Helping our Elderly Parents stay safe

[Lisa]

Recently my father has fallen ill and my Mother has been spending a great deal of time at the hospital with him. She has either had to take a taxi to and from the hospital or either myself, my husband or my aunt have driven her back and forth.

The Hospital location is in a high crime area of the city. Just a few days ago, a hospital worker was badly beaten less then two blocks from the hospital grounds and thus causing me to be even more careful and more worried about her safety when I am not around.

I am not sure if it is the generation, or the fact that she has never been involved in an altercation in her life, but my Mom's lack of fear or lack of preparedness has me in a bit of a tizzy. She often, IMHO, puts herself at risk by opening her purse up, leaving it open, walking between parked vehicles, not watching her surroundings, etc.

I have, to say the least, been trying to point out small but significant things she can do to help ensure her safety. Keeping her purse closed, making her carry it a certain way, how to walk around vehicles in the underground parking lot and to ask for security to acccompany her to a vehicle or outside when catching a cab.

What things do you have to remind your parents of, if anything. Do you believe them well prepared for a confrontation. Are they AWARE of potential dangers?

Any suggestions would be gratefully received. We always talk about our children and their risks, what about Mom and Dad?

 

[drummingman]

to this day my dad is always telling me to be careful whereever i go.he lived in Chicago for years and was in a lot of bar fights and such so that has made him very leary of most people.i always tell him not to worry but he does never the less.he is a very nice guy but if someone pushes him to far he can get rough.
as far as helping you mom understand that the world is not as safe as it used to be i think the only thing you can do is keep telling her in a loving way the things that you already have been.like my dad im sure that your mom is set in her ways.which means that the only thing that will probably make her change her view point will be to see something happen to someone else or herself that is not good.i of coarse hope that nothing bad ever happens to your mom.i hope that she will be able to see that the world is not a very safe place without having to experience that first hand.

 

[Drac]

If your parents are not proficient in the English language make sure that you place
Their Name
Their Address
and a WORKING Emergency contact number

in their purse or wallet..Had an incident awhile back where is elderly ethnic lady missed her bus and was unable to speak ANY English..It too 3 hours to get her home..

 

[Lisa]

If your parents are not proficient in the English language make sure that you place
Their Name
Their Address
and a WORKING Emergency contact number

in their purse or wallet..Had an incident awhile back where is elderly ethnic lady missed her bus and was unable to speak ANY English..It too 3 hours to get her home..

That is excellent advice.

Others I have gone over with my mom:

DON'T count the money in your wallet in public. Go to the washroom or somewhere private if you really must know.

Give up your purse/pocket book whatever to anyone who asks. Don't fight.

Keep some extra money in a pocket of your pants in case you are robbed and need to get home.

Keep your cell phone on you, not in your purse!

ASK for an escort. My mother said to me "I don't want him to think I am some helpless old woman!" All I could think of is... "YOU ARE!"

Don't walk between parked cars if at all possible. Take the long way around in the parking lot.

Anyone have any others?

 

[MA-Caver]

Sad fact of life that the scum of the earth will prey upon the old and weak because it's the path of least resistance. Even sadder fact of life that the elderly (sometimes) live in a state of semi-denial and believe that there are more good people in the world than bad. This is not to say that the bad are out-numbering the good in this world, I like to think that for the most part most people are good and have seen enough to evident this. But I've seen enough of the bad and used to live among them and used to be one for a short time... regretfully.
I currently live with my parents (80 and 76 yrs old respectfully) and thus they are unknowingly under my umbrella of awareness and street sensibility. I hope and I pray that my training/experience will never be used in defense of them but I hope and pray that my training/experience will be there when it's needed. I accompany them to roughly 90% of the places they go at the moment. They rarely go out at night and all their (doctor) appts. are during the morning hours or at least sometime after noon.
Our city (Chattanooga TN) has been ranked at #57th on the most dangerous places to live (from a newspaper article I wished I saved). The thought isn't too comforting but the crime isn't as visible as it is in other cities with single digit ranking numbers.
That being said, Lisa I can appreciate your fears for your mother's safety. She may NEVER get it through to her head the things you say/advise her about which are all sound, sensible points which will help her stay safe. My parents are old, and they can be stubborn and they'll keep on doing what they've been doing. Hopefully your mother will understand and start following your words of wisdom. Hopefully she'll understand without a catalyst event like an elderly neighbor or a friend being a victim of a violent crime for her to understand that it could've been her. Such things only heighten the fear and fear can make for carelessness.
I'm sorry I can't give better words of advice on what to do. Surely there must be some organization in your (mother's) city that can provide help for the elderly in circumstances like these. Years ago there used to be those red-beret "Guardian Angels" that made it a point to be the (self-appointed) watch-dogs of various neighborhoods, but they've basically disappeared off the radar far as I know.
Your mum and her continued safety are in my prayers and you're in my prayers as well. :asian:

 

[Drac]

. Years ago there used to be those red-beret "Guardian Angels" that made it a point to be the (self-appointed) watch-dogs of various neighborhoods, but they've basically disappeared off the radar far as I know.
Your mum and her continued safety are in my prayers and you're in my prayers as well. :asian:

The Guardian Angels did a great job..However some of them could not get it through their head that they were NOT COPS and that caused a problem..Haven't heard much about Curtis Silwa the founder in awhile either..

 

[Drac]

..Had an incident awhile back where is elderly ethnic lady missed her bus and was unable to speak ANY English..It too 3 hours to get her home..

A passsing motorists said it sounded like she was speaking Hungarian..We called a local church that is known to have a large Hungarian congregation and the Priest was able to speak to her and then TELL us where she needed to be..Probably going to be in trouble with the IA because of what I told her Son he was for allowing his Mom to walk around the city with out personal information on her...

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

It can be really trying talking to your parents about their personal safety. Unfortunately most of them are just not that interested. I try to make my mom aware of certain things like Lisa mentioned above and have attempted to get them into some of my self defense classes but they really are just not very concerned. At least I did get them to lock the doors to their house that took about ten years of reminding them.

 

[Robert Lee]

The world has changed and places that was at a time safe are now not that way. Older people are an easy target not only for personal crimes but for scams to get there money. Helping them is a good way to know they get somewhere safe. And some large cities are filled with bad ares these days. drugs and gangs brings crimes up each year almost. Remembering your parents helps. Take time out to help them. My wife is very ill Was in the hospital 45 days needs 24 hour care now. Its hard I have 3 children they have been helping 1 helping alot. So Looking at what I see now Its good to have children that care. Be one And even eldery nieghbords need looked in on Theses days.

 

[jks9199]

If your parents are not proficient in the English language make sure that you place
Their Name
Their Address
and a WORKING Emergency contact number

in their purse or wallet..Had an incident awhile back where is elderly ethnic lady missed her bus and was unable to speak ANY English..It too 3 hours to get her home..

I had one where a little old Asian woman was out wandering in light clothes while the temperatures were in the low teens. Not a good combination -- and she didn't speak ANY English. Rescue transported her and I think someone at the hospital finally could translate -- but we had no clue for a long time.

One side thought on the note: make sure that there's at least something with a name and contact number on it that isn't likely to go in the event of a robbery, especially if robbery is a major worry due to the hospital location.

And, off topic a bit, but it may become more relevant or might help someone else with elderly parents that have become "wanderers" due to some form of senility or dementia like Alzheimer's... Look into programs like "Safe Return." Available programs range from systems that give a number of Medic-Alert type tags and pins with a reference number on them to ones that basically "LoJack" the person with a transponder that can be used to trace them. I'm aware of cases where either system allowed us to rapidly find the wanderer and get them home.

 

[tshadowchaser]

I do not think my parents would ever have listened to any sugestions about awareness or personal safty. If they would have listened I am not sure they would have ever really taken the time to protect themslefs.
Parents can be hard to deal with sometimes

 

[MA-Caver]

I do not think my parents would ever have listened to any sugestions about awareness or personal safty. If they would have listened I am not sure they would have ever really taken the time to protect themslefs.
Parents can be hard to deal with sometimes

Yeah, just TRY to remember that when you're old and grey (yes, it'll happen!) when your (adult) children tell you about how to be safe and secure.