Is there an ideal age to get married?

[Ronin74]

I've been wondering this for the past few weeks now. One of my closest friends just recently got engaged, and he's in his late-twenties. I'm in my mid-thirties, and it's never been something I seriously considered. Is there an ideal age for getting married, or is this one of those things that "just happen" (if it happens at all)?

 

[Bruno@MT]

I think I was 25 when I got married.
My wife and I were living together for 3 years before we decided to get married. I didn't actually propose to her. It was one of those things that just happened. We were looking to buy a house, at which point you need to have -some- paperwork in place. We could have had a legal partnership drawn up, but marriage is another option.

I had to go to the US for my job, and she would come along so that we could have a long trip in the southwest afterwards. A friend of ours mentioned the idea of getting married in Vegas. We didn't like the idea of a Vegas wedding (it is so cliche) but the idea of getting married in the US stuck and we talked about it when said friend left. So we decided to get married in the US and started taking care of the practicalities. As I said, it just happened. We talked about it and planned for it. I didn't propose until the night before the ceremony, and my wife didn't want an engagement ring.

We married in South Lake Tahoe. It was just us, the reverend, an assistant, and the photographer. It was a private outside ceremony in a flower garden, and we didn't tell anyone we were getting married beforehand. It was a perfect day.
We really want to go back there to start another long road trip in the US. The wedding chapel does not exist anymore (or at least not under their name) but last I checked, rev. Warren Kessler is still performing ceremonies.

 

[David43515]

I don`t think there`s any certain age that`s right. But I`m curious why you`ve never given it much thought. Is it because you haven`t considered it to be a priority? Or just because you haven`t met a woman you could see yourself being with for the rest of your life?

As an old married man I would caution anyone from getting married just because they think they`ve reached an age where everyone else seems to be doing it. But I`d also ask you what could be more important? And if you`re not meeting the kind of women you`d want to be with forever, why is that? What kind are you meeting? And if you don`t want a future with them, why are you seeing them?

I don`t mean to come off condisendingly. I just really am curious, and I think marrriage to the right person brings out all the best you could ever hope to be.

 

[David43515]

I've been wondering this for the past few weeks now. One of my closest friends just recently got engaged, and he's in his late-twenties. I'm in my mid-thirties, and it's never been something I seriously considered. Is there an ideal age for getting married, or is this one of those things that "just happen" (if it happens at all)?

Very few things in life "just happen". We either decide to make good things happen, and we work for them. Or we take our hands off the steering wheel and hope for the best. That`s how bad things "just happen". Every choice has it`s consequences, good or bad.

 

[Ronin74]

I don`t think there`s any certain age that`s right. But I`m curious why you`ve never given it much thought. Is it because you haven`t considered it to be a priority? Or just because you haven`t met a woman you could see yourself being with for the rest of your life?

As an old married man I would caution anyone from getting married just because they think they`ve reached an age where everyone else seems to be doing it. But I`d also ask you what could be more important? And if you`re not meeting the kind of women you`d want to be with forever, why is that? What kind are you meeting? And if you don`t want a future with them, why are you seeing them?

I don`t mean to come off condisendingly. I just really am curious, and I think marrriage to the right person brings out all the best you could ever hope to be.

No worries, no offense taken here.

To be honest, I'm not sure what the best answer is regarding my situation. I've gone from having boyhood crushes, to once falling for a girl who was my best friend at the time, to whatever sort of predicaments I've been in with women in the past few years. I'd have to say that I don't think I've met a woman I could spend the rest of my life with- or perhaps I should say opening up my life to. As far as the kind of women I've been meeting, let's just say that I'm either being too picky or playing it safe... lol, j/k. A red flag is a red flag, and so I'd have to say that I haven't met someone I really feel comfortable with. It's not to say that I'm perfect, but finding out six months into a relationship that there were a lot of lies was enough to get me out the door.

Would I want a future with a woman? YES, but it's not a priority. In fact, amongst a lot of my peers, it's strangely low on my list of priorities. I couldn't tell you exactly why that it, but I'm sure it's a combination of different past experiences. I CAN say, however that I do believe what you say in that being with the right person can bring out the best in someone. My friend who is engaged seems like he's reached another level in how he carries himself. Another friend who's managed a long-lasting relationship with his girlfriend seems to carry himself in a similar way as well. I honestly don't doubt that it can bring out the best in a person, but I guess you could say that a big part of me wants to attempt that on my own efforts. I think on some level, I probably give off that vibe as well.

In odd twist, I find it interesting that my friend seems to have found his "one" while having probably been in fewer relationships than most of the guys I know.

On sidenote, now I have all thse thoughts racing through my mind regarding why I'm single... lol.

 

[Ronin74]

Very few things in life "just happen". We either decide to make good things happen, and we work for them. Or we take our hands off the steering wheel and hope for the best. That`s how bad things "just happen". Every choice has it`s consequences, good or bad.

I would have to concur. Like in martial arts, we've all worked hard to get where we are. However, as far as relationships go, I don't know how to apply that and make it work... lol.

 

[Jade Tigress]

The older the better IMO.

I started dating my husband when I was 18 and he was 19. We were immediately exclusive. We married when I was 23, big wedding, the whole shebang. Two kids and a long haul later, I have regrets. I went straight from home to being married.

I was totally in love..well, I thought I was. Looking back, I married for the wrong reasons and I was not mature enough to see it at the time, nor for many years later.

If I were single today and in love, I would marry. I'm not against marriage, I love marriage, and any marriage will have it's ups and downs. However, you best make sure you know who you are and who your betrothed is.

I have friends whose son married last month. He's 18 years old and so is his bride. All I can do is shake my head.

I also agree with David. Don't get married just because you think you're reaching an age where you *should* be married. When you meet the right person, you'll know. But you can't know if it's the right person until you've lived enough to know yourself.

 

[stickarts]

I don't think that there is a correct age although I do think it's important to be careful about marrying too young before much of life has been experienced. Also, I think it is important to give it proper time to truely get to know someone. I have seen young, sudden marriages work, however, I think the odds of it working are against them. Regardless, marriage, to work, is a huge committment for both sides.

 

[Andy Moynihan]

Trick question.


It implies that marriage is automatically "right" for everyone.

 

[jks9199]

It's not the right age. It's the right combination of maturity, people, and circumstances.

Marriage, civil or religious, shouldn't be something you do "because we got engaged" or to prove that you aren't cheating (I know of cases of both... and, not surprisingly, the marriage didn't last) -- or to "prove" a relationship is serious or that you're adult/mature.

And it's not something that's right for everyone or every relationship -- or mandatory for a successful/good life, either.

 

[terryl965]

The right age is when both parties agree

 

[Jenna]

27

 

[Chris Parker]

Better hurry, there J.

I was feeling in a rather flippant mood, and was going to answer something a bit wrong, but thought better of it. In reality, I swing back and forth on this topic quite a bit. I don't feel that it is a particular individual age, rather an age of a particular individual. My sister got married when she was 19, I am (somewhat) older than that now, being the big brother and having over 10 years go by since then, and am in no position to start to think about that at all. But she and her husband are going as strong as ever (6 kids! We joke about getting them separate beds for Christmas...).

As for me, well, they say once bitten twice shy, and my history is filled with teethmarks. Never quite to the aisle, but close enough. And I am incredibly grateful that each of the girls in question did not end up as my wife (for some good reasons, for others as well). They weren't ready, nor was I. I don't think I am now, either. And I certainly couldn't have my current life if I was married, and that is something I am very grateful for (as, I hope, are a few others...)

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

Not so much an ideal age but making sure the right things are in order.

Try living with someone for a while to at least see if you are compatible.
Once the dating game is over a whole new ball game opens up.

Try to finish school. It is hard going to school when married even harder when you have kids.

Take care of your debts,stablize yourself,save,good job without these things its going to make married life real hard because in married life fights over money are real common.

Maturity. You got to have it to a certain level. You are not just dealing with your own life you are dealing with the life of your spouse and if you have kids so when making choices put them into the equaltion.

All the jokes about married life are true you just have to stay married long enough to see it.

I married at 21 my circumstances were somewhat hurried due to it being international so not as much time for dating and waiting in fact because of my choice my father disowned me.
So think deeply about your choice it will have an impact on many.

 

[Stac3y]

I was 23 the first time, and 31 the second time. I vote for 31. :wink1:

 

[Bruno@MT]

Not so much an ideal age but making sure the right things are in order.

Try living with someone for a while to at least see if you are compatible.
Once the dating game is over a whole new ball game opens up.

Try to finish school. It is hard going to school when married even harder when you have kids.

Take care of your debts,stablize yourself,save,good job without these things its going to make married life real hard because in married life fights over money are real common.

Maturity. You got to have it to a certain level. You are not just dealing with your own life you are dealing with the life of your spouse and if you have kids so when making choices put them into the equaltion.

All the jokes about married life are true you just have to stay married long enough to see it.

I married at 21 my circumstances were somewhat hurried due to it being international so not as much time for dating and waiting in fact because of my choice my father disowned me.
So think deeply about your choice it will have an impact on many.

Quoted for truth.

Living together for a while is a valuable experience. It is then that you notice each others annoying habits. Also, do NOT marry as long as you are convinced that your partner is perfect. Because you are not being realistic and you will be disappointed. My wife is not perfect, and neither am I.

The question you have to ask yourself: can I live with my non perfect partner for the rest of my life? And to dispell another myth: people don't change fundamentally, so don't assume they will.

another thing to talk about up front: do you want to have children? And does your partner feel the same way? If my wife had said she didn't want to have kids, ever, I would not have married her.

and finally: you should marry if you feel it is the right time for you, and not because you have reached a certain age.

 

[girlbug2]

I'd say there's an ideal maturity level to get married at. And that naturally it's going to be different for everybody because we all mature at different rates in life.

A litmus test for men:


1. will you be able to pick up your dirty laundry off of the floor and into the hamper so that she isn't driven nuts daily?

2. Can you see yourself making your home with her your place to unwind after a hard day, instead of going out drinking with the guys...for the rest of your life?

For the ladies:

1. Have you gotten over the myth of changing him? (If for some reason he doesn't pick up his laundry off the floor, put the toilet seat down or ever volunteer to do housework, could you live *peacefully* with that for the rest of your life?)

Not trying to be sexist, but those kinds of issues crop up more than you'd believe and can erode a perfectly good marriage.

 

[Bruno@MT]

I'd say there's an ideal maturity level to get married at. And that naturally it's going to be different for everybody because we all mature at different rates in life.

A litmus test for men:


1. will you be able to pick up your dirty laundry off of the floor and into the hamper so that she isn't driven nuts daily?

2. Can you see yourself making your home with her your place to unwind after a hard day, instead of going out drinking with the guys...for the rest of your life?

For the ladies:

1. Have you gotten over the myth of changing him? (If for some reason he doesn't pick up his laundry off the floor, put the toilet seat down or ever volunteer to do housework, could you live *peacefully* with that for the rest of your life?)

Not trying to be sexist, but those kinds of issues crop up more than you'd believe and can erode a perfectly good marriage.

Good points. And to dispell another myth: having kids will NOT 'make everything better'. On the contrary. If your relationship was already a bumpy one, then having a kid will only make it worse. And if you did not both want to have a kid for the right reasons, it will be much, much worse.

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

1. will you be able to pick up your dirty laundry off of the floor and into the hamper so that she isn't driven nuts daily?

I am just starting to learn that. Before dirty clothes went everywhere.

2. Can you see yourself making your home with her your place to unwind after a hard day, instead of going out drinking with the guys...for the rest of your life?

Ya and listening to her day at work. However I may be listening but the whole time I am thinking when is dinner going to be made.

1. Have you gotten over the myth of changing him? (If for some reason he doesn't pick up his laundry off the floor, put the toilet seat down or ever volunteer to do housework, could you live *peacefully* with that for the rest of your life?)

I got a story. Sometimes I go to use the bathroom at night now I am all for flushing the toliet but I don't want to wake my wife up with the flushing. It is these hard decisions that I never know what the right answer is. I know now after being told to flush the toliet. Oh and those trick questions like which friend do you think is attractive and why? I finally figured out trash by the door means I have to take it out or there are little hints I am suppose to do something.

 

[Aikikitty]

I'm getting married this October, a few weeks before I turn 28. There is no ideal age though. A lot of my friends have gotten married before me and some even have kids already! :xtrmshock It was hard sometimes watching other people get married and wondering if I'd end up an "old maid", but it's definitely worth while waiting and playing it safe for the "right one" to come along.

Robyn