Bullying

Icewater

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cali_tkdbruin said:
Yes, that's my current dilema. What happens later on down the road if after my daughter steps up and puts the other kid in her place? What if this doesn't work and the situation escalates further either with retaliations or legal troubles?

In my experience, winning or losing is not so important as standing up for yourself against bullys. Whether you win the fight or lose the fight, you fought for your rights. If consequences come, it just means you will have to fight for your rights again, but the second time will be easier if you know you have stood up once and survived. As long as you have 'right' on your side, people will know and understand. If everyone worried about all the 'what if's' where would we be?
 

searcher

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Icewater said:
In my experience, winning or losing is not so important as standing up for yourself against bullys. Whether you win the fight or lose the fight, you fought for your rights. If consequences come, it just means you will have to fight for your rights again, but the second time will be easier if you know you have stood up once and survived. As long as you have 'right' on your side, people will know and understand. If everyone worried about all the 'what if's' where would we be?

It is not about winning or losing or even standing up to a bully. There will never be a winner, especially in today's world. If she fights and beats down the girl she will be marked for the rest of her life. Today it is one who wants to fight, tomorrow it will be two. This can also lead to her gaining a criminal record. It is a no win situation.

On your second point, if she does decide to fight there is a chance she won't survive. We don't know if the other student has a weapon or not. Kids are getting shot and stabbed on an all to regular basis.

Is there another school that she can transfer to?
 

Icewater

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searcher said:
It is not about winning or losing or even standing up to a bully. There will never be a winner, especially in today's world. If she fights and beats down the girl she will be marked for the rest of her life. Today it is one who wants to fight, tomorrow it will be two. This can also lead to her gaining a criminal record. It is a no win situation.

On your second point, if she does decide to fight there is a chance she won't survive. We don't know if the other student has a weapon or not. Kids are getting shot and stabbed on an all to regular basis.

Is there another school that she can transfer to?

Another school?!?!? One bully and all of a sudden people talk about litigation, moving schools, death?!?! C'mon folks. We're talking about an age old problem of the school yard bully. I think we are teaching our youth a poor lesson these days if we tell them to run for cover each time they feel threatened. Ever heard of terrorism? This is the same thing on an infinately smaller scale. One person using fear to control another. To some extent I believe its in our nature to use fear to our advantage. But it is also in our nature to defend ourselves from those that would use fear to control our lives.
 

CuongNhuka

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She did the right thing. Something else she might what to do is let the guy know. I've seen 2 guys in a brutal fist fight over who would get to date this one girl, ironic thing is (after they were both suspended and arested) is that the girl was a homosexual, and had a crush on the older sister of one of the guys. sounds like something out of a soup opera huh? i kinda doubt that the guy is a homosexual, but he might have a girl freind they don't know about. or he might have a thing or one of them, or some one else, or so forth. make shure she has some one with her most of the time. A freind of mine (a girl) was getting staucked for a while by anouther girl. Why? the girl (not my freind) had a crush on my freinds boy freind and whated to prove something to the guy. end result. my freind was jumped by the other girls freinds in the bathroom. shes o.k., but know keeps a freind or two with her at all times. she didn't have a witness so the girls got away with it. my freind and her boy freind ended up breaking up over the matter, since he liked the other girl more then her. but back on subject. she did the right thing, and you told her the right things. so more power to you.

Sweet Brighit Bless your Blade,

John
 

searcher

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Icewater said:
Another school?!?!? One bully and all of a sudden people talk about litigation, moving schools, death?!?! C'mon folks. We're talking about an age old problem of the school yard bully. I think we are teaching our youth a poor lesson these days if we tell them to run for cover each time they feel threatened. Ever heard of terrorism? This is the same thing on an infinately smaller scale. One person using fear to control another. To some extent I believe its in our nature to use fear to our advantage. But it is also in our nature to defend ourselves from those that would use fear to control our lives.

Yes, another school. We are presenting all possible solutions to the problem. If it can be resolved without violence then it is for the better. As for litigation, personal injury, and death it only takes one time. You helped prove my point with terrorism. People die because of terrorists every day, but the original poster does not want her daughter to be one of those deaths. Just my $0.02 worth.
 

AdrenalineJunky

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I have to agree that litigation is a much larger issue than it used to be. When I was a kid, I had a problem with another kid in one of my junior-high classes. My dad told me to be a few minutes late to class, so that class is already in session, walk up to the kid and swing away while he's still sitting in his desk. The idea being that the teacher would break it up before anything real bad could happen to me; the kid would be embarrassed; and--in the event he thought to retaliate--it was obvious that I wasn't playing by the "rules," so I retained the element of surprise.

Again, people are so sue-happy these days, it seems anyone with morals is in a serious predicament when it comes to matters, such as these.
 

MJS

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Icewater said:
Another school?!?!? One bully and all of a sudden people talk about litigation, moving schools, death?!?! C'mon folks. We're talking about an age old problem of the school yard bully. I think we are teaching our youth a poor lesson these days if we tell them to run for cover each time they feel threatened. Ever heard of terrorism? This is the same thing on an infinately smaller scale. One person using fear to control another. To some extent I believe its in our nature to use fear to our advantage. But it is also in our nature to defend ourselves from those that would use fear to control our lives.

While the school yard bully may be your age old problem, it is a proven fact that kids, both young and older, have brought weapons into school and have used them. Kids should not have to be subjected to being harrassed on a daily basis.

Mike
 

Epson

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She can charge the other girl with assult. Yes, a minor can charge a minor.
If the other girl touches her, she can charge her with battery.
 

arnisador

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Yes, 20 years ago I would likely have given the advice to stand up and fight to show that she isn't scared. Things have changed, in my opinion--but as far as kids bringing weapons to school, and to parents suing.

Changing schools? It could come to that, but it seems too soon to go that way, as I understand the situation.
 

Solidman82

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Another school?!?!? One bully and all of a sudden people talk about litigation, moving schools, death?!?! C'mon folks. We're talking about an age old problem of the school yard bully. I think we are teaching our youth a poor lesson these days if we tell them to run for cover each time they feel threatened. Ever heard of terrorism? This is the same thing on an infinately smaller scale. One person using fear to control another. To some extent I believe its in our nature to use fear to our advantage. But it is also in our nature to defend ourselves from those that would use fear to control our lives.
It's your age that percieves it as an age-old problem. Things aren't the way they used to be and I know how rough it really is in the schools because I was just there. I don't even live in the states where the problem is, Canada is supposed to be peaceful and I still almost took a knife in the back of the neck. Honestly, you have to either establish yourself or blend in, Making an enemy and then showing weakness will get yourself hurt.
 

AdrenalineJunky

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Solidman82 said:
It's your age that percieves it as an age-old problem. Things aren't the way they used to be and I know how rough it really is in the schools because I was just there. I don't even live in the states where the problem is, Canada is supposed to be peaceful and I still almost took a knife in the back of the neck. Honestly, you have to either establish yourself or blend in, Making an enemy and then showing weakness will get yourself hurt.

I generally agree with this statement. The funny thing about bullies is that they are usually the biggest sissys. Nobody wants to cut some jerk's parents a check for a few hundred every month. Also, the condoning the potential danger involved in "establishing" one's self is contrary to the larger goal of the parent: protecting one's children--often going to insane measures to accomplish that, but protecting them, nevertheless.
 

Solidman82

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That's why I often tried to blend in, things get complicated and then suddenly you stand out and become a target sometimes
 

Loki

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Kudos to you both for doing the right thing. If she's ever attacked again, this precedent works in her favor. And yes, she should defend herself if she must.
 

searcher

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Solidman82 said:
That's why I often tried to blend in, things get complicated and then suddenly you stand out and become a target sometimes

Blending in is a very good thing. It often saves time and pain.
 

arnisador

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I agree that bullies are often cowards at heart. Stand up to them and they find someone weaker to harass.

Unless...they have a group of followers egging them on, and the group retaliates. That's a big concern here, I think.
 

7starmantis

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arnisador said:
I agree that bullies are often cowards at heart. Stand up to them and they find someone weaker to harass.
I agree wholheartedly, however there are those few situations where the bully is skilled and willing to participate in violence.

7sm
 

CuongNhuka

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Alot of the people that bullys pick on figure out that bullys are chicken -blank-. So now bullys travel in little packs or join gangs. Most bullys will carry weapons now adays. I don't know what it was like for you folks back in the day, but know for the most part you need to either blend in, be really really popular, a bully, or the bullied. Those that blend in tend to be ignored, both by bullys and potential freinds. It is hard to get to popular for most to not bully (because there is a point were that will happen). And who wants to be a bully or the bullied? It's all a matter of choice. But something i've noticed about most of the posts on this thread are by people who are probably in there 30s or 40s (talk'n about back when i was a kid comments are why). And I mean no insult, mearly wish to say.

Sweet Brighit Bless your Blade,

John
 

Solidman82

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but know for the most part you need to either blend in, be really really popular, a bully, or the bullied. Those that blend in tend to be ignored, both by bullys and potential freinds.

There is another option, much too risky for recommendation though. It's called honor and integrity.

You can stand up for what you know is right and what you believe in. But you need to be very strong and brave to do so. This is NOT a path for the weak of heart.

Unfortunately, as martial artists we are drawn to this path and don't have room for being gutless.
 
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