To follow my gut or not

girlbug2

Master of Arts
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
1,543
Reaction score
70
Location
Southern Cal.
In line with Flea's post above, I just thought of something else to add...

EMFs. If there is anything leaking high EMFs in or right near the house, that could definitely give you a weird feeling. Maybe there's an electrical problem. Or is there a pylon in the back yard?
 

Jenna

Senior Master
MT Mentor
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Messages
3,470
Reaction score
713
Location
Cluj
XS, is your gut concern simply the basic apprehension we all have over the mortgages since you alluded to the fact you are currently mortgageless? With property prices at rock bottom, it would seem comparatively risk-easy to purchase now, no?

I would not necessarily agree with "go with your gut" and but as a longtime martial artist, you will know gut is purposeful, yet AS AN INDICATOR. To me, gut reaction is a situational flag and but it cannot be taken solely as a decider - other factors must be evaluated in tandem. You have checklists of your needs and wants and good-to-haves so you should be able to factor it all out and figure where your gut notion is coming from. Yes your gut has fluttered but now use cold forensic logic to determine whether it is valid (or whether to quell it with pepto bismol :))

Do not trust your gut exclusively; trust yourself completely :)

All my wishes. You will make the right choice. Repetez! :)
Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna
 

Flea

Beating you all over those fries!
MT Mentor
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
2,005
Reaction score
97
A couple other thoughts ...

Take a look at the neighborhood association, if there is one. Some HOAs can be very restrictive.

In that vein - what do you know about your immediate neighbors? Check the sex offender registry. Again with the crime stats. Or you could just have someone who's unstable, or a domestic violence situation. Sure, as a MA'ist you can take care of your own, but should you necessarily have to?

*****

Feeling too comfortable in your own skin? Life too predictable? Call Flea, for all your paranoia needs. That's Flea. We handle delusions, bumps in the night, and hairy spiders. No conspiracy too cockamamie to dismiss, no misgiving too small to exploit. For all your paranioa needs, call Flea. No phone number, just tap into your modem and whistle the X-Files theme. Don't worry, they'll .. hem! .. we'll hear you.

*****

:lfao:
 
OP
Xue Sheng

Xue Sheng

All weight is underside
Joined
Jan 8, 2006
Messages
34,538
Reaction score
9,806
Location
North American Tectonic Plate
A couple other thoughts ...

Take a look at the neighborhood association, if there is one. Some HOAs can be very restrictive.

In that vein - what do you know about your immediate neighbors? Check the sex offender registry. Again with the crime stats. Or you could just have someone who's unstable, or a domestic violence situation. Sure, as a MA'ist you can take care of your own, but should you necessarily have to?


the neighborhood association is...well...virtually defunct.

Neighbors are pretty much Doctors. lawyers, teachers and engineers.

Crime is next to nill and sex offenders are far away and no reports of domestic violence. I have family that has lived in this area for abuot 20 years.

Feeling too comfortable in your own skin? Life too predictable? Call Flea, for all your paranoia needs. That's Flea. We handle delusions, bumps in the night, and hairy spiders. No conspiracy too cockamamie to dismiss, no misgiving too small to exploit. For all your paranioa needs, call Flea. No phone number, just tap into your modem and whistle the X-Files theme. Don't worry, they'll .. hem! .. we'll hear you.

:lol:

I shall keep this in mind and use it when needed :D
 
OP
Xue Sheng

Xue Sheng

All weight is underside
Joined
Jan 8, 2006
Messages
34,538
Reaction score
9,806
Location
North American Tectonic Plate
My wife thinks I'm nuts, my family thinks I'm nuts and I am not sure I am not nuts.

I am going back to look at the house on Saturday. I am beginning to think I may know the thing(s) is(are) that are bothering me and if it is what I think (on at least one of them) I might just be nuts....that or a whole lot more right brained than I care to admit.... and in the last 2 years I have had a whole lot of people, a few books and unofficial web tests tell me I am very right brained even though I have told myself I am left brained for many many years..... whatever that is suppose to mean.
 

Flying Crane

Sr. Grandmaster
Joined
Sep 21, 2005
Messages
15,293
Reaction score
5,019
Location
San Francisco
One thing we did was keep going back to the house and wander around inside and in the yard, getting a vision of the potential it had.

The house was empty since it was a forecloser. We got the combo of the lockbox so we could go in and out at our leisure, esp. once we were in negotiations about the price.

But we spent a lot of time there just letting the house soak into our pores to get a vision of the possibility, consider what it had to offer, and develop a feeling of how much we liked it or not.

with repeated exposure you might start to feel differently about it. Or you might reinforce your initial feelings and know for sure that you don't want it. But it's a good exercise.
 

terryl965

<center><font size="2"><B>Martial Talk Ultimate<BR
MTS Alumni
Joined
Apr 9, 2004
Messages
41,259
Reaction score
340
Location
Grand Prairie Texas
Xue in the end it is up to you and the family, feeling hold alot for me so I say stick to your feeling but if you are confused about your feelings than that can hold alot into it. The other thing is no matter how great a deal it is you have a mortgage when you had none before, that could beit as well. Go back take your time and if God and the universe wants you to have it it will be yours.
 

morph4me

Goin' with the flow
MT Mentor
MTS Alumni
Joined
Sep 5, 2006
Messages
6,779
Reaction score
124
Location
Ossining , NY
Xue, I get the feeling that you know exactly what you're going to do and are looking for someone to tell you something to validate or repudiate your decision. Whatever you decide will be right for you.
 
OP
Xue Sheng

Xue Sheng

All weight is underside
Joined
Jan 8, 2006
Messages
34,538
Reaction score
9,806
Location
North American Tectonic Plate
Xue, I get the feeling that you know exactly what you're going to do and are looking for someone to tell you something to validate or repudiate your decision. Whatever you decide will be right for you.

I am looking for an answer which is why I am going back to take a look. But I am also looking for someone to in my immiediate family to at least and be willing to talk about it beyond telling me I'm crazy or ignoring it all together. If it were me and only me I know exactly what to do and that is walk away. Like I said at the beginning my gut feelings have proven to be mostly right... but there have been times they have been wrong.

However a couple of things have popped up in the last 30 minutes actually form reaserch that my wife has been doing, not major but worth looking into further.
 

Flea

Beating you all over those fries!
MT Mentor
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
2,005
Reaction score
97
Another thought, probably not worth the pixels it's printed on ...

Whatever your family decides with this, make sure you all agree on it. Don't commit to a direction on this house without that - it's not something that one member should make a concession on in the name of going with the flow. Especially not if a nagging intuition is a big dynamic. The gods gave us intuition for a reason after all.
 
OP
Xue Sheng

Xue Sheng

All weight is underside
Joined
Jan 8, 2006
Messages
34,538
Reaction score
9,806
Location
North American Tectonic Plate
OK went to the house again and absolutely everybody loves it and logically so should I, the price is great the location is great the school system is great the condition of the house is great and when I am there it is ok but within 12 hours I was right back to I don't want it.

It is I am beginning to think, to perfect. It is a neighborhood populated by doctors, lawyers and engineers. The previous owner was a doctor his kids are (and I am not kidding) doctors and lawyers (not one is a doctor and the other a lawyer they are both doctor and lawyer)

I just can't picture me fitting in there at all. I don't see a whole lot of MA people there and I certainly do not see anyone tolerating a guy that beats trees, they might fear me, call the cops on me but they sure as heck will not ask me what I am doing. I hate to say this but the whole thing is to conformist and you can only take this MAist and ex-biker so far into mainstream society before he either losses it or shuts down completely.

This blond guy with heavy duty Germanic ancestry would be more comfortable in the heart of Beijing than here.

And yes I know this whole thing sounds insane.

And it has gotten to a point, my wife is pushing and pushing for this, where I may just have to buy it just the same.
 

bluekey88

Senior Master
Joined
Jan 26, 2007
Messages
2,056
Reaction score
89
OK went to the house again and absolutely everybody loves it and logically so should I, the price is great the location is great the school system is great the condition of the house is great and when I am there it is ok but within 12 hours I was right back to I don't want it.

It is I am beginning to think, to perfect. It is a neighborhood populated by doctors, lawyers and engineers. The previous owner was a doctor his kids are (and I am not kidding) doctors and lawyers (not one is a doctor and the other a lawyer they are both doctor and lawyer)

I just can't picture me fitting in there at all. I don't see a whole lot of MA people there and I certainly do not see anyone tolerating a guy that beats trees, they might fear me, call the cops on me but they sure as heck will not ask me what I am doing. I hate to say this but the whole thing is to conformist and you can only take this MAist and ex-biker so far into mainstream society before he either losses it or shuts down completely.

This blond guy with heavy duty Germanic ancestry would be more comfortable in the heart of Beijing than here.

And yes I know this whole thing sounds insane.

And it has gotten to a point, my wife is pushing and pushing for this, where I may just have to buy it just the same.

Wow...that is not only incredibly insightful, but a real doozy of a problem. I know exactly how you feel and where you're coming from. It sucks sometimes to be the "odd" family in the conformist neighborhood.

No real words of wisdom I'm afraid other than a sense of general empathy. I hope you are able to come to a decision taht you and your family can live with. I dare say, if the conformity issue really is a deal breaker...there are other good houses out there in good school systems where you might feel more comfortable. On the other hand, maybe the doctors and lawyers will leave you be to your tree hitting ways and life3 will quietly go on....maybe they'll even grow to like you :) Who knows. In the end, you can still be you no matter where you are.

Peace,
Erik
 

elder999

El Oso de Dios!
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2005
Messages
9,929
Reaction score
1,451
Location
Where the hills have eyes.,and it's HOT!
OK went to the house again and absolutely everybody loves it and logically so should I, the price is great the location is great the school system is great the condition of the house is great and when I am there it is ok but within 12 hours I was right back to I don't want it.

It is I am beginning to think, to perfect. It is a neighborhood populated by doctors, lawyers and engineers. The previous owner was a doctor his kids are (and I am not kidding) doctors and lawyers (not one is a doctor and the other a lawyer they are both doctor and lawyer)

I just can't picture me fitting in there at all. I don't see a whole lot of MA people there and I certainly do not see anyone tolerating a guy that beats trees, they might fear me, call the cops on me but they sure as heck will not ask me what I am doing. I hate to say this but the whole thing is to conformist and you can only take this MAist and ex-biker so far into mainstream society before he either losses it or shuts down completely.

This blond guy with heavy duty Germanic ancestry would be more comfortable in the heart of Beijing than here.

And yes I know this whole thing sounds insane.


I feel your pain. I built a house deep in the forest for the very same reasons. I went through "neighbor hell" back in New York-all it took was an hour of throwing knives and tomahawks in my backyard....:lol:

Sometimes, a good tall stockade fence can be a non-conformist's best friend.....might go ahead and plant a few trees, too. :lol:



And it has gotten to a point, my wife is pushing and pushing for this, where I may just have to buy it just the same.

"Listen to the woman."
 

Brian King

Master of Arts
Supporting Member
MT Mentor
Joined
Mar 17, 2003
Messages
1,622
Reaction score
504
Location
Bellevue, Washington USA
Buddy, it is past time for you and wife to have a conversation. Turn off the T.V. and sit her down, close to you, knees touching and holding hands. Look into her I eyes and tell her you are having serious reservations about this house deal. Do not worry about coming up with logical reasons or reasons that she will understand. Confirm that you are on board with finding a new home to reassure her that you are not delaying out of stubbornness or contrarian tendencies but that you are having very serious keep you up at night reservations about THIS deal. Homes can be a blessing or an anchor. This one if you are pressured to go against your instincts and needs will become an anchor. Tell her you feel and fear this if it is so with you. Do not fight about it argue about it or try to convince each other, tell her how you feel honestly, in person while holding hands, then take leadership and say that we will have to wait for another deal. It is just dirt and lumber and there are too many deals out there to move into a house that only one half of the relationship likes. If the situation was reversed and it was your wife holding your hands and looking you in the eyes saying that she really didnt want to move into the house would you try to argue her into it? Would the perfect neighborhood, school district etc be worth her being unhappy. Would she feel forced and coerced into the deal and would that add resentment to the relationship? Help her to understand that it would be the same for you and trust her to being able to give you the same respect that you would give her opinions and feelings. If she still insists on getting the house I highly recommend marriage counseling as there are communication trust controlling and a host of other issues that will sooner or later need to be worked out.

As far as family pressuring you, set boundaries. This is a decision for you and your wife to discuses and come to a decision that is best for the two of you and your family. If they like the house so much, good, they can buy the fn thing and invite you to BBQs, otherwise thanks for the advice but now go fix their own lives and leave yours alone.

Good luck
Regards
Brian King
 

JadecloudAlchemist

Master of Arts
Joined
Feb 12, 2007
Messages
1,877
Reaction score
82
Location
Miami,Florida
The previous owner was a doctor his kids are (and I am not kidding) doctors and lawyers (not one is a doctor and the other a lawyer they are both doctor and lawyer)
Wow I thought people who were super smart become serial killers. Oh so many jokes I can make with this one.- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serial_killer

I just can't picture me fitting in there at all.

I felt the same way when I met my wifes family in Japan and they fed me something spicy and I had this big long snot coming out of my nose and I was trying to wipe it and not them see it while talking to them. Talk about awkard.

I hear ya about feeling out of place. Sometimes you have to take a bullet or in this case Yuppies for your family. Here ya go:
 
Last edited by a moderator:

jks9199

Administrator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Jul 2, 2006
Messages
23,563
Reaction score
3,914
Location
Northern VA
Something is setting you off on this. I don't think it's just "MA won't fit the neighborhood" because that's easily dealt with. Explain it to anyone who questions your eccentricity, maybe even invite them to train!

"Too perfect"... another rationalization.

Brian's right; you need to discuss this with your wife. And with the kids, too. but you also need to discuss it with yourself. Keep digging till you find the real problem. It may simply be jitters. Or it may be just a bit of cold feet...
 
OP
Xue Sheng

Xue Sheng

All weight is underside
Joined
Jan 8, 2006
Messages
34,538
Reaction score
9,806
Location
North American Tectonic Plate
I have done a WHOLE lot of thinking and talking (not arguing) about this and there is more to come. It is just she appears to love the house and I don&#8217;t. And it is not that everything about the house is perfect, there would be some pretty major landscape work. I am not a big fan of bushes and hedges (I don&#8217;t want to take care of them) and the previous owner apparently loved the silly things so they would have to go. Over 2000 square foot house and I can&#8217;t see the house form the street due to the shrubbery, and it is not that far from the street. Same goes for the interior any changes would be because we have different tastes than the previous owner and there would be some. I even have some ideas about that when I am in the house... give me a few hours outside of it and I want nothing to do with it.

Where I live now (I spent much of the weekend putting up a swing set by the way), we rent a house (we could buy it if we wanted and the owners really want us to and are offering an incredible deal); it is a nice neighborhood however the school system absolutely sucks. My neighbors are accountants, a police office, a retired couple, a family of 8 or is it 9, my doctor&#8217;s mother-in-law, and a crazy (but harmless) guy. But as I said the school system sucks and it is an hour drive (one way) to work for my wife and myself. My neighbor, the LEO, is pretty sure I am crazy but he is ok with that. You don&#8217;t see a whole lot of people hitting trees with an open palm strike these days&#8230; unless you are my Sanda Sifu&#8217;s neighbor that is :D.

We have looked at other houses and one was rather nice but the owner was also rather stubborn and not taking the advice of his realtor either. I don&#8217;t fault the guy for wanting to get all he can out of his house but he had it listed for about 50% greater than what it was worth, it had been on the market for months and he was now facing 2 mortgages between this house and the one he had to buy in the other state he had to move to for a job. And we were not low balling it we were looking at a fair price per our realtor and per what our realtor hinted at what his realtor said. And of course the termite house that was scratched off the list. That house would have been the one I wanted except for the whole termite thing and that was more expensive and needed much more work than the house of this post. All are in the same school district as well.

As to what really is bothering me, I got to tell you it is exactly what I said. I am not ready to take that step that deep in to suburbia and into western society as we know it. And I sure as heck do not want to live by the standards of my neighbors. I don&#8217;t want to open up a chapter of the hells angles in my house but I just am not comfortable with this whole thing. I have family that lives in the neighborhood and they love it (he is a doctor by the way) and I liked going to their house from time to time but living there&#8230; I am not so sure.

And you know as I type this I am realizing something. Every house looks virtually the same, much like any development, and they have all looked that way for 20 years or more. Where I live now the houses are considerably older and none look a like. And you would think in 20 years someone would have changed something. But they are all pretty much the same with variations in pastel colors

Much like elder I would love to move to the deep woods, I loved working the tree farm in the hills of Pennsylvania (where I learned to NOT trust trees :D) but my wife grew up in a city that was 4 times bigger than NYC and she fears the countryside. So that is out and we are looking for a compromise between what she first wanted which was on a rather busy road and mostly surrounded by pavement and what I wanted which was in the woods and we are roughly there.

Well I guess I am back to racking my brain as to why I don&#8217;t want this house. But after work today I am going to drive by another one that is for sale and see what I think about that.

And lastly it was the time I took this past weekend to not think about it and to just sit (a meditation thing) that this thought kept coming to me "I don't want this house"

Thanks for reading, I have more to think about and talk about with the better half.
 
Top