Girlfriend troubles...

[Xue Sheng]

This sounds WAAAAAAAAAAAAY to familiar and I would answer but I am to busy dealing with the flashbacks your post has caused me from a relationship I had long ago to a woman I use to be engaged to…

 

[Rich Parsons]

I know I should just dump her and be done with it, but My new girlfriend doesn't have any control of her three year old daughter. I yelled for her not to run into the street last night and was in big trouble for yelling. Although we fought about it last night, we again experienced her running off this morning. This time I made no effort to correct the situation and I even pretended none of it was happening. My girlfriend said she could still tell I was upset, and had no right to be so. I said, all I can do is "show" no concern, but she me demands "having" no concern. She broke up with me in between a string of profanities. Should I stay or should I go?
Sean

Sean,

Only you can answer that.

But given my experience, the situation will only get worse as time goes by. I broke up with one woman because she and her child would not put on a seat belt in my car while I was driving. I told her that while in her car she is responsible, but while I can get a ticket for her and her child in my car they will wear the belt. Besides it being the smart thing. She was mad, on our way to dinner as she had put the belt on her child and her. I asked what was wrong. She just said, I do not like being told what to do. I replied, that is ok neither do I and that is what you told me, by refusing to comply with the law while I was being held responsible. So, I took her back to her place and that was the end of it.

I wish you luck.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Am I missing something, or has that decision already been made for you?

Oh by the way we break up ALL THE TIME, and at present we are, again, seeing eachother. She is now extra sensitive to her daughter ignoring her, but has taken to abusive behavior in curbing it. My whole point is that if you call the kid on it every time, you won't have emotional outburst resulting in spanks and hair pulls (some mormon lady told her to do that). I am suggesting consistancy --quietly-- thats all I can get away with right now.
Sean

 

[harlan]

I brought up two perfectly fine children, through the 'terrific two's and three's' and never once had to spank them...much less pull their hair. Not part of my personal philosophy to put hands on any sentient being in an abusive way. Others differ in philosophy.

It's not your job to rear an adult as well as her child. She obviously needs parenting skills and support for whatever issues she has. Barring that, a call to D.S.S.

 

[Touch Of Death]

I brought up two perfectly fine children, through the 'terrific two's and three's' and never once had to spank them...much less pull their hair. Not part of my personal philosophy to put hands on any sentient being in an abusive way. Others differ in philosophy.

It's not your job to rear an adult as well as her child. She obviously needs parenting skills and support for whatever issues she has. Barring that, a call to D.S.S.

I'm hopping it can be dealt with before that happens. And yes I am trying to save her.
sean

 

[Drac]

I'm hopping it can be dealt with before that happens. And yes I am trying to save her.
sean

Don't try to be the White Knight riding in on your white stallon to save yon fair maiden..

 

[Andy Moynihan]

I'm hopping it can be dealt with before that happens. And yes I am trying to save her.
sean

Okay, I'm sorry but at this point you are BUYING what happens to you, you know that, don't you?

 

[Empty Hands]

Oh by the way we break up ALL THE TIME, and at present we are, again, seeing eachother.

And yes I am trying to save her.

<stereotypical gay man voice> DRAMA! </stereotypical gay man voice>

Clearly, you have some sort of pathology that draws you to this sort of behavior and this sort of relationship. I'm guessing this type of thing isn't new for you. I'm not trying to be mean, just blunt in an attempt to get through to you. Because in all likelihood there is no way you will listen, even though we are all telling you how toxic this situation is. As if this drama and fighting and constant chaos was any sort of benefit to this poor child! Run, run now, run hard, and never look back.

And before you get involved in another relationship, take a long, hard look at yourself. Why are you drawn to this sort of chaos? Why can't you escape it? Get some therapy, and a lot of reflection time. Or you will only do it again. And again. And again.

Until you get involved with a single mom toxic enough to claim you touch her kid funny when she gets mad enough at you. Then. You. Are. Done.

 

[jfarnsworth]

Run for the hills. If she is string profanities at you this soon in the relationship, things aren't going to get any better. Maybe this is mean for me to say but maybe there is a reason that little girl's dad isn't around, maybe he got tired of being treated like that as well.

I agree.

 

[Andy Moynihan]

<stereotypical gay man voice> DRAMA! </stereotypical gay man voice>

Clearly, you have some sort of pathology that draws you to this sort of behavior and this sort of relationship. I'm guessing this type of thing isn't new for you. I'm not trying to be mean, just blunt in an attempt to get through to you. Because in all likelihood there is no way you will listen, even though we are all telling you how toxic this situation is. As if this drama and fighting and constant chaos was any sort of benefit to this poor child! Run, run now, run hard, and never look back.

And before you get involved in another relationship, take a long, hard look at yourself. Why are you drawn to this sort of chaos? Why can't you escape it? Get some therapy, and a lot of reflection time. Or you will only do it again. And again. And again.

Until you get involved with a single mom toxic enough to claim you touch her kid funny when she gets mad enough at you. Then. You. Are. Done.

Quoted For Truth.

 

[Mr G]

And yes I am trying to save her.
sean

These relationships suck. Time, effort, commitment, and any other heartfelt word will not make them better.

I've wanted to save people too. I finally realized I cannot save anyone from herself.
(I can barely save me from myself)

Try to save yourself...

 

[Drac]

And before you get involved in another relationship, take a long, hard look at yourself. Why are you drawn to this sort of chaos? Why can't you escape it? Get some therapy, and a lot of reflection time. Or you will only do it again. And again. And again.

Until you get involved with a single mom toxic enough to claim you touch her kid funny when she gets mad enough at you. Then. You. Are. Done.

An EXCELLENT point..God forbid that during one of her " bad moments" she contacts the local PD and tells them you put your hands on HER CHILD...That kind of grief you don't need...

 

[jks9199]

Oh by the way we break up ALL THE TIME, and at present we are, again, seeing eachother. She is now extra sensitive to her daughter ignoring her, but has taken to abusive behavior in curbing it. My whole point is that if you call the kid on it every time, you won't have emotional outburst resulting in spanks and hair pulls (some mormon lady told her to do that). I am suggesting consistancy --quietly-- thats all I can get away with right now.
Sean

Doesn't sound like a healthy mother-daughter relationship, and it definitely doesn't sound like a healthy boyfriend/potential stepfather relationship, either.

I'd stay broken up... But it's your call to make.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Okay, I'm sorry but at this point you are BUYING what happens to you, you know that, don't you?

It is along story about how we met and what events took place to put us together, but yes... I know.
Sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

An EXCELLENT point..God forbid that during one of her " bad moments" she contacts the local PD and tells them you put your hands on HER CHILD...That kind of grief you don't need...

Although this is an excellent point and all, this person is not at all like that. I am seriouslously considering the path I have taken, though.
Sean

 

[terryl965]

TD if you are happy that is the only thing matters.

 

[Drac]

Although this is an excellent point and all, this person is not at all like that. I am seriouslously considering the path I have taken, though.
Sean

Move as the spirit wills you...

 

[jks9199]

Although this is an excellent point and all, this person is not at all like that. I am seriouslously considering the path I have taken, though.
Sean

They never are and never would...

Until they do.

You're dealing with a lot heavy situations here, and you indicate that there are problems at the best of times. You might consider some family/couples counseling -- but my honest advice (take it and $4 and you can get a cup of coffee at Starbucks or whatever overpriced coffee chain you like) is to stay broken up this time. But only you have the full story and know what's going on...

 

[TheOriginalName]

Firstly - relationships are far to complex to be explained in a forum and far too complex for others to give advice. Sort of sucks but that's the reality.

What i'll say is this: Life is too short to be in a relationship that doesn't make you happy.

And really, isn't being happy what life is about??

You have options - some are easy, some are harder. But deep down you'll know what the right decision is.

 

[shesulsa]

Although this is an excellent point and all, this person is not at all like that. I am seriouslously considering the path I have taken, though.
Sean

My husband is step-father to my two oldest children and boy could he tell you tales. Read my post earlier, dude.