Nyrotic
Green Belt
I have this girlfriend of nearly 3 years now, and she and I are quite literally from two opposite ends of the spectrum. I love order and stability in my life, I strive to reach a higher quality of living both physically and mentally. I object to drinking any alcohol or smoking anything in ANY quantity (Never smoked, had a shot of Sake last New Year's which was actually offered by my parents). My girlfriend is a person run by fun and spontaneity, two things that AREN'T on the top of my priorities. (I'm not trying to say one way is superior to the other, I'm just showing the difference in our characters)
Two things:
The first problem here is, she's already changed alot for me in contrast to how she used to be before we met. She was much like 98% of the teenage population, curious about many things; drugs, alcohol, boys, etc. After being with me for so long, the damage stemming from my rather conservative ways has become apparent. She's lost nearly all her friends because they say she's "no longer fun to hang out with". Though this was never my true intent to begin with, I've been told I was wrong for making her this way, as these are her "college years" and she NEEDS to get this sort of stuff out of her system. I ask, then why am I so different? I don't have ANY urge or curiousity that I am compelled to satisfy, so does that not prove that this behaviour is NOT necessary or instinctive? This stems from a recent talk she and I had. She was drinking a margarita the other night at home (With her mother), and she told me about it. Naturally, my first thought was "Uh oh! Regulations violation!" and got a little upset and told her that I morally object to the intake of any alcohol in any form. She knew I was mad about it even after I told her that I ALSO concern for her health as well, another reason I don't like her doing anything like that. Please note that I'm not trying to make her out as some kind of wild-child, as this was really the only time she'd done that in a long time really. But is it wrong of me to push my values on her even IF she'd have nothing to gain but good from the change? I feel like I'm in this for the long run with her and that this isn't just another dating romance, so I wouldn't bother with it in the first place if I didn't feel like it was a big investment or commitment.
Second. She also has this friend of hers of about 8 years. According to her he is her best friend (This likely wouldn't be an issue if he weren't a guy....then again I can't be so sure). The thing is, I've been with her for near 3 years now and I feel that I should be #1 in her life as she is in mine, especially since we're both planning for that infamous long-term commitment. She even SAYS that I am and that if she liked her best friend that way she would be with him and not me. True. But still, my problem here is that I feel jealous. I feel that way because there are always these little moments or things she says that goes to show me how inseparable their friendship/bond is, and I think the MAIN reason I make such a big stink over this is because I've never had any real friends, much less a BEST friend to understand why he's so damned important to her (Comes with being a military kid I guess, move to a new State ever 4 years or so). To me it just feels like there's an understanding between them that she and I will never have, at least not before their bond gets any stronger. Maybe I'm just being jealous for no good reason? Maybe I'm being immature and have NOTHING to be upset about in the first place? I'm about ready to resign to that....but I want to at least get a broader range of opinions on the matter before doing so (So far it's been nothing but people she's known for a longer time, so as such I feel there's at least some bias there). I feel it boils down to this: She can get rid of me and be sad for weeks, maybe even months, but eventually recover and find someone else, but she makes it seem that if she lost her friend she'd never be the same person again, and being in the position of boyfriend it bothers me.
Two things:
The first problem here is, she's already changed alot for me in contrast to how she used to be before we met. She was much like 98% of the teenage population, curious about many things; drugs, alcohol, boys, etc. After being with me for so long, the damage stemming from my rather conservative ways has become apparent. She's lost nearly all her friends because they say she's "no longer fun to hang out with". Though this was never my true intent to begin with, I've been told I was wrong for making her this way, as these are her "college years" and she NEEDS to get this sort of stuff out of her system. I ask, then why am I so different? I don't have ANY urge or curiousity that I am compelled to satisfy, so does that not prove that this behaviour is NOT necessary or instinctive? This stems from a recent talk she and I had. She was drinking a margarita the other night at home (With her mother), and she told me about it. Naturally, my first thought was "Uh oh! Regulations violation!" and got a little upset and told her that I morally object to the intake of any alcohol in any form. She knew I was mad about it even after I told her that I ALSO concern for her health as well, another reason I don't like her doing anything like that. Please note that I'm not trying to make her out as some kind of wild-child, as this was really the only time she'd done that in a long time really. But is it wrong of me to push my values on her even IF she'd have nothing to gain but good from the change? I feel like I'm in this for the long run with her and that this isn't just another dating romance, so I wouldn't bother with it in the first place if I didn't feel like it was a big investment or commitment.
Second. She also has this friend of hers of about 8 years. According to her he is her best friend (This likely wouldn't be an issue if he weren't a guy....then again I can't be so sure). The thing is, I've been with her for near 3 years now and I feel that I should be #1 in her life as she is in mine, especially since we're both planning for that infamous long-term commitment. She even SAYS that I am and that if she liked her best friend that way she would be with him and not me. True. But still, my problem here is that I feel jealous. I feel that way because there are always these little moments or things she says that goes to show me how inseparable their friendship/bond is, and I think the MAIN reason I make such a big stink over this is because I've never had any real friends, much less a BEST friend to understand why he's so damned important to her (Comes with being a military kid I guess, move to a new State ever 4 years or so). To me it just feels like there's an understanding between them that she and I will never have, at least not before their bond gets any stronger. Maybe I'm just being jealous for no good reason? Maybe I'm being immature and have NOTHING to be upset about in the first place? I'm about ready to resign to that....but I want to at least get a broader range of opinions on the matter before doing so (So far it's been nothing but people she's known for a longer time, so as such I feel there's at least some bias there). I feel it boils down to this: She can get rid of me and be sad for weeks, maybe even months, but eventually recover and find someone else, but she makes it seem that if she lost her friend she'd never be the same person again, and being in the position of boyfriend it bothers me.
): "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."
