When is it time to take a break...

[exile]

Mirabile dictu there's something Rob Redmond and I agree on.

You probably also agree with him on the preferability of a bottom-up rather than top-down model of MA organization, in terms of technical innovation and other curricular matters... take a look at this.

I've never really taken a break, but when other parts of my life demand more attention, I'll scale back the MA stuff until those other elements receed a bit. On the other hand, there are other things I enjoy doing, but I realize I'm not enjoying them at the moment so I'll shelve those things. Not a big deal. I can always pick up again where I left off later.

That's something people often seem to forget. Your chosen MA, whatever it is, isn't going away anywhere; you can always find it again...

 

[still learning]

Hello, Everyone have their own dreams and goals in life.

I have a friend who love to going fishing, fish for almost 50 years of his life...than one day decide he didn't want to do it any more. (Hawaii is in the middle of Pacific Ocean, our shoreline fishing is UNLIMTED in species)
His/mines too, flavoriate style from shore was call "Ulua" fishing....0ver 9 type of this Jack Trevally, can be caught 24 hours, many times we fish for 2-5 days at a time(non-stop). His biggest is 102lbs from shore.

Today most of his fishing stuffs have been sold....and took up golfing...a renewal and new challenge for him.

When we were younger we live to fish...work was just something to pay the bills.......as time goes on priorty changes, you see other things in life going on.......Some people NEVER change and stay with that one thing all there life. Others see NEW challenges and New adventures.

Why People quit? Can be many reasons...sometimes the passion is gone!
Martial art for some is LIFE! ...some just a challenge.. others? -NOT quite what they were looking for?

Depression is other story..................Aloha

PS: For some "Martial arts" is the center of their world...nothing else is more important to themselve...many times cannot see or feel that for others it is less important....

 

[Em MacIntosh]

Thank you all very much for your advice and concern.

 

[Em MacIntosh]

The problem is martial arts aren't about peace for me. They've become being better at violence than the other guy when you need to be. Where the damage is done is when this attitude bleeds into the rest of your life. How long are you upset after an altercation? I can tell myself it's water under the bridge but believing what I tell myself is a different story. I feel the peace aspect is like talking about the weather. The weather is whether you talk about it or not and is pretty obvious. I make no mistake that effective self-defense may result in the possibility of causing injury. I'm feeling a moral impass with myself, the details I don't think I should share until certain matters are resolved. The problem is that I'm torn between two rights/wrongs and I have to make a choice based on faith. Those are the most difficult choices for me. I've concluded that my outlook and attitude are responsible, as always, for the situation I'm in. There is nothing more dishonorable than not admitting to being responsible for your actions if/once you are aware. I hope I'm reading myself right. I've also been getting some council.

 

[exile]

The problem is martial arts aren't about peace for me. They've become being better at violence than the other guy when you need to be.

Em, I can't argue with you on this point: whatever other people may experience, my own view of martial arts is that their essence is, at base, structured violence. And I personally have always found it difficult to see the peace-loving side of arts which teach you effective ways of delivering blows to soft tissue that may leave your assailant in mortal danger: a knifehand strike that can break a stack of three inch board without spacers, say, is going to do something to an attacker's larynx that I wouldn't want to have to visualize. The only peace I see associated with the MAs is the peace of mind that comes from knowing that you've done all you can to give yourself a possibly critical extra survival advantage should trouble find you, against your will and best efforts to avoid it. But the MAs are about destructive force, and its effective management, so far as I can see. So if you can't see the peaceful aspect of the MAs... you're not alone.

Where the damage is done is when this attitude bleeds into the rest of your life. How long are you upset after an altercation? I can tell myself it's water under the bridge but believing what I tell myself is a different story. I feel the peace aspect is like talking about the weather. The weather is whether you talk about it or not and is pretty obvious. I make no mistake that effective self-defense may result in the possibility of causing injury.

One thing that you might consider is that we are all very apt to invest physical conflict situations with a lot of other emotional linkages, because a good deal of our lives we feel ourselves vulnerable to the will of others. People who work in office situations with a brutalitarian boss, or with nasty colleagues; people who deal with an often extremely rude public in a service capacity; people with emotionally abusive and manipulative family situations.... the list of ways we can, and often do, get treated badly, unfairly, or at best in a completely arbitrary way, is basically endless. And I have the feeling that in a situation where you are physically threatened—the most immediate, dire threat of all—your sense of, and blazing anger at, all these other vulnerabilities kicks in, and you see red... and go on seeing it. When people, in a physical altercation, go berserk and inflict serious damage on the attacker or attackers, way beyond what anyone who knows them imagines them physically or emotionally capable of, I would love to bet high that it's that final-straw rage reaction, fueled by all the other places where they feel pushed around, that's feeding that kind of literally frightening explosive anger-driven violence.

I'm feeling a moral impass with myself, the details I don't think I should share until certain matters are resolved. The problem is that I'm torn between two rights/wrongs and I have to make a choice based on faith. Those are the most difficult choices for me. I've concluded that my outlook and attitude are responsible, as always, for the situation I'm in. There is nothing more dishonorable than not admitting to being responsible for your actions if/once you are aware. I hope I'm reading myself right. I've also been getting some council.

Counseling will very likely help, Em. Long-suppresed, virulent anger, if that's what's involved, definitely needs to be looked into; it can literally make you sick, if you don't.

And if you feel that the sanctioned violence inherent in the MAs tends to feed something like that in you, then yes, it might be wise to give it a pass for a while, till some of these other issues can be resolved... I for one certainly don't want to give you any kind of bland reassurance that no, the MAs can only do you good, they can be a kind of tranquil meditative exercise, etc. etc. Your instincts in this particular matter strike me as worth paying serious attention to.

 

[terryl965]

Originally Posted by Em MacIntosh
The problem is martial arts aren't about peace for me. They've become being better at violence than the other guy when you need to be.

This is to bad if you are not having peace within your training, even though you are learning to defend you still should be able to find peace.

Originally Posted by Em MacIntosh
Where the damage is done is when this attitude bleeds into the rest of your life. How long are you upset after an altercation? I can tell myself it's water under the bridge but believing what I tell myself is a different story. I feel the peace aspect is like talking about the weather. The weather is whether you talk about it or not and is pretty obvious. I make no mistake that effective self-defense may result in the possibility of causing injury

One should be able though there training to let go when these stituation arise. But a person should be able to have inner peace within a relitive short period of time after an altication.

Originally Posted by Em MacIntosh
I'm feeling a moral impass with myself, the details I don't think I should share until certain matters are resolved. The problem is that I'm torn between two rights/wrongs and I have to make a choice based on faith. Those are the most difficult choices for me. I've concluded that my outlook and attitude are responsible, as always, for the situation I'm in. There is nothing more dishonorable than not admitting to being responsible for your actions if/once you are aware. I hope I'm reading myself right. I've also been getting some council.

Em we act differently when certain things in our life go wrong, I would sit back and really see if thing could have been different with your self and the answer probaly is no, what is going to happen will happen all we can do is sit back and hope we are making the right choices at the time.

I know this is probaly not the right answer for you and known of us have that but you are moving forward with your life and getting some counceling and really trying to look beyond what happened. Please remember you can only control yourself and not others.

 

[newGuy12]

If you must make a difficult decision, that's too bad. Nobody likes to do that. However, once you make your mind up, then you pursue that path in earnestness.

I post mostly because I want to extend good wishes to you, that this will be resolved in a good way.




Robert

 

[Kacey]

The problem is martial arts aren't about peace for me. They've become being better at violence than the other guy when you need to be.

The trick is to use the right amount of violence for the situation in which you find yourself. Stephen Donaldson, a fantasy writer, has an alternative universe called The Land, in which the inhabitants swear the Oath of Peace, as follows:

Do not hurt where holding is enough,
Do not wound where hurting is enough,
Do not maim where wounding is enough,
Do not kill where maiming is enough,
The greatest warrior is he who does not have to kill.

Even the pacifistic inhabitants of The Land admit, freely, that there are times when violence is necessary - the key is to limit it as much as possible.

Where the damage is done is when this attitude bleeds into the rest of your life. How long are you upset after an altercation? I can tell myself it's water under the bridge but believing what I tell myself is a different story.

This is always a personal decision; only you can decide how much damage has been done, and only you can decide what, if any, steps to take to remediate that damage. It's easy to sit behind a computer and say "let it go" - but since we don't know the circumstances (and don't need to), only those involved can determine what, when, and how to let go of.

I feel the peace aspect is like talking about the weather. The weather is whether you talk about it or not and is pretty obvious. I make no mistake that effective self-defense may result in the possibility of causing injury. I'm feeling a moral impass with myself, the details I don't think I should share until certain matters are resolved. The problem is that I'm torn between two rights/wrongs and I have to make a choice based on faith. Those are the most difficult choices for me. I've concluded that my outlook and attitude are responsible, as always, for the situation I'm in. There is nothing more dishonorable than not admitting to being responsible for your actions if/once you are aware. I hope I'm reading myself right. I've also been getting some council.

I agree what you've said above, the most with the part of your post that I have marked in bold. I also agree, as has been said, that counseling (professional or not - but from someone who is both objective and aware of the details of the situation) can be tremendously helpful. I will also point out that those who are aware of, and concerned about, the moral/ethical implications of their actions are, in general, the ones who choose correctly. Good luck to you with your situation.

 

[Brother John]

When is it worth taking a look at the possiblity of life without the martial arts? What are some of the possible negative effects training can have on your outlook? I've decided that I'm far too misguided at the moment to consider training further as I'm taking myself in a direction I no longer want to go and only reenforcing bad mental habits. I think it's important to step back sometimes and try to look at a bigger picture, like a map, and draw yourself some directions. Right now, I think, I'm far off course. It's not that I have a problem with it, it's that I have a problem with myself. How about you? Has situational turmoil ever had you considering or questioning your involvement in the martial arts? If so, did you take a break? Was it good or bad for you? What are some of the reasons why it might be better to discontinue, at least, for a short time, to get your head on straight? What are some overwhelming reasons to stay despite whatever trouble you may be having? Thanks everyone!

Reason #1 to not do martial arts = You don't enjoy it anymore.
Reason #2 to discontinue martial arts = You're injured and need to mend.
Reason #3 to discontinue martial arts = you're dead.

...at least, that's how I see it.

Don't do it if you're not enjoying it. What's the point?

If you're injured, take the time off that you need too in order to mend....train mentally, feed your mind, read MA....etc., but do what your doctors tell you!!! You have the rest of your life to be a martial artist......you only have RIGHT NOW to heal what needs healing NOW.

and if you're dead?
Well.........
sign up for Tai-Chi in Heaven!

Anyway.....another thing to keep in mind is to keep a balance in your life. It's far to easy (for me especially) to go too far with the martial arts and let other things in your life suffer. Keep a sense of perspective and priority. Don't EVER let things that matter MOST be at the mercy of things that matter less!!!!!!!!!!! EVER......
...if you're a married martial artist, you probably know the lesson I'm talking about!

Your Brother (yes dear, I'll be there in a momen.......)
John

 

[Brother John]

The problem is martial arts aren't about peace for me. They've become being better at violence than the other guy when you need to be. Where the damage is done is when this attitude bleeds into the rest of your life.

Wow....
yeah.........

I'd have to take an edjumicated guess here and blame your instructor. IF you've been training under this kind of mindset, then Yeah......You're weaving some DARK threads into your tapestry that none but professional soldiers/warriors should ever need to consider! Even then.....their mentality is different.

I'd suggest you find the BEST instructor you can, one with VERY high credentials.........and stay in contact with them as far as WHAT you think about WHAT you are doing, and why. Then they can give you good guidance and this kind of thinking could be blotted out before it gets a chance to fester.

Martial arts, if approached correctly, are about affirming life, it's sanctity and appreciating it's delicacy and worth.

No wonder you're thinking about getting out.
Being 'effective' doesn't equate being an animal.
.....if approached, it should lead to being more human.

Your Brother
John

 

[Xue Sheng]

The problem is martial arts aren't about peace for me. They've become being better at violence than the other guy when you need to be. Where the damage is done is when this attitude bleeds into the rest of your life.

I am by no means trying to convince you to stay with martial arts if you have decided you need a break, only you know what is best for you but I took a look at your profile today to check the arts you train and I want to add something here.

I train Taiji, which ultimately is a very good fighting art, but it takes time to get there. There is a lot of internal cultivation that you need to do first. I also train Sanda which is pretty much about hurting the other guy as fast and as hard as you possibly can while maintaining your own safety. The approaches to conflict are different but the result is ultimately the same. Taiji is patient and redirects and waits to attack Sanda basically attacks. Taiji is more about not fighting than fighting but it is rather good at fighting if needed where Sanda is pretty much about fighting. But my Sanda sifu looks at it like this. Sanda is a good way to keep in shape and he knows if necessary he can defend himself and his family.

Another art, that I do not train, is Aikido that is referred to as the art of peace but ultimately in a conflict it is still about the fight.

There is a book by “Morihei Ueshiba” (founder of Aikido) called "The Art of Peace" you might find it an interesting read.

My best to you and I wish you luck.

 

[IcemanSK]

I would encourage you to take a break because you've said that you don't feel it's healthy for you right now. If it not good for your mental health, it's not good for you.

There was a time in my life when I was studying to be a minister. Seminary & other things in my life at the time were very difficult for me emotionally. I was in a rough place: I loved God & knew God loved me, but I was getting physically sick in church every week because of the stress I was under. During this time, with the help of a counselor (who was a minister) I stopped going to church. It was really hard for me, but it's what I needed to do for myself for awhile. It turned out to be a really good thing for to take a break. I was able to come back when I was in a better place emotionally.

I'd encourage you to seek help for yourself & see if taking a break from MA would benefit you, too.

All my best!

 

[Guardian]

When is it worth taking a look at the possiblity of life without the martial arts? What are some of the possible negative effects training can have on your outlook? I've decided that I'm far too misguided at the moment to consider training further as I'm taking myself in a direction I no longer want to go and only reenforcing bad mental habits. I think it's important to step back sometimes and try to look at a bigger picture, like a map, and draw yourself some directions. Right now, I think, I'm far off course. It's not that I have a problem with it, it's that I have a problem with myself. How about you? Has situational turmoil ever had you considering or questioning your involvement in the martial arts? If so, did you take a break? Was it good or bad for you? What are some of the reasons why it might be better to discontinue, at least, for a short time, to get your head on straight? What are some overwhelming reasons to stay despite whatever trouble you may be having? Thanks everyone!

It's time to take a break when you feel you need it pure and simplel my friend. No one can tell you it's a good time or bad time, they can give advice, but that's it only.

I took a break for 2 years after injuring myself though I was ready about 8 months after it, I decided I need that break after 10 years of continous training 3 or 4 times a week to mentally recuperate as well as physically. It worked wonders and I also learned that I could stay physically fit and active knocking it down to a couple of times a week.

I hoped whatever you choose or chose worked out for you. Good luck.