On the Alert!

[Tony]

A while ago i was in this sandwich shop at lunchtime wating to be served and this black guy, about my height, just a little stockier tapped me and asked me what type of meat was on the counter! Not even an excuse or please which i thought very rude and not wanting to point out his social etiquette rule he had broken I told him and received no thanks. I guess i was a little scared because the thought of any kind of confrontation fills me with panic but i was trying to mentalyl prepare myself just incase he had took it upon himself to provoke me. I was wearing my jeans and not great to kick in so i subtlely stretches myself a little and made myself ready just incase.

Has anyone here been submissive like this to avoid getting into a fight or should i just risked it and told him his behaviour was unacceptable and rude. I know only too well he would not have been so overconfident with someone much bigger but because I'm only 5'7 and don't look like i pose a threat to anyone he knew he could intimidate me. Even though i'm grading soon for my black sash I am still fearful of getting into a fight.

 

[bobster_ice]

It dosnt matter how big or how small your opponent(sp?) is, what colour he/she is or what marital art he/she does, as long as you dont fear them and you are confident that you can beat them, you`ll be ok.

Im not sure if this makes any sense as im only awake.

 

[TigerWoman]

And I suppose it wouldn't be good to make assumptions about his comment either just because he is 1) black 2) big. What kind of meat was on the counter? It was a sandwich shop. Maybe he was asking you a polite question because he couldn't see without his glasses. Or is that some kind of code word I'm missing?? TW

 

[Drac]

I am still fearful of getting into a fight.

No shame there ...I've been a cop for 19 years and been in more that my share of physical confrontations and still have a touch of fear when enetring a situation that's might get ugly..

 

[still learning]

Hello, There are many people who are unware of there "language" use..many do not know how to ask "in a nice way".

Everyone is raise up differently. ...maybe that is the only way he might know how to ask?

BUT....We still can be polite and manner.... Never tell a total stranger like that..." he is rude" ... Be nice and move on.

Simile ...keep your thoughts to yourself...you can still answer nicely...move on!

To many people are killed or injury ...because one thought the other person was rude. NOT worth getting into a arguement/fight for this.

Simile....say "Thank-you and move on.. ...and Aloha

 

[Robert Lee]

Its good to be aware. But not good to over think that something simple may be a sighn of danger. I think fromwhat I read no threat was intended in the persons question. And about kicking in jeans. Remember low kicks are safer and better in a real fight. But agin notice your suroundings and judge what happens fairly.

 

[Jmh7331]

Unless your life or the life of someone you love is in danger, why would you fight? I have bowed out of a few confrontations and walked away looking like a wimp, but I did walk away! It's not the Old West so it doesn't matter who thinks you're "yeller". You'll probably never see them again. I've seen a lot of fights that were started because of pride.

 

[Kacey]

Unless your life or the life of someone you love is in danger, why would you fight? I have bowed out of a few confrontations and walked away looking like a wimp, but I did walk away! It's not the Old West so it doesn't matter who thinks you're "yeller". You'll probably never see them again. I've seen a lot of fights that were started because of pride.

I agree - there are very few things I would be willing to fight for. Someone wants my purse? They can have it. Someone wants my car? That's what insurance is for. Someone wants to harm someone else? That is worth fighting for... but the form of that fight is going to depend on the circumstances.

 

[scottcatchot]

I stand with the general concensus, pick your fights wisely. It is something I really have to work on because in many ways I have a confrontational type personality so I am constantly having to check myself as I want to point out when someone is rude or I didn't think they should treat me in a certain way. But, in reality most of the time it is just something petty that has got my dandruff up and is not worth the potential fight it could cause. If I can just remember that everytime I get frustrated........

 

[tshadowchaser]

from reading the first post i dont see why you where fearful/
The man asked a question big deal was it the way he asked or his body posistion or what?
Just because he has bas manners dose not mean you need to fear someone

 

[Zepp]

A while ago i was in this sandwich shop at lunchtime wating to be served and this black guy, about my height, just a little stockier tapped me and asked me what type of meat was on the counter! Not even an excuse or please which i thought very rude and not wanting to point out his social etiquette rule he had broken I told him and received no thanks. I guess i was a little scared because the thought of any kind of confrontation fills me with panic but i was trying to mentalyl prepare myself just incase he had took it upon himself to provoke me. I was wearing my jeans and not great to kick in so i subtlely stretches myself a little and made myself ready just incase.

It doesn't sound at all like there was a reason for this event become physical anyways. Unless I'm misreading your post...

 

[Last Fearner]

Hello Tony,

Here are my thoughts on this topic, sir.

You believe the man to be rude - by whose standard? What was his perspective. There are many possibilities to consider:

Do your views of "social etiquette" differ from his? Perhaps he is aware of possible race tensions, and was a little afraid of you - - sound strange? Not necessarily. He might have had negative encounters in the past. He might have thought that you could have been armed. He might have spoken so directly to show he has no fear (outwardly), or maybe this was his way of treating you like one of his "buddies" - - a friend he can speak to without formalities. Was he with anyone that he might be trying to impress. Was he the only Black Man in an all white environment and he wanted to show he was not intimidated, or that he could socialize freely with you?

Should you have corrected him? Why? What good would it have done? Would it have changed his behavior in the future, and at what risk? You believe a stranger is rude to you - - how do you correct that stranger's alleged rude behavior without being rude or condescending to them?

Might he become offended? Yes. Is there a risk to your safety? Yes. Should you fear that risk? No. Train, be prepared, don't do anything foolish or unnecessary, and have confidence that if a person attacks, you will succeed in defending yourself. "Provoking" you is not attacking you. If he becomes upset at anything you say, and "provokes" you, ignore the provocation, and walk away. If someone attacks you, defend yourself with confidence.

Be polite to people, even when they are rude to you, and you will lead by example rather than by verbal corrections.

Has anyone here been submissive like this to avoid getting into a fight...

I do it all the time - with no shame or hesitation! I would rather avoid a fight than to risk the loss of life (mine or anyone else's) over something trivial. If a person crosses the line, and my choices are either defend, or get beaten (possibly injured or killed), then I will use my skills accordingly - no shame - no hesitation!

This is my humble opinion, sir. I hope it is helpful - Thank you! :asian:
CM D. J. Eisenhart

 

[swiftpete]

He could well have had a bit of an attitude problem, some people think that to say please and thankyou is a sign of weakness and its more manly/toughlooking/cool to never say those things. My brother is exactly like this, absolutely refuses to apologise, say please or thanks to anyone at any time. I find it very embarrassing to be with him in public as you can visibly see people take offense when he talks to them, because of his ignorance and refusal to use basic manners.
But he thinks he looks pretty streetwise etc and actually claims other people have a problem. Anyway, there are a lot of people out there that think and act that way, but at the end of the day, unless he takes a swing at you, you're not in any danger so why bother having a fight for no reason? I do sometimes get wound up myself, but generally I'm usually thankful afterwards that i didnt start swinging etc, crossed words and posturing aren't really worth getting too vexed over IMO.

On the takeaway theme though, I did once hear from my old house mate, that he was in a takeaway with about 10 mates and this black guy walked in, punched one of them to the floor and casually strolled off. None of them did a thing. It does run through my mind occasionally, why would he do that?! Although a mindless thing to do, he obviously wasn't scared, even though there were 10 of them.

 

[MJS]

A while ago i was in this sandwich shop at lunchtime wating to be served and this black guy, about my height, just a little stockier tapped me and asked me what type of meat was on the counter! Not even an excuse or please which i thought very rude and not wanting to point out his social etiquette rule he had broken I told him and received no thanks. I guess i was a little scared because the thought of any kind of confrontation fills me with panic but i was trying to mentalyl prepare myself just incase he had took it upon himself to provoke me. I was wearing my jeans and not great to kick in so i subtlely stretches myself a little and made myself ready just incase.

Has anyone here been submissive like this to avoid getting into a fight or should i just risked it and told him his behaviour was unacceptable and rude. I know only too well he would not have been so overconfident with someone much bigger but because I'm only 5'7 and don't look like i pose a threat to anyone he knew he could intimidate me. Even though i'm grading soon for my black sash I am still fearful of getting into a fight.

I have to agree with the others on this. Unless I'm misreading something, I really don't see any need to go on a heightened alert. Theres certainly nothing wrong with being aware of your surroundings, but if/when it gets to the point of being on a paranoid level, we should take a step back and re-evaluate the problem.

As for the fear of a confrontation. When faced with something like a possible fight, the adrenal rush will certainly come on quick. Adrenaline can be your best friend if you can control it or your worst enemy if you can't. I'd suggest running some scenario drills to aid with this.

Mike

 

[terryl965]

Tony the man ask what type of meat was on the counter, not hey dude I have a gun and if you don;t tell me I'm gonna kill you. People perception varys from place to place, what other find rude is just there persona and only there's. I see nothing to provoke anybody except your fear of someone asking a question about meat.
Terry

 

[Gemini]

It's difficult to tell from what you wrote, why you would be alerted to anything. I've run as many scenarios though my mind as I could think of, and the only one that resembled what you detailed was if he asked in a manner that made you feel like it was your job to answer him. Even in that, I would have just answered him as you did. There's nothing here worth an altercation.

Imagine something happening and the police had to be called. When asked why you had an altercation, you answered "because he asked me what kind of meat was on the counter". Kind of absurd, don't you think?

It's always good to know your surroundings. It's also smart to size people up quickly. I do it all the time, but wisest of all is avoiding confrontation at all reasonable costs.

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

A while ago i was in this sandwich shop at lunchtime wating to be served and this black guy, about my height, just a little stockier tapped me and asked me what type of meat was on the counter! Not even an excuse or please which i thought very rude and not wanting to point out his social etiquette rule he had broken I told him and received no thanks. I guess i was a little scared because the thought of any kind of confrontation fills me with panic but i was trying to mentalyl prepare myself just incase he had took it upon himself to provoke me. I was wearing my jeans and not great to kick in so i subtlely stretches myself a little and made myself ready just incase.

Has anyone here been submissive like this to avoid getting into a fight or should i just risked it and told him his behaviour was unacceptable and rude. I know only too well he would not have been so overconfident with someone much bigger but because I'm only 5'7 and don't look like i pose a threat to anyone he knew he could intimidate me. Even though i'm grading soon for my black sash I am still fearful of getting into a fight.

Dude: Obviously you were just one instant from a life-or-death throwdown. Whenever I am in this type of situation and someone aske me what kind of meat is on the counter, I immediately put my hands up, put my legs into a Cat Stance and make sure he knows exactly what kind of mustard goes with that meat!

 

[rutherford]

By identifying your fellow lunchmeat shopper primarily by his color, you've broken social etiquette and been quite rude.

But don't worry, I won't kick your ***.

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

By identifying your fellow lunchmeat shopper primarily by his color, you've broken social etiquette and been quite rude.

But don't worry, I won't kick your ***.

Really? I fixated on Tony identifying the guy as stocky. Size was clearly identified as the cause of the fear. Certainly Tony must have thought the guy was eyeing the meat because he was stocky and not because of his heritage. Perhaps Tony thought the stocky guy was going to take a bite out of HIM! And, as a person of not-insubtantial size, I could have chosen to be offended...but instead, I imagined myself in that situation...called on my years of training...and calmly ran through my arsenal of mustard flavors...

 

[Tony]

For the record i am not racist as i am mixed race and have friends of various races. I live in a town where there are very few minorities but not unusual to see minorities. Maybe he was brought up differently and did not learn proper manners like using a "excuse me". BUt i have been in similar situations where people have asked me questions as if they have know me all their lives and it just seems a little bewildering because they have not used much of an introduction. I always say "excuse me" please and thanks! There was this one time when i was in a Music store playing a game and this Coloured gentleman and his girlfriend were walking behind me and stopped and he tapped me on the shoulder and asked in serious tone "whats that?" NOt being stupid I answered! The guy was much bigger than me. Wow i bet his girfriend was impressed, he made some smaller guy p@ss his pants! Maybe i'm a snob or maybe i have issues because I hate being intimidated by other people! Its not just people who are bigger, people who are more aggressive too! Sounds silly I know! And please believe me I am a nice guy and I don't mean to sound condescending.
But do you really think either of these guys would have used the same tactic with someone built like a body builder with arms the size of their waists? NOt likely! Maybe I'm just angry because I was bullied at school and i let them get away with it because i was too scared to fight back incase i got into trouble with the teachers so i never really learnt to stand up for myself! And i'm soon going for my black sash, I really should have more courage although i don't want to achieve this at the risk of being stabbed! There have been many occasions when i wished i had been able to stand up for myself despite having my years of training. One occasion whe i was in a club completely soiber standing blocking this guys path to his chair and rather than him asking me politely he gestured aggressively with his head to move. I guess he could see i woudln't offer much resistance. This kind of thing makes me so angry! I just want to be more assertive and not take any sh@T! Sorry for the rant!