Respect- Given Or Earned?

[D.Cobb]

Thanks people for making this a very interesting thread.

I suppose I should shed some light on the why I asked the original question....

Up until a few years ago, I was a very arrogant person. I was also very aggressive and ready to fight, most times with out a reason.

I used to argue that you had to earn my respect. I would however expect yours........
Do you see where I'm going with this, or indeed where I'm coming from?
I would treat you like dirt until you earnt my respect, and then fight you or turn you away if you did the same to me....

Kind of screwy, huh?

--Dave

:asian:

 

[D.Cobb]

Originally posted by cali_tkdbruin
I don't know sportsfans, at least I will agree that we're not on the same page on this topic.

Respect is earned, not automatically given IMHO... :asian:

So if I need to earn yours, what did you do to get mine?

--Dave

:asian:

 

[theletch1]

Kind of screwy, huh

Kinda human, actually. I think if we are honest with ourselves at the least, most of us would have to admit to having the "I know I'm worthy of your respect, but you gotta prove your worthy of mine." mindset at some point in our lives. I know I have and am certain that no matter how much I work on it there will be other occasions where I will find myself thinking the same way. It's not a constant mindset but one that I find just pops up once in a while.

 

[IsshinryuKarateGirl]

Originally posted by D.Cobb
Do you feel you have to earn it, or do you feel that you deserve respect?

Are there times, where you feel you don't deserve respect?
If so, why?

What about people outside the MA? Do you give them your respect or must they earn it?

If they have to earn your respect, do you expect theirs, or must you earn it?

Do you see where I'm going with this line of questioning?

--Dave

:asian:

Well, I feel that respect is something you have to earn. People outside the MAs defiantely have to earn my respect. My basic viewpoint is this: "If you respect me, I respect you." There are certain instances where this viewpoint doesn't apply, but there aren't too many.

 

[TallAdam85]

i feel if they give me respect i give them respect
but i think you can also earn more respect from people and get more respect toward them.

 

[Nightingale]

the problem is...

if everyone walked around with the attitude of

"I offer respect to those who offer it to me..."

what would happen is that nobody would do the initial offer, and therefore, nobody would get any respect at all!

 

[cali_tkdbruin]

Originally posted by D.Cobb
So do you give them respect or do they have to earn it?
I'm not really talking about their rank just the person as a person.

--Dave
:asian:

Yes, I do respect the person as a person primarily, and also their accomplishments.

So if I need to earn yours, what did you do to get mine?

Treat you and others the way I would expect to be treated. It sounds trivial right? But it is true IMHO. Just because I may have a high ranking, it doesn't necessarily give me the right to be an asswipe, and to be condescending or denegrating to others does it?

BTW, this is a good topic for discussion... :asian:

 

[D.Cobb]

Originally posted by nightingale8472
the problem is...

if everyone walked around with the attitude of

"I offer respect to those who offer it to me..."

what would happen is that nobody would do the initial offer, and therefore, nobody would get any respect at all!

Yeah, that's the point I was trying to make, but I must have had a big brain cramp, because the words just came out wrong....

--Dave
:asian:

 

[D.Cobb]

Originally posted by cali_tkdbruin
Yes, I do respect the person as a person primarily, and also their accomplishments.



Treat you and others the way I would expect to be treated. It sounds trivial right? But it is true IMHO. Just because I may have a high ranking, it doesn't necessarily give me the right to be an asswipe, and to be condescending or denegrating to others does it?

And therein lies the original question, or maybe it is the answer, I'm none too sure at this stage, you treat me and others as you would like to be treated...... with RESPECT .

So now we see that respect is given. Of course, if I treat you disrespectfully, then I am going to lose yours. But initially I am thinking we all in effect give it, with the option to remove it at our own discretion. Where some might say respect has to be earned, I think maybe we should be saying, the right to keep my respect has to be earned.

BTW, this is a good topic for discussion... :asian:

Thanks, it is certainly providing food for thought.

--Dave

:asian:

 

[James Kovacich]

Originally posted by nightingale8472
the problem is...

if everyone walked around with the attitude of

"I offer respect to those who offer it to me..."

what would happen is that nobody would do the initial offer, and therefore, nobody would get any respect at all!

There it is there!

We were brought up in the arts "GIVING" respect without any thoughts about it. A few people I train with still are that way as I try hard to be too. But some people today just don't have a clue!

:asian:

 

[Rick Tsubota]

Originally posted by D.Cobb
Ok here's the question.

Do you believe that respect, should be given, or earned?

Some people say that respect should be earned, but then tell me I should respect them automatically.

What makes them so special?

Others say that respect is a given. That it is up to you to keep it, by your actions, words and deeds.

I am wondering what you guys and gals have to say on this subject.

--Dave

:asian:

Respect is given only after it is earned..........not before.
(My opinion)

 

[D.Cobb]

Originally posted by Rick Tsubota
Respect is given only after it is earned..........not before.
(My opinion)

Ok, I can see where you are coming from, but my question now is this, would you expect me to show you respect from the moment we meet, or would you understand if I turned away. Would you say, "that's ok. I have to earn his respect." or would you be really pissed off and say, "Well if you won't show me respect, then I won't show you any!"?

--Dave

:asian:

 

[arnisador]

Thread moved.

-Arnisador
-MT Admin-

 

[Mudo Warrior]

Obviously as an act of courtesy we show other martial artist of all ranks respect. Or I should say we treat them in a respectful way. However, until we see some type of action from them that is as deep as it goes. I would also say that a person could earn my respect for different reasons. He/she may have great technique or be an outstanding fighter. Then he/she may not have very good technique or may not be a good fighter but still this person might be a very kind and helpful person. This too is worthy of my respect as a martial artist, is it not? I beleive that at first we treat all people respectfully as a common courtesy, but true respect must be earned.

 

[inbuninbu]

Let's make a distinction between respect and admiration. I respect all people just for being human, but on top of that there are people who I admire because of what they have done or who they are. And this doesnt necessarily have anything to do with rank or station (whether in society or the martial arts class). For example, there is a red belt at my school who could do with learning a bit more control, she is very aggressive and quite imploite at times. Then there is a guy my own rank who I watched fall over several times during his most recent grading. I admire/respect him so much more.

I admire people for exhibiting qualities such as indomitably spirit, perseverance and self-sacrifice. I admire a person who is living their life in a fashion that incorporates integrity, effort and honesty in its very centre. I absolutely cannot respect people who are blatantly hypocritical, extremely lazy and never work towards anything or people who have committed a gross error in terms of loyalty (I have an anachronistic "samurai" view of the absolute loyalty to friends and "masters").

I think different things make different people respect others for different reasons.

 

[Hapkidomom]

This question is a good one. My two kids train in Hapkido and have worked their tails off to achieve their blue belt rank. I have a serious problem with two particular students at the school - another blue belt - who rides on the coat tails of my kids. He deliberately pairs up with my kids during testing and forces them to do their technique demonstrations first so he can mimick their moves. My kids make him look good and, so far, their instructor has not caught on. During their recent belt testing, the instructor presented him with his belt first so, according to his whippersnapper, he is higher ranked, races to the front of the blue belts and is now telling the other students he deserves their respect since he is the "senior" blue belt???????? Their instructor who boasts of how observative he is, has yet to observe this display. Should this kid be given respect because he earned his belt on the hard work of others? Should this kid be given respect because he was handed his belt first, despite the fact that he was tested and passed at the same time as three others?

We also have a junior black belt (first Dan) at the school who has been attending the school for almost 10 years. This little gent has the same attitude - that he deserves respect because he is a black belt. He attends class regularly and is sloppy. This kid's mom drops him off after school and uses the dojang as a babysitter. While I can understand that there is nothing at home for this kid, I don't agree with this black belt superiority complex and feel that the instructor should play a major role in structuring this kid's attitude since he is at the school so much. I have no respect whatsoever for anyone with attitude or who plays head games just because they have a black belt.

Traditional martial arts were based on humility, hard work, compassion for others, dedication, etc. What has happened to the foundation that martial arts was based on?

I say, show me what martial arts is truly about and you will have my respect.

 

[jdubakki]

my opinion is that respect is earned. in first meeting someone i try to give acceptance not respect. or mabey it is a different type of respect i respect them for being there. later on this respect/acceptance turns to a respect for them as a person

just my rambling

 

[TigerWoman]

Respect is consideration or regard toward a fellow human being. Everyone should be given respect. Basic respect is shown with patience and tolerance. More respect is shown with recognition, appreciation and maybe friendship. The highest level of respect is too honor, esteem, pay deference to, often with affection. What level of respect would a MA instructor have? A teacher who adheres to a set of moral, mental, and physical standards deserves a higher level of respect. A teacher earns this high respect because of his/her attaining these goals.

However, this respect is not permanent and can be lost quickly. Because to be a good instructor, he/she must maintain if not improve. But we know all know even teachers make mistakes. Respect can be regained just as quickly with humility and changed ways. Most everyone wants to be forgiven. Does everyone feel they are sorry, truly sorry and mean it? Only God knows what is in their heart if they cannot have humility and say I'm sorry. It is not very difficult to forgive someone when they are truly sorrowful at hurting you. In fact, it is easy to forgive then. But why should an instructor or any of us apologize for our mistakes? Because, the more someone is hurt in this world, the more they are distrustful. Distrust leads to wanting their own way or thinking only of themselves. They disregard thinking of others, how they may be hurt from their actions and more of this way of thinking is then propagated in a never ending circle.

A good instructor should be open to different and especially overwhelming opposition to his viewpoint. Each instructor should ask themselves, could I be wrong, should I make amends? A teacher is watched by both students and parents alike and they are learning whatever is taught, intentional or not.

Having humility could be the difference between high respect (earned) and the base level of respect granted any human being. Would you give respect to a bum on the street? You cannot judge his circumstances why he/she got there. But for the grace of God go I. It could be you. If that person was shown respect that he is worth something, he might gain courage to become better.

Respect and humility are closely related. After all, is it not easy to admire and respect someone more when there is humility in the presence of strength?

This was part of what was written for my 2nd dan test for a required paper by my instructor who is a 5th Dan, specifically with him in mind. He asked for a paper "What are the requirements for becoming a good instructor? He had no comment on my paper at the end. He has yet to apologize to me for a series of mistakes, though I have forgiven him and have to continue to forgive him. I respect him as well as anyone and while in class I bow to him as martial arts courtesy, but not as a teacher who I can honor or trust. He professes humility but shows none. This is not just my viewpoint in my school - many have left.

 

[arnisandyz]

Some very good posts! Let me just add the element of self-respect. Self-respect is definatley earned, you can't just say 'I repect myself!" if there are things you have done that you know are wrong, you will have to live with it. Once a person achieves a level of self-respect they are likely to be more understanding of others.

"In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned"

"The capacity for getting along with our neighbor depends to a large extent on the capacity for getting along with ourselves. The self-respecting individual will try to be as tolerant of his neighbor's shortcomings as he is of his own."

"To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the great, singular power of self-respect."

 

[Kevin Walker]

Hi Guys,

My opinion is that Respect is earned, common courtesy is given.