Being Bullied and dont know what to do? Having trouble speaking up

Curtindc

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Im 15 year old boy. Sophomore in high school. Ive been bullied and made fun real bad since probaly 5th or 6th grade. Im extremely shy. When i have to speak in class I start shaking and get very scared. I will skip class or fake being sick if i have to give a talking assignment in class. I have no real friends and people are mean to me. Im not sure whats wrong with me. They took me to a therapist and I think they said I had an anxiety disorder but my dad disagrees and says they just want to put me on meds to make money off us and that I just need to quit being a coward.

My dad dosent understand i dont think. Just says i need to fight them and its good for me and its how you become a man, You earn respect that way is what he says. He calls me the P or coward word and punishs me for not fighting. My mom and dad argue and fight all the time so its not nice at home. Not to much hitting but very bad verbal abuse.

I overheard my mom suggest martial arts and dad said thats the "fancy way of fighting" and he is not sure it even works. And to him that kicking stuff is for the P word. Said its simple i just need to throw punches and that he has been in a lot of fights and no one has ever used that stuff.

i dont know what to do i dont feel like im normal and something is wrong with me? I cant seem to talk to people or in front of people and when some one is mean or makes fun of me I cant seem to do anything to stop it.
Since school is virtual at this moment its better because I dont have to deal with people in person but when we go back I know it will start up again. No problem with cyber bullying just in person.

Any help?
 

Headhunter

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Well your dad sounds like a total douche first of all. As for saying “not much” physical abuse....well my friend if there is any at all. You need to tell someone. A teacher a therapist anyone....because that’s not on...not at all and something should be done. Second there’s nothing wrong or unusual with you there are thousands of people who feel the same way.

I mean martial arts can help can help to a degree but it’s not like the movies where you train for a few minutes and suddenly you’ve got extreme confidence. As for fighting the bullies. Again it’s an option but not a clever one. If you get physically attacked then you should defend yourself sure but best way is tell the teacher. Yes I know there’s that nonsense about being a snitch or a grass or a rat or whatever but forget that nonsense and yeah a therapist probably is the best idea for you. You know yeah hey martial arts (any style) will never be a bad thing. You’ll Make friends you’ll get fitter and stronger and maybe get more confidence But martial arts isn’t for everyone. I don’t mean in a negative way there’s no shame in it. The same way football or basketball isn’t for me.

But look I suffer from anxiety and depression have done most of my life. Martial arts helps to a degree but it’d more the physical distraction that helps not learning to fight. Try and find any hobby whether it’s martial arts, running, football, racing whatever.

and speak to a therapist it’s not weak it doesn’t make you a pussy or a coward. George’s st Pierre one of the best mma fighters ever was bullied as a kid and has spoken to therapists...it’s not weakness at all.

if you want to discuss things anymore then please by all means private message me and seriously tell someone what your dad is doing because any type of abuse physical or verbal is NOT right.
 

drop bear

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Go do boxing. It will keep dad happy and give you somewhere to go that isn't toxic.

Once you get something that gives you a bit of a break from that sort of lifestyle. Then you have a platform to start chipping away at everything else.

You just need that one thing that makes you feel normal.
 

Buka

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My heart goes out to the young man, it really does.

But I think you have to be sixteen to be on this forum.
 

Brian King

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Im 15 year old boy. Sophomore in high school. Ive been bullied and made fun real bad since probaly 5th or 6th grade. Im extremely shy. When i have to speak in class I start shaking and get very scared. I will skip class or fake being sick if i have to give a talking assignment in class. I have no real friends and people are mean to me. Im not sure whats wrong with me. They took me to a therapist and I think they said I had an anxiety disorder but my dad disagrees and says they just want to put me on meds to make money off us and that I just need to quit being a coward.

My dad dosent understand i dont think. Just says i need to fight them and its good for me and its how you become a man, You earn respect that way is what he says. He calls me the P or coward word and punishs me for not fighting. My mom and dad argue and fight all the time so its not nice at home. Not to much hitting but very bad verbal abuse.

I overheard my mom suggest martial arts and dad said thats the "fancy way of fighting" and he is not sure it even works. And to him that kicking stuff is for the P word. Said its simple i just need to throw punches and that he has been in a lot of fights and no one has ever used that stuff.

i dont know what to do i dont feel like im normal and something is wrong with me? I cant seem to talk to people or in front of people and when some one is mean or makes fun of me I cant seem to do anything to stop it.
Since school is virtual at this moment its better because I dont have to deal with people in person but when we go back I know it will start up again. No problem with cyber bullying just in person.

Any help?

Curt- Welcome to the forum (although I think Buka is correct) IF ‘kicked off’ do not think it means you are bad or worth less – return once 16.

I do not know your father and mother so do not know if they are dirt bags or not. They might very well be. They might also be doing the best they can with the tools they have. Likely they were also raised in a “not so good “home. I think that they are trying because they have not given up when giving up is constantly encouraged. They are worried about you and seeking to find the ‘help’ they think you might need. They worry that they are failing you. Understand young man, that you can chose one of two paths – You can grow up to become your father or you can grow up to become a better man. The choice is yours to make. I will say that becoming a better man is something that most every dad wishes for his son. So I will write it again – You young man can either become your father or you can become a better man – the choice is yours to make (and you will be making it over and over again as you grow). With all that is going on in the world today, with all the uncertainty, strife, and difficult financial situations things at many homes are ‘not so good’ and frankly getting worse. There might not be enough money at home to go around and that can add a lot of stress and funny thinking to home discussions and add to domestic disfunction.

With soul searching, looking at mentors, your heroes, your rolemodels, try to figure out WHAT being a man means to you, understanding that as you journey – your ideas and goals will deepen and broaden. The path starts today, this very minute and will last a lifetime. Learn to see the path you are walking on. Think Yellow Brick Road from the Wizard of OZ. Learn to see every situation as a test or opportunity to stay or stray on your path. What sort of man do you wish to become? Point at that man whose image you think meets your standard – then deep think and figure out how he got to where he is today. I can give you a hint – all people have trauma in their lives, all people have failed, all people sometimes believe that they are not enough, all people sometimes suffer doubt and hesitation. Some let these hurdles stop their progress, some have figured out how to make the hurdles and failures strengthen them, even when straying off the path, they strive to mightily to return their eyes to their path.

I highly recommend any of Andy Andrews books – start with The Noticer. It is one of my favorites.

Andy Andrews

“I’m not sure what is wrong with me” Try to understand young man that all of us are unique people, all with different strengths and different ‘weaknesses’. You are only 15 which seems old and you can glimpse what being an adult means and will be like, but your body and especially your brain will not reach full development until about 26 years old. You have time. Care what you put into your body and put into your brain. Your anxiety will add an abundance of chemicals to your brain and body which is often harmful in the long term. Daily exercise, hydration, and sleep (at LEAST 8 hours a night of sleep) will help to balance out those chemicals released during the day.

“I have no real friends’. A man will be lucky if he has 5 or 6 friendships that will last his lifetime. Do not beat yourself up too much over the no real friends’ aspect of your life. Your life has just begun, and you do not yet know who you are or who you will become. Kind of tough for people to form friendships when all your age are going thru so many life changes. One thing that you can do is find somebody who is even more quiet than you, someone who sits by themselves, who seems friendless – and say hello. Be a friend to them even if they do not know how to be a friend to you. Take a deep breath, make eye contact and say hello and then smile. Then introduce yourself. Practice in the mirror if you want. Understand that digital friends are most often not real and you should limit the time you spend online. I can read in your post that you know how to communicate well, you need to practice all forms of communication, not just writing.

Start talking to yourself rather than listening to yourself. When we listen to ourselves it is often ANT’s and they need to be stepped on immediately once identified. What is an ANT? An ANT is an Automatic Negative Thought. “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t speak well in front of others”, “I don’t know what to do” type of internal language. Learn to replace place that internal negative dialog with truthful positive thoughts. Try adding the word YET to the thoughts and see what that does. I’m not good enough, YET! I can’t speak well in front of others, YET! I don’t know what to do, YET! Then form a plan and get to work changing that can’t to can.

Can martial arts help you. Sure, of course they can. SO can chess. If you do go the martial arts I highly recommend Judo or wrestling. Less chance of damage to your brain and good physical contact. Both can also lead to some college scholarships. I would recommend BJJ (Brazilian Jui Jitsu) or Sambo but they often are more costly clubs than Judo and Wrestling.

“when some one is mean or makes fun of me I cant seem to do anything to stop it.”

We give the wrong people power over our lives. We let them move into our minds 24/7 and they don’t even pay rent. Sometimes sir, we do not have to do anything to stop it. Did you know that? IF we do not choose to give them and their words or actions power, we do not have to stop it. The drama in our lives will often lesson then disappear if we do not give it any friction to stick around. March on your path and do not choose to let drama deflect you from your goals. We must learn to not engage in drama but to rather flee from it. Do not let it move into your space. Keep your space and mind so occupied with the good, so that all the drama and those that thrive on it see is the flashing red ‘No Vacancy’ move along sign.

My friend Brad Scornavacco wrote an interesting and helpful book you might like to read

https://www.amazon.com/So-Wont-Have-Fight-Solutions-ebook/dp/B00OQT8VKC

As soon as you can, get a job. It can be McDonalds, it can be working for a landscaper, anything. You don’t have to like it, it doesn’t have to all that and doesn’t have to be your career. Honest work can add loads of positive experience and perspective to your life as well as the choices that money can provide. The right jobs can help with your future college goals as well.

Good luck young man

Warmest Regards

Brian KIng
 

JowGaWolf

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When i have to speak in class I start shaking and get very scared.
I recommend this for speaking in front of the class Toastmasters International -Home
I have no real friends and people are mean to me. Im not sure whats wrong with me.
Nothing is wrong with you. The trick is that people often hide their insecurities so it makes them look like they are in control more than what they really are. A lot of people in your school probably go through the same emotions and nervousness that you go through. There's only a handful that have it together but even those students have some kind of flaw.

hey took me to a therapist and I think they said I had an anxiety disorder but my dad disagrees and says they just want to put me on meds to make money off us and that I just need to quit being a coward.
I don't about your dad or your doctors. My thing has always been to accept what I feel and to embrace it and not be ashamed of it. Once you embrace it, then you can start to get better control of what it is that creates your anxiety.

My dad dosent understand i dont think. Just says i need to fight them and its good for me and its how you become a man, You earn respect that way is what he says. He calls me the P or coward word and punishs me for not fighting. My mom and dad argue and fight all the time so its not nice at home. Not to much hitting but very bad verbal abus
There's a lot of ways to earn respect other than fighting. I was quite teen and one of things that I enjoyed doing (and still do) is to listen to others, watch others, and just soak up as much information as I could.

It made me a good listener and it made it easier for me to read people as I got older. I became so good at it that I knew just what to say to make bullies feel uneasy. I knew what looks to give them. The reason why I knew these things is because I would watch or listen to their interactions with others when they were close by. I could tell when they were uncertain about themselves. Bullies often bullied other people and I could tell what things worked and what things made matters worst. Eventually, I was able to tell based on the tone of there voice if I was making things better or worst for me.

On top of all of that I also learned how to fight and made myself stronger. Being able to stop bullies without fighting is awesome, but the reality it's possible that I may find myself in an actual fight. If that happens then I'll need to be able to defend myself as a last resort. Knowing how to fight also gave me confidence because it made me feel that if everything else failed, I could always count on my fists to get me out of a bad situation.

I overheard my mom suggest martial arts and dad said thats the "fancy way of fighting" and he is not sure it even works. And to him that kicking stuff is for the P word. Said its simple i just need to throw punches and that he has been in a lot of fights and no one has ever used that stuff.
I hate to comment on this stuff because it's your day. There's nothing fancy about Martial Arts. Anyone in this group who trains to actually use what they train will tell you that there's nothing fancy about it. It's really direct and straight forward. Martial arts in general will open your eyes and show you that there is more to fighting than just throwing a punch. I've been in fights and I've used my martial arts before in those fights. While I have had fights in the past. I haven't had lots of fights. The better I got with reading people the fewer fights I got in. The better I got with reading people, the more likely I would be able to avoid fights or talk the other guy out of one.

I cant seem to talk to people or in front of people and when some one is mean or makes fun of me I cant seem to do anything to stop it.
Since school is virtual at this moment its better because I dont have to deal with people in person but when we go back I know it will start up again. No problem with cyber bullying just in person.
This is probably the easiest thing to fix. You said a lot in your post to a bunch of strangers, so I'm assuming you really don't have as big of an issue with talking to people as you think you do. You mind probably makes it to be a bigger issue than it really is in real life. I used to think I wasn't smart enough to do certain career jobs. Then by my third job I realized that those who I thought were smart were clueless. In General the more you talk to people (virtual or in person). The easier it becomes. So long as you just be yourself.
 

JowGaWolf

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and speak to a therapist it’s not weak
I agree with this. I had one when I was 14. She helped me to mentally and emotionally keep my world together. I don't know if I would have made it without her. When it felt I didn't fit in the world, she was the one who let me know it was ok to be myself. She taught me that I didn't need to fit in the world. That it was ok for me to be myself. The more that I was able to be myself, the more people became attracted to who I was. Everyone is trying to find themselves when they are teenagers. I accepted who I was with all my flaws and dreams and that eventually made me look more stable than most. I still went through issues, but never doubted who I was as a person.
 

JowGaWolf

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Go do boxing. It will keep dad happy and give you somewhere to go that isn't toxic.

Once you get something that gives you a bit of a break from that sort of lifestyle. Then you have a platform to start chipping away at everything else.

You just need that one thing that makes you feel normal.
I was thinking the same thing. Boxing has an image of it's own. I could say that I'm training boxing and you guys would think differently just because I said it lol.
 
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Curtindc

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I do not know your father and mother so do not know if they are dirt bags or not. They might very well be. They might also be doing the best they can with the tools they have. Likely they were also raised in a “not so good “home.

Thanks for the advice

I think my dad is doing what do thinks is right anyway. He grew up in a home with 2 other brothers and my mom told me he grew up in a abusive household with his dad abusing his mom and probaly him as well. So he thinks its normal I guess.

I dont have any brothers just a sister so i dont have the advantage he had of being raised with other brothers where I guess I would have naturally learned to fight with them.
 
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Curtindc

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If you get physically attacked then you should defend yourself sure but best way is tell the teacher. Yes I know there’s that nonsense about being a snitch or a grass or a rat or whatever but forget that nonsense and yeah a therapist probably is the best idea for you.

and speak to a therapist it’s not weak it doesn’t make you a pussy or a coward. George’s st Pierre one of the best mma fighters ever was bullied as a kid and has spoken to therapists...it’s not weakness at all.

My dad says being a snitch is is the worst thing you can be and he hates that even more then being a coward. So if I tell someone I am scared I'll go home and get in even worse trouble. From what I have heard before I was born he did a little bit of jail time. He and a friend broke into a liquor store and he turned himself in but would not snitch on the person who helped him. He says that earned him a whole lot of respect. So snitching on someone isnt going to go over well with him I know for sure. He says I need to learn to handle **** myself and thats whats being a man is all about. He says your not a man until you get your *** kicked. Its an initation into manhood or something like that. Is this normal? I dont know if this is the way all dads or men think?

Dont want it to sound like i am being disrespectful to my dad. He works and puts food on the table and I think he wants me to just figure everything else out on my own.

I dont think speaking to a therapist is weak either but I cant go to one without my parents permission I dont think. So I dont feel I have any good options.

Other problem is we dont have much money I dont think. So i dont think he would want to pay for martial arts or boxing training.
 
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Kung Fu Wang

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I dont know if this is the way all dads or men think?
When my son got into his 1st fight in high school and was sent back home by his teacher, that was the happiest day that I had in my whole life. I told him that I got into my 1st fight in my 1st grade, 7 years earlier before he started his 1st fight.

All fathers wants their sons to be able to stand on their ground and fight for it. Winning or losing is not important. To have the courage to face the challenged life is important.

- Get a heavy bag. Punch on it 1000 times daily.
- Find a heavy rock. Move it 100 times daily.

You will build up your self-confidence within 3 months.
 
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drop bear

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My dad says being a snitch is is the worst thing you can be and he hates that even more then being a coward. So if I tell someone I am scared I'll go home and get in even worse trouble. From what I have heard before I was born he did a little bit of jail time. He and a friend broke into a liquor store and he turned himself in but would not snitch on the person who helped him. He says that earned him a whole lot of respect. So snitching on someone isnt going to go over well with him I know for sure. He says I need to learn to handle **** myself and thats whats being a man is all about. He says your not a man until you get your *** kicked. Its an initation into manhood or something like that. Is this normal? I dont know if this is the way all dads or men think?

Dont want it to sound like i am being disrespectful to my dad. He works and puts food on the table and I think he wants me to just figure everything else out on my own.

I dont think speaking to a therapist is weak either but I cant go to one without my parents permission I dont think. So I dont feel I have any good options.

Other problem is we dont have much money I dont think. So i dont think he would want to pay for martial arts or boxing training.

There are places that do free or very cheap boxing.

It is worth at least looking in to it.

At the moment you have no good footing. Nowhere really to start. And that makes the end game very daunting.

If you can make one success somewhere you will have something to build off.

So just do the one little thing. And then keep just chipping away at life untill you at least get that good foundation.

And look that can be anything. It doesn't have to be boxing. But it's a martial arts forum and I am going with what I know about.
 

SomeDataPackets

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Hit it from several angles. Watch videos on defense posture and start tailoring some exercises you can do without any equipment. A choice opposing pair are putting your feet on something with your spine quite angled - way more butt up and hands, pushing out but UP like someone trying to double hand pop a volleyball over a net, and then the one behind that is to get two chairs or objects of equal height and do what are called dips. Put your hands out to the side, on these objects, and either lift your lets or let your heels remain at the floor - and start doing these dipping lifts and listen - also, do some where your feet are on something and and the very tips of your elbows are on the two chairs, as well as your forearms, and try to do these sorta 'fly' exercises - where you push your elbows forward and try to make all your shoulder/chest muscles accept this motion lifting your upper body and then drop where you are facing the ground but your elbows are out sorta behind you- and then roll up lifting the body again, using the tip of your elbows and forearms only to grip the edges of the chairs.

Something else is to watch ''head motion'' videos and try desperately to believe in the fact that if you CAN keep on ducking and turning your head and just plain dodging - a LOTTA people slow down on the attack FAST and they start changing up - having to GRAB you then try to power punch a lotta times, cause they sense their power level falling - well - when you get good enough at ducking stuff in motion that MOST people can't hit you just sorta hand slapping your temples, etc - you're a LONG ways away from where you used to stand in the ''likely to get caught'' standings, in any given room.
DUCKING and sorta PREDICTING right, another human being, is a full art unto itself so remind yourself this a lot and try to find things to practice popping. If you have a private trail or yard with trees that have limbs hand down, put up paracord or other rope and tie a knot in it about eye height and try to kick it with one foot, then the other for full sessions at times - 30 minutes or so.

I don't have many posts here but if you can find my other ones they're talking to a guy asking how to start training alone and I told him about how to use a jab ball - the ball with elastic and a headband - not like a boxer. Not like a boxer but like someone using it to give themselves very fast accurate hands, using the elastic on the ball to throw it out and then responding to this rebound by flurrying it in two and three punch flurries QUITE fast. You're not doing it so you can so-called ''be good'' you're are doing that but - you're conditioning your brain to go from damned near zero, to one, two or three punches with ONE hand inside about a second - then you grab the thing.

I'm gonna also explain to you something that you can do if you don't have older brothers to show you how to act. There is a type of traits inventory called the Myers-Briggs Traits Inventory and it is the most ingenious personality development and understanding tool ever developed. It was developed by a woman, a teacher, and her daughter in law and they ask questions and put your personality into a set of abbreviated letters that you then go look up and you read about yourself.

I for instance am what is initialed an INTJ. This is called an Introverted iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging personality and this is way, WAY more complicated than a fighting commentary post but basically there are introverts and there are extroverts, and some people are ENTJs and that's Extroverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging personality.

The EXTROVERT type of any of these, answers questions differently than the introvert. And a lot of people find being an introvert kind of fun - they like to think long - and do right so they LIKE to think a lot of times, rather than talk, to take IN information rather than send signals OUT.

Take the MBTI assessment it's free, invest some time and check me here - and see what kind of letters pop up for you then GOOGLE that TYPE and READ about yourself. And when you do and notice you're INTROVERT trait possessive - READ what the EXTROVERTS answer to the same questions to come up with an EXTROVERT personality - and learn to put these traits on for temporary time frames like in some activity - and then just turn it back off.

The two most in demand types are ENTJs and INTJs. These are the people often hired to run very important, 'no failing allowed' projects, many Fortune 100 companies use MBTI personality inventory to find out who someone ACTUALLY is.

People like the CIA, the FBI, all these high security alphabet letter orgs, and finance places where they need to KNOW - they all use MBTI.

So check this out. Whatever personality you do turn out to be now, at this time of your life, READ about the ENTJs and INTJs and try be able to remember the answers, these two types give, to questions, and learn to think like and act like someone of a different, highly competent personality type that's extroverted so you can coach yourself in answering questions the way certain people do.

In your own case of course your'e really introverted. So you'll study your own type AND the Extroverted version and start trying to be more like THAT.

And at the same time remember the top decision makers sought in the world are ENTJs and try to invest your mind in learning to think and act, react, more like THAT.

The posts I wrote for the jab/reflex ball are probably pretty important for you since you have no brothers.

Something else I didn't include there, is for you to get some elastic or paracord with a bungee cord and hang a tennis ball vertically from maybe a door and a weight and just snap punches at this.

Another one is to do this same sort of rig, but put it horizontally across your room with a couple of drywall screws and maybe a washer into a couple of wall studs - so that the ball in the middle is about eye height for you and practice, actually WATCHING videos or tv and at the same time, swiftly snapping and punching that around.

Watch a guy named Ryan Garcia. He uses elastic a lot to improve high speed and ever increasing power as the exercise finishes.

Another thing about these exercising elastics is they're very cheap at a dollar store and work just like the high dollar ones. You can also use kinda lighter weights on your bar if you have a weight bar - and using the elastics you can make the extensions get ever more difficult.

Another thing with the elastic work out bands is to thread them through the center and two side belt loops on your pants, grab the ends, and do your bag punching with the elastic, and if you hang a double end tennis ball vertical and horizontal in your room you can use the elastic with THAT.

The reason I mention Ryan is cause he's a very good but pretty much self trained boxer. Watch how he acts; watch what he does with his body and try to replicate this fast-hands, head and hands moving back and forth in front of the person when not physically punching.

If nothing else hang a tennis ball from a rope with no elastic bungee but the bungee is a HUGE difference cause if your hand catches it there's not this big jerk on the anchors rattling the house.

The good thing about the double end balls like that with a bungee at each anchor is it's sO quiet. No matter HOW hard you're striking it's VERY low noise and almost NO vibration and ESPECIALLY when they're put horizontally, they can be quite hard to hit.

Practice jumping from one side to the other, one side to the other, in all your work you can bring yourself to do it in.

If you do have a few trusted friends, ask them to please help you spar and tell them sorta confiding that you don't need someone to strike - you need someone that you can duck most of the time. Practice moving your head and jumping around rather than letting them say... open fingertips to the head type stuff where their speed is high, their power is low, and try to keep your arms UP but NOT really use them THAT much - doing what's called SLIPPING which is where you get into it and RIGHT before he hits you - you just GIVE way so HE has to STOP his OWN punch. This tires people out having to stop their own punches so it not only keeps you NOT knocked out - it tires the other person out, fast.

Watch videos, tutorials on different martial arts associated with striking. Grappling is okay but you can self-teach striking a dash easier cause you need no sparring partner.

Good luck with your attempts to stand up for yourself without the nerves. It's one of those things that if you're gonna self train, a grip of it is simply learning to live - to relax and thrive in - competitive environments and this means, competing fairly and firmly with yourself inside. When you exercise and start to do things, think 'how long would this take an ape to learn in a zoo' type timeframes - ask yourself how long the human animal really is likely to need to achieve something Be forgiving of yourself on one hand, but firm with yourself on the other.

Something else you should look up is the process called ''Self-Scripting.'' Since the beginning of human thought, European and Asian philosophy has sought to answer questions about how a man or woman trains him/herself to be one of these 'right on-the-money a lot' types who simply perceive the world in a very much more detailed way - and yet handle it at lightning speeds. For sports, for leadership in emergencies or just dangerous activities, people need to be able to be taught - how to think. FOR a specific ENVIRONMENT. Well this is the science of Self Scripting. What you do is analyze whatever some little thing, or big concept is - and you actively think about this, and ask yourself- well you sorta TEACH yourself how to boil what EVER it is - down to a phrase - a SCRIPT - from two to six syllables long. Some inner self command to keep going and not flag out mentally is what you're a lotta the time gonna be developing and this scripting when you read about it, and learn what to do, is VERY powerful because you learn to develop scripts you can mentally repeat with steps, with combinations of moves, to give them a sense of disciplined application.

Ask your dad to hold pads for you. Kinda grease him up a little bit about it and get him involved in WATCHING you LEARN to TRAIN your SELF. Listen I don't mean this in a mean way ok? Hey. If he's gonna be around, he's gonna be involved, so - tell yourself - you'll always view yourself through what COULD be his lens of criticism and use this to EXCEL. It's difficult to do, to try to do this with your dad but - you NEED a SENSE that you've gotta COMPETE cause - that's just how tha F***n WorLD is, and... it's a drag, but then again even eagles gotta lift themselves and dinner up out of the lake or off the ground.

Something else to do is when you can - look up - and learn to look up what you want in this - ''silent subliminal'' and some traits like ''good leader'' and ''good follower'' and ''martial artist'' and ''good at analyzing'' ''super athlete'' and figure out which ones are truly silent - and open four or five tabs at a time, with these things going on ''loop.'' Turn the resolution down so you don't swallow your home's internet connections whole, and put them on and LEAVE them on as if - you have that sorta ex marine instructor uncle Joe trying to help you: but really it's just you. People have GOOD luck with this technique cause it fits so well into ''self scripting.'' Your imaginary uncle who was the marine instructor, keeps ''repeating these short, rhythmic scripts.''

Finally, one last bit of advice. Go to a dollar store and get a $12.00 real large-size paper dictionary - and get about 10 or 15 pieces of paper as book marks and space them mostly evenly in the book, and EVERY day, make yourself READ several pages outta that dam**d dictionary. One of the reasons for this is that - when you're trying to change your mind, the way it thinks? How did it get where it is? It got there by thinking the thoughts, with the WORDS you USE in a repetitive manner and when you consciously start trying to learn and sorta memorize, a WHOLE bunch of words, this way?
It VASTLY enhances your ability to THINK NEW THOUGHTS as a MODE that comes easily and rather fluently. When you're just REARRANGING the vocabulary you sorta prefer, and AUTO-SCRIPT with - you do these whether you realize it or not - when you're just REARRANGING these things, what happens is as time goes on and very similar forces are directing/deflecting you - you intuitively, instinctively, RE- arrange BACK to what seemed before - to be the HIGHEST SPEED, LOWEST DRAG way to THINK in life. You see what I'm saying here?

You actually need to fill your head with a whole bunch of new words, so that your OLD scripts, can't occupy as much of your thinking space. Your thinking time. When you want to generate NEW self instruction, having this flood of words in your brain LITERALLY gives you NEW ways to think.

This is a REAL thing: if you don't ignore it you're gonna be a LOT better off no matter what. The good thing about the paper book is you can COMPLETELY insulate yourself from you, drifting off and thinking the same old LaH LaH LaH Lahs, that you LOVE to THINK about - but which somehow or other - are the very thought processes that have you feeling and BEING, psychologically stuck about just what to do.

So that's a wall of text and I plan to stand behind it 100% until someone says 'oH HeLL nO' at which time I intend to capitulate completely and declare that ''I wanted people to like me !! I made it all uP !!"

LoL. Good luck.
 

Duss D Gnutz

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Im 15 year old boy. Sophomore in high school. Ive been bullied and made fun real bad since probaly 5th or 6th grade. Im extremely shy. When i have to speak in class I start shaking and get very scared. I will skip class or fake being sick if i have to give a talking assignment in class. I have no real friends and people are mean to me. Im not sure whats wrong with me. They took me to a therapist and I think they said I had an anxiety disorder but my dad disagrees and says they just want to put me on meds to make money off us and that I just need to quit being a coward.

I'm in agreement in with your dad. The only difference is that I would never berate you over this. However, my suggestions would be the same (for the most part).

My dad dosent understand i dont think. Just says i need to fight them and its good for me and its how you become a man, You earn respect that way is what he says. He calls me the P or coward word and punishs me for not fighting. My mom and dad argue and fight all the time so its not nice at home. Not to much hitting but very bad verbal abuse.

In that last sentence, are you talking about what's going on at home, or what's happening to you at school?

Because if it's the latter, my advice would be to say something back. Verbally defend yourself. It may not escalate beyond that. However, you need to be ready if it does.

I overheard my mom suggest martial arts and dad said thats the "fancy way of fighting" and he is not sure it even works. And to him that kicking stuff is for the P word. Said its simple i just need to throw punches and that he has been in a lot of fights and no one has ever used that stuff.

Confession: when I was in my preteens (11, 12), whenever I fought a kid that reached puberty before I did, I would only kick. I wanted to keep distance, because I was scared of getting punched in the face by someone who was significantly stronger than I was.

So I can see where your dad would say that. Of course, one could also make the argument that what I did was smart.

I dont know what to do i dont feel like im normal and something is wrong with me? I cant seem to talk to people or in front of people and when some one is mean or makes fun of me I cant seem to do anything to stop it.

Are you on the spectrum? If you don't know, you might want to get tested so that you can receive whatever treatment you may need.

Since school is virtual at this moment its better because I dont have to deal with people in person but when we go back I know it will start up again. No problem with cyber bullying just in person.

Any help?

Again, verbally defend yourself. You should hope for it to not escalate beyond that, but you should be prepared for it to escalate.

You should never allow fear of how other people will treat you - either verbally or physically - dictate how you live your life.

Here's another thing that will come up: girls. The girls in your class are watching you allow yourself to be disrespected by the other boys. You know who the girls want? The guy who owns the room when he walks in. The guy who commands respect from other guys.

I know you didn't ask, but this WILL be an issue. And at the age of 15, it's not too late to turn this around.

I also want to say this: when men who are older than your dad are giving you advice, take it for what it's worth. I'm 40 years old, and I can handle my life the same way others here handle theirs - which is the way they were telling you to handle yours.

But I handle my life that way because, at the age of 40, I CAN. I don't have to worry about another man my age, for example, making fun of something I'm wearing... and if he does, everyone will look at him like he's stupid. You don't have that luxury.

So bear that in mind when you read the advice that you are being given.
 

Hong Kong Pooey

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Try talking to the sports teacher and tell him you're interested in learning boxing or wrestling but don't have much money, he may have some suggestions.
 

Duss D Gnutz

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Oh, another thing I wanted to point out: there was a Jocko Willink podcast I was watching where he spoke of how knowing how to fight increases confidence. He gave the example of how, if you walk into a room and you know that you could kick anyone's *** in that room if you wanted to, you're not going to have that social anxiety.

I highly suggest following Jocko Willink on any and every social media platform that you use, especially YouTube.
 
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Curtindc

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CURTINDC SAID:
My dad dosent understand i dont think. Just says i need to fight them and its good for me and its how you become a man, You earn respect that way is what he says. He calls me the P or coward word and punishs me for not fighting. My mom and dad argue and fight all the time so its not nice at home. Not to much hitting but very bad verbal abuse.


In that last sentence, are you talking about what's going on at home, or what's happening to you at school?

Im talking about verbal abuse at home from my dad. Although it happens at school as well. Verbal and some physical at school as well. I tried to talk back to my dad. I told him I was not going to take life advice from someone who has 5 Dui' s. Obviously he has no morals and dosent learn from his past mistakes. So him lecturing me on morality and to learn from mistakes I dont find very creditable. That really pissed him off!
 

Duss D Gnutz

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Im talking about verbal abuse at home from my dad. Although it happens at school as well. Verbal and some physical at school as well. I tried to talk back to my dad. I told him I was not going to take life advice from someone who has 5 Dui' s. Obviously he has no morals and dosent learn from his past mistakes. So him lecturing me on morality and to learn from mistakes I dont find very creditable. That really pissed him off!

Based on everything you've said about your dad so far, it seems like he has some issues. However, social ineptitude is not one of them. When he speaks to you about social skills, I would definitely listen to him if I were you.

I can't tell you what to do, but I will say that if I were in your shoes, all bets are off when someone puts their hands on me. I'm swinging, and I'm going straight for their face.

Sure, the kid in question may bigger than you and walk away the victor... but it is much better for you to fight and lose then to allow someone to put their hands on you and do nothing about it.

Even if the other guy wins, you want to hurt I'm getting to the point where his victory is not going to be worth the price that you're going to make him pay for it.
 
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