On the Alert!

[lonecoyote]

We've all had bad days, felt like the world is against us, run things over in our minds about past incidences, but I'm getting the idea you feel like this everyday. I'm not being condescending, and I'm not making fun. But You might need to find a way to not take things so personal, mellow out somehow, hard training, running, talking with a good friend, listen to some music. People aren't really reacting only to you, they have all kinds of things going on in their lives, don't take it so much to heart.

 

[cfr]

Dude: Obviously you were just one instant from a life-or-death throwdown. Whenever I am in this type of situation and someone aske me what kind of meat is on the counter, I immediately put my hands up, put my legs into a Cat Stance and make sure he knows exactly what kind of mustard goes with that meat!

LOL. This was a crack up.

 

[cfr]

But do you really think either of these guys would have used the same tactic with someone built like a body builder with arms the size of their waists? NOt likely! Maybe I'm just angry because I was bullied at school and i let them get away with it because i was too scared to fight back incase i got into trouble with the teachers so i never really learnt to stand up for myself! And i'm soon going for my black sash, I really should have more courage although i don't want to achieve this at the risk of being stabbed! There have been many occasions when i wished i had been able to stand up for myself despite having my years of training. One occasion whe i was in a club completely soiber standing blocking this guys path to his chair and rather than him asking me politely he gestured aggressively with his head to move. I guess he could see i woudln't offer much resistance. This kind of thing makes me so angry! I just want to be more assertive and not take any sh@T! Sorry for the rant!

From what Im reading, your anger has little to do with ham, salami, or turkey and much more to do with years of pent up frustration. I dont want to throw this thread way off topic, but I thought you may find this snippet of an article I found interesting.

http://www.straightblastgym.com/problem.htm

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Let me insert a section of an article by me that was written for realfighting.com on this very subject that I believe explains what the above sentence means very clearly.
(Psychological fear is a completely different animal, and sadly it is incredibly common within the "combatives", or modern self-defense crowds. Psychological fear is actually a form of paranoia, and it's created by one's internal fears of inadequacy on either a physical, emotional, or mental level.
When a male (in particular) thinks himself to be inadequate there is a strong feeling of sadness and anger. And just as aggression is the other side of the same coin as fear, sadness is the other side of the same coin as anger. If one doesn't address this internal sadness in a very real way then it will often manifest itself in the form of anger. I think as males we are more prone to adopt and embrace the anger, at least within our public persona, as opposed to the sadness, because for some misguided reason we have been taught that anger is more "masculine" then it's equal, sadness.
One would think that by training in "street" orientated martial arts, or combatives that emphasize the self defense aspects of martial arts, to the exclusion of what they deem to be "sports" training, that these types of individuals would gain more confidence, more peace, more happiness, and become more comfortable within them as their skills at 'self-defense' grew. Unfortunately, it has been my experience that the opposite seems to be true. Individuals that come to strictly "street" orientated martial arts, that were already prone to feelings of inadequacy, shame, physiological fear, and paranoia tend to have those qualities magnified by such training, rather then eased.
I wouldn't ask anyone to take my word for it with that assessment. Instead I would suggest one visit the nearest "mercenary" convention, combatives or "street" martial arts forums, or speak with these individuals in person. This sadness, anger, and immense fear is palpable when you are forced to spend anytime around these types of individuals. Try reading the posts at the "street" forums. Many tend to read like angry notes from disgruntled 13-year-old boys. There is talk of "tearing out the mo-fo's eyes", biting, and various vicious things that can be done to the attackers. The posts speak to an intense anger and fear in the writers, and sadly, the Instructors of such curriculums cater to this need by exploiting their target audiences obvious weakness, and emotional frailty.
These same people could begin to realize a much deeper sense of peace, well being, and level of personal safety if they were instead steered away from the geeky-ness of the combatives crowd and into a more contact orientated, healthy, and sane sports environment, with "alive-arts" such as boxing, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, wrestling, Muay thai, judo, and other "sports" systems. In that type of "alive-training" they will not only gain real skill within a particular delivery system of fighting, they will also achieve a higher level of personal conditioning, become used to a higher level of contact, understand exactly what an aggressive, resisting attacker feels like, and learn to perform under a certain amount of stress. They will also gain a real sense of peace that comes with understanding how to actually move the human body in effective ways against aggressive and dangerous attackers.)
Now, does that above set of paragraphs mean that Matt Thornton is saying ALL RBSD Instructors are doing a disservice?
No, of course not.

****************************************************


I totally agree with this mentality.

 

[Monkeyfist]

At first I misread your post...I thought you said the guy put his meat on the counter. In that case, then yes you could have said he overstepped his bounds. But re-reading your post, there is nothing there to indicate the guy was being aggressive or hostile in any manner. Unless he was screaming at you or had his dukes up in boxing stance when he asked the question? Guys ask questions all the time out in stores, etc. It is usually no big deal. It's part of interacting with other humans.

 

[Gemini]

Tony, it sounds like you have some bigger issues. I'm not saying you handled either situation wrong, but I might suggest you handled them the way you did for the wrong reasons. There's nothing wrong with being afraid or intimitaded. What's wrong is how you handle it. I'm in not way passing judgemnet on you here. I honestly want to know what's in your head. When someone asks you a question in a dismissive manner, reply according. "What kind of meat is on the counter?" "I don't know, ask the butcher when it's your turn." See what I mean? Or you could just shrug and turn away. You don't have to be at all rude, but you don't have to be intimitaded either. I'm not saying to be a smart ***, like "What? I look like a butcher too you?". Just respond in kind. You're not provoking anything, but you are sending a message. Think about it.

Tell me about your training and what kind of things are you practicing? How long have you been at it?

 

[Tony]

Well Gemini I've been training in Shaolin Long Fist kung fu for 7 years and have also started Wing chun, both of which i'm enjoying! I think my fears come form school, not being able to stand up for myself in secondary school against bullies and when i did get into fights I would lose which didn't help my confidence. I don't enter competitions but i do like to spar in class, but i guess i need more practice at it.

 

[Tony]

The thing is though I let old ladies intimidate me, and weaker people too! I have a friend I'm too afraid of having arguments with for fear of getting into a fight! Although i know my skills are good, one time i remember he came to my house after he had started doing Taekwondo! He wanted to see how fast i punched and told me i wasn't fast enough to which i took offense! Its like he thinks what i do is a joke and Taekwondo te best Fighting style ever. Don't get me wrong, its a good Style but there is no such thing as an ultimate Martial Art! Another time we were out down the pub and he had invited some of his Taekwondo friends! I remember one of them asked me "why don't you do Taekwondo?" and i said "I don't need to as I already do kung fu" and my friend said "oh because Taekwondo is too fierce for you" Well i was a little annoyed but I thought i'd leave him in his ignorance!

One time I had the opportunity to spar with him while we were at my friend's house watchign a dvd because he couldn't stretch as far as me so I guess he was jealous but i declined and because of this he got annoyed and called me names!

 

[bushi jon]

It seems to me that you = big and black to trouble. That is a personal issue. remember as retarded as it is we have allowed the U.S and its citizn to use language other than Kings english ebonic is just one version.

 

[wee_blondie]

Well Gemini I've been training in Shaolin Long Fist kung fu for 7 years and have also started Wing chun, both of which i'm enjoying! I think my fears come form school, not being able to stand up for myself in secondary school against bullies and when i did get into fights I would lose which didn't help my confidence. I don't enter competitions but i do like to spar in class, but i guess i need more practice at it.

Hey Tony, I kinda know where you're coming from. I was picked on a bit at school too (like most kids) got into a few scrapes and can identify with the way you feel when someone is rude to you. It does drag up feelings of rage/paranoia and you can feel your pride being stolen by whoever the offender may be. However, in order to deal with this you have to realise that your pride is the only thing being hurt here. I must admit, I have clenched my fists a few times in preparation for a fight that seemed imminent; but if you can take a step back, breathe in, close your eyes and let the rage drain away you CAN beat this. It is not worth getting into a fight over things like this. There are too many rude people in the world - you have to learn just to ignore it. Hold your head high and be thankful that you have the grace and presence of mind to walk on. If these people are rude it's their problem not yours.

Hope you find this helpful :asian:

 

[Gemini]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for responding. All the ability in the world means little without confidence. Confidence stems from knowing self inside and out. Knowing what you can and cannot do, and the ability to control situations based on that. Execution of your abilities requires a clear mind and calmness to be at your best. Without that, you won't know what your abilities really are and in turn, develop confidence. You need to put what you know to the test. IMO, you should enter a tournament. They aren't the be all, end all of knowledge, but they're a good starting point. Scared? Probably. So were we all at one point. I remember my first tournament. I got my undies so bunched before it, I thought I was going to puke. But the more I did, the easier it got because my confidence in self grew by not necessarily becoming better, but becoming more aware of my abilities. I hope you take this as constructive, because that's all it's meant to be, from someone who once long ago, went down the same road as have many others.

Regards,

Gemini

 

[Phadrus00]

Tony,

You will be judged as a VERY successful Martial Artist if you train your whole life, achieve excellence in your art and NEVER have to use those skills in the real world.

There are so many unknowns in ANY confrontation. Perhaps this person is simply being rude, or perhaps they are angry that day, or maybe they missed their meds and are about to go off. Perhaps they are unarmed or perhaps they have a gun or a knife. It takes an instant for a moment of rudeness to turn into a crime scene and an evening news segment.

We train not so that we can use our skills to police the world but rather to defend ourselves and the ones we love in desperate, awful situations. Don't go looking for them, as a matter of fact try to avoid them. Rude behavior, stupid people, annoying tourist all these and more will beset us on our travels. Cultivate your patience, enhance your humility, shower them with kindness, you may find that it diffuses the situation immediately. However even if it doesn't, it may give you the element of surprise when the consiliatory, humble, gentle victim becomes a whirling dervish of destruction! *grin*

Your humble, gentle, polite servant... (packing a nasty hidden knife)
Rob

 

[Phadrus00]

The thing is though I let old ladies intimidate me, and weaker people too! I have a friend I'm too afraid of having arguments with for fear of getting into a fight! Although i know my skills are good, one time i remember he came to my house after he had started doing Taekwondo! He wanted to see how fast i punched and told me i wasn't fast enough to which i took offense! Its like he thinks what i do is a joke and Taekwondo te best Fighting style ever. Don't get me wrong, its a good Style but there is no such thing as an ultimate Martial Art! Another time we were out down the pub and he had invited some of his Taekwondo friends! I remember one of them asked me "why don't you do Taekwondo?" and i said "I don't need to as I already do kung fu" and my friend said "oh because Taekwondo is too fierce for you" Well i was a little annoyed but I thought i'd leave him in his ignorance!

One time I had the opportunity to spar with him while we were at my friend's house watchign a dvd because he couldn't stretch as far as me so I guess he was jealous but i declined and because of this he got annoyed and called me names!

Tony,

As an adjunct to my previous post let me add a few thoughts..

First of all I am Canadian and have visied the UK a few times and frankly, you SHOULD be scared of the Old Ladies over there! They are TOUGH BIRDS! *grin*

Secondly, I think you need to cultivate your skills in "Trash-Talk Fu" along with Kung-Fu... Now this is an art that you only practive with your Mates because it needs the proper context, but... Poke them back when they poke you mate! That's just them trying to get you going. When they tell you how awesome their Tae-Kwon-Do is tell them that you would love to show them how amazing your Kung-Fu is but they are just too delicate to handle it! And then GRIN at their shocked butts! It's cro-magnon, alhpa-male testosterone bull-pucky but it still is how we are wired. Joust in Jest and don't take it personally. Remember NONE of them are any less afraid of getting hurt or being bested.. they are just hiding it better.

Cheers Mate!

Rob

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

Tony,

You will be judged as a VERY successful Martial Artist if you train your whole life, achieve excellence in your art and NEVER have to use those skills in the real world.

There are so many unknowns in ANY confrontation. Perhaps this person is simply being rude, or perhaps they are angry that day, or maybe they missed their meds and are about to go off. Perhaps they are unarmed or perhaps they have a gun or a knife. It takes an instant for a moment of rudeness to turn into a crime scene and an evening news segment.

We train not so that we can use our skills to police the world but rather to defend ourselves and the ones we love in desperate, awful situations. Don't go looking for them, as a matter of fact try to avoid them. Rude behavior, stupid people, annoying tourist all these and more will beset us on our travels. Cultivate your patience, enhance your humility, shower them with kindness, you may find that it diffuses the situation immediately. However even if it doesn't, it may give you the element of surprise when the consiliatory, humble, gentle victim becomes a whirling dervish of destruction! *grin*

Your humble, gentle, polite servant... (packing a nasty hidden knife)
Rob

Dude, time to put away the "Kung Fu" TV series DVD's and step out into the real world.

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

Tony,

As an adjunct to my previous post let me add a few thoughts..

First of all I am Canadian and have visied the UK a few times and frankly, you SHOULD be scared of the Old Ladies over there! They are TOUGH BIRDS! *grin*

Secondly, I think you need to cultivate your skills in "Trash-Talk Fu" along with Kung-Fu... Now this is an art that you only practive with your Mates because it needs the proper context, but... Poke them back when they poke you mate! That's just them trying to get you going. When they tell you how awesome their Tae-Kwon-Do is tell them that you would love to show them how amazing your Kung-Fu is but they are just too delicate to handle it! And then GRIN at their shocked butts! It's cro-magnon, alhpa-male testosterone bull-pucky but it still is how we are wired. Joust in Jest and don't take it personally. Remember NONE of them are any less afraid of getting hurt or being bested.. they are just hiding it better.

Cheers Mate!

Rob

Thank you for putting the Kung Fu DVD's away and stepping back into reality. That was a very helpful post.

 

[Phadrus00]

Dude, time to put away the "Kung Fu" TV series DVD's and step out into the real world.

Not a CHANCE! *grin*

 

[Phadrus00]

Thank you for putting the Kung Fu DVD's away and stepping back into reality. That was a very helpful post.

Thank you! *bow*

 

[Touch Of Death]

A while ago i was in this sandwich shop at lunchtime wating to be served and this black guy, about my height, just a little stockier tapped me and asked me what type of meat was on the counter! Not even an excuse or please which i thought very rude and not wanting to point out his social etiquette rule he had broken I told him and received no thanks. I guess i was a little scared because the thought of any kind of confrontation fills me with panic but i was trying to mentalyl prepare myself just incase he had took it upon himself to provoke me. I was wearing my jeans and not great to kick in so i subtlely stretches myself a little and made myself ready just incase.

Has anyone here been submissive like this to avoid getting into a fight or should i just risked it and told him his behaviour was unacceptable and rude. I know only too well he would not have been so overconfident with someone much bigger but because I'm only 5'7 and don't look like i pose a threat to anyone he knew he could intimidate me. Even though i'm grading soon for my black sash I am still fearful of getting into a fight.

If you are the least bit intimidated, I wouldn't try to kick anyway.
Sean