Need help with a typical HS "bully"

[dontknow]

If this is the wrong forum, I apologize.

Well basically this might be pretty long. I am currently a sophomore in HS, play sports, etc. A few weeks ago I began having trouble with your typical "jock", plays basketball, "popular", etc. He began talking alot of bad **** about me, and alot of the people I hang out with. He is in my gym class, and about a week ago out of the blue pegged me in the head with a volley ball. I got up in his face, and told him to basically stop. (Side note:I am about 5' 11", pretty big, athletic, he is about same height, skinnier, and not nearly as big. I lift weights etc.) He did it again, this time I really get up in his face, tell him to **** off, and give him a nice gentle shove. He does it one more time, but then goes off to hide behind his friends. At the end of the day as we're waiting for the buses, he begins to again talk **** about me, and im really starting to get ticked. Goes on for about 10 minutes, and I eventually walk off. I am a pacifist? and dont really enjoy fighting, but if I get mad enough (am now) I will fight him. He calls me some inappropriate names after I walk off. Next day, I see him at the buses again, he does the same thing. I am really ticked now, and get up in his face again, he says lets fight, but I will not fight on school grounds. (straight a student, good clean record). He says alright lets go (insert place here) and I still dont really feel like it. Next day, does the same thing, so we are bound to fight, its going to happen, although after all of his friends (yes his, not mine) told him I could beat the **** out of him, he did say "I'm just messing with you". I have never been in a fight before, he has been in 3 (so he says). Neither of us has any real experience, I have reach on him, size, and quickness. Basically I would like to know what I can do if/when we get in the fight, and what to do if his friends get involved (I have nothing against them).

Sorry for the rant, think I covered it all.

 

[Ken Morgan]

OK why do you have to fight at all??
Sounds like there are witnesses to these events.
Go tell the school authorities. Do not get pulled into one unless it is absolutely necessary, and this doesn’t sound absolutely necessary.
In a fight anything can happen, someone can be seriously hurt or killed, you can be charged with assault or worse.
Be a man and walk away.

 

[dontknow]

I have really done everything in my power to avoid this. I am still trying to avoid it but seriously, the only thing that will shut this kid up is a good *** whoopin. Pretty much the only people that have seen this are his friends, who dont like me (dont hate me). So in all seriousness, as of now it would not do to much.

 

[Sukerkin]

Firstly, welcome to the board, dontknow.

Secondly, whilst this is the right forum for introductory first posts, I don't think that is the right place for such a question. I have my opinons but they're not ones I think you want to hear. Perhaps if you open this as a wider discussion in somewhere like the Locker Room we can investigate further what your problems and options are?

 

[dontknow]

I really had no idea were to put this, again I apologize. In all seriousness, please give me your opinions. I really do need help from this point forward.

 

[MJS]

If this is the wrong forum, I apologize.

Well basically this might be pretty long. I am currently a sophomore in HS, play sports, etc. A few weeks ago I began having trouble with your typical "jock", plays basketball, "popular", etc. He began talking alot of bad **** about me, and alot of the people I hang out with. He is in my gym class, and about a week ago out of the blue pegged me in the head with a volley ball. I got up in his face, and told him to basically stop. (Side note:I am about 5' 11", pretty big, athletic, he is about same height, skinnier, and not nearly as big. I lift weights etc.) He did it again, this time I really get up in his face, tell him to **** off, and give him a nice gentle shove. He does it one more time, but then goes off to hide behind his friends. At the end of the day as we're waiting for the buses, he begins to again talk **** about me, and im really starting to get ticked. Goes on for about 10 minutes, and I eventually walk off. I am a pacifist? and dont really enjoy fighting, but if I get mad enough (am now) I will fight him. He calls me some inappropriate names after I walk off. Next day, I see him at the buses again, he does the same thing. I am really ticked now, and get up in his face again, he says lets fight, but I will not fight on school grounds. (straight a student, good clean record). He says alright lets go (insert place here) and I still dont really feel like it. Next day, does the same thing, so we are bound to fight, its going to happen, although after all of his friends (yes his, not mine) told him I could beat the **** out of him, he did say "I'm just messing with you". I have never been in a fight before, he has been in 3 (so he says). Neither of us has any real experience, I have reach on him, size, and quickness. Basically I would like to know what I can do if/when we get in the fight, and what to do if his friends get involved (I have nothing against them).

Sorry for the rant, think I covered it all.

I agree with Ken. IMO, this kid really isn't worth fighting over. Perhaps you should bring this to the attention of someone at the school, ie: a teacher, principal, etc. Actually, your best bet would be to just ignore him, as hard as that may be. You're getting all fired up over what he's doing, and this is what he's hoping for. Don't give him the satisfaction of getting the better of you.

 

[Haakon]

he says lets fight, but I will not fight on school grounds. (straight a student, good clean record). He says alright lets go (insert place here) and I still dont really feel like it.

Fighting this person isn't worth it, he hasn't physically attacked you and if you swing first you're likely to be the one to get in trouble.

If for whatever reason you feel you absolutely must fight him don't go meet him at a place of his choosing! You're giving him a golden opportunity to ambush you with a group of his friends where have a good chance of being seriously hurt.

 

[Aikicomp]

First off, technically you gave him a little shove so, you assaulted him first. Something to think about.

Anyhoo,

I would say not to get into anything physical, unless he attacks you PHYSICALLY,if he does....then hit him hard, fast and decisively and finish what he started.

Verbal assaults are just that....VERBAL and can do you no harm, your ego may get bruised and broken but, your body won't.

I was bullied in HS and I know where you're coming from so, please take the advice given and do not get physical if you can help it and if it does never, never on his terms.

To let an some low self esteemed jerk intice you into a fight is to become that jerk yourself or if you let an idiot make you do something that you do not want to do, then what does that make you....



wait for it....






















An IDIOT!

Michael

 

[Bill Mattocks]

This is not advice. This is my own personal observation and opinion. I am not suggesting you do what I did.

Bullies do what they do from a deep insecurity about themselves and a need to make their peer group see them as powerful and in control. Therefore, they belittle and humiliate anyone they perceive as being accepting of that kind of abuse. They will actually choose people bigger than themselves if they judge that they can get away with their behavior, because it makes them appear to be even more powerful to their peer group.

Bullies will not continue to pick on people who do not give them what they want. Ignoring bullies does not work, that's a form of victory for them, as is 'getting in their face' but ultimately backing down. Agreeing to challenges and then not showing up is even more the mark of someone the bully will continue to confront.

This behavior will not stop. Reporting it to authority figures will only drive it underground, and make the bullying more secretive and destructive.

Bullies do not like to be hit. Whether they win or lose a fight, they do not like to be hit. It is not a fight they seek, it is power over others. A person who fights them is not in their power.

Bullies who get instantly punched in the mouth, full force, stop bullying that person. They may fight and they may even win if they are able that day, but they won't bully that person again, because they know they will be punched in the mouth.

That's my experience. Kids, don't try this at home.

 

[dosk3n]

Welcome to MT.

I may have just missed this but you havnt mentioned if you have any experience. in MA.

If not then it sounds like the kind of advise your wanting from us is if you should fight, or how you can beat him.

No one here can really answer either of these. Mainly as if you should fight is more of a morally dificult question and how to beat him takes years of learning to answer.

I would say if you dont have any experience then go out and find a MA school, join up and learn NOT to fight.

Learn to fight, so you dont have to.

 

[Drac]

Welcome to MT.

I may have just missed this but you havnt mentioned if you have any experience. in MA.

If not then it sounds like the kind of advise your wanting from us is if you should fight, or how you can beat him.

No one here can really answer either of these. Mainly as if you should fight is more of a morally dificult question and how to beat him takes years of learning to answer.

I would say if you dont have any experience then go out and find a MA school, join up and learn NOT to fight.

Learn to fight, so you dont have to.

Greetings and Welcome. Where you are I was..Dont be drawn into his game..I will not offer any kind of insight into a bully's rhyme or reason for his actions. Go to the school admins if he presists..I dont know about your school, but many up here have adopted a zero tolerence about fights ( which I disagree with but thats for another thread) and you both could wind up being suspended...FYI, topics like this should be placed in GENERAL MARTIAL ARTS.

 

[wushuguy]

... This behavior will not stop. Reporting it to authority figures will only drive it underground, and make the bullying more secretive and destructive.

Bullies do not like to be hit. Whether they win or lose a fight, they do not like to be hit. It is not a fight they seek, it is power over others. A person who fights them is not in their power. ...

I've had similar experience with this too. In HS, some kid was so full of himself, talking smack about me. so I invited him to our backyard games (similar to a fight club, but before that movie came out), so we had a friendly match and it was no contest. He wasn't even close to any kind of skill that he claimed to have.

After that though he didn't stop talking smack about me, just did it behind my back, in fact he hated me even more because I proved him to be a paper tiger and a wussy in front of a number of people who watch and partake of our backyard games.

So, if you do fight him, it may not stop him from talking about you, it may even make him hate you more, which can be dangerous if he goes crazy with hate.

In my opinion it is better to avoid the fight, avoiding it puts pressure on yourself, but in the long run if you can find a peaceful way to control yourself or find a way to de-escalate the situations, find the right words or right methods to keep things in control without using fists, that will do you good by keep you out of trouble and those can be good skills to have after high school when dealing with more bs that come our way.

 

[knuckleheader]

If this is the wrong forum, I apologize.

Well basically this might be pretty long. I am currently a sophomore in HS, play sports, etc. A few weeks ago I began having trouble with your typical "jock", plays basketball, "popular", etc. He began talking alot of bad **** about me, and alot of the people I hang out with. He is in my gym class, and about a week ago out of the blue pegged me in the head with a volley ball. I got up in his face, and told him to basically stop. (Side note:I am about 5' 11", pretty big, athletic, he is about same height, skinnier, and not nearly as big. I lift weights etc.) He did it again, this time I really get up in his face, tell him to **** off, and give him a nice gentle shove. He does it one more time, but then goes off to hide behind his friends. At the end of the day as we're waiting for the buses, he begins to again talk **** about me, and im really starting to get ticked. Goes on for about 10 minutes, and I eventually walk off. I am a pacifist? and dont really enjoy fighting, but if I get mad enough (am now) I will fight him. He calls me some inappropriate names after I walk off. Next day, I see him at the buses again, he does the same thing. I am really ticked now, and get up in his face again, he says lets fight, but I will not fight on school grounds. (straight a student, good clean record). He says alright lets go (insert place here) and I still dont really feel like it. Next day, does the same thing, so we are bound to fight, its going to happen, although after all of his friends (yes his, not mine) told him I could beat the **** out of him, he did say "I'm just messing with you". I have never been in a fight before, he has been in 3 (so he says). Neither of us has any real experience, I have reach on him, size, and quickness. Basically I would like to know what I can do if/when we get in the fight, and what to do if his friends get involved (I have nothing against them).

Sorry for the rant, think I covered it all.

This is where he assaulted you. Did the gym teacher or others witness it?
Make a formal report to the Principal. And also the Police dept. Tell them this is an ongoing thing! I think this is enough to bring this to court. He did hit you with the ball.

See what they tell you. Then pehaps you also have to get your parents involved.

Aside from all this. I undestand in schools these days they fine even the victims for fighting. Hope the administration does something.

In the end, like someone else said. You are wasting you time "getting n his face"
The only thing a bully understands is being slugged in the face HARD. A few times perhaps. Don't misunderstand. I'm not encouraging you to hit him. But, after talking to the Police and Principal. They will have a written report that this boy was continually bullying you.

What has your Father and Mother said?

 

[Bruno@MT]

If you feel you HAVE to fight, please do so in a controlled setting. Organize a sanctioned boxing match, or both join a club and spar, or whatever. Do NOT (let me repeat that) do NOT just agree to meet someplace and duke it out.

There are a number of things that can go wrong: he could jump you before or after the fight, with a number of his friends. Or maybe you beat him but you injure him and he sues. And whether it is on grounds or not, if you get a rep as a fighter you can get into trouble with your school.

Really, this sort of thing might seem very important to you now, but in a couple of years time you'll realize it is just petty high school drama. Also, about your initial post: there are a lot of '****' in your post. There is really no need to overuse those words, neither online of in real life.

 

[Balrog]

So far, all he's doing is running his mouth. The best, most effective defense against that is....laugh at him.

Never swing first. Always swing last.

 

[CoryKS]

I have really done everything in my power to avoid this. I am still trying to avoid it but seriously, the only thing that will shut this kid up is a good *** whoopin. Pretty much the only people that have seen this are his friends, who dont like me (dont hate me). So in all seriousness, as of now it would not do to much.

Never underestimate the power of mockery to take the wind out of one's sails. Like Bill said, bullies are trying to buy power on the cheap and will target those who don't fight back. Ridicule can diminish his standing before his peers, so he may decide to ignore you in the future. On the other hand he may decide to fight you to regain face, so make sure your butt can cash the checks your mouth writes.

 

[Shifu Steve]

This is not advice. This is my own personal observation and opinion. I am not suggesting you do what I did.

Bullies do what they do from a deep insecurity about themselves and a need to make their peer group see them as powerful and in control. Therefore, they belittle and humiliate anyone they perceive as being accepting of that kind of abuse. They will actually choose people bigger than themselves if they judge that they can get away with their behavior, because it makes them appear to be even more powerful to their peer group.

I believe in many cases Bill is correct. The bully has deep insecurity and unfortunately bothering you is a temporary reprieve from that. I have never understood the mentality. Similar to you, I went through high school with the attitude that I was not interested in bothering anyone; I was content to live my life in peace and enjoy it. However when someone enters your space, insults you, or otherwise antagonizes you that peaceful feeling can go away quickly. That is perfectly understandable.

All the posts thus far have basically suggested you find an alternative means to deal with this character. I agree with that line of thinking but that doesn't help your situation. At the end of the day this is one of those situations that you must judge yourself, it's part of becoming a man. Take the advice, talk to people you respect (and you think make wise decisions) think about it, and ultimately make a choice...but make sure it’s well thought out and it’s one where you’re prepared to deal with the consequences. It's easy for adults to say that it doesn't matter but they're not in your shoes.

 

[searcher]

I agree with those who have stated that you need to bring this to the attention of the people in charge at your school. Honestly, how long do you have left in school with this pudd, this year? Probably not long. Exhaust all possible avenues that do NOT lead to violence, before you take the fist to mouth approach. Please understand that, since you are bigger and more athletic than he is(your words), you will not win this even if you pound him. You win, you are the bully. You lose, you are a puss.

Now, on the other side of things. I suggest that you go find a school and do some serious training over the summer. If he has no training, he will be throwing haymakers. These can be fairly easy to defend against. If you learn to block and move over the summer, he will defeat himself, without you having to strike him. JMO.

 

[repz]

I had my fair share of fights, in my neighborhood you lose face if you let someone walk all over you (keep in mind schools can be a few blocks from your home, students can be people who will see for many years in your life) now as an adult i can who its really not worth it, because it solves nothing, and that high school world is not the real world, because people like that end up in prison and are shunned in society.

The guy is probably testing you to see how far he can go, i wouldnt be suprised if hes probably scared of you. Unfortunately if you back off and show weakness you will feed his courage and he wont stop. Its always going to be a cat and mouse game, with him trying to push the envelope to see how far he can get away with pushing you. Going to the authorities would be the logical step, but I know that when i was in school, it was considered a coward move, like if you were scared of him, and that would probably feed his ego more. Only way I can see this without knocking him on his face is to have some intimidating factor when he tries something, turn the tables and be just as strong in those confrontations as he tries to be, have him be the scared one (which could possibly lead to a fight anyway). Teenagers dont live in the real world where lawsuits and crimes get punished, they live in the moment, and most real world solutions and doing the right thing might not help in their world.

Obviously the best choice is not to fight, and end the conflict in an easy way, because theres no guarntee, and his big mouth isnt hurting or risking jailtime as a real fight would. But trust me, after high school, that way of social behavior is very rare, so those months of school is a small fraction of your entire life thats not worth getting in trouble for.

 

[Blade96]

The guy is probably testing you to see how far he can go, i wouldnt be suprised if hes probably scared of you

he is scared cause he said the dude ran away and hid behind his friends.

I had to beat up a bully who assaulted me on the school bus when i was in grade 9. Nothing happened but she physically assaulted me so i had licence to defend myself. Thats probably why i didnt get into trouble for it.

Sometimes i do say go for it. a lot of the time the only things these people know is physical force. depends on the circumstances though.

Oh. and this girl never bothered me again btw