What do I do....

[Nyrotic]

Ok, so I broke up with my girlfriend the other day, and now she's going into a serious depression. I mean, I hate the fact that she's so hurt over me leaving her, but I simply did not feel the same way about her as I used to, and although she'd be happy, I wouldn't be if I were to stay with her. I don't know what to do....everytime she calls me it's only to try and make me feel bad for what I did and try and get me to come back by saying things like "You're my one and only" or "Look deep inside your heart". To some extent, I do feel guilty, but at the same time I feel a bit relieved to be out of that relationship.

On one hand my parents and friends are with me all the way and tell me that I did the right thing. My parents even say that breaking up with someone is never easy, but that I shouldn't talk to her for a while. However, I'm afraid that I've caused more pain to someone than they deserve (Despite my martial background, I LOVE this girl yet I hurt her more than any other person I've ever met in battle). I'm just afraid that....well...she'll do something completely stupid and I'll never hear from her again...but I can't prevent it by getting back with her, for that would drag my life back down again...

...and now...I have a headache.

Please, fellow warriors, anything akin to words of comfort or advice would be deeply appreciated...

 

[Lisa]

Hang in there is the best advice I can give you. This is one of the many things in your life that is going to be hard to get through, however, you will get through it and so will she.

You said yourself you know it was the right thing, remember that. In the end it will be best for both of you. You both are young, lots of time for serious relationships.

 

[stone_dragone]

I echo Lisa's advise.

It is difficult to end a relationship with anything or anyone that you care about. It feels worse to know that you have caused pain in someone that you have that connection with.

It is best that you have done what you did. It is better for her to hurt for a little while now than for you to fake being in a relationship just to "spare" her feelings. That would make you resent her and cause more longterm damage.

And you are both still very young.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

Ditto the above.

Also, avoid contact with her for a while. It's tempting to want to check in, answer when she calls, thinking it would be cruel not to.

It's cruel to keep in contact, at least for the first few months. Make it a clean break, give her time to heal before you give her time with you. If you're really concerned, do things for her behind the scenes but make sure others get the credit.

Anything nice (or even just polite) you do in the next few weeks will be taken as a sign of hope that you might get back with her. Be a bastard for a while. In the end, she'll thank you.

 

[BrandiJo]

just leave for awhile give it a few months of no contact... if you wanna know how shes doing talk to friends you know can be discreit (wont do the hey he was asking how your doing) it hurts and it sucks but like others have said you being nice nad keeping in touch and checking in will just give false hope, and that causes even more hurt when it really finaly sinks in that its over.

Hang in there it does get better, and after some time even friendship is possible but it takes quite some time for the old feelings and the what ifs to go away
​

 

[MA-Caver]

Totally cutting yourself off from someone clingy like that... Been there and sadly had to do that. She eventually got over it... and thankfully sooner than I thought.
No sense in staying in ANY relationship that's making one or both of you miserable. Some things are not meant to be... some people do have a hard time understanding that... but if they're mature and intelligent... they will.

Good-luck to ya.... and to her.

 

[Kacey]

If it's wrong for one of you, it's wrong for both of you, and staying in the relationship will only make it hurt more later.

Also, if she is depressed, that's understandable; if you think she might hurt herself, then tell her parents or her friends to watch out for her, but make sure they know you're doing it as a compassionate human being - as has been stated, any show of concern by you for her will be seen as a chance to get back together. Maybe your parents could call her parents, or something inderect like that - but any direct contact from you to her will make it hurt more and take longer.

Good luck to you both.

 

[Nyrotic]

Thanks guys, alot, and it's glad to know that I'm doing the right thing for the most part, as I've avoided answering her calls and whatnot....and yeah....it does hurt......alot.

 

[Drac]

Read the above posts over and over and obey..I've been there..It aint easy but hang tough...

 

[MBuzzy]

Yep, they've pretty much said it. I've been there....and sorry to say, it doesn't get easier!

 

[King]

Plenty of really good advice in here already. I just wanted to chime in with the no contact/cut off entire idea. If the notion of easing her down comes into mind, don't do it. That'll just drag the whole thing and make it even more painful. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you but you really did the right thing. Now you just have to steel up your heart and follow through. Good luck mate.

 

[Jade Tigress]

If it's wrong for one of you, it's wrong for both of you, and staying in the relationship will only make it hurt more later.

Also, if she is depressed, that's understandable; if you think she might hurt herself, then tell her parents or her friends to watch out for her, but make sure they know you're doing it as a compassionate human being - as has been stated, any show of concern by you for her will be seen as a chance to get back together. Maybe your parents could call her parents, or something inderect like that - but any direct contact from you to her will make it hurt more and take longer.

Good luck to you both.

Well said Kacey. I can't add to that. Kudos. :asian:

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

All of the above advice is excellent. Hang in there and do what
is best for you.

 

[terryl965]

Read the above posts over and over and obey..I've been there..It aint easy but hang tough...

I completely agree all the above post our right on.

 

[Nyrotic]

Well, recent observations have shown that she's well.....not doing too hot. True, it hurts, but I'm deadset in my decision now, so all I have to do now is just ride out the storm...

On another note, I'm afraid my initial feelings of envy, loneliness, jealousy and depression are beginning to set in now that I'm alone again. I WAS about to start talking to this one girl at my school, but come to find out she gets with somebody else THE SAME DAY I BUILD UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO TALK TO HER. *sigh* I guess I should just stay single for a while....and exercise....

-Nyro

 

[Carol]

Well, recent observations have shown that she's well.....not doing too hot. True, it hurts, but I'm deadset in my decision now, so all I have to do now is just ride out the storm...

On another note, I'm afraid my initial feelings of envy, loneliness, jealousy and depression are beginning to set in now that I'm alone again. I WAS about to start talking to this one girl at my school, but come to find out she gets with somebody else THE SAME DAY I BUILD UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO TALK TO HER. *sigh* I guess I should just stay single for a while....and exercise....

-Nyro

Definitely give yourself time. Stay single, work out for a bit, spend time with your guy friends, just break away completely for a little while. It does help.

Then when you go to find someone else, you won't be bringing in old negative stuff that has nothing to do with your new gal, you'll be making a completely fresh start.

Good luck and hang in there

 

[Nyrotic]

Definitely give yourself time. Stay single, work out for a bit, spend time with your guy friends, just break away completely for a little while. It does help.

Then when you go to find someone else, you won't be bringing in old negative stuff that has nothing to do with your new gal, you'll be making a completely fresh start.

Good luck and hang in there

Will do, definitely, and thanks to everyone else that's given me advice here, it's really helped me cope with the situation.

 

[donna]

Well, recent observations have shown that she's well.....not doing too hot. True, it hurts, but I'm deadset in my decision now, so all I have to do now is just ride out the storm...

On another note, I'm afraid my initial feelings of envy, loneliness, jealousy and depression are beginning to set in now that I'm alone again. I WAS about to start talking to this one girl at my school, but come to find out she gets with somebody else THE SAME DAY I BUILD UP ENOUGH COURAGE TO TALK TO HER. *sigh* I guess I should just stay single for a while....and exercise....

-Nyro

Sorry to hear you are going through this tough time. I agree with the excellent advice given in the previous posts. One thing that springs to mind reading your last post, you have to give yourself time to recover as well!! Dont go rushing into another relationship on the rebound as you may end up in the same predicament you just left.

 

[Nyrotic]

Sorry to hear you are going through this tough time. I agree with the excellent advice given in the previous posts. One thing that springs to mind reading your last post, you have to give yourself time to recover as well!! Dont go rushing into another relationship on the rebound as you may end up in the same predicament you just left.

WHICH of course I will take into account next time I come across a pretty girl ^^. As stated earlier, I think I'll just chill for a while... ^.=.^

 

[hong kong fooey]

thats a good thing to do right now. just relax and enjoy being single and soon enough she will move on hang in there