martial arts and bullying how to improve your self confidence

Cirdan

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About anger towards bullies, remember this can be used against you. There is an old saying you should look at people like that with cold eyes.

When you ask about what people here know about BJJ, keep in mind many probaby know your style better than your self even if their profile doesn`t reflect this. People with decades of experience will more often than not have tested many other arts and delved into their history.

I am a beginner and certainly not a very good grappler. However I probably have more hours on the mat with BJJ instructors than you, even if I don`t hold rank.

Keep training. Take a step back at times and the path will be wider for it.
 

Chris Parker

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About anger towards bullies, remember this can be used against you. There is an old saying you should look at people like that with cold eyes.

Absolutely! An old phrase about violence is that when you are slaying a Dragon, take care to not become the Dragon yourself....

In class this week, we were working on escapes from the ground, and involved a shove and rush-tackle, taking you to the ground. Once there, the attacker started just punching down continuously until the defender managed to gain control and reverse the position. The point was to then escape.

However I found a number of the students, once they had a superior position, started to rain down punches themselves! They had gotten to a position where they could escape, and chose to stay in the midst of a violent situation, increasing the chances of them being injured. So, they were taken back, and told that our aim is simple: Get Home Safe. Don't become the Dragon. After that, they started to get it, and were moving with the idea of getting away, rather than anything else.

So while it can be natural to want to hurt a bully, or anyone that hurts you, it's important to move beyond that (as I said, the best thing you can do is to be a better person... after all, that is something that they can't touch!).

Don't become the Dragon.
 
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eggg1994

eggg1994

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well thank you all and i appreciate what you all have been doing you know bullying has changed to cyber bullying and theres no way to combat that type of bullying. do you know a way that people can combat cyber bullying because you know those types of cases leads to suicide and thats what i don't like about bullying is that popular girl and boy in high school calling someone retarded, stupied, and even gay. you know how that makes me feel it makes me want to stop them myself but i would need the police to do it or i could ask that person who did this to you
 

jks9199

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There are lots of ways to fight bullying in cyberspace. And they're often good computer practice, anyway...

For example -- be careful who you let on your friends lists in various social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace. If you don't know the person -- or you know them, and don't like them -- don't let them in! You'd try to avoid a bully in real life, right? Why let 'em into your on-line life?

Then (and this is harder), remember that it's not "real." Many years ago, there was a cartoon that showed a dog sitting at a computer; it was captioned "On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog." There's a lot of truth in that: you don't know who the person on the other side of the screen is. So don't give them power over you...
 

aedrasteia

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Chris

your posts are usually good and thought provoking. This one I'd like permission to steal.
When I'm with girls, especially teens who have been humiliated, bullied and ridiculed, usually the aggressors focus on looks, weight, popularity they launch into physical pay-back immediately - so much rage/hurt. OK to steal from you, with attribution?

I'm thinking your words get right to the heart.

thanks A
 

Chris Parker

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Absolutely you can! I hope it helps them in some way. You don't have to worry about attributing, though, it's more important that they understand what you're telling them.
 
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eggg1994

eggg1994

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i also want to ask yall a question if i see someone at school, naborhood, or any other public place being bullied should i help them or just ignore them because im not going to just stand there and watch them get beat up im going to stop their bully and protect them by any means and that is my martial arts way is that i never go back on my word nor give up because that give me strength to believe in myself which means i will never let this bully get away with this.
 

jks9199

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i also want to ask yall a question if i see someone at school, naborhood, or any other public place being bullied should i help them or just ignore them because im not going to just stand there and watch them get beat up im going to stop their bully and protect them by any means and that is my martial arts way is that i never go back on my word nor give up because that give me strength to believe in myself which means i will never let this bully get away with this.
What do you mean when you say "help them?" Should you jump in like Superman and beat up the bully? Not likely a good idea. How about finding a teacher? Or just telling the bully to stop? Sound like better plans, right?
 

MJS

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i also want to ask yall a question if i see someone at school, naborhood, or any other public place being bullied should i help them or just ignore them because im not going to just stand there and watch them get beat up im going to stop their bully and protect them by any means and that is my martial arts way is that i never go back on my word nor give up because that give me strength to believe in myself which means i will never let this bully get away with this.

I agree with JKS on this. Personally, I tend to not physically get involved. In your case, I'd suggest getting a teacher. IMO, better to do that, than try to physically involve yourself. In a situation outside of school, I'd suggest getting an adult or calling the police.
 
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eggg1994

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i know i should get the teacher in school or call the police outside of school but bullying can happen in places where theres no authority. i should instead stand up for the person who is being bullied and at the same time tell the bully to stop but either way i will stop the bully myself because he is could be a spoil rotten brat or some arrogant teen or a ruthless aduilt. i know i should tell a teacher or call the police but could i stand up verbally against the bully like say '' what did he or she ever do to you or i will not let you bully him or her either you walk away unharmed or get through me to get to him or her''. you know i shouldn't just get my cellphone out while im trying to subdue the bully or run and leave the victum to the bully while i go get the teacher
 

Slipper

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Eggg, standing up for others is a good thing to do and I think your heart is in the right place. However, I want to caution you on a couple of things.

In school, your actions would be seen as making a situation worse and could lead to you being in trouble. It would be better to tell a teacher what you saw. Bullying is a hot topic in schools these days. I do think they would take action on what you saw.

If you witnessed an attack in public, then I think calling 911 would be a good course of action. Of course, I'm sure there are those who will disagree. I think it depends on the situation. I'll defer to the advice of those who have had more experience of street crime than I have. I'm not sure what you are referring to when you say that bullying happens in places where there's no authority?

I do believe that challenging a bully to either "walk away unharmed" or go through you might end badly. That would be a last resort for me.
 

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