Hi,
Similar to Xinglu, I didn't actually read any domestic violence aspect in the original post, but saw a variety of situations that could have been discussed. So, to that end, let's look at some of those...
To begin with, we'll look at the domestic situation. In the OP, we were presented with a few timing options: When being yelled at (verbally abused), when being struck (physically abused), and when both or either continue after requests/insistance to stop (fair warning). For a domestic situation, it can be reasonably assumed that the two people in question are in a relationship, and have been for a period of time. In this situation, there is an implied level of understanding between the two as to what the other would/could do (or not). This is important, because a major reason domestic violence occurs (whether male to female, male to male, female to male, female to female, older to younger, younger to older, or any other variation) is that the aggressor knows that they can do what they do without the other fighting back. This could be due to physical reasons (if the victim is smaller, weaker etc), but most often due to mental/emotional reasons. In regard to the majority of situations (male to female), there are a number of mental factors, which I would prefer to leave to others to deal with, but with the less-common female to male abuse, a major factor is the social conditioning telling the men to never hit a woman.
So there are reasons the abusive relationship has occured. And in that regard, we would be looking at a situation where the abuser is female, and the victim is male. And while I agree that all domestic violence situations are absolutely deplorable, and are the lowest form of cowardice (basically abusing someone you know won't fight back), here we are not talking about a male to female situation. We are talking about one where a male is being abused by a woman. Surely those of you saying that domestic violence has no justification would have no problem if a woman was the victim, and she managed to fight back?
But to the timings presented. When the abuse is purely verbal, in a domstic situation, physical violence has no place. The furthest you should have the option of going is a restraining hold of some type, and attempt to calm them down. Should they start hitting you, then the first option should be restraining again. However, if the abuse is to the point of causing damage, and there is no way of restraining or leaving the situation, you have two options. One is to take it and hope for the best (usually due to social conditioning), the other is to respond, and that may mean hitting. The final timing we have is if you have asked them to stop, and they haven't. This, to me, is the same as above. Verbal abuse, restraint at most, physical, as the situation warrants.
But that is taking a narrow view of the original posted situation. Let's say it's the same wording as the OP, but you're out at a bar or club. And the girl is someone you've never seen before. With that in mind, I'll let you re-read the OP:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Wey 
For you men, when do you consider it "ok" to hit a woman? After she's verbally abused you? After she's hit you once, twice, more? After she keeps doing both mentioned before after you told her to stop?
I've never been in this situation, but I'd probably act once shes been yelling in my face / trying to hit me.
Your thoughts?
Girlfriends/female friends etc are often used to set-up attacks. The most common ways are to have a girl talk/flirt with you, then get attacked by the boyfriend (this is sometimes set up by the guy, but is also often set up by the girl, who gets "turned on" by her man being a thug. Sad, but it happens), or for her to simply start yelling at some real or imagined slight ("Did you just grab my ___? You spilt my drink!" etc), and again, while you are dealing with her, the guy hits you from an unseen place. As well as that, at least here in Australia, the most common way to be stabbed is in a bar/club by the girlfriend of the guy you are currently fighting...
That said, in this situation it is very hard to know what to do. You not only have to deal with your social conditioning, you also have to realise that other peoples social conditioning will come into it as well. So, for these and other reasons, if all she is doing is yelling, as quickly as possible extract yourself from the situation, but be very aware of any other potential attackers who she may be with. If you hit at this point, reagardless of the reality, you will pretty much always be seen as the "bad guy", by all witnesses and security around. If she starts hitting you, cover, and get out. I don't recommend restraint here, again because of the perception of witnesses (you've just grabbed hold of some poor girl!), but also because it leaves you open to any other person she is there with. And if you've asked her to stop, leave you lone etc, and she hasn't, again, the prioritiy is to get out of there. There is no positive in staying.
Let's kick it up a bit, though. Female gangs are becoming more and more common, both in Australia and other parts of the world, so let's take the same OP, and look at it in a more violent light. Let's say that the girl in question is just one of a group (say, 6 or so?), and she has come up yelling at you, in an attempt to intimidate and assault/mug you. Does that change anyone's answer?
Personally, in a group assault, pre-emptive striking is my prefered option. I don't really care if it is a man, woman, or even a group of kids (teenagers, for example). It is simply too dangerous to let them start the physical side of things. So, in this case, just yelling is enough for me to hit. If it is one woman, I am likely to be more restrained, unless she pulls a weapon, in which case I treat her like anyone else who pulls a weapon. Basically, in all of this, I see no difference based on gender, I only see a difference based on risk and inherrent danger. And, from a mature standpoint, that is the only thing a responsible instructor can do.
