ENGLEWOOD, Colorado (The Onion) -- After months of being taught to develop courage, inner strength and other values of the martial arts, Daniel Finkelstein finally achieved the self-confidence necessary to stand up to his parents and quit taking karate lessons, the area sixth-grader reported Monday.
Karate classes like this have given Daniel Finkelstein, 11, the ability to abandon things halfway through.
Finkelstein, 11, who was bullied into beginner's classes at Dragon Karate and Tae Kwon Do Academy by his father in July, reportedly drew on a number of recently acquired skills, including poise and self-assurance, when confronting his parents about how much he despised karate.
"Before karate, I used to let everyone -- my mom, my dad, even my grandma -- push me around," Finkelstein said. "They would tell me what to do and I would just roll over and do it, because they were bigger than me and I was scared."
"If it wasn't for the focus and determination I learned in karate, I would still be in karate right now," he added.
"I never thought I had it in me," said Finkelstein, who claimed he was prepared to use physical aggression only as a last resort to drop out of the martial arts class. "It was just like Sensei Steve used to say: 'Only by believing in yourself can you overcome the obstacles that lie ahead.' "
Added Finkelstein: "Thank God I don't have to listen to that crap anymore."