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I threw this together in homage to the various lists of "Murphy's Laws of Combat " around the web.
Enjoy
Moynihan's Laws of Self Defense
1). Anything you do can get you into a fight, including doing nothing.
2). The attacker(s) only attack on two occasions---A) when they're ready--B) when you're not.
3). Never use a contact weapon when you can legally use a distance weapon/firearm, never use pure hand-to hand when you can legally use a contact weapon, never engage at all if there is a REASONABLE way not to.
4). Incoming fire has the right of way.
5). Incoming contact weapons have the right of way.
6). Incoming unarmed attacks always conceal an incoming contact weapon.
7). The police don't always come to the rescue.
8). Your cellphone will fail as soon as you need 911.
9). If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
10). If you can't remember, you *DID* forget to chamber your first round.
11). However you may choose to go armed with whatever is legal for you, always expect that your first defense actions will be unarmed.
12). If you ever need to defend yourself, at least one of the attacker's relatives will be a lawyer.
13). well-rehearsed self defense routines tend to fail at night, in bad weather, and especially during both.
14). No classroom self defense routine ever survives initial contact with the attacker.
15). the longer and more complicated the movement sequence, the greater the opportunity for the attacker to counter it.
16). The longer you allow the fight to continue, the greater the chance of sustaining serious injury. (you should always be prepared to sustain some injury, that's just the real world.)
17). base your movement choices on principles rather than techniques. You can screw up something like a technique, but you will have to get up real early in the morning to screw up something like, say, gravity.............
18). The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.
19). There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
20). Never woof or wisemouth back at an idiot--a witness might not be able to tell the difference.
21). the witnesses are never watching until you make a mistake.
22). The police never arrive until you make a mistake.
23). the more you've done your homework on both legal and tactical fronts, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
24). If someone is giving you trouble in front of witnesses, and you can, leave the area/building. That way, if you leave and he follows, he cannot claim it was self defense but you can.
25). Never walk into any public place with anyone braver than you are.
26). Every time men fight over a woman, they end up not getting her.
27). Professional fighters are predictable. Unfortunately the world is full of amateurs.
28). Sometimes the worst guy to have to defend yourself against is the one who's not trained in anything, because by definition you don't know what he'll do.
29). Come up with a principle or technique that even a fool can use, and be thought a fool by greater fools.
30). 90% of everything is crap.
31). If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.Get OFF the line of attack.
32). If you allow the attacker to keep his balance and mobility, he will have control of his body and you will be in a fight. This is bad.
33). A good plan, now, beats a perfect plan dreamt up 10 seconds later whilst unconscious enroute to being stomped to death.
34). Be able to improvise. Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the face.
35). objects that are longer than they are wide can be more easily pressed into service as an improvised weapon. This includes your attacker's friend.
36). The bigger they are, the harder they hit. Watch that line of attack.
37). Most of your attackers will be bigger, in a group, armed, or any combination thereof. All things being equal, you lose. Cheat fair and square.
38). A smaller bullet that hits is better than a big bullet that misses. Watch that front sight.
39). Body parts will sustain damage in direct proportion to their value. Get done, get away.
40). Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
41). The more parts there are in a technique/sequence/weapon, the more there are to go wrong. Make sure you purchase/train/ assemble a system to swear BY, not AT.
42). ANY technique is possible for the person who doesn't have to make it work RIGHT NOW.
43). If you fight more than your fair share of people, you will have more than your fair share of people to fight.
44). Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
45). The crucial round is a dud.
46). The seriousness of a wound is in inverse proportion to the distance to any form of cover/escape.
47). A badass battle scar only goes to prove that you were smart enough to come up with a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
48). The one night you go out completely unarmed will be the one night you end up needing some sort of weapon.
49). Whenever you drop your equipment in a self defense situation, your sidearm, folding knife, pepper spray and flashlight land the farthest from you, but your keys land right at your feet.
50). Murphy was a ****in' optimist.
Enjoy
Moynihan's Laws of Self Defense
1). Anything you do can get you into a fight, including doing nothing.
2). The attacker(s) only attack on two occasions---A) when they're ready--B) when you're not.
3). Never use a contact weapon when you can legally use a distance weapon/firearm, never use pure hand-to hand when you can legally use a contact weapon, never engage at all if there is a REASONABLE way not to.
4). Incoming fire has the right of way.
5). Incoming contact weapons have the right of way.
6). Incoming unarmed attacks always conceal an incoming contact weapon.
7). The police don't always come to the rescue.
8). Your cellphone will fail as soon as you need 911.
9). If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
10). If you can't remember, you *DID* forget to chamber your first round.
11). However you may choose to go armed with whatever is legal for you, always expect that your first defense actions will be unarmed.
12). If you ever need to defend yourself, at least one of the attacker's relatives will be a lawyer.
13). well-rehearsed self defense routines tend to fail at night, in bad weather, and especially during both.
14). No classroom self defense routine ever survives initial contact with the attacker.
15). the longer and more complicated the movement sequence, the greater the opportunity for the attacker to counter it.
16). The longer you allow the fight to continue, the greater the chance of sustaining serious injury. (you should always be prepared to sustain some injury, that's just the real world.)
17). base your movement choices on principles rather than techniques. You can screw up something like a technique, but you will have to get up real early in the morning to screw up something like, say, gravity.............
18). The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.
19). There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
20). Never woof or wisemouth back at an idiot--a witness might not be able to tell the difference.
21). the witnesses are never watching until you make a mistake.
22). The police never arrive until you make a mistake.
23). the more you've done your homework on both legal and tactical fronts, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
24). If someone is giving you trouble in front of witnesses, and you can, leave the area/building. That way, if you leave and he follows, he cannot claim it was self defense but you can.
25). Never walk into any public place with anyone braver than you are.
26). Every time men fight over a woman, they end up not getting her.
27). Professional fighters are predictable. Unfortunately the world is full of amateurs.
28). Sometimes the worst guy to have to defend yourself against is the one who's not trained in anything, because by definition you don't know what he'll do.
29). Come up with a principle or technique that even a fool can use, and be thought a fool by greater fools.
30). 90% of everything is crap.
31). If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.Get OFF the line of attack.
32). If you allow the attacker to keep his balance and mobility, he will have control of his body and you will be in a fight. This is bad.
33). A good plan, now, beats a perfect plan dreamt up 10 seconds later whilst unconscious enroute to being stomped to death.
34). Be able to improvise. Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the face.
35). objects that are longer than they are wide can be more easily pressed into service as an improvised weapon. This includes your attacker's friend.
36). The bigger they are, the harder they hit. Watch that line of attack.
37). Most of your attackers will be bigger, in a group, armed, or any combination thereof. All things being equal, you lose. Cheat fair and square.
38). A smaller bullet that hits is better than a big bullet that misses. Watch that front sight.
39). Body parts will sustain damage in direct proportion to their value. Get done, get away.
40). Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
41). The more parts there are in a technique/sequence/weapon, the more there are to go wrong. Make sure you purchase/train/ assemble a system to swear BY, not AT.
42). ANY technique is possible for the person who doesn't have to make it work RIGHT NOW.
43). If you fight more than your fair share of people, you will have more than your fair share of people to fight.
44). Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
45). The crucial round is a dud.
46). The seriousness of a wound is in inverse proportion to the distance to any form of cover/escape.
47). A badass battle scar only goes to prove that you were smart enough to come up with a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
48). The one night you go out completely unarmed will be the one night you end up needing some sort of weapon.
49). Whenever you drop your equipment in a self defense situation, your sidearm, folding knife, pepper spray and flashlight land the farthest from you, but your keys land right at your feet.
50). Murphy was a ****in' optimist.
