This really creeps me out!

[tellner]

Second what everyone else says. You have to tell the head instructor. It's already creating a creepy learning environment for everyone else. And while fourteen year olds flirt with older men it's completely outside the pale for the older guy to flirt back, much less touch her.

It's all kinds of bad, and if you see it and do nothing you're part of the problem.

 

[Twin Fist]

oh I agree that it needs to be brought up, and stopped, but what has been witnessed is a long way from sexual assault, which has been mentioned in this thread.

I am just saying, put it in perspective.

But yes, as a school owner myself, I would stop it, for the liability issues you already mentioned SS.

As much as I LOATH doing something "just because someone MIGHT sue" you, as an owner,cant be too careful.

 

[kidswarrior]

I am just saying, put it in perspective.

Always good advice.

But yes, as a school owner myself, I would stop it, for the liability issues you already mentioned SS.

As much as I LOATH doing something "just because someone MIGHT sue" you, as an owner,cant be too careful.

Sad but true. You can let some things play themselves out, but not these kinds of things.

 

[jks9199]

I know that these days the world is a Lawyer-bomb waiting to happen but the reality is that girls still learn their 'relationship skills' by trial and error I would guess. An older chap is a 'safe' target, particularly if known via a sibling link, for the very fact that he will not either crush them flat or take them up on their fake advances.

If the chap in question is responding in kind and doing so seriously then all that thas been said in previous posts is very relevant.

There's a valid point here -- but the instructor shouldn't be encouraging it. Especially during class. It certainly appears that the instructor has some maturing to do...

This doesnt bother that much. Younger girls flirt with older guys

it's what they do

Assuming his isnt doing anything other than giving her a smack on the head in the school.

that being said....

Still mention it to the head instructor, so HE/SHE can make sure that nothing else happens. But what you have seen happen is un-professional for sure, but not really creepy. And not illegal, as far as you know.

it is just flirting people

It's very, very easy for "just flirting" to become sexual harassment. The 20 year old is in a position of authority over the girl. I'm not there to see what's happening -- but it's disturbing at least one student. Probably more than one. That suggests that it may be more than "just flirting."

Perhaps, but in the real world, we have something called liability and responsibility for minors.

1. If instructors allow inappropriate contact to continue in this vein they could be deemed liable for neglect given the situation is so obviously inappropriate.

2. If I were that girl's mother I'd be grounding her from class and in that instructor's office so fast it would make his head swim. A teacher who allows inappropriate flirting in his/her school is out of touch, irresponsible and shouldn't be in charge of minors.

3. The OP is clearly uncomfortable with the situation to the point of it being distracting and has a right to bring it up.

The attitude of "harmless flirting" - even when it IS - is legally dangerous.

That's the thing here -- whatever is going on is making other people uncomfortable with the situation. The head instructor needs to take a direct hand and control it; to do otherwise is simply unprofessional and inviting disaster. (If a 20 year old "flirting" with a 14 year old is OK... what about a 12 year old? or a 9 year old?)

Second what everyone else says. You have to tell the head instructor. It's already creating a creepy learning environment for everyone else. And while fourteen year olds flirt with older men it's completely outside the pale for the older guy to flirt back, much less touch her.

It's all kinds of bad, and if you see it and do nothing you're part of the problem.

Like others are saying -- the head instructor needs to be made aware of the situation, and given a chance to evaluate it and respond to it. We can't see the behavior here; we only know that it's making the OP uncomfortable. Which is a red flag.

 

[MA-Caver]

Echoing the replies of the inappropriateness of the situation.

 

[shudokan-RN]

sooo inappropriate. a 14 year old may not know better , but the 20 year old should

all I have to say is doesn't he watch Date Line, To catch a predator. Does he want Cris Hansen to pay him a visit ?

I think not

marci

 

[chinto]

I would suggest that you tell the head instructor about this. there is all kinds of trouble and some of them very serious legal problems! very bad juju with the age of the girl involved.. unfortunately if you switch the gender, there would be a lot less problem, unfortunate but true.

 

[chinto01]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. This has been going on for some time now. I have tried to approach the subject before with the school owner but he just seems to blow it off. He's not one for confrontation. That being said the reason I stay out of it I guess is because I don't want anything to do with it. I feel I have done all that I can do and now it is up to him. My next step is to have another conversation with him and let him know how this creeps me out. I have also considered leaving that dojo if it keeps up and going off on my own just so I am not associated with this anymore.

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

 

[FieldDiscipline]

Chinto01, this is worrying. Whether he likes confrontation or not, the owner has a duty of care for this child.

 

[Jai]

It is sad that you are to the point where you are considering leaving your dojo because of something like this. I would try talking with your instructor again and let him know that you are not the only one seeing this. Does he have someone above him that you could maybe speak to as well if he refuses to address the problem?

 

[Tez3]

Ah people who don't like confrontation so they stick their head in the sand, nice! Dealing with these types is always tricky, you end up massaging their egos until they go off and do something. Perhaps when you speak to him you could start by saying how really difficult it is for him but the other students rely on him to sort things out and they know he will. You could point out that the situation will in the end make his students leave unless something is done. Sadly you have to put him in the situation where he feels he must do something or lose his school. It's not the best way to do it as he should have grasped the problem and sorted it as soon as it was noticed or brought to his attention. It's very cowardly of him to be honest. One of my pet hates is people who dither around!

 

[charyuop]

Creep me out? Not really. I agree that the dojo is the wrong place for anything which is not MA art tho, thus such a behaviour should be stopped.
As per the age of the 2 youngsters...having been a teenager myself I am not shocked by it. There is too much background to look at and that we don't know before making my own opinion. Can go from a simple friendship to real feelings by the girl side, from testing her female attraction-power to real stupidity of the guy. Might be something to worry about or might be something really innocent where worries are over reacting.
But I agree in the dojo is not appropriate since we live in a period/country where everyone is sue happy. Want to end this quick? Well considering how it works nowadays just go to her parents and the guy will end up in jail for molesting her (this yes creeps me out!).

 

[shesulsa]

Chinto, perhaps you might consider having a word with the 20 year old. He could go to jail, after all.

 

[tellner]

Chinto, it's his business. If he can't take care of business on this really basic level he shouldn't have one and probably will not for much longer.

The twenty year old should be thinking with the big head, not the little one. You'd be doing him a real favor if you told him so. Statutory rape is serious. The lifetime sex offender registration and "Child molestor" designation absolutely will ruin his life.

 

[jks9199]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. This has been going on for some time now. I have tried to approach the subject before with the school owner but he just seems to blow it off. He's not one for confrontation. That being said the reason I stay out of it I guess is because I don't want anything to do with it. I feel I have done all that I can do and now it is up to him. My next step is to have another conversation with him and let him know how this creeps me out. I have also considered leaving that dojo if it keeps up and going off on my own just so I am not associated with this anymore.

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

You've got a lot more ammo from the posts here than you may have had before. Bluntly, if the head instructor isn't doing anything about it, he's condoning sexual harassment. In fact, some would probably suggest that YOU have a hostile environment complaint...

Another thing to consider is that you or another adult can confront the 20-year old instructor privately. Point out that his actions could be misconstrued, and he could find himself visiting the local PD every 30 days to update a sex offender registry... And that's possible if nothing happened outside of class!

 

[charyuop]

Another thing to consider is that you or another adult can confront the 20-year old instructor privately. Point out that his actions could be misconstrued, and he could find himself visiting the local PD every 30 days to update a sex offender registry... And that's possible if nothing happened outside of class!

Now that creeps me out. The poor guy might end up in jail as sex offender even if he actually did nothing. NOT SAYING THIS IS THE CASE, but it is enough that the guy jokes with the girl coz they are friends and someone gives a friendly tap on the back a different meaning, that it is enough to send the poor guy in jail.

Sorry, but I really hate this having already condamned the guy without knowing what happened. Head instructor and other people of the dojo don't say anything...at least a little doubt in my mind comes out.

 

[tellner]

Imagine, just for a second, what will happen when someone mentions this to the girl's parents. If they aren't complete failures as parents they'll do one of two things. They'll read the teacher the riot act and cause him a huge amount of grief. Or they'll simply pull their daughter from his class and make sure everyone they know is aware of how incompetent and uncaring the school is. Neither of them will be good for the school, the head instructor or anyone who goes there.

"You go to Dojo X? Oh yeah, they're the ones who let guys hit on underage girls. Don't stand too close to me, and get the hell away from my daughter."

 

[Touch Of Death]

Hello all. Wanted to see if this would creep you out the way it is creeping me out. At the dojo I work out at there is a 20 something black belt. He is o.k. never did anything to me so I have nothing against him except the following. He and this 14 y.o. female black belt are constantly flirting back and forth. I am not talking about batting of eyelashes or occasional glances here and there. I am talking about constant touching each other back and forth (a little "love" tap here a little touch to the shoulder there. It really makes me sick to see this. I have tried telling him that it may be a little inappropriate but he just blows me off and has continued to do it. What would you do in this situation ?I have kind of reserved to just let the cards fall where they may and when the junk really hits the fan tell him I told you so. Problem is it is not just me noticing it but the rest of the people in the dojo are beginning to notice.

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

Call the proper authorities if you feel things are going to far. There is no need to tolerate these offenses. Let your Teacher know the school needs to clean it up or you will.
Sean

 

[Tez3]

Two things I thought of while walking home from training.
1. Does the lad know she's only 14?
2 14 is too young for a blackbelt in my opinion!

 

[Nomad]

It might not be a bad idea to print out this thread and bring it to your instructor so he gets an idea how outsiders are likely to view this type of behaviour, his inaction to curb it, and the potential legal repercussions to him and the dojo.

It is always easier to do nothing. When doing nothing creates a toxic environment (as evidenced by your "creeped out" feelings), the business owner must do something. As much as teaching you how to punch and kick, his job is to create a safe and comfortable environment for learning... and if he can't do that, his business cannot be successful.