Most people I know and encounter have this grand sense of confidence about self defense. I know an old man who gets winded getting out of his chair, but thinks he could win a fight against young, athletic men without being hurt. I've met people who have never been in a physical confrontation, but are sure they could "handle themselves" if the need arises. In fact, that was my attitude when I was younger, especially when I started martial arts. Why do people think this way? I am not well traveled, is this an American thing, or people in general? Can you really know your own capabilities without the occasional brawl?
Tough guy sy
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lklawson
Grandmaster
It's just a "human" thing. People are generally unwilling to think critically about themselves. That goes for everything. They're always a nice, reasonable, logical, intelligent, great looking person; salt of the earth. Same thing applies to their fighting ability. "Of course I can fight!" 
I wouldn't worry about it.
Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
I wouldn't worry about it.
Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
The old man knows he'll win the fight because he has a gun in his pocket lol. Old and sneaky beats young and fit.
It depends who has the attitude, most young men I know have the attitude that they can look after themselves and it's because they can, they've done several tours in Afghan, are tough enough to be able to look after themselves in street altercations and can act in most emergencies. Probably not the average person but that's what we are all like in 'my world'. Martial artists I know, met and/or train with tend to be confident but not cocky particularly. Perhaps Brits though are more reticent though.
drop bear
Sr. Grandmaster
Thanks. I was trying to find that.
Are we talking about martial artists or ordinary people?
Yes.
Everybody also has that story they tell about that one time. In fact, they are usually about the toughest guy they know.
Are we talking about martial artists or ordinary people?
It's probably worse for martial artists, at least for a few years. Before one learns humility it's easy to become overconfident in one's training.
OK, so to unpack this, it's going to take a little bit of work. Hang on one...
First, you're making several points and asking several questions here.
Maybe they do and maybe they do not. I have no doubt you've encountered that attitude, but I am not as sure that the people who exude this sense of confidence are really all that convinced of their own abilities. In general, I have found that most people are a rather huge pile of insecurities about nearly everything. It's only a few sorts of people who are ACTUALLY as confident as they claim to be, and yes, that type of confidence can be wholly or partially without basis in reality.
Again, maybe he thinks that and maybe he just says it. However, having experienced a bit of being young and a bit of being older, I can say that it seems to me that it's very natural to think of oneself not as the guy one sees in the mirror, but as the guy one sees through the lens of time, which is to say 'back in the day' but also a tad bit buffed up beyond what reality might have actually been.
And why should they not? Would it be more seemly if they sat in their chairs and thought poorly of themselves?
Yes, I believe that's fairly common. I don't see it as being of any particular consequence, however. To put it bluntly, so what?
I have been to Las Vegas. I have gambled in Las Vegas. I did not leave a winner. But talk to anyone - they all left 'breaking even' at worst. No one likes to say they lost a bundle there. Yet, statistically, most have to have lost and lost big. Does it matter, though? Really?
Why do people think of themselves as good drivers, good cooks, good lovers, able to handle huge amounts of booze without effect, and so on and so forth? I guess because it's part of the human condition. We see ourselves as capable, caring, intelligent, strong, handsome, etc, against the backdrop of a world that mostly doesn't really care much whether we even exist. Why would we want to see ourselves as sniveling cowards, useless and selfish mewling little oxygen thieves, even if that's what we really are? We see movies and read books about heroes who rise to the challenge, handsome men who get the babes (or vice-versa or what-have-you), things which explode and fights where good guys win, and we're sitting in our armchairs and mostly doing nothing and as Pink Floyd put it, "one day you find, ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."
So maybe we exaggerate a bit here and there. Maybe in our memories we were a bit faster, stronger, more capable in all ways, and in our mind's eye, we're still that person. Older, slower, fatter, but still able to put that aside if the moment calls for it... Truthful? Probably not, but we make movies about it.
And finally...
I think the answer to that depends a lot on what you think you need to prove and to whom. I would guess there are quite a few things I imagine myself capable of doing which I cannot. But I also know that I've faced the abyss a time or two. I've come up lacking in some ways, and capable in others. You never know what's around the next corner. About all you can do is keep training and keep your head on a swivel. You will either have a great story, a new set of scars, or it won't matter anymore. And so it goes.
Flying Crane
Sr. Grandmaster
Notwithstanding the source, i believe this report is truth.
Flying Crane
Sr. Grandmaster
I've actually been able to defuse a number of threatening situations that I've found myself in, with no injury or bloodshed on either part. Yeah, I guess I can handle myself.
Flying Crane
Sr. Grandmaster
Useless and selfish mewling little oxygen thieves. I like that one. Thanks Bill!!
There are so many quotable lines in "Fight Club", but the one that comes to mind here is "how much can you know about yourself if you'very never been in a fight?".
I so love that movie...
Remembering that it's a movie, one might answer the question, 'what is it I need to know that I do not already know about myself'?
Fighting can definitely be a good way to gain an understanding of oneself in certain ways. It's not the only way, perhaps not even the best way, but it's a way.
Frankly, I keep learning things about myself, good and bad, on a nearly daily basis these days. Lots to learn, lots to work on.
I suppose I was vague about the overconfidence. First I hope I didn't come off as condescending against older people, I in no way meant it that way. I figure most people don't think they're not smart enough to fly a plane, but they also don't think they'd do it perfectly in one try. I would consider confidence to be saying "I'm not afraid to defend myself, even against someone bigger" and overconfidence to be saying "I'll DESTROY anyone who messes with me (which the old man I referenced loves to say). As far as what I said about brawling, that came from a personal experience where I was overconfident against an untrained person because of my martial arts experience.
As taught to me a long time ago by several women students -
"All men believe three things about themselves. They are good drivers, good lovers and they have a great sense of humor."
I had my doubts when I first heard that. But now, with years of observation and listening, I think that's spot on.
"All men believe three things about themselves. They are good drivers, good lovers and they have a great sense of humor."
I had my doubts when I first heard that. But now, with years of observation and listening, I think that's spot on.
Danny T
Senior Master
Hey I resemble this... A lot!
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