Bullying

[Tgace]

Things ARE different these days...back in 79'-80' when I was in 5-6th grade, some kid took a punch at me. I grabbed his wrist and twisted and I broke his wrist, in the middle of the cafeteria, in sight of about 5 adults. My parents were never even called. I got a lecture from my teacher and life went on as normal. These days I dont even want to think about what would have happenend.

Funny thing is, after that I only got in 1-2 scuffles (pretty much just wrestling matches) throughout HS. Wasnt "feared" or even "respected" as far as I remember. Just never "picked on".....

 

[Solidman82]

That's what I'm referring to Tgace. It doesn't take psychological manipulation, you just have to keep your wits about you and don't let anyone think that it's going to be a simple thing to push you or your friends around (although looking out for my friends is really my downfall).

 

[Tgace]

Although these days, kids seem so wrapped up in "respect" and image that the lengths they go through to maintain that "image" has become more extreme. That kid whos wrist I cracked and I were never best of "friends" but we had zero problems with each other afterwards. Nowdays you see death threats, weapons being introduced...of course much of it is media fueled hype, but how much influence is that hype having? Look at the string of school shootings a few years ago. Life imitates art? Art imitates life?

 

[Solidman82]

Nowdays you see death threats, weapons being introduced...of course much of it is media fueled hype,

Well, after my experience I wonder exactly how much of that is actually media fueled.

 

[Icewater]

Interesting... I didn't realize there was so much fear in the schools these days. There were knives and weapons in my schools days as well. I've seen people stabbed and guns pulled during basketball games. But I always kind of knew the people that would carry those things. And while I didn't have the choice if they picked me for a confrontation, I found that standing my ground gained their respect. And it rarely ended with a fight.

So I still can't help but think we are taking it the wrong way. For instance, if someone at your work place threatened you, and you knew that a fight would cost you both a paycheck (equivalent of suspension), would you find another job? call the cops? or sort it out yourself?

I don't think there is a wrong answer to this, only differences of opinion. I personally would take matters into my own hands. I don't mean an immediate fight, but certainly a verbal confrontation to bring things out into the open.

 

[Solidman82]

if someone at your work place threatened you, and you knew that a fight would cost you both a paycheck (equivalent of suspension),

If we got payed to go to school then it would be the equivalent, Suspension is a holiday man, not a punishment. "You got in a fight and it felt damn good hey? Well here, take the day off!", is all we usually heard.

 

[cali_tkdbruin]

You're being facious right... :idunno:

 

[Jerry]

Replace "child" with "adult" in 90% of these posts and tell me what's different?

A man walks out and threates your wife on the street tomoorw. The next day, he hits her a few times. Tell me why you react differently (assuming you do) than when it's your child?

 

[FearlessFreep]

What happens when you are the bully?

Yesterday my kids were fighting and it started with my oldest son picking on his younger sister. This happens pretty regularly so I finally told them that 'if you are going to act like a bully, you are going to be treated like a bully'. In class the kids are constantly being taught about and taught techniques to deal with being bullied in the neighborhood, etc....Especially with my daughters I feel that it's important for them to be physically pressured or intimidated, even by relatives. So, I gave my kids permission that if an older sibling is bullying them, the first step is avoidance, the second step is verbal and if that doesn't work, the third allowed step is a retaliation. It works both ways, actually because my older daughter tends to pick on her younger brother and sister as well. So I told the kids "if you act like a bully you will be treated like a bully, and we train how to treat bullies so keep that in mind"

I had a dream last night that I was in a coffee house and this guy looked pretty beligerant like he was trying to cut in line. So I physically moved him a few feet to the side. He was much shorter than me. Later on he was waving around his arm demonstrating some things to a friend and he hit me a few times so I grapped his arms and set "stop it". It was really weird beause in both cases, even though he sorta instigated the encounter, I was the one who really took it up a level in intensity. Since he as smaller than me I felt lik I would be see as the bully, and in some ways I thought that's how I was acting...would I have responded like that to someone my size? Just a dream but a it unsettling nonetheless

 

[searcher]

Freep, you have a good point about the larger one coming of as the bully. My father out it to me like this, if you are the larger and you beat the crap out of the little guy you are being a bully. If you lose in a fight to the little guy you are a puss. If you are the larger person it is a no win situation.

 

[Laborn]

I'm current'y in HS my self, tho im homeschooled, my friend *female* the other day *she practices TKD with me* she's 16 and a 18 year old guy was pestering her, he was picking on her and stuff, well he actually punched her once, and wow she went bezerk on him, basically she drove him into the wall. I laugh at things like this because now, he has the rep of being *beaten by a girl* Wow people are so cruel in HS, people always say *man wait til you get to highschool, so much easier* BS! The peer pressure goes sky rocketing, the guys want to *prove* them selves infront of the girls, blah blah blah. All of my martial arts friends that go to HS, have been in several fights, because people want to fight them to *prove* that they can fight better. Sad really, you NEED martial arts if you go to hs lmao.

 

[Laborn]

Lol just because someones bigger doesn't make them have a big advantage, they have an advantage mainly on strength, im a small guy, so most people i fight are bigger then me. Just yesterday i was sparring an 18 year old i call him the wall. But yeah just because someones larger doesn't mean you have a disadvantage, if he cant hit you, or grab you, how can he win? I'm a small guy but i work alot on speed, so im faster usually then the bigger guys, so they beat me on strength, i beat them on speed. So really it's the same...you just have to learn how to use your advantage on their disadvantage *that's what my instructer always says*

 

[arnisador]

I'm current'y in HS my self, tho im homeschooled

We homeschool our 15 year old and 11 year old...but I also ensure that they know how to defend themselves if needed!

 

[FearlessFreep]

We're homeschooling our children (at least the older ones so far) but the oldest three are in a TKD class with a heavy emphasis on self-defense.

 

[bluemtn]

I think that when dealing with a bully- both child and adult- you should also be able to handle yourself verbally. No, I don't mean cussing up a storm, either. If you can stand up for yourself verbally, it's a good chance you will avoid a physical confrontation. In my entire career as a student, I've only had to defend myself physically twice, when I saw words or teachers weren't going to work. Tell your daughter the same thing you would an adult woman in a SD class- make sure you have someone around you as often as possible. It's high school- chances are, she's rarely alone for very long anyways, so it shouldn't be too difficult for her to find someone around. She's a MA'st as well, so she should be aware of her surroundings. If there's a sudden change in the crowd around her, she'll notice. In high school, other students just seemed to know when a fight is about to break out.

These are just my observations.

 

[Laborn]

You should homeschool your children, it's a crazy world now adays, at a school close to me 3 kids went suicide, beatings everywhere, when i went to school school, i got beat up, choked 5 times for money, mugged. Then my mom was like screw that and i've been homeschooled ever since, that was in 4th grade, can you imagine high school now? above all..peer pressure, HS peer pressure is immence, im so glad im homeschooled

 

[arnisador]

We homeschoolers should start a separate thread on it in one of the general talk areas!

 

[Solidman82]

I was homeschooled until grade 4. All it did for me was make me one of the losers when I finally got to school (mind you, christian schools are rougher then public schools). And private school only taught me to be honorable and take beatings.....man my parents screwed up!:erg:

 

[Flatlander]

I just learned about www.bullying.org on the news this evening, and checked it out. I think its a great site. If any one knows a youngster that maybe just needs to know they're not alone, send them there to check it out.

 

[arnisador]

A teengrowth.com Q&A article in Friday's paper said "don't fight back" if bullied (see here.) Their advice:

• don't react
• walk away, get help if pursued
• agree with the bully, saying "you're right" and walk away
• be assertive and calm
• report the behavior if it continues

It refers people to www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov for more info.