Live True
Brown Belt
I'm feeling very torn right now, and a bit upset and confused. I'm hoping the folks here can help me get some perspective.
I have an (I hope) odd situation in my dojo that involves some personal crap my sensei is going through involving a possible divorce and mental manipulation of the kids. It also involves, from my perspective, a co-dependent relationship developed with another one of the students that made myself and several other students uncomfortable. We've lost a teacher and some students over this.
My conflict lies here...I can only show up to limited practices right now because I'm a new mom. Sometimes, when I show up, I'm the only one there, and sometimes my sensei shows up 30 minutes or so late. I'm often the only student there. When my sensei shows, I get very good instruction and learn things about breaking down a technique or kata that are amazing. I also feel like I get a great workout, and leave with that happy/tired/sore/calm feeling.
But i'm finding it VERY hard to get excited about class these days. It's unusual for me to feel like I have to drag myself to class. It's not my karate, as I'm still loving that, and practicing it on my own several days a week. I also moderate a forum related to my art and maintain a webpage. It's just...it's hard to get enthused when you aren't sure if your teacher will be there, both physically and mentally. I also just don't want the extra drama in my life. (kinda selfish, hunh?)
I know my sensei's human, and I feel like I should be supportive and patient. One of our senior students is thinking of starting a private training group, and I would love to train with this student as we connect well and I feel pushed in all the right ways.
I'm trying to decide if I should just step back and practice on my own for a month or so...if I should look for a new teacher...or if I should let this keep going until something significant changes one way or another.
I feel disloyal and dissapointed at the thought of leaving. Does this make sense?
I have an (I hope) odd situation in my dojo that involves some personal crap my sensei is going through involving a possible divorce and mental manipulation of the kids. It also involves, from my perspective, a co-dependent relationship developed with another one of the students that made myself and several other students uncomfortable. We've lost a teacher and some students over this.
My conflict lies here...I can only show up to limited practices right now because I'm a new mom. Sometimes, when I show up, I'm the only one there, and sometimes my sensei shows up 30 minutes or so late. I'm often the only student there. When my sensei shows, I get very good instruction and learn things about breaking down a technique or kata that are amazing. I also feel like I get a great workout, and leave with that happy/tired/sore/calm feeling.
But i'm finding it VERY hard to get excited about class these days. It's unusual for me to feel like I have to drag myself to class. It's not my karate, as I'm still loving that, and practicing it on my own several days a week. I also moderate a forum related to my art and maintain a webpage. It's just...it's hard to get enthused when you aren't sure if your teacher will be there, both physically and mentally. I also just don't want the extra drama in my life. (kinda selfish, hunh?)
I know my sensei's human, and I feel like I should be supportive and patient. One of our senior students is thinking of starting a private training group, and I would love to train with this student as we connect well and I feel pushed in all the right ways.
I'm trying to decide if I should just step back and practice on my own for a month or so...if I should look for a new teacher...or if I should let this keep going until something significant changes one way or another.
I feel disloyal and dissapointed at the thought of leaving. Does this make sense?