Feeling A Bit Responsible...

[Touch Of Death]

I have this friend whom has gone from being the manager of a grocery store to being an homeless drunk stalking his ex-girlfriend. He worked where I worked for a while, but had to be fired for drinking on the job. Anyways he has recently stated to me that he wanted to "End" his ex's new fianc'e, "without even thinking about it"; so, I opted to tell the new boyfriend that he should maybe be concerned. He was, and told our Apt. manager about it, and now he is no longer allowed on the property. Last night, however, my friend was beaten to a bloody pulp inside a local grocery store by two thugs. I'm thinking the new fianc'e knows all about it...
Sean

 

[terryl965]

I have this friend whom has gone from being the manager of a grocery store to being an homeless drunk stalking his ex-girlfriend. He worked where I worked for a while, but had to be fired for drinking on the job. Anyways he has recently stated to me that he wanted to "End" his ex's new fianc'e, "without even thinking about it"; so, I opted to tell the new boyfriend that he should maybe be concerned. He was, and told our Apt. manager about it, and now he is no longer allowed on the property. Last night, however, my friend was beaten to a bloody pulp inside a local grocery store by two thugs. I'm thinking the new fianc'e knows all about it...
Sean

Sean you are probaly right but here is the thing to remember, you did the right thing by letting him know what was said and you have no control over the fiance. I wish it was not like this in society but it is and we must keep in mind these aspects of life.

 

[JBrainard]

I have this friend whom has gone from being the manager of a grocery store to being an homeless drunk stalking his ex-girlfriend. He worked where I worked for a while, but had to be fired for drinking on the job. Anyways he has recently stated to me that he wanted to "End" his ex's new fianc'e, "without even thinking about it"; so, I opted to tell the new boyfriend that he should maybe be concerned. He was, and told our Apt. manager about it, and now he is no longer allowed on the property. Last night, however, my friend was beaten to a bloody pulp inside a local grocery store by two thugs. I'm thinking the new fianc'e knows all about it...
Sean

That really sucks. I'm sorry. As far as how you feel about it: Well, since your friend is a drunk and therefore could have done something really stupid, I don't think that you should feel bad about warning the new fianc'e. Being that you are not a mind-reader, you couldn't have known that he would have your friend beat up. And that's if the new fianc'e is behind the beating. He may have just gotten piss drunk and mouthed off to the wrong people.

 

[Touch Of Death]

That really sucks. I'm sorry. As far as how you feel about it: Well, since your friend is a drunk and therefore could have done something really stupid, I don't think that you should feel bad about warning the new fianc'e. Being that you are not a mind-reader, you couldn't have known that he would have your friend beat up. And that's if the new fianc'e is behind the beating.

He may not be. He has been telling people about the issue; so, my guess is that it was a random "good deed" sort of thing. The crazy thing is, is that they dragged him into a closed credit union within the grocery store to do it. They had to be on camera... Look for it on YouTube. LOL I know the guy didn't plan any of this because he wanted to do the beating himself.
Sean

 

[kidswarrior]

He may not be. He has been telling people about the issue; so, my guess is that it was a random "good deed" sort of thing. The crazy thing is, is that they dragged him into a closed credit union within the grocery store to do it. They had to be on camera... Look for it on YouTube. LOL I know the guy didn't plan any of this because he wanted to do the beating himself.
Sean

Well, ignoring the repugnance of the violence for a moment and just thinking rationally, I have to wonder if the new guy is so stupid he'd recruit two guys who, first, would do this in public, and second, on camera? Those two idiots are going to roll over on everybody they've ever known to get out of this when they're caught. Just doesn't sound like the same kind of guy who would go to the apartment manager first (the latter respects the rule of law, while hiring thugs obviously takes the law into ones own hands). Anyway, just my random thoughts.

 

[tntma12]

Whether the new guy is responsible or not, I feel you did the right thing in telling him about your concern.

It is sad that we live in such an aggressive and violent society though where people feel the best way to handle a situation is with beating someone up. *Sigh* when will we learn as a society that violence isnt always the best answer.

 

[still learning]

Hello, You are not responsible for your Ex-mgr friend. He choose the path of being stupid, by drinking and stalking or wanting to end his ex-girls life.

Everyone goes thru bad times, and ex's, .....we must learn to focus on our lives and move on!

We need to learn to except the terrible things that happens to us! Make the best of what you have now! and move on..........easier said, than to do!

Your friend is a grown man......he is responsible for his actions and thoughts ......NOT you!

Everyone has choices to choose.....positive paths are usually better!

........the only time it is the end of the world? ....is when it really is!


...Aloha "from this end of the world"

 

[Jade Tigress]

Sean, you are not responsible for the beating your friend took. You can only do what you feel is right at the moment. It was right to warn the guy. How would you have felt if you didn't warn him and he was injured or killed? You cannot be responsible for the guy's reaction to the threat. You did the right thing, the rest is out of your control.

 

[Darth F.Takeda]

Lighten up !
He was not enough of a friend anymore that you told her new boyfriend.

I think it's great. He was running his mouth like a stalker and the new B.F. might have decided to preempt any threat.

I hope he was beat so bad the mere thought of messing with this girl makes him shake.

 

[Kacey]

You did the best you could in the circumstances life presented you with. What other people chose to do with your act of kindness is not your fault, and that you are concerned that you may have caused this only points out that you are a good person, whose heart was in the right place.

 

[jks9199]

I assume you tried to talk him out of doing anything to the new boyfriend before you told the new guy. But... let's say you hadn't tried to warn him. And the new guy gets beaten or killed. How responsible would you have felt?

You can't control your old buddy's behavior or choices. The most you can do is warn people who will be effected. Even then, you can't control THEIR choices, either.

 

[Touch Of Death]

I assume you tried to talk him out of doing anythingquote]Try for the last two years... (LOL) And no I didn't say a word when he told me of his desires, my first thought was to warn the new couple. I later found out that the new boyfriend was not fully aware of the problem for the girlfriend always had something better to talk about. The guy keeps showing up at my work in the middle of the night where one night his friend pulled a knife on me and they were a lot more than drunk. I just looked at My friend and he called his buddy off. My point is, I don't need them thinking I was behind this; so, I just told him to get some help. He has been told not to show up anymore but that never stops him.
Sean

 

[shesulsa]

Ya know, Sean ... sometimes you will do the right thing and there will still be something bad that happens. So you're feeling responsible - for what? for doing the right thing which pointed someone else in a direction you wouldn't have taken? You can't control that. If you hadn't said anything, what would have happened and to whom? I don't see where (in hind-sight of course) you could have made this situation perfect without getting further involved and I really don't think you need be further involved than you are.

Remember this, but get over it. You did do the right thing.

 

[Touch Of Death]

I was lied to. I know who did it and just better shut up before this all gets used in court. I'm way too involved for my taste.
Sean

 

[MA-Caver]

Sean, remember that story a little while back about that mad/psycho ex bf who broke into his ex gf's home ready to kill both her and her new bf/fiancee?

You may have prevented that from repeating. If the new fiancee beat the crap out of your friend, chances are he was probably defending himself. Granted probably went TOO far in the defense but as I read it, your friend is an (active) alcoholic and homeless to boot. In my (personal) experience you get to that point and the (brand of) alcohol gets awfully cheaper and not quite as good as the name-brand stuff ... it kinda messes up your mind and the effects are quite similar to those messed up on meth or PCP; severe impairment of personal judgement.

I know it's a friend and thus I would (gently) suggest trying some 1 on 1 intervention and ultimatums that your friend seek treatment and find a way to get off being homeless and back on his feet. MAYBE he'll clear up enough to let the girl go and get on with his life. :idunno: just a thawt.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Sean, remember that story a little while back about that mad/psycho ex bf who broke into his ex gf's home ready to kill both her and her new bf/fiancee?

You may have prevented that from repeating. If the new fiancee beat the crap out of your friend, chances are he was probably defending himself. Granted probably went TOO far in the defense but as I read it, your friend is an (active) alcoholic and homeless to boot. In my (personal) experience you get to that point and the (brand of) alcohol gets awfully cheaper and not quite as good as the name-brand stuff ... it kinda messes up your mind and the effects are quite similar to those messed up on meth or PCP; severe impairment of personal judgement.

I know it's a friend and thus I would (gently) suggest trying some 1 on 1 intervention and ultimatums that your friend seek treatment and find a way to get off being homeless and back on his feet. MAYBE he'll clear up enough to let the girl go and get on with his life. :idunno: just a thawt.

His only reason for helping himself would be to get her back, and therefore he has no reason to help himself. Prison is really his only hope, and as luck would have it WA state wants you to pay for jail time already served; so, his joblessness and homelessness is a crime in and of itself, and therefore he is going to jail no matter what. Perhaps he can wake up, find God, or what have you.
Sean

 

[Drac]

IYou can't control your old buddy's behavior or choices. The most you can do is warn people who will be effected. Even then, you can't control THEIR choices, either.

Ya beat me to it JKS...All the posts echo the same sentiments..NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

 

[Gin-Gin]

You did the best you could in the circumstances life presented you with. What other people chose to do with your act of kindness is not your fault, and that you are concerned that you may have caused this only points out that you are a good person, whose heart was in the right place.

Ditto!

 

[MA-Caver]

his joblessness and homelessness is a crime in and of itself, and therefore he is going to jail no matter what. Perhaps he can wake up, find God, or what have you.
Sean

Being jobless and homeless IS a crime in and of itself... I should know, been there done that too many times. But it's a crime not to get your self out of the hole you're in. It's a crime to resort to crime and it's irresponsible to boot. Been there done that as well and while I'm not proud of it... I'm thankful to God that I never had to do any prison time for it.
Prison may be a wake up call for the toughest of the tough. But from my understanding if you break just a hair's width in there... sometimes a person isn't going to care about what God can do for them.

 

[Karatedrifter7]

I dont know the situation but the boyfriend may not be involved. It might look like he was. Perhaps this guy you know was borrowing money? A loan shark? He could be beaten up for a number of things, maybe a bad drug deal? If he used to be a manager, and now he's on the streets, he's got other problems. But I wouldnt assume that the boyfriend hired people to kick his ***, unless I knew. If the other guy is responsible he's commited a crime. The law will deal with it.
You played the cards you had at the time.