Need help with a typical HS "bully"

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dontknow

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Well as of right now, theres about a month left of school so I am going to do everything in my power to avoid/ignore/whatever else. If it really starts to get bad, stuff about my gf, etc. I really will probably just snap. I am a peaceful person, but there is a fine line between what I can and can't tolerate. Yes, most of you believe it won't mean anything, and seriously to me it really won't. I actually have expectations for my future life, college, hopefully an engineer, I have a great work ethic etc. so I am really not trying to mess that up with this stupid stuff. I think I covered it all...

Thanks for the suggestions.
 

Kyosanim

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Well as of right now, theres about a month left of school so I am going to do everything in my power to avoid/ignore/whatever else. If it really starts to get bad, stuff about my gf, etc. I really will probably just snap. I am a peaceful person, but there is a fine line between what I can and can't tolerate. Yes, most of you believe it won't mean anything, and seriously to me it really won't. I actually have expectations for my future life, college, hopefully an engineer, I have a great work ethic etc. so I am really not trying to mess that up with this stupid stuff. I think I covered it all...

Thanks for the suggestions.


Yeah fighting and assault will not look good on a college app.
 

Mark Lynn

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Well as of right now, theres about a month left of school so I am going to do everything in my power to avoid/ignore/whatever else. If it really starts to get bad, stuff about my gf, etc. I really will probably just snap. I am a peaceful person, but there is a fine line between what I can and can't tolerate. Yes, most of you believe it won't mean anything, and seriously to me it really won't. I actually have expectations for my future life, college, hopefully an engineer, I have a great work ethic etc. so I am really not trying to mess that up with this stupid stuff. I think I covered it all...

Thanks for the suggestions.

Now you are talking, keep your eyes on the future but you also need to watch out as you are doing your day to day activity.

Here in TEXAS we have zero tolerance policies, a local school board sent a honor student to an alternative school for having a bread knife in the bed of his truck. Seriously the kid donated some family members stuff to a charity and the knife fell out of the box. Someone passes the bed of his truck and sees the knife and the next thing you know the kid's and his family's life is turned upside down.

My son got suspended for bringing "ammunition" to school, in 4th or 5th grade he brought caps from a cap gun and they labeled him a bad kid and suspended him.

Point is as everyone has pretty much said, try not to get in physical fight with the guy especially not around the school/school bus/bus stop etc. etc. Same thing goes for agreeing to "meet him somewhere" and to settle it, as it has been mentioned this is a prime setup for an ambush where you could get really hurt.

I had a bully who decided in 10th grade to jack me around. For a while this guy would seek me out at lunch and sit down at my table just to harass me, claim it was his table and such. I haven't a clue why he just chose me but he did, just one day the harassment was on. He wasn't doing it around "his" friends, he just sought me out. I never fought him, I never really backed down from him either. But I was scared, as I had never been in a fight as well. Still looking back on it 30+ years later, I can't see in today's climate if I could have really done any more than I did, except talking to someone at the school (which I didn't do).

It was this incident and of course a girl friend that got me into the MA 29 years ago. I like the one poster's suggestion to find a school and learn "how not to fight"

Mark
 

kaizasosei

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I second what Balrog said. From your story, it sounds like this guy is really getting the better of you. Sounds like more of a case of mental bullying rather than pure violence. Get rid of these weaknesses and chances are the guy will have no option but to leave you alone.
I mean, you admit that you're not scared of him so why play into the games-if anything try new stuff like being nice or ignoring or talking to others about it. But if you really do want to try fighting and feel there is no other way, then at least try to make sure that you don't make a bad situation worse.


I dunno, but i always thought bully was typically the biggest baddest or at least two grades above.



j
 

thardey

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Along with most everybody else -- try not to start the fight, but one thing I would not do is to wait until you're angry.

Fighting while you're angry or "have snapped" is going to go down much worse for everyone involved. If you're angry, that's when you have to walk away.

If you've got to deal with this insecure jerk, do it while calm -- don't let him get you angry. He's trying to get a rise out of you. Either to get you angry and cussing him out, or he's trying to make you hide. When he hit you with the ball, he was acting just like an internet troll, he can get you riled, then hide behind a level of safety. He's just enjoying having that power over you.

Now that he know's he's got you riled, he's going to continue to take the cheap shots to get you there again, only to demonstrate his "power" over you by getting you to back down.

Fortunately for me, when I went to school and dealt with this, the teachers were behind me, and there was no "zero tolerance" policy. But what I ended up doing (with the support of my dad, BTW) was that I sought him out, calmly and rationaly and told him that I had had enough, and it was time for him to harass someone else.

I gave him a choice, in front of all of his friends: 1. Don't talk to me any more, for any reason, or 2. We have it out right in the school hallway in front of God and everybody. No "meet me after school" or anything. It was worth the suspension at this point to get this over with. It wasn't worth it for him.

Since I went to him, I took charge of the situation, and set the new "rules." Since it was in front of his friends, he couldn't hide behind them, since it was his honor at stake. Since I gave him a choice, he had a way out. It wasn't fun for him anymore.

He backed off, I never heard a word from him, and the teachers gave me unofficial "kudos" (off the record, of course).

But whatever you do, don't do it angry!

BTW, I never had to fight in school, nor have I ever hit or been hit by anyone in anger in my life.
 

Mark Lynn

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A big thing to think about is your future. In my previous post I mentioned the current trend of zero tolerance policies in school systems. Well these also apply to work environments as well. Currently where I work (for a major airline) they will take both parties out for fighting at work. While one might get fired the other (the defender) will get severe punishment as well. I've tried to tell guys it's just not worth it, doing something that might get you walked out the door, especially for something minor like an argument over a trivial matter.

Now how does this relate to your matter about being bullied at HS. You mentioned you had good grades, so I assume you plan to go to college, maybe you are the bright kind of individual who is planning on getting a scholarship and going to a real nice college etc.etc. This can come to a screeching halt if you're kicked out due to fighting. If you get sent to a alternative school etc. etc. this won't look good on your applications to colleges. If your a senior/junior then if you get sent to a alternative school then you might not get to graduate with your class attend proms etc. etc. Plus then you will might also lose the respect that some teachers had for you and you'll be labeled the troubled kid etc. etc.

All for what? Somebody is trying to get at you. I'm not saying to not stand up for yourself nor to defend yourself if attacked physically. Rather I am saying to choose not to fight or get angry at him, because you don't want to possibly screw up your future. Take control of your end of the situation and decide not to let it bother you and move on. Now to further back up your decision I would also take the advice that someone posted before and train some over the summer. Not to fight this guy but rather to gain confidence in your abilities that if need be you could defend yourself. Train so that you don't have to jeopardize your career, schooling whatever because of some YAHOO trying to be billy bad. Don't take the easy way out, take the hard way.

A person (I am close to) was being bullied and rather than ask for help and have me work with them and train them, (for whatever reason) they decided that having an aluminum bat in their vehicle was a better alternative, they believed the urban myth that they could just tell the LEO that they played baseball if they got stopped and that they could beat the crap out of the bully if it came to that. Now this was plain dumb a$$ on their part, but it was the easy way out. They put their faith and confidence in an urban myth (that carrying a bat was legal and that the LEO would believe them), and they didn't have to work at conquering their fear that they could handle themselves if it came to that.

Almost 30 years ago I got into the martial arts because I wanted to learn to defend myself, that want was brought on because of a bully. Since that time the MA has really changed my life and I have met some of the greatest, nicest, people in the world. I've had more fun, well I can't begin to describe it, but I turned a negative situation into a positive one for me. But gaining that confidence took hard work, however if I ran into that guy today I"D THANK HIM.
 

Blade96

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Yeah fighting and assault will not look good on a college app.

as i said, I fought a bully in grade 9.

I was also suspended and labeled a psycho and bad kid in grade 10 in fact everywhere i went i was called psycho in that school for reasons i wont discuss. But it was related to the saaults and bulkying that were slowly killing me. It was only a short time later that I left school for good. So I only have grade 9, in grade school. I was 16.

Fast forward to May 25, 2010. I have just convocated, wore the cap and gown, walked across the stage, shook hands with the Prez, and received my certificate for completion of my university Bachelor of Arts degree with double major in History and Russian Language and Literature. Pics are on my facebook page. :)

Being suspended, in grade school, labeled a bad kid, troublemaker, psycho, and just about everything else in the book people can come up with, suffering every assault short of rape and murder, need not dictate your future.

It didnt mine. :)
 

Ken Morgan

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as i said, I fought a bully in grade 9.

I was also suspended and labeled a psycho and bad kid in grade 10 in fact everywhere i went i was called psycho in that school for reasons i wont discuss. But it was related to the saaults and bulkying that were slowly killing me. It was only a short time later that I left school for good. So I only have grade 9, in grade school. I was 16.

Fast forward to May 25, 2010. I have just convocated, wore the cap and gown, walked across the stage, shook hands with the Prez, and received my certificate for completion of my university Bachelor of Arts degree with double major in History and Russian Language and Literature. Pics are on my facebook page. :)

Being suspended, in grade school, labeled a bad kid, troublemaker, psycho, and just about everything else in the book people can come up with, suffering every assault short of rape and murder, need not dictate your future.

It didnt mine. :)

:asian:
 

CoryKS

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as i said, I fought a bully in grade 9.

I was also suspended and labeled a psycho and bad kid in grade 10 in fact everywhere i went i was called psycho in that school for reasons i wont discuss. But it was related to the saaults and bulkying that were slowly killing me. It was only a short time later that I left school for good. So I only have grade 9, in grade school. I was 16.

Fast forward to May 25, 2010. I have just convocated, wore the cap and gown, walked across the stage, shook hands with the Prez, and received my certificate for completion of my university Bachelor of Arts degree with double major in History and Russian Language and Literature. Pics are on my facebook page. :)

Being suspended, in grade school, labeled a bad kid, troublemaker, psycho, and just about everything else in the book people can come up with, suffering every assault short of rape and murder, need not dictate your future.

It didnt mine. :)

"There's more than one way to do it." - the Perl motto. Your high school counselor probably never considered this. I know mine didn't. You were either college-bound or written off as a complete failure.
 

Blade96

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"There's more than one way to do it." - the Perl motto. Your high school counselor probably never considered this. I know mine didn't. You were either college-bound or written off as a complete failure.

well i didnt do it alone. i had a university that allowed exceptions for special circumstances....students who for some reason could not complete high school You had to wait til you were 21 then apply under the moniker 'mature student'

and also a lot of luck.
 

Balrog

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Now you are talking, keep your eyes on the future but you also need to watch out as you are doing your day to day activity.

Here in TEXAS we have zero tolerance policies...
Aarrgghhh....that pushes my big red hot button.

I've had to educate the administration at two different schools as to the difference between self-defense and fighting. In both cases, I advised the parents of my students to do the following, in the presence of the school authorities:

1. Immediately file assault charges against the other kid.
2. Immediately file assault charges against the principal, as s/he is assisting the other kid in the original assault.
3. Contact local TV/radio stations. They usually have a "consumer advocate" type of reporter and they just love dumbass school adminstrator stories. In both cases, I simply mentioned that we were going to do this; we didn't actually have to.
4. Sue for massive civil damages, including both the principal and the school board.

They backed down both times. Zero tolerance policies are nothing but bullying on an organizational level, and you have to respond to them exactly the same way that you do with the kid getting in your face.
 

Shinobi Teikiatsu

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I think, if this kid hasn't jumped you yet, then you needn't waste your time worrying about whether or not he's ever going to. Around here, when somebody say they're going to fight you, they're usually not, instead opting to just duke it out. The best route to go is to turn your negative situation into a positive one: rather than accepting the mutual animosity you and this kid feel for each other, try to make him see that there's no need for you two to be arguing like a cat and a dog, and instead try and make him your friend, or at the very least, someone to compete with in a healthy way. This can be beneficial to both you and the other kid, if you do it right.

As it has been said, if this is about your honor, and not your life, then you can avoid a fight without looking like a weakling, but going to the admin's or fighting him is not the best solution. Try and find a middle ground that will satisfy both parties.
 

sgtmac_46

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OK why do you have to fight at all??
Sounds like there are witnesses to these events.
Go tell the school authorities. Do not get pulled into one unless it is absolutely necessary, and this doesnt sound absolutely necessary.
In a fight anything can happen, someone can be seriously hurt or killed, you can be charged with assault or worse.
Be a man and walk away.

I don't agree with fighting........but I don't agree with this either.

I strongly suspect that this can be resolved with a conversation. There are always folks like this other guy in the world. Learning to deal with them is a valuable skill.
 

sgtmac_46

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I have really done everything in my power to avoid this. I am still trying to avoid it but seriously, the only thing that will shut this kid up is a good *** whoopin. Pretty much the only people that have seen this are his friends, who dont like me (dont hate me). So in all seriousness, as of now it would not do to much.


Lets see what I can do to help. Obviously somewhere along the way this kid has gotten his ego offended by you. If you want to resolve it without fighting what you have to do is by-pass his ego.

Here's the root of the problem.........the fact that he was at fault is irrelavent from his perspective, of course. In that first encounter you offender his delicate ego, in front of his friends, and his responses now are an attempt to prove to you and his friends that he's a tough guy and he's not afraid of you. You now have an ego power struggle between the two of you where he feels the need to prove something. You have to remove that need.

That being the case, I doubt if it's so much this guy is a true 'bully' or that he's insecure as hell and views you as a threat to his ego.

What I suggest is finding this guy when he's alone, when he doesn't have his posse with him, and tell him, flat out, you two have got to talk.

Then i'd tell him that you two can be friends or enemies.......his choice. He's alone at this point, so he doesn't have someone to 'impress'........what'll he probably do is say something along the lines of 'Man, I don't have a problem with you.'

To which you respond 'Cool......then we don't have a problem, because I never had a problem with you either.'

Then you tell everyone you know that you guys talked, the guys a good guy (even if he isn't) you and he are cool (even if you can't stand him) and when you see him in the hall, give him a nod of respect and move on.

The reality is that if you use your head you can alter this situation. Heck, this guy may end up being the best friend you ever had. Some of my best friends were people I couldn't stand when I first met them. Even if he doesn't become the best man at your wedding, however, you can at least squash this little ego conflict.
 

xJOHNx

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Don't fight him over words.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"

You seem succesfull in life, good grades, in shape and such. Don't let some dumbass ruin that for you. You already defeated him with your success.
 

eggg1994

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im with dsk3n on this one, you should really enroll into a martial arts school so you could learn how to defend yourself verbally or if that brute physically tries to really hurt you again. there are alot of martial arts to choose from and like someone said it take's many years to learn how to master those self defence techniques and i bet in a month if you decide you want to learn self defence you will have some basic skills down that can really help avoid a fight and prevent a physical fight from happaning if he tries to hurt you ever again. i think you should tell a teacher and always avoid a fight because it makes you into a coward and a fool and welcome to MT.
 

billc

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You are hemmed in because you are in school. In the real world the first step would be the police. So, what are your parents doing about it. Hand it off to them. They need to contact the school authorities, which several people have already mentioned, and they need to get a letter from a lawyer notifying the school that they had better handle the situation or there will be legal consequences. Seeing a lawyer will also allow you to get advice from a legal stand point. A call from a lawyer to the parents of that student may do a lot to chill him out. Lawyers are serious, real world problem solvers for people and school admininstrations do not like dealing with them and neither will his parents. If he is from a broken home where parents are not bright enough to pay attention to a lawyer, a lawyer may be able to show you what to do next.

Fight this with lawyers, it is the only thing the school is going to pay attention to.
 
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