Today I received some of the first negative feedback I've ever gotten on my pro bono self-defense seminars for Girl Scouts.
I break the sessions up into age groups so I can address questions and talk about things appropriate for just this age. The coordinator for the event is mom to a female martial arts student (not mine) and prefaces these events by telling the troop leaders about the content and format of my seminars in advance. We count on the leaders to communicate with the parents about concerns and limitations and to pass these things on. Parental attendance is encouraged.
Of course, no one can please everyone and I don't seek to do this - I do, however seek to continuously stay abreast of family concerns and safety concerns. I've never been made aware as to any injury whatsoever in my seminars so some of the feedback was surprising to read. Nevertheless, here it is for others to read. I would like some feedback, please.
I'm posting the entire exchange with names, email addresses and dates filtered for safety solely for the purpose of transparency:
First feedback email to coordinator:
Coordinator's reponse:
Next email:
And another:
[QUOTE]
Re: ******** Self Defense Day
*******, our girls participated in this a couple of years ago, as 1st year
Juniors. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about when it come to age
appropriateness. When rape was mentioned it kind of threw me off. I don't
know about every other family, but I did not have to explain sex to my
oldest (now 11 years old) until she was in 4th grade and they were about to
watch "the video" in school. So when we were at the class and rape was
mentioned, I wondered to myself how many younger girls were going to ask
their leaders/moms what rape was. As a parent, I would not want to be forced
to explain sex to my daughter before she needs to know about it (or before
myself, as her mother, decide it is the right time to talk to her about it).
I had been planning on bringing my now 8 year old to the self defense class,
but am waiting until I have had the birds and bees talk with her.
I think a full explanation of the class is a great idea!
~********~
mommy to ********, ********, ********, ********, ********[/QUOTE]
Coordinator's email to me:
So in a phone conversation we agreed to delay the class until concerns were met and addressed. Here is the general letter I asked her to send out to the entire group. It doesn't answer every question, but I stand up for my position here.
And here is what the two troop co-leaders feel about the situation.
I want to be clear - I was never made aware of any injuries whatsoever other than some over-exhuberance on the part of some girls which was thwarted immediately, of course. There are the occasional tears which usually draws a little extra attention, comfort and a little coaching to the attending adults.
Tear it up, folks.
I break the sessions up into age groups so I can address questions and talk about things appropriate for just this age. The coordinator for the event is mom to a female martial arts student (not mine) and prefaces these events by telling the troop leaders about the content and format of my seminars in advance. We count on the leaders to communicate with the parents about concerns and limitations and to pass these things on. Parental attendance is encouraged.
Of course, no one can please everyone and I don't seek to do this - I do, however seek to continuously stay abreast of family concerns and safety concerns. I've never been made aware as to any injury whatsoever in my seminars so some of the feedback was surprising to read. Nevertheless, here it is for others to read. I would like some feedback, please.
I'm posting the entire exchange with names, email addresses and dates filtered for safety solely for the purpose of transparency:
First feedback email to coordinator:
From: *****************
To: ********************
Sent: Sunday, October 2, 2011 ******
Subject: Re: ********** Self Defense Day
Hello,
I am not sure if this class is the same one my daughter took last year but
if it was,it was VERY inappropriate for my daughter's troop. We felt the
class was designed for older girls as there was talk of mugging, raping and
harming (a bit too much detail). Also, some of the drills were too rough
for the girls leaving them crying afterwards. I am not sure if you are the
person to be contacting about this. If not, could you please forward this
to whomever should receive it?
Thank you,
**** ********
Coordinator's reponse:
From: ********
To: ********
Sent: Sunday, October 2, 2011 ******
Subject: Re: ******** Self Defense Day
*********,
I'm very sorry that this was your experience. We have always had very
positive feedback about Georgia's program. In order to really teach safety
she talks very honestly about very real situations in our every day lives.
This isn't always easy to accept when we are dealing with children. Our
experience is that she keeps it age appropriate. Not every child has the
exact same exposure. Where some feel it's stuff their child has never seen
or heard other children have been dealing with it it for years. With that
in mind stuff could be brought up in a group that wouldn't normally come up
in a family setting. The best part about this kind of exposure is it opens
the door for further discussions with your child about keeping them safe
before it's too late. Unfortunately, often times this stuff is discussed
too late. Georgia's goal is to reach every girl before the wrong person
does and give them the tools they need to avoid a dangerous situation. Yes,
this is a very scary topic and one none of us want to have to address but
unfortunately in this world we do. The goal of this program is not to scare
but to prepare.
If you have any further questions feel free to contact ***** or myself.
*******'s email is **************
or ******* at************
******
Next email:
From: **********
To: ***************
Sent: Sunday, October 2, 2011 *********
Subject: Re: ************* Self Defense Day
********,
Just wanting to clarify that I am speaking for my family, not the entire
troop.
I appreciate your response and I too feel it is important to teach girls
about safety and that it is never too early to start. However, I think
there are ways to do this with six and seven year old girls without such a
negative impact (or injuries).
Perhaps a full disclosure of what will be covered in class (and how it is
covered) would help prepare the girls and parents better for the class and
allow parents to make a more informed decision on whether or not to send
their girl.
The purpose of my letter was to hopefully help make this class a more
positive and age appropriate experience for these young, impressionable
girls.
Thank you for your time,
******** *******
And another:
[QUOTE]
Re: ******** Self Defense Day
*******, our girls participated in this a couple of years ago, as 1st year
Juniors. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about when it come to age
appropriateness. When rape was mentioned it kind of threw me off. I don't
know about every other family, but I did not have to explain sex to my
oldest (now 11 years old) until she was in 4th grade and they were about to
watch "the video" in school. So when we were at the class and rape was
mentioned, I wondered to myself how many younger girls were going to ask
their leaders/moms what rape was. As a parent, I would not want to be forced
to explain sex to my daughter before she needs to know about it (or before
myself, as her mother, decide it is the right time to talk to her about it).
I had been planning on bringing my now 8 year old to the self defense class,
but am waiting until I have had the birds and bees talk with her.
I think a full explanation of the class is a great idea!
~********~
mommy to ********, ********, ********, ********, ********[/QUOTE]
Coordinator's email to me:
From: *************
To: Georgia Ketchmark
Cc:
Sent: Monday, October 3, 2011 5:36 AM
Subject: Self defense day
Georgia,
I was going to contact you regarding this weekend. So far I only have 3
girls signed up. I don't know if it is too early in the year or if it is
that our Service Unit has something going ever weekend and the girls just
had to pick what to do. AND then this popped up on our yahoo group. Corrie
Hawke's response is the one we sent out together regarding your class. So I
don't know quite what to do.
Do you wish to respond and I will post your comments to the yahoo group?
Should we cancel since we have so low enrollment, but that just seems like
we are responding to negative impressions and that the adults who posted are
putting pressure on us to cancel. I am willing to come, if you are, but
like I said only three girls parents responded so far.
Our service unit meeting is tonight, would you want to come talk at it, or
could you type something up for me so I can try to diffuse this all.
I have been impressed with this class and so have many other parents and I
know you do good work, I also know it is not for all girls, or maybe I
should say not all parents are ready to admit that these things exist out in
the world and are lurking waiting for unsuspecting girls.
Let me know what you want to do.
Thanks
******
So in a phone conversation we agreed to delay the class until concerns were met and addressed. Here is the general letter I asked her to send out to the entire group. It doesn't answer every question, but I stand up for my position here.
From: G L Ketchmark <>Hi ********.
Date: October 3, 2011 9:58:09 AM PDT
To: *****************
Subject: Re: Self defense day
Reply-To: G L Ketchmark <>
Please allow me to thank you for your support and your pro-active attitude in this area. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom such as you!
Here is what I put together. Please feel free to give me YOUR feedback on it before sending out (if you think it needs some tailoring). Thanks again for all you do!
-Georgia
=====================
Good morning!
My name is Georgia Ketchmark and I am a self-defense
instructor, martial artist and mom to three children. I hold self-defense seminars and classes for
all ages and recently received some important feedback from some parents of
young girl scouts who attended my seminar.
It is my highest priority to maintain safety and
age-appropriateness for all girls who come to my seminars. That said, every girl is different and there
are many factors to consider such as home life, individual background, ongoing
learning environment and family values. While I have found that the things we discuss at seminar and techniques
we learn are generally age-appropriate, not everyone is always comfortable
either with the discussion, physical learning and sometimes both. The goal is not to scare the girls but to
prepare them. Sometimes, unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid a fear
response and I rely on each girl's support system to help her through
this.
Teaching our young girls about personal safety is a pivotal
element in growth and development and it is not always consistently pleasant. As a mother of three children (two grown) of
my own, I have to say that I haven't much enjoyed their inductions to the unpleasant
truths of living. Collectively, they have dealt with almost the full gamut of
tragedy … horrible, horrible things for anyone to face and yet my children –
and believe it or not, all children – are facing these things … if not now,
sooner than we want them to. Every
single time I hold a seminar I review the day with any and all assistants I
have with me and we are consistently astounded at two things: 1. What young
girls are doing without their parents' knowledge and 2. How YOUNG these girls
are learning about sex and other things without their parents' knowledge.
Some girls, thankfully, have very little exposure to
physical aggression and physical self-defense techniques can be a bit jarring
to them. No girl is required to
participate and can opt to step out at any time. I pray that the adults escorting these girls
and supporting them in daily life will see this as an opportunity to open
healthy discussion in regards to self-defense training, the emotional distress
experienced and encourage personal empowerment for these girls as they will
most assuredly benefit from the ability to guard their dignity in the future.
I believe if a child asks a question they require an answer –
an answer which must satisfy their curiosity at their age and which must contain
an element of truth. When we lie to children, we lose their trust and respect
and hence our place as reliable resources in their frames of reference. I have had more than one young girl (far
younger than I would normally expect) ask me what rape is at seminar. The
youngest to ask me was six years old.
It is impossible to address serious sensitivity in very large
groups. I am happy to give free seminars to individual troops, smaller groups
and to follow up with any troop who wants or needs it. I am also very happy to have a meeting with
troop leaders and parents regarding the content of the seminars at any time
whether the children have already taken the classes from me or are new to
self-defense. Further, I have asked that
the October 8 seminar be postponed until November, giving leaders and parents
an opportunity to prepare some questions and have some discussion with me in
regards to what the girls learn at my seminars. With the permission of the service team, I
will attend the November leader's meeting to answer questions and also hold a
preview meeting for concerned parents and leaders at a date yet to be
determined as of this writing.
If anyone reading this would prefer to speak with me privately I am happy to do so. My email is ************* and my phone number
is ***********.
Your feedback is ALWAYS welcome and appreciated.
Most sincerely,
Georgia Ketchmark
And here is what the two troop co-leaders feel about the situation.
From: **********************************
To: ***********************************
Sent: Monday, October 3, 2011 11:19 AM
Subject: Fwd: Self defense day
What do u think
From: *************I love her email. I guess we nailed it or she just used our email to drive the point home. Whenever you have your child exposed to other children you do NOT know what is going to be said or done. At any point in time they could have a girl blurt something out in their troop and they too would have to come up with an explanation. Many children are not sheltered or filtered in any way. I know as a kid rated R movies were acceptable and nothing was monitored. With M****** we have done just the opposite but that was our choice. I have allowed her to read books that have dealt with date rape and serious issues long before I allowed her to watch the movies. That is because then it's her mind creating the image rather than TV. But that is my choice. We have also talked about things as they have come up.
Date: October 3, 2011 ********
To: *******************
Subject: Re: Fwd: Self defense day
Reply-To: *************
Parents that thing their children aren't hearing these words at school or on the bus are sadly mistaken. They just don't always know what it means. I have to say that when the paper came home for sex ed I really wasn't ready. And then the whole HIV unit, UGH! But my daughter was more ready than I realized. I have struggled and monitored our troop for many years knowing we had a couple that were very advance in their knowledge and some not so much. But there comes a time when you need to step back and allow them to pose questions and then come to you. Where you can answer them as honestly as possible. It's like the whole party conversation that we just had. I so wasn't ready to think of M****** hearing about this stuff. But once my head is pulled out from the sand I face the fact the conversations aren't new. M***** had a couple of friends that got in trouble at Liberty for dealing drugs. I believe that was in 7th grade. Then I reflect back to a classmate of mine in 7th that had a baby. 4th grade may be too late for some of these kids. Some of these kids have had predators in their lives from very early on. I'm sure that could come up in a group setting at any given time. Rather it be a self defense workshop, school, camp or just on a play date.
I don't think kids should be exposed to sexual talk but they should know that sometimes adults do bad things to children. If the word rape is put out there then explain what it is without great detail. Rape is when one person forces someone to do something they don't want and they hurt that person. Hmmm....described without any sex talk. But by their child knowing that information they then know that they can stop it if ever approached by the wrong person. Knowing something is wrong before someone tells them it is okay is the answer to keeping these kids safe.
:::stepping off my soapbox:::: LOL!
***********
I want to be clear - I was never made aware of any injuries whatsoever other than some over-exhuberance on the part of some girls which was thwarted immediately, of course. There are the occasional tears which usually draws a little extra attention, comfort and a little coaching to the attending adults.
Tear it up, folks.
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