Is there an ideal age to get married?

[Tez3]

My mother told me never marry someone you couldn't share a toothbrush with.
If you forget all about getting 'The One' and concentrate on living your life to the full, experiencing everything you want to 'The One' will turn up when you least expect it and because you will have done everything you wanted to and have become a well rounded and wiser person there is a far better chance you will make the relationship work.

 

[blindsage]

I think getting married at the 'right' time is a reflection on your level of maturity and life skills, and those of your prospective spouse. My wife and I are a bit different from most. I'm not the cleanest guy, but my wife makes a much bigger mess that I do, and I'm much more likely to clean up after myself. But we're both getting better at it because we want to have a cleaner house and we communicate what we want and work on it together.

I think communication is the number one necessity and goal, if you can't do it well, and don't have a passing familiarity with all it's aspects, then you're unlikely to do well in marriage (or most relationships). I problem solve for my wife all the time, often because she asks me to. But we have built a relationship where this is possible. I make an effort (and always have) to be a good listener and to empathize with what my wife is saying. But I also try to give her advice at times when I feel it is appropriate, to help resolve things she is upset or complaining about. I think all relationships need to have opportunity for venting and empathizing, but also need to have ample room for problem solving together (even if it's for an issue that only affects one party). Sometimes I need my wife to help me problem solve, and sometimes I just need her to just listen while I *****. It's all about finding a balance, and remembering that your way isn't the only or necessarily the right way.

 

[DayStar]

But you can't know if it's the right person until you've lived enough to know yourself.

I totally agreed with that! :boing1:

 

[MA-Caver]

there is no 'right age' and setting one for yourself just ends in hurt.
crying in your bedroom on your 25th birthday because you don't have your own little family yet is not good. i know because i'm guilty of it.

I know a gal who soon after her 25th was bawling on my shoulder because she hadn't married yet.
I asked her what century she was in, because it seemed she considered herself an old maid... to add insult to injury she was chosen to be maid of honor for her younger sister's wedding.
Try as I might I told her that just like me the right one will come along when her time is ready... that didn't help and soon we lost touch with each other... a few month later I heard she met a guy and within a WEEK they married.
Well she is still married to the guy 10 years later and have several children. She's very happy last I talked to her (on FB) so... who knows.

I really believe in those long engagements and believe that a couple should really get to know one another pretty well (not TOTALLY) and have seen both the good and the bad sides of each other to say to themselves... yeah, I can live with that for the rest of my life.

Advice I heard given to a friend that he passed on to me was... take the WORST thing you cannot stand about your gf (or bf) and ask yourself if you can live with it 365/24/7 for the rest of your life ... if you say yes then marry that person. :idunno: Personally, one can SAY yeah I can live with that but after a while (read: years) it might get pretty damned old.
I've seen couples divorce because of it.

To me how well a couple communicates and how fearless they are about communicating with each other is a good yard-stick. Even if you're going to say something that will NOT make your prospective partner happy... you still tell them anyway and ride the storm out. Ditto for something they tell you... how well you express your anger, sorrow, disappointment, etc. to your mate will be a good yard-stick.
Communication has been and always will be a two way street. If you got that... your chances of a good marriage will be much higher.

(guess we'll see how much water all that will hold when I say "I do" myself someday ... stay tuned ... :uhyeah: )

Oh and to keep with the thread... age is like race... it doesn't matter.

 

[LoneRider]

My mother told me never marry someone you couldn't share a toothbrush with.
If you forget all about getting 'The One' and concentrate on living your life to the full, experiencing everything you want to 'The One' will turn up when you least expect it and because you will have done everything you wanted to and have become a well rounded and wiser person there is a far better chance you will make the relationship work.

Tez3, thanks.

And to the OP, thanks again. I'd been contemplating this problem myself.

I'm 25 years old right now, and predicatibly some of my older relatives (usually my female ones, my aunts are particularly bad about this) are pestering me about 'finding a wife and settling down' (I'm Filipino-American by ethnicity, it must be a Filipino thing to pressure people when they're past 25 about settling down). I'm forever saying I'll do that when I'm ready because I sure as hell am not right now. I'm not even sure I'm ready for a serious girlfriend yet honestly. I date when I find the time, but there's still a lot I'd like to do while I'm single so I just enjoy being single.

I was honestly a bit worried that there was something wrong with me, that most of my friends seem to be marrying left and right. I must thank the OP and contributors who've brought a lot of wisdom into this post because I was starting to worry that there was something wrong with me because I'm still single at 25.

So I plan to just enjoy my bachelor life with the faith that they'll be someone along for me eventually...