Snooping

[kid]

So my girlfriend was snooping around in MYSPACE, not herspace, and she thought that she had found some incrimanating stuff. She confronted me about these matters and I told her how old they were and that they happened before I had even met her, and that I had taken care of them. ( it was another girl who had writen me a message) So I guess what I am saying is I feel like she doesn't trust me, or something I really don't understand what or how I feel about it and I asked her why she was snooping in the first place and I got a really poor excuse. Can I get any insight from anybody who knows a thing or two? I would appreciate any advice on the matter also. Thanks

Mark

 

[KenpoTess]

Hey Kid

It's her insecurity, not you.. Some women, even though they Know they're the only one, just can't get past feeling inadequate and need to feel totally secure. Does this mean they're not the one for you? Not necessarily, it just possibly means they have had an area in their past that has made them feel the way they do, bad relationships ..etc.
We're all human and most females are curious creatures.. Not sure what makes us tick and I've been one all my life If you care for her.. let her know you're there for her and understand the curiousity.. unless you're doing something 'on the sly' from her.. you have nothing to hide.

Or... she's just a nosey sort who likes to snoop and entrap.. it's your call as you know her and we don't..
Just some thoughts for you

~Tess

 

[terryl965]

Kid it does not matter girl or booy man or woman we all have a tendecy not to trust 100% in this day and age.
One can not and should not blame her and just go on together once you been together for so long that mold is growing than this will and should stop.
Terry

 

[Touch Of Death]

This is why I never keep a private journal. Things are only private till your girlfriend finds them.
Sean

 

[Jade Tigress]

Well...she was wrong to be snooping and it's normal to feel kind of violated. She needs to be reassured of her trust in you, and at the same time you have to be able to trust her. All in all, what she did was wrong, but not uncommon. Would you be tempted to snoop HER myspace messages? Are you willing to forgive her? You two need to talk about it.

 

[kid]

I just got e-mail from her cousin about this. She is saying that I am a cheater. I am going to talk to her and get to the bottom of this its insaneI don't know if ourrelationship will survive the weekend. I'll tell you all what happens thanks for the advise and insight.


Mark

 

[Jade Tigress]

Good Luck Mark. Let us know how it goes. :asian:

 

[Touch Of Death]

Let this be a lesson to you. Don't keep momentos of past relationships. (that are obvious)
Sean

 

[evenflow1121]

How old are you and how old is she?

Myspace is funny in many ways, there is so much drama there. I guess it all depends on you, if you feel this girl is a good thing for you then it should not hurt you to delete the comment, if you feel this girl is not the one for you or this kind of attitude bothers you that much then end it.

It all depends man, if the person that left the comment on your site was some girl you dated but dont even talk to anymore I wouldnt worry about it, if it was your previous girl friend I can see why she may be upset.

 

[Andrew Green]

General rule to remember - anything posted anywhere on the internet is public, and not only is it public it is out of your control as soon as you post it. It will be indexed, cached, and stored in all sorts of funny places and you can not take it back.

And if she doesn't trust you and believe your story she's probably not the girl for you, cause it will likely come up again in some other form.

 

[Makalakumu]

Mark, I like Jess, but I think that you should remember that there are lots of girls out there. You are a good man and you have some good stuff going for you right now. If you are serious about trying to find the right one, just let it happen. Maybe she just made an immature mistake...but that goes with the territory. She is only 19.

The bottom line is that this relationship won't work if there is no trust. Both of you will ALWAYS be unhappy and its probably best to end it if you both cannot find it within yourselves to trust each other. This is something you should comunicate to her. Use the words, "we need to trust each other or this won't work," not "you need to trust me or this won't work."

Showing that trust goes both ways, goes a long way...

 

[Bigshadow]

Also keep in mind, if the relationship is in the early stages, there is always a certain amount of uncertainty regarding trust. Trust is something that is earned over time, not something that is either there or not there from day one. Not to say that it cannot be, but generally there must be a long (relative) history of behavior that earns trust. So if you two are fairly early in your relationship, I can see how this could happen. Trust is a funny thing.

Also, as Sean pointed out, it isn't very reassuring to her when there mementos kept from previous relationships. All of this works both ways.

 

[someguy]

Remember this and remember it well. Women are eviii...gah don't no wait stop...Help please some one.
Ah I mean wommen are not at all evil.

 

[BrandiJo]

women can be very unforgiving even for this miss interpreted(ask my fiencie) but if shes not willing ot hear your side of it maybe its best how things are headed

 

[Sarah]

If this info was on the net for anyone to see then its hardly private. So the question really should be why do you feel upset that your girlfriend was looking at your web site when it is ok for this ex (and anyone else on the net) could leave you a message there?

Sounds like maybe your girlfriend has reason for concern if you are being secretive with her and holding on to messages from ex's for the whole world to see.

 

[Jade Tigress]

If this info was on the net for anyone to see then its hardly private. So the question really should be why do you feel upset that your girlfriend was looking at your web site when it is ok for this ex (and anyone else on the net) could leave you a message there?

Sounds like maybe your girlfriend has reason for concern if you are being secretive with her and holding on to messages from ex's for the whole world to see.

The info was private. She had to have his password to access the messages, he is the only one who is able to see them, everyone else just sees a profile page. She has a myspace page too. I'm betting if he used her password to view her private messages she'd get pretty pissed even if there wasn't a questionable message.

It's a sticky but common situation, especially early in a relationship when both parties are trying to determine the trustworthiness of the other. On one hand she feels unable to trust him because she found a message he kept, on the other, he feels unable to trust her because she stole his password and snooped on a private page. It may be best for them both move on with lessons learned.

Hey Kid...what's going on with you and g/f now?

 

[Sarah]

The info was private. She had to have his password to access the messages, he is the only one who is able to see them, everyone else just sees a profile page. She has a myspace page too. I'm betting if he used her password to view her private messages she'd get pretty pissed even if there wasn't a questionable message.

It's a sticky but common situation, especially early in a relationship when both parties are trying to determine the trustworthiness of the other. On one hand she feels unable to trust him because she found a message he kept, on the other, he feels unable to trust her because she stole his password and snooped on a private page. It may be best for them both move on with lessons learned.

Hey Kid...what's going on with you and g/f now?

Well that makes sense then....how on earth did she come across your password?

 

[Jade Tigress]

Well that makes sense then....how on earth did she come across your password?

Good point..

 

[Kreth]

He probably stores his porn in a folder labeled Windows Media Player Codecs too... :uhyeah:

 

[kid]

Sorry It's been awhile. I have been trying to find out whats going on myself. Right after this happened it was our spring break at college and she went to her parents house. She has kind of been hiding out there for awhile I called her once and got her answering machine then she called me at like 2 in the morning proffesing her love to me. I am pretty sure she was drunk. So who knows how reliable that is. She was supposed to call me the next day and never did, and I haven't talked to her since. I am not to sure about this one anymore. I am feeling mixed emotions right now, and am trying to stay really busy to not let it bring me down. I have all of my passwords writen down on a note pad for numerous email accounts and games and stuff, she could have gotten it from there. Also about 4 months ago I had her sign me in cause she wouldn't move from the computer so I could see if I had any messages and I didn't want to make a big deal about it. But that was 4 months ago, you are supposed to forget those things. Plus I had nothing to hide. I still don't it was no biggie to me that this happened, I took care of it, and I have no intimate feelings for this person. Also I never delete any of my messages unless it says I don't have the room to store them, who knows maybe someday I will read them and be like "Wow what was I thinking" or "I rtemember that." No I don't keep porn on my favorites list, Its in a box near the TV. Thats how I roll. LOL. I hope I get the chance to talk to her soon cause this distance is really awkward. I am at my parents right now which is about a half hour from her parents, which is a lot closer than 3 hrs that I would have had to drive if I wanted to see her. No I didn't come down here just to talk to her that would be creepy. My parents asked me to paint their bathroom and one of their bedrooms. so what do you all think?





Mark