How do you deal with Egos, Anger, and Bad Vibes in the gym?

paitingman

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Training in martial arts or most contact sports inevitably egos are wounded and tempers will flare from time to time.

Personally when things begin to get heated in training I am pretty quick to just bow out of the particular round or exercise. I may or may not give a reason why.

How have you found is best to deal with your own temper/emotions as well as your partners?

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Gerry Seymour

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I've never run into that problem in training, except where someone was needlessly injured (contact on a non-contact drill, for instance). There are only 3 times I can recall being angry while training. One, a careless partner injured my shoulder performing a defense (too far, too fast to be safe). Another was someone doing this to another student, after being told to go slowly because their partner was recovering from an injury. The third was an idiot blackbelt with an ego who wanted to demonstrate a punch, asked me to stand still so he wouldn't hit me, then proceeded to hit me with some force in the solar plexus with his uppercut.

In short, I only get angry when people get stupid. In each case, I glowered and walked off the mat after asking my instructor's permission to ice my shoulder, grabbed the careless guy by his gi lapel and off-balanced him before he could go far enough to hurt his partner, and turned my back and walked away from the BB when he suggested it was my fault, respectively.
 

kuniggety

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How have you found is best to deal with your own temper/emotions as well as your partners?

Choke the **** out of them.

Kidding.

Honestly, I personally haven't trained with anyone with a big ego in BJJ. For sure they're out there but it's a daily thing to both tap others out and others to tap you out. Your ego has got to be left at the door. Otherwise, you're really not going to get very far. If you're not getting tapped, the you're not challenging yourself, and you're stunting your own growth.
 
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paitingman

paitingman

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I see it all the time haha. Sometimes directed at me sometimes not.
Mostly the classic someone decides to amp it up in sparring or rolling and take it too far out of frustration.

For the most part everyone's chill but most places have those few guys you'd probably rather avoid.

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gerardbu07059

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It has happened to me several times. I explain that " technique = Control. So lighten up Lucy " and then I walk away. :)

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paitingman

paitingman

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Just last night a guy probably threw the hardest head kick I'd ever seen thrown in the gym.
An experienced and soon to be pro btw. During just no headgear, light sparring.
His only explanation was that he "didnt like how the guy held his hands low" so he basically tried to take his head off.
I couldnt believe it haha

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Jenna

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Training in martial arts or most contact sports inevitably egos are wounded and tempers will flare from time to time.

Personally when things begin to get heated in training I am pretty quick to just bow out of the particular round or exercise. I may or may not give a reason why.

How have you found is best to deal with your own temper/emotions as well as your partners?

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I think some time it is ego yes, some time pure bad sportsmanship. I wonder some other time it can be an opponent frustration at their own poor showing or performance that can be misdirected at you or I??

You walk away some time without a reason? Why is that the best thing do you think? :) xo
 
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paitingman

paitingman

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I think some time it is ego yes, some time pure bad sportsmanship. I wonder some other time it can be an opponent frustration at their own poor showing or performance that can be misdirected at you or I??

You walk away some time without a reason? Why is that the best thing do you think? :) xo
Ha no! sometimes i tell a white lie and say I need a break, water, or just some other reason. I just dont see it as necessary to confront someone or point out everytime they get frustrated.

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Gerry Seymour

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I see it all the time haha. Sometimes directed at me sometimes not.
Mostly the classic someone decides to amp it up in sparring or rolling and take it too far out of frustration.

For the most part everyone's chill but most places have those few guys you'd probably rather avoid.

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No place I ever trained had those guys for very long - they just couldn't last with that attitude.
 

Gerry Seymour

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I think some time it is ego yes, some time pure bad sportsmanship. I wonder some other time it can be an opponent frustration at their own poor showing or performance that can be misdirected at you or I??

You walk away some time without a reason? Why is that the best thing do you think? :) xo
I think it can often come out of frustration - even out of frustration from things going on elsewhere in life.
 
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paitingman

paitingman

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I just want to say that while its not ideal, i have come to see it as a pretty natural thing that is "okay"

People get upset or flare up now and then. It just happens and its somethimg to be managed.
But how they handle it or view it after the fact makes all the difference.

What stories or de-escalation methods can yal share?

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Gerry Seymour

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Ha no! sometimes i tell a white lie and say I need a break, water, or just some other reason. I just dont see it as necessary to confront someone or point out everytime they get frustrated.

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As an instructor (even when I was the most junior associate instructor at my old school), I never had the option of walking away if someone was getting out of hand. Even as a student, I called people on it when I saw frustration building steam and them getting more aggressive in their technique.
 

Gerry Seymour

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I just want to say that while its not ideal, i have come to see it as a pretty natural thing that is "okay"

People get upset or flare up now and then. It just happens and its somethimg to be managed.
But how they handle it or view it after the fact makes all the difference.

What stories or de-escalation methods can yal share?

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The only de-escalation I've normally needed was something like, "Back down, you're forcing the technique. If it's not working, it's the wrong technique." In sparring (in my usage, that's mostly strikes), I've never run into a problem, only in grappling, and usually not in a free-grappling situation. It's more likely in a free-grappling situation that people start going too fast and hard for safety, so I just back them down or take away some options (no locks, for instance).
 

Buka

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Maybe they would get warned, but more than likely they would get fed to the dogs. I don't tolerate anger or bad vibes in the dojo. Ego is fine, but not anger. And bad vibes in a dojo? Oh no, that's just not happening. Ever.
 

Headhunter

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A kick in the nuts normally sorts them out....kidding.

I've had it recently a guy was sparring to hard in my opinion and throwing full power head shots when we were told light technical sparring. He's not a bad guy he's not a jerk or anything he just spars hard but he hit me with shots harder than I wanted to take. I told him once to turn it down he carried on so I just stepped away and refused to carry on. I'm not getting any head injuries at my age just because some guy wants to think he's rocky or something
 

Art M.

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If the teacher has a big ego, chances are he really isn't very skilled...the quiet ones are usually the best.
 

Headhunter

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If the teacher has a big ego, chances are he really isn't very skilled...the quiet ones are usually the best.
Nah don't agree with that I've seen loads of really good people who have egos. I think that's just a nice saying to promote being a good person.

There's plenty of guys who are very talented and have egos. Just take a look at mma and boxing there's a bunch of top level fighters who have huge egos.

Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with having an ego lets be honest everyone has an ego every single person it's just how the person deals with that ego. 1 guy may get beat sparring and his ego is bruised but he just doesn't show it and when he gets home he gets mad about it or someone may get beat and go even harder and cause injury. It's about how you deal with your ego not if you have one or not
 

Tez3

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I train with people who are very disciplined in their every day lives, rarely do we get any incidents among the adults. We usually leave the students alone, they will sort it among themselves quietly. We did have two chaps who got on each others nerves, they were picking at each other so we stopped the class, put everyone outside except those two and we locked the door with just them and us two instructors until they'd sorted it out. Sounds rough but it's also the way they sort things out at work. Usually if I just say 'play nicely children' they grin and behave. Yes, they are all old enough to be my children so it's not patronising. :)
 

drop bear

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We train people past their breaking point. So it happens. We have screaming crying **** fits. And often will keep training through them.

You see people at their best and at their worst. I dont judge the emotional content as much as i used to.
 

drop bear

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A kick in the nuts normally sorts them out....kidding.

I've had it recently a guy was sparring to hard in my opinion and throwing full power head shots when we were told light technical sparring. He's not a bad guy he's not a jerk or anything he just spars hard but he hit me with shots harder than I wanted to take. I told him once to turn it down he carried on so I just stepped away and refused to carry on. I'm not getting any head injuries at my age just because some guy wants to think he's rocky or something

I dig in and go at them. But I belive that I have to do hard rounds from time to time just to keep my discipline sharp.
 
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