To follow my gut or not

morph4me

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I wish I could empathize Xue, but I would probably move in and just make the changes I want to make and to hell with the neighbors, if they don't like it they could put up a fence.
 

Flea

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Would she feel forced and coerced into the deal and would that add resentment to the relationship? Help her to understand that it would be the same for you and trust her to being able to give you the same respect that you would give her opinions and feelings. If she still insists on getting the house I highly recommend marriage counseling as there are communication trust controlling and a host of other issues that will sooner or later need to be worked out.

Thank you Brian. That's what I was trying to articulate above with my post about needing to be in agreement. A house is a major life decision, and if you feel coerced it's likely to be a source of longterm resentment. There's no more effective poison for a relationship - just ask my parents. When you do, be sure to account for the time difference between the east and west coasts. :(
 
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Xue Sheng

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Morph’s post hit a cord by the way :tantrum:... and well I otta.... :D

Where ever I moved previously my attitude (as scary as this may sound) can be summed up in a line from the Joker form the first Batman movie “Wait till they get a load of me”, however I have been single every time I ever moved so this time appears to be a bit different but I am back to the same feeling about the area should we move there “Wait till they get a load of me :EG:”

OK here is what I am going to do, since I am really tired of this whole mess as well as tired of stressing about the whole thing and in an attempt to stop building up stories in my mind around it all I am simply going to stop worrying about it and basically let the Gods, powers that be, Bal or whomever you want, sort this whole thing out.

There is no pressure and no rush the seller is extraordinarily cooperative. Next week we are going to have an inspector go through the house; inspection, termite, radon the whole 9 yards. After that I will see how things look. I need to spend about 3 hours in the house with the inspector so that should give me a better idea about what is going on.

Thanks for the :whip: morph

Thanks All :bangahead:
 
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morph4me

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I guess you just needed to hear what you already knew. Glad to be of service ;)
 
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Xue Sheng

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Well it’s over.

We did not buy the house, I let the Gods handle it and handle it they did.

After the house inspection there were a few things that were not good, and I will say the biggest of those problems I am fairly certain that the owner was entirely unaware of but I don’t want to spend a whole lot of money on a house just to have to spend another $20,000 to $30,000 to fix it.

Yes we could have negotiated the price a bit more but when my wife said she did not want it I took that as a sign to get out and out we got.

And now it is back to looking for a house, luckily we are in no hurry we have over a year to find one.

Thanks for the responses
 

jks9199

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A $20000 to $30000 repair tab is a big deal... That's something on the order of an entirely new roof or significant structural work.

I'd stay away unless there was one hell of a reason to buy.
 

Flea

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Do you feel relieved now that it's been resolved? More importantly, do you feel relieved not to be moving in there? Just wondering ... that's how I usually know something really isn't meant to be.

I had a similar moment of discomfort last week when I did a drive-by of a condo I considered. The description was idyllic, and it really delivered. On the end of a dead-end street, facing a duck pond, quiet, pastoral. But when I walked up to the building, this middle-aged woman glared at me. She had the hardest face I've ever seen in my life, and it literally turned my stomach making smalltalk with her. She also turned out to be the downstairs neighbor to the unit. Never mind ...

These instincts are important. As disappointed as I was to meet her as a potential neighbor, I was grateful to know early on in the process rather than live with a mistake for several years.

Either way it seems to have worked out to your satisfaction, and I salute you.
 
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Xue Sheng

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A $20000 to $30000 repair tab is a big deal... That's something on the order of an entirely new roof or significant structural work.

I'd stay away unless there was one hell of a reason to buy.

It was a big-time structural issue that was just waiting to happen and I truly do not think the owners knew anything about it.

However they may have known about the pest problems

Do you feel relieved now that it's been resolved? More importantly, do you feel relieved not to be moving in there? Just wondering ... that's how I usually know something really isn't meant to be.

I had a similar moment of discomfort last week when I did a drive-by of a condo I considered. The description was idyllic, and it really delivered. On the end of a dead-end street, facing a duck pond, quiet, pastoral. But when I walked up to the building, this middle-aged woman glared at me. She had the hardest face I've ever seen in my life, and it literally turned my stomach making smalltalk with her. She also turned out to be the downstairs neighbor to the unit. Never mind ...

These instincts are important. As disappointed as I was to meet her as a potential neighbor, I was grateful to know early on in the process rather than live with a mistake for several years.

Either way it seems to have worked out to your satisfaction, and I salute you.

Oh, yes yes. There's a difference in everything. The whole world just changed for me. [pause, looking up] Ohh, look. The stars are new. The moon is new. Xue Sheng is new, and I like him. [pointing to the stars] And I like them. And they like me. And none of us like that house :D

(Ok it is a rather old obscure bastardized Cheers quote, but it fits).


I had kind of accepted my fate but I am rather happy it is over and we are now looking someplace (area) I like much better. Part of it, I realized this afternoon driving home was that I like living in more of a country setting and I really do not want to live in a city and my wife fears the countryside and prefers the city and even though I thought that was compromise I realize that although it is a nice neighborhood with a good school system it is pretty much a small patch of woods in the middle of a city. Where we are looking now is also called a city but it is much more spread out and much more like a place I want to live and it appears she like it to...just because it is called a city.
 

jks9199

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Structural issues can be like that... unless and until you actually look, if things are behaving, you don't know about 'em. Until the wrong combination of winds hit or a little too much snow, or someone puts a waterbed in... or hangs a punching or whatever. Then things get rather exciting...:eek:

Of course, on the other end are things like, oh, a significant flooding issue caused by the dumb design of a row of slab-built townhouses that the guy who you're buying it (who's just flipping it) from covered over by adding fresh flooring, etc... And, thanks to the reasonable efforts to protect folks from being sued silly over mold, the paperwork protects him. Yes, I checked. After discovering the indoor pool effect a few days after settlement.:xtrmshock :angry: :tantrum: Did get it taken care of though...
 

Flea

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Today I signed on with a program that helps home-buyers get "empowered." Help with credit, financial literacy, home ownership classes, and mortgage lenders who specialize in ferreting out special loans and grants for people who qualify. I'll take all the help I can get. :ultracool

Tomorrow I'm getting my condo appraised so I know just what my budget will be on my next purchase. And I'm touring a home on the market. It sounds like a fully functional fleabag, but affordable and in my target neighborhood. Wherever I move I'm going to make cosmetic changes anyway, so who cares if it's ugly now?

Don't worry Xue, you'll make it. So will I.
 

jks9199

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Flea,
Find yourself a good inspector. Start looking know so that you can check references thoroughly. Don't get stuck with a guy who's not experienced and simply the guy that the realtor's office knows...
 

Carol

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Amen to that. Always get a thorough home inspection with a condo. Some internal, or even structural issues can be the responsibility of the homeowner to fix. It can be a long, aggravating process...all the best! :)
 

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Remember the 50-50-90 rule:
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of being right, you have a 90% chance of being wrong.
 
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Xue Sheng

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Structural issues can be like that... unless and until you actually look, if things are behaving, you don't know about 'em. Until the wrong combination of winds hit or a little too much snow, or someone puts a waterbed in... or hangs a punching or whatever. Then things get rather exciting...:eek:

Of course, on the other end are things like, oh, a significant flooding issue caused by the dumb design of a row of slab-built townhouses that the guy who you're buying it (who's just flipping it) from covered over by adding fresh flooring, etc... And, thanks to the reasonable efforts to protect folks from being sued silly over mold, the paperwork protects him. Yes, I checked. After discovering the indoor pool effect a few days after settlement.:xtrmshock :angry: :tantrum: Did get it taken care of though...

DAMN!!!! I am glad you got it taken care of though

As to what I was looking at, likely not today and maybe not tomorrow but possibly within a year or 2 the back of the house falling off if I did not get it fixed. But first some SERIOUS shifting as things froze come winter


Today I signed on with a program that helps home-buyers get "empowered." Help with credit, financial literacy, home ownership classes, and mortgage lenders who specialize in ferreting out special loans and grants for people who qualify. I'll take all the help I can get. :ultracool

Tomorrow I'm getting my condo appraised so I know just what my budget will be on my next purchase. And I'm touring a home on the market. It sounds like a fully functional fleabag, but affordable and in my target neighborhood. Wherever I move I'm going to make cosmetic changes anyway, so who cares if it's ugly now?

Don't worry Xue, you'll make it. So will I.

Good luck flea and yes you will make it.

As far as my house search, I have no worries, we are financially in a real good place and we have a year to find a house so things are fine. Besides...just between you and me....I didn't like that house anyway :D

Flea,
Find yourself a good inspector. Start looking know so that you can check references thoroughly. Don't get stuck with a guy who's not experienced and simply the guy that the realtor's office knows...

A good inspector makes all the difference in the world. The guy we hired was checking stuff I didn't even know existed. I was very happy we hired him and I learned a lot while he was doing his inspection
 

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