Confidence and Self Esteem

rdonovan1

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Since this came up in several other threads I thought that I would make this a separate thread relating to the topic of Confidence and Self Esteem and as to what it really is and as to how important it really is both within the martial arts and outside of the martial arts.
 

Franc0

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It a circle my friend and it all starts with getting off your *** and training. When you start, you question your abilities to perform and defend yourself. After awhile, your commitment towards training makes you get better and you start to realise your abilities. As your abilities grow, so does your confidence and self esteem. When your confidence grows so does your abilities to handle a situation. In the end, your confidence allows you to relax and perform your abilities. Then you realise it takes staying off your *** and training to maintain that ability.

Franco
 
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Omar B

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To live, man must hold three things as the supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason—Purpose—Self-esteem. Reason, as his only tool of knowledge—Purpose, as his choice of the happiness which that tool must proceed to achieve—Self-esteem, as his inviolate certainty that his mind is competent to think and his person is worthy of happiness, which means: is worthy of living.

...No value is higher than self-esteem, but you’ve invested it in counterfeit securities—and now your morality has caught you in a trap where you are forced to protect your self-esteem by fighting for the creed of self-destruction. The grim joke is on you: that need of self-esteem, which you’re unable to explain or to define, belongs to
my morality, not yours; it’s the objective token of my code, it is my proof within your own soul.

...The man of authentic self-confidence is the man who relies on the judgment of his own mind. Such a man is not malleable; he may be mistaken, he may be fooled in a given instance, but he is
inflexible in regard to the absolutism of reality, i.e., in seeking and demanding truth . . .

There is only one source of authentic self-confidence: reason.


-Ayn Rand, For The New Intellectual
 

still learning

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Hello, Confidence and Self esteem if it could be measure?

We will take 36 confidence and 26 self esteems...?

Is this a good numbers to have?

...sometime we do lose confidence ...yet gain more self-esteems later on...

...we notice the harder and longe your train....one gains MORE confidences and it builds the Self-esteem!

One cannot buy or sell confidence/self-esteem....it has to been EARN!

PS:

If you believe it can be sold? ....we have 3 left...
 

terryl965

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Confidence and self esteem is needed for all aspect of life not just human but all. As one ability grows so will both of these and one may get taken the other will grow. Remember no matter what you are who you are inside no matter what the outside may seem like.
 

Deaf Smith

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Self esteem does not impress me much. Self RESPECT does.

I don't care about 'feeling good'. There are lots of losers that 'feel good' about themselves.

But self respect, the ability to say 'yes' when you meant yes, and 'no' when you meant no. The ability to draw lines that you will not cross, not stoop to lower levels. Not allowing yourself to be cheapened, never dishonoring yourself, your family, your friends, and yes, your country, now that I hold with.

Confidence? As long as the confidence is built on reality, yes, its hugely important. Real confidence cannot be faked. Either you have it or you dont. And that comes from achieving difficult task over a period of time. There are no quick methods to build confidence. Good training, guidance, and experience will bring confidence. You crawl before you walk and walk before you run.

Such as pep talks will just make you think you can do, true confidence is knowing you can do! With confidence you don't need pep talks!

Both confidence and self respect are very important in life. I'd even say essential. Without either you will fall by the wayside and will be found wanting.

Deaf
 

BLACK LION

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They are one in the same... you cannot be confident without self esteem...you cannot have self esteem if you lack confidence...
It requires you to consistently try and fail and in turn becoming more and more effective at what it is you are doing... it starts when you learn to crawl then walk and so on... it carries on until you die... there are so many levels of confidence it is impossible to detail all the variables and what not... but if you stop trying to excel and stop failing in the process then your confidence will begin to diminish especially when faced with a task that demands more than you have to offer...

excuse the rant
 

Nolerama

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I think genuine confidence and self-esteem come from the realization of capability.

I think you can find that in the MA's. As well as a number of other things one would excel in.

But I'm always against promoting that as part of a MA curriculum. Selling folks confidence before they're functionally capable in the MA's? That's false advertisement. And there's a ton of folks out there who feel capable in the MA's because someone told them they were in a MA studio.
 

jks9199

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I'm going to spare us all several pages that, in an act of mercy from the Great Spirit of the Internet, have gone away.

Drop the self help books. Drop the pseudo-psychology. Quit blaming others and trying to analyze everything.

Go out, get a life.
 
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rdonovan1

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I'm going to spare us all several pages that, in an act of mercy from the Great Spirit of the Internet, have gone away.

Drop the self help books. Drop the pseudo-psychology. Quit blaming others and trying to analyze everything.

Go out, get a life.

I'm not blaming anyone, it's other people that are blaming me for their own mistakes and ignorance and that is something that I cannot and will not tolerate from anyone for any reason.

If other people want to live their lives in fear and ignorance, then that is their problem and not mine. All that I am doing is defending myself against their arrogance and stupidity.

I may not have much money to do a lot of the things that I would like to do, but I am at least trying to do what I can to meet some nice, honest, and trustworthy people who are capable of believing in both themselves and me. Anyone that does not fit that description is a toxic person and those are the types of people that I choose not to hang around because all they know how to do is to bring a person down instead of being supportive and understanding.

Those are what Rieva Lesonsky calls in her book which is published by Entrpreneur Press 'Start your own business' as being naysayers because that is all that they know how to do.
 

MJS

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I'm not blaming anyone, it's other people that are blaming me for their own mistakes and ignorance and that is something that I cannot and will not tolerate from anyone for any reason.

If other people want to live their lives in fear and ignorance, then that is their problem and not mine. All that I am doing is defending myself against their arrogance and stupidity.


I may not have much money to do a lot of the things that I would like to do, but I am at least trying to do what I can to meet some nice, honest, and trustworthy people who are capable of believing in both themselves and me. Anyone that does not fit that description is a toxic person and those are the types of people that I choose not to hang around because all they know how to do is to bring a person down instead of being supportive and understanding.

Those are what Rieva Lesonsky calls in her book which is published by Entrpreneur Press 'Start your own business' as being naysayers because that is all that they know how to do.

Umm...I'm not blaming anyone as I'm not paranoid. YOU on the other hand, seem to be blaming people for the way your life is. How can someone, who's so paranoid, such as yourself, possibly tell others how to be safe? Again, there's a HUGE difference between being aware and being paranoid. If you can't figure the difference, I don't know what to tell you.
 
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rdonovan1

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Umm...I'm not blaming anyone as I'm not paranoid. YOU on the other hand, seem to be blaming people for the way your life is. How can someone, who's so paranoid, such as yourself, possibly tell others how to be safe? Again, there's a HUGE difference between being aware and being paranoid. If you can't figure the difference, I don't know what to tell you.

I'm not being paranoid at all. All that I am doing is speaking from education and experience.

I don't know if anyone has ever given any thought as to how presumptuous it is to judge a person when they have never walked a mile in the other person's moccassins.

How can someone say they know what it is like for someone else when they have not studied the same things as someone else or experienced the same things as someone else? The answer is that they can't as no one can know precisely what another person has either studied or experienced because they are not the other person.

I know that a lot of people will probably disagree with me, but no two people are exactly alike. Each person has their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and opinions which are based largely upon things like how they were brought up, the environment that they live in, what experiences and education they might have had, and of course their basic biological makeup which is largely based upon evolution.

People may disagree with me and say that is all nothing but fairytale movie stuff, but it is not as all of it is based on concrete scientific and provable fact. People who doubt that stuff are then doubting themselve's as things like instinct control basic biological functions like your heartbeat and your breathing and are the result of millions of years of evolution. It's also where the entire concept of fight or flight comes from and none of it is stuff that a person can really control as it all basically tends to come from the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind also controls a persons emotions and both instinct and emotions can and do largely determine things like what you purchase, what kind of mate you prefer, whether you are happy or sad. Culture also effects your choices as well, but instinct and emotion are the first and foremost determinants as to what you think, feel, and believe about both yourself and about others.
 

Chris Parker

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I have studied the same things, for a fair bit longer than you have, and I have actually studied them, not just read books and formed misguided opinions. That is where teachers come into it, they can steer you back in the right direction when you start going off track. It would appear that you have not had anyone do that, and you left the track far behind.

The reason we say that you are coming across as paranoid (at least) is that your posts are those of a very paranoid person. That's really all there is to it.

But to give just a few examples what I mean by "not just reading books and forming misgiuded opinions", psychology, hypnosis, NLP and the like are often described as "soft sciences", sometimes even as philosophies, or theories, as they are not really quantifiable in the way that physics or chemistry are. You are a little off in describing them as "concrete scientific and provable fact". It's very hard to prove what is really going on in a person's mind, and if you approach NLP, or hypnosis with the belief that it is, you won't get very far. Basic biological functions such as breathing, heartbeat etc are not based on instinct, they are controlled by the sympathetic and parasympathetic system. Instinct is more where the flight/fight thing comes in, as well as normal social bonding, the dual ideas of self and species preservation, but not breathing. And they can be honed, and to a degree controlled, or at least trained to give the most benefit. Hell, the entire basis in hypnosis is founded on that concept! So, in essence, you don't believe hypnosis can work, and by extension NLP, as you can't alter the subconscious, but you study these areas in order to improve yourself? No wonder you don't seem to be getting anywhere with them, you don't think they work!

Instinct and emotion are not the determining factors. Beliefs are far more important there. Again, if you really got this stuff, that wouldn't be something I would need to tell you...
 
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rdonovan1

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I have studied the same things, for a fair bit longer than you have, and I have actually studied them, not just read books and formed misguided opinions. That is where teachers come into it, they can steer you back in the right direction when you start going off track. It would appear that you have not had anyone do that, and you left the track far behind.

The reason we say that you are coming across as paranoid (at least) is that your posts are those of a very paranoid person. That's really all there is to it.

But to give just a few examples what I mean by "not just reading books and forming misgiuded opinions", psychology, hypnosis, NLP and the like are often described as "soft sciences", sometimes even as philosophies, or theories, as they are not really quantifiable in the way that physics or chemistry are. You are a little off in describing them as "concrete scientific and provable fact". It's very hard to prove what is really going on in a person's mind, and if you approach NLP, or hypnosis with the belief that it is, you won't get very far. Basic biological functions such as breathing, heartbeat etc are not based on instinct, they are controlled by the sympathetic and parasympathetic system. Instinct is more where the flight/fight thing comes in, as well as normal social bonding, the dual ideas of self and species preservation, but not breathing. And they can be honed, and to a degree controlled, or at least trained to give the most benefit. Hell, the entire basis in hypnosis is founded on that concept! So, in essence, you don't believe hypnosis can work, and by extension NLP, as you can't alter the subconscious, but you study these areas in order to improve yourself? No wonder you don't seem to be getting anywhere with them, you don't think they work!

Instinct and emotion are not the determining factors. Beliefs are far more important there. Again, if you really got this stuff, that wouldn't be something I would need to tell you...

You are completely missing the Amygdala. That is the central area of the subconscious mind and that is something that anyone who knows anything about NLP or hypnosis should know about.

Milton Erickson knew about it and marketers have known about it and as to how it effects people for a long time. That is how marketers came up with the whole concept of subliminal messaging and it is extremely effective. Both Richard Bandler and Milton Erickson have proven that.

Erickson was an expert at it. He knew all about that stuff more so than you or most people know about it and that is why he was one of the people chosen by Bandler and Grider to study. If you've studied NLP at all especially Bandler's stuff then you will know that Bandler tends to like to talk about Erickson all of the time.

I don't know if you have ever seen Erickson in action, but I have and he is absolutely awesome. Prior to his death in 1980 he was the world's foremost expert on it. Trying to argue about the validity of his work and his expertise on the subject is kind of like trying to argue with Hatsumi Sensei about Ninjutsu as they both knew what they were talking about and they are more of an expert on their subjects than either you or me.
 

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I'm not blaming anyone, it's other people that are blaming me for their own mistakes and ignorance and that is something that I cannot and will not tolerate from anyone for any reason.

If other people want to live their lives in fear and ignorance, then that is their problem and not mine. All that I am doing is defending myself against their arrogance and stupidity.
If you go back and look at most of your posts, you spend a lot of time talking about other people's behavior, what they're thinking, what they're doing and why they're doing it. The lasting impression I have is that you're not happy with your situation. Being so busy analyzing everyone else, it's no surprise to me that you have little time to mind your own affairs. What I would recommend is to spend less time thinking about/writing about other people and spend more time thinking about (or better yet, being accountable for) yourself.
 

Tez3

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I probably have a Pollyanna attitude to life, I expect the best of people and want everyone to be nice, it doesn't happen of course but it's surprising how often though people are nice! I've found expecting the best of people works better than being cynical and expecting the worst. When, however they turn out to be oxygen thieves I don't waste time and effort on them or getting bitter, I just extract my revenge, if necessary, then get on with life lol!
Lifes too short to worry about those, that in the end, don't concern you. As long as I'm happy with how I behaved and how I dealt with things I don't see any problem.
Life's too short to read about living.
Having a slice of hot chocolate fudge cake with real Cornish ice cream on is far better for your mind and soul than any self help book especially if you have it after a really good MA session, and all thats better still if you share it with friends.
 

Chris Parker

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The amygdala is an anatomical section of the brain BELIEVED to be related to processing of mid-to-high brain funcions, including emotions and memory recall. You are talking about the subconscious, which is not anatomical, but a theoretical structure designed to give an insigh into behaviours, beliefs and value systems stemming from Freud and Jung, amongst others.

Yes, it formed a part of Eriksons theories on Hypnotherapy, and yes, Bandler in particular idolised Erikson. And, yes, once again I have seen footage of Erikson in action, not really sure why that is brought up. I am not doubting Erikson at all (he has been a huge influence on my study and education on Hypnotherapy, as well as my Chief Instructor, who is a fully qualified Analytical Hypnotherapist), nor Grinder and Bandler, so I fail to see where you are coming from here...

And when it comes to arguing things like Ninjutsu with Hatsumi Sensei, are you sure you want to go there with us? Really?
 

Tez3

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The amygdala is an anatomical section of the brain BELIEVED to be related to processing of mid-to-high brain funcions, including emotions and memory recall. You are talking about the subconscious, which is not anatomical, but a theoretical structure designed to give an insigh into behaviours, beliefs and value systems stemming from Freud and Jung, amongst others.

Yes, it formed a part of Eriksons theories on Hypnotherapy, and yes, Bandler in particular idolised Erikson. And, yes, once again I have seen footage of Erikson in action, not really sure why that is brought up. I am not doubting Erikson at all (he has been a huge influence on my study and education on Hypnotherapy, as well as my Chief Instructor, who is a fully qualified Analytical Hypnotherapist), nor Grinder and Bandler, so I fail to see where you are coming from here...

And when it comes to arguing things like Ninjutsu with Hatsumi Sensei, are you sure you want to go there with us? Really?

I think this subject is best either studied properly like Chris here or left the hell alone. When it comes to physical medicine we don't try to take out our appendix or set a broken leg with the aid of a self help book so why mess around with your mind using a self help book? We can all see where that leads!
I don't see anything wrong with wishing to understand how people 'work' or wanting to understand their motives and raison d'etre but there's a couple of ways you can do this, you can watch and study them a la Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple ( to borrow literary characters) the 'learn through living' school of thought or you can look to the academic side and learn to balance other peoples observations and studies with your own. In both a certain of questioning is required by yourself and a lot of thought. Reading answers out of a book is not the way to go. A rigid mind is not a prerequisite for either of these courses though, an open mind is.
 
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rdonovan1

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The amygdala is an anatomical section of the brain BELIEVED to be related to processing of mid-to-high brain funcions, including emotions and memory recall. You are talking about the subconscious, which is not anatomical, but a theoretical structure designed to give an insigh into behaviours, beliefs and value systems stemming from Freud and Jung, amongst others.

Yes, it formed a part of Eriksons theories on Hypnotherapy, and yes, Bandler in particular idolised Erikson. And, yes, once again I have seen footage of Erikson in action, not really sure why that is brought up. I am not doubting Erikson at all (he has been a huge influence on my study and education on Hypnotherapy, as well as my Chief Instructor, who is a fully qualified Analytical Hypnotherapist), nor Grinder and Bandler, so I fail to see where you are coming from here...

And when it comes to arguing things like Ninjutsu with Hatsumi Sensei, are you sure you want to go there with us? Really?

I am just wondering as to how much actual contact you have had with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul?

I don't know about you, but I personally get a lot of contact with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul, Richard Bandler, and Dr. Erickson because my mother has PTSD and because my entire family is so screwed up and dysfunctional that it is not even funny.

Before I came over to this site, I was spending quite a lot of time on a psychology forum as well as an NLP forum discussing the ins and outs of both psychology and NLP when time permitted and that is not to mention all of the contact that my family has had with professionals because of the way that my family is and most of them agree with me about what I am saying because they went to school for it and because it is their primary occupation.

I am still having contact with all of them even now as there is quite a lot that I am still trying to understand regarding things that I have learned from people like Ross, Mystery, David D., Dr. Paul, and a whole host of others and that is not to mention all of the contact that I have had over the years with members of both genders and with the business community as well.

One of the things that I am currently working on is objection handling like Ross, Erickson and Bandler are able to do. Part of it is for personal reasons and part of it is for business and professional reasons and it is stuff that I am going to need to know because I am just starting a temporary job with a security company called Akal Security and from what they just told us today at orientation there can and will be a very high probability that I can and will end up in altercations while working at the New Mexico State Fair due to the nature of the job.

Starting next week I will be getting guard card certified going up through level three and I will also be getting a license to serve liquor as well. Both can and will be very helpful to me in my attempts to find full time permanent employment.

I already have my hazmat endorsement on my driver's license and that is good, but it is also a pain in the butt because in order to get the endorsement you have to pass a federal background check by the FBI just to get it as it is required by Federal law and is part of their anti-terrorist efforts and I can't blame them either because a truck full of hazzardous materials like explosives is a prime target for terrorists and thieves alike as it can be used as a weapon of mass destruction and that is why the United States Government tends to take it so seriously.
 

Tez3

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I am just wondering as to how much actual contact you have had with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul?

I don't know about you, but I personally get a lot of contact with professional psychologists and psychiatrists outside of Dr. Paul, Richard Bandler, and Dr. Erickson because my mother has PTSD and because my entire family is so screwed up and dysfunctional that it is not even funny.

Before I came over to this site, I was spending quite a lot of time on a psychology forum as well as an NLP forum discussing the ins and outs of both psychology and NLP when time permitted and that is not to mention all of the contact that my family has had with professionals because of the way that my family is and most of them agree with me about what I am saying because they went to school for it and because it is their primary occupation.

I am still having contact with all of them even now as there is quite a lot that I am still trying to understand regarding things that I have learned from people like Ross, Mystery, David D., Dr. Paul, and a whole host of others and that is not to mention all of the contact that I have had over the years with members of both genders and with the business community as well.

One of the things that I am currently working on is objection handling like Ross, Erickson and Bandler are able to do. Part of it is for personal reasons and part of it is for business and professional reasons and it is stuff that I am going to need to know because I am just starting a temporary job with a security company called Akal Security and from what they just told us today at orientation there can and will be a very high probability that I can and will end up in altercations while working at the New Mexico State Fair due to the nature of the job.

Starting next week I will be getting guard card certified going up through level three and I will also be getting a license to serve liquor as well. Both can and will be very helpful to me in my attempts to find full time permanent employment.

I already have my hazmat endorsement on my driver's license and that is good, but it is also a pain in the butt because in order to get the endorsement you have to pass a federal background check by the FBI just to get it as it is required by Federal law and is part of their anti-terrorist efforts and I can't blame them either because a truck full of hazzardous materials like explosives is a prime target for terrorists and thieves alike as it can be used as a weapon of mass destruction and that is why the United States Government tends to take it so seriously.


You really need to take up running or something healthy.
Many people have screwed up families but you have turned it into an obsession with psychology which isn't going to help anyone. There's wanting to understand people and there's obsessing about things. You've got so you can't see the wood for the trees.
Outside America we don't go so much for all the counselling, therapy and analysis that you do. Frankly I think we are the better for it!

Hazmat is taken seriously by everyone. Try escorting nuclear weapons convoys up and down the UK, always good for a laugh.
 

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