it's a fine line between encouraging parents to participate and presuming to use one's position as a martial arts coach as a pulpit from which to judge people as parents.

ATC and others, I went back and looked for a thread I started a while back that discusses all of the ramifications of whether an MA school can be a private club or not. http://martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71712

As an aside, I'm glad this gave me an opportunity to read that thread through again. Some really good points were brought up on both sides. That and I must have had a lot more time on my hands.

 

[terryl965]

Just an update the mom is no longer with us, I had ask her to leave and gave her a list of several schools to check out. She did not want to go but I informed her she was no longer welcome to be a part of my school, the sad thing is her son wants to stay and the mom want to wiegh in on every single decission so bottom line is go and be happy somewhere else.

 

[TKD_Father]

Wow, kicked a student because his mom adjusted the window shades.

 

[granfire]

Wow, kicked a student because his mom adjusted the window shades.

I think there was more to it, but why pay somebody to train your kid when you can do it better.....

Some combinations just are not a good match, maybe in another school mom will be valued and not a nuisance.

 

[d1jinx]

Just an update the mom is no longer with us, I had ask her to leave and gave her a list of several schools to check out. She did not want to go but I informed her she was no longer welcome to be a part of my school, the sad thing is her son wants to stay and the mom want to wiegh in on every single decission so bottom line is go and be happy somewhere else.

Give it some time.... if they return and ask to come back, give them a chance. maybe she learned her leason. just explain her actions are not tolerated if you let them back. might turn out ok.