Aiki Lee
Master of Arts
The " show me something" remark is the worst!
"Nice to meet you! Please don't hurt me ...."
- Thread starter shesulsa
- Start date
I have the best responses to those. One is to do a "jump kick" That is where you jump up, and upon landing, pop your foot out a few inches, a jump..kick. Or you could offer to show them something, and when they stand there staring, you ask,"Would you like to see it again?"
OP
- Thread Starter
- #23
I generally don't as well, but I can't keep people from telling their significant others or friends or whomever I'm about to meet that I'm a self-defense/martial arts teacher either in my presence or out of it. It's hard to get word-of-mouth stuff going without revealing what you're trying to grow. Unfortunately.
I'm dismayed that it seems to be the go-to line though the one line I get more often than this one is, "so you could, theoretically, kick my *** then, huh?" Makes me wonder if I'm missing something and need to start sizing everyone I meet up. Okay, I actually do this, but not outwardly so.
Happens often enough. Usually they're just a little bit intimidated or simply don't know how to talk to you, feeling like they have no common frame of references. You might as well be from Mars. Once you've broken the ice with 5 min. conversation it is never an issue with that particular person again.
When you know what to look for, you see it happen all the time. People are hunting for a frame of references, something to relate. An ice-breaker.
I visited an Olympic style fencing Salle some months back and wore a T-Shirt given to me by my friends at the Nebraska Swordfighters Guild. They do lots of Medieval stuff; Longsword, etc. I don't. I had one nice woman approach me and "explain" that they do swordfighting too, just like I do, but simply a different kind. I smiled and explained that the shirt was a gift and I don't do that kind of swordfighting either.
People just want to be able to group you into an "us" or a "them." If they can find some sort of common ground, you're likely to go into an "us" basket. When they greet you with "please don't hurt me <guffa>," they are expecting some sort of humorous reply to indicate that you're "in" on the joke and can be put into the "us/friendly" basket.
Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
I couldn't agree more.
Agreed! On the rare occasion I hear this I usually show them my cell phone and extoll the virtues of owning a smart phone and try to argue the Android vs. iPhone angle. Even though I have no freakin' idea what I'm talking about.
Xue Sheng
All weight is underside
If you need to make it known for business you need to make it known. I don't so I tend not to talk about it much. And those I hang out with tend to be martial artists, Chinese or both. I have not told my daughters Aikido Sempai or the Sensei of the school that I am a martial arts person. But there is a guy there I use to workout with so they may know or they may not and it really does not matter to me. If I were looking for students or trying to grow a school it might but I am not so....
I think its good to vent about this kind of thing among fellow martial artists because we get it.
I also think its important not to take this kind of thing too personally. Sometimes people suck at small talk.
I also think its important not to take this kind of thing too personally. Sometimes people suck at small talk.
Most of the time, when I get "show me", it's from a co-worker, after we've had to put someone down. Generally a specific request to show them how I applied whatever hold or pressure point I used. I usually just tell them that it's more difficult than it looks and that if they really want to learn, all they need to do is sign up for training.
Occassionally, if they're persistent, I've pinched a nerve or two, and then let them try it on me. They never manage to do it properly, and I reiterate the need for them to get some training if they really want to learn.
Occassionally, if they're persistent, I've pinched a nerve or two, and then let them try it on me. They never manage to do it properly, and I reiterate the need for them to get some training if they really want to learn.
OP
- Thread Starter
- #27
Yep! I only get uncomfortable when people actively appear to be genuinely afraid of me having just met me for the first time.
Yep! I only get uncomfortable when people actively appear to be genuinely afraid of me having just met me for the first time.
I do not think I will ever forget the first time that happened to me
Hasn't happened very many times but it sure does hurt when it does, doesn't it?What do you think is the best way of handling that? I usually try to diffuse things with humor, but seeing someone hurt or afraid kind of drives that instinct out of me.
OP
- Thread Starter
- #29
I do not think I will ever forget the first time that happened to me
What do you think is the best way of handling that? I usually try to diffuse things with humor, but seeing someone hurt or afraid kind of drives that instinct out of me.
Well, I usually try one more time to say something humorous with a smile, like, "oh don't worry - I only bite people I know." Then I stay very aware of their personal space and give them a wide berth and change the topic completely. I try to shake hands gently when we say good bye to bridge the physical gap. Can't do much beyond that, I think.
Aiki Lee
Master of Arts
I get this too at times, the more serious question of "show me". I tend to say the same thing you do unless they are very persistant in which case you are right again that they can't get it in just one lesson. Most people seem content with just seeing there is a way out of a grab or hold, even if they can't do it themselves.
Looking back, I'm going to go back and say the "show me something" isn't really the worst question. The worst question is the follow up one "But what if I do this?" So annoying.
lklawson
Grandmaster
Most of them generally aren't genuinely afraid of me. At least not until/unless they find out that I'm also a firearms advocate. Then a certain percentage of them honestly recoil.Yep! I only get uncomfortable when people actively appear to be genuinely afraid of me having just met me for the first time.
Yeah, the big ol' Bowie Knife, honk'n stick, flails, swords, spears, etc. Those are all acceptable. But a gun is a murder & mutilation tool.
Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
Most of them generally aren't genuinely afraid of me. At least not until/unless they find out that I'm also a firearms advocate. Then a certain percentage of them honestly recoil.
Yeah, the big ol' Bowie Knife, honk'n stick, flails, swords, spears, etc. Those are all acceptable. But a gun is a murder & mutilation tool.
Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
I *have* had that experience. "Oh, you own guns? Really? Well [sniff], I won't be visiting YOUR house!" I guess they think that will make me feel bad. I just shrug and say "Good!"
When my in-laws found out that I owned guns, I kept them in the house, and what's more, than my wife and I go shooting together, she likes to shoot, and she's actually a very good shot, they were horrified!
"Well, tell us at least you don't keep them unlocked."
"No, they are definitely unlocked."
"Well, tell us at least they're not loaded."
"They are definitely loaded. An unloaded gun is a stick."
"OMG! You are going to murder someone!"
"I haven't so far..."
Over the years, they seem to have come to terms with the fact that we have avoided shooting each other or anyone else. At least one relative is still convinced that eventually, one of us will, though.
Xue Sheng
All weight is underside
Yep! I only get uncomfortable when people actively appear to be genuinely afraid of me having just met me for the first time.
People are afraid when they meet me all the time and I never even mention martial arts :EG:
Seriously I have been told by more than one person, friends and family, I am hard to get to know and my posture and my expression do not generally help (to many years in State/College and Hospital security I guess), but I can't help it, it is just me. However I am thinking now that I'm old that I am less intimidating...heck...I'm old...that and my youngest tends to make me smile a whole lot more than I use to.
I do not think I will ever forget the first time that happened to meHasn't happened very many times but it sure does hurt when it does, doesn't it?
What do you think is the best way of handling that? I usually try to diffuse things with humor, but seeing someone hurt or afraid kind of drives that instinct out of me.
Dealing with it, to be honest it is their issue not yours but I found myself looking at things like a research project and while back. I started noting how differently people react to me depending on what I was wearing or the situation I was in. It became rather interesting to see how differently people’s reactions were if I was in uniform, or a suit. or in a leather jacket or at work or doing something martial arts related. But this can backfire because I also took that to how people reacted when I was on crutches as opposed to how they reacted when I was not and then things got annoying.
Just don't hurt me..it's pretty usually.
But I got some better gems.
Me and 2 friends in a bar. Comes a four, introduction, what are you doing..martial arts I say. He say "do you know about ninjutsu 9 fingers of death? they can be used for healing."
But next one is really legend. Friend of mine introduced me to his mom. During lunch I say that just before two weeks I successfully tested for black belt. And she dead cold says: "Can you levitate?"
Truly a gem. Actually she was suprised that I couldn't!
But I got some better gems.
Me and 2 friends in a bar. Comes a four, introduction, what are you doing..martial arts I say. He say "do you know about ninjutsu 9 fingers of death? they can be used for healing."
But next one is really legend. Friend of mine introduced me to his mom. During lunch I say that just before two weeks I successfully tested for black belt. And she dead cold says: "Can you levitate?"
Truly a gem. Actually she was suprised that I couldn't!
oftheherd1
Senior Master
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Outgrew that? I can only imagine what an outstanding student they must have been.
I haven't had it happen too often, as I try not to bring it up if it doens't otherwise fit in a conversation. Some years ago I did have a co-worker who kept insisting on referring to me as Chuck Norris. I tried ignoring it at first, then asked him many times not to do so. Finally one day I just gave him a friendly hug and stimulated a pressure point. Got a very funny look, and later he asked me what I had in my hand when I did that.
I reminded him that I preferred he not do that. He gave me a hurt look, but didn't do it any more either. Some times I guess the harder lessons are the best.
Outgrew that? I can only imagine what an outstanding student they must have been.If they ever were a student.
For some reason, it seems just about all of my friends 'did TKD' as teenagers or younger. Most of them seem to have quit when they got car keys and/or discovered girls. Guess it must have been really popular around here at one time.
lklawson
Grandmaster
For a long time TKD was pretty much the most popular MA in the U.S. Mid-80's through the 90's at a guestimate. You practically couldn't turn around without tripping over a TKD Dojang. If you went through a 1-Stoplight town you were sure they'd have three things, a Chinese restaurant, a McDonalds, and a TKD Dojang.
Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
OP
- Thread Starter
- #38
That's the gig here, pretty much. Just passed an inflated kicker, will post l8r.
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I will say this - we have a new adult student who started last night at our dojo. He's absolutely inept with his hands (as beginners generally, are, no disrespect to him intended) but from the first few minutes on the mat, it was clear he's been taught now to kick properly. Good chambers, accurate kicks, real power. Turns out he did TKD 'for a few years' when he was a teenager. I'm glad to see it stuck with him. If we can teach him to punch, he's going to be a good fighter.
I have had this happen to me a lot in the past but in the last couple of years it has not been just women, but also men who have done the following:
*Reach out for hand shake*
*They grip my finger tips and shake*
From young people I do not expect as much.
Yet form people and especially males from my age and older to do this is just a non verbal way of say "Please do not hurt me".
I understand protecting oneself, but what makes people think I would crush their hands and or hurt them? They look at me and see my size and react.
*Reach out for hand shake*
*They grip my finger tips and shake*
From young people I do not expect as much.
Yet form people and especially males from my age and older to do this is just a non verbal way of say "Please do not hurt me".
I understand protecting oneself, but what makes people think I would crush their hands and or hurt them? They look at me and see my size and react.
