My daugthers and the MAs

[Manny]

I have two lovely daughters, Ana the youngest (9) did some TKD and I was very happy but sadly she droped it because the got bored. Ana is a girl who does not like discipline and afther 6 months and her yellow belt she broke my hart leaving TKD, however there is some spark inside her, she likes to see the karate Kid saga of movies and she wants to see the new version (Karate Kid 2010) with daddy, this leaves me with some hope. I wish so much Ana to comeback to dojang and learn TKD but don't know how to convince her.

My other daughter Laura (13) is as sweet as you can imagine, she's a slender girl that I envison her with her pony tail wearing a white gi and a black hakama, I think Laura can beneif from aikido, I think aikido is the right MA for her and in these days a girl must to know how to defend herself, boys can be so rough and such an as.......

How can I convince them to train MA's?

Manny

 

[dancingalone]

You might be fighting an uphill battle, Manny, especially with the 13 year old. It seems to me with you being in the martial arts for a while now that if your girls had an interest in training, it would have shown by now.

You could always suggest it to the girls as something you'd think they would benefit from. And be prepared for them to say 'no'.

I do not plan on giving my little boy a choice when he gets old enough to start training. As a parent, I am charged with doing the best I can by him, so I will to the best of my ability, even if it means requiring him to train to a certain age or level before being allowed to quit or do something. Here is a somewhat related thread about the subject of forcing your children to train a MA: http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8541

 

[Manny]

You might be fighting an uphill battle, Manny, especially with the 13 year old. It seems to me with you being in the martial arts for a while now that if your girls had an interest in training, it would have shown by now.

You could always suggest it to the girls as something you'd think they would benefit from. And be prepared for them to say 'no'.

I do not plan on giving my little boy a choice when he gets old enough to start training. As a parent, I am charged with doing the best I can by him, so I will to the best of my ability, even if it means requiring him to train to a certain age or level before being allowed to quit or do something. Here is a somewhat related thread about the subject of forcing your children to train a MA: http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8541

Thank you, yes maybe I migth be figthing an uphill battle, oofcouse I will love to see my daughters training and learning MA but well, I think they can benefit from a security point of view, daddys won't be around all the time.

Maybe this week I will take Laura (13) to see an aikido class, Laura since very young has benn quite an athlete, she began swiming at very eraly age, then she did gymnastics for almost 4 yeas and then she took ballet and jazz classes for another 4 years, right now she's dancing in school. I think that maybe if she see the aikido as a self defense dance maybe will try it.

Manny

 

[dancingalone]

I think that maybe if she see the aikido as a self defense dance maybe will try it.

I understand what you are saying but I wouldn't want anyone even a new girl to come in what that (mis)understanding of what aikido is. Aikido can look like a dance at times, if the people practicing it are highly experienced and skilled. Or it can look that way because the people ARE practicing a dance and that's all they have been doing this whole time.

It's been my personal experience in the aikido world that if you want to make your MA effective for practical usage, you have to always train with that in mind. It can be very easy to just go to the dojo and practice the drills and come away with nothing more than a sense of fluidity. Fluidity is very useful in martial arts but it cannot be the only skill or trait learned if you want this stuff to really work.

 

[Manny]

I understand what you are saying but I wouldn't want anyone even a new girl to come in what that (mis)understanding of what aikido is. Aikido can look like a dance at times, if the people practicing it are highly experienced and skilled. Or it can look that way because the people ARE practicing a dance and that's all they have been doing this whole time.

It's been my personal experience in the aikido world that if you want to make your MA effective for practical usage, you have to always train with that in mind. It can be very easy to just go to the dojo and practice the drills and come away with nothing more than a sense of fluidity. Fluidity is very useful in martial arts but it cannot be the only skill or trait learned if you want this stuff to really work.

Yeah I know what you are talking about, I think if Laura feels the fluidity of akido and the rythmn too maybe she can be hook on it and then learn it.

But well today at lunch time we tlaked about it and she refuses cause she does not like MA but at least she conced me to go to aikido dojo to see one class.

Manny

 

[girlbug2]

Yes as parents we want our kids to develop the same passions in life that we have. Sometimes it works out that way, often it does not.

My karate story as a mom:

My oldest boy at 6 was a bit on the short side for his age, and to help him avoid being picked on by bullies I enrolled him in karate lessons. He did well at first, and the teacher even praised his intelligence and quickness at picking up techniques. One month in I was so proud of my little "prodigy" I began having visions of him winning tournaments and embarking on a lifelong career as a karate master.

But after one year of training he lost interest and just stated going through the motions. By the end of two years training it was apparent that his heart was not really there, although to his credit he attended lessons faithfully and did his best. I asked him if he wanted to continue, and he said no. So I let him quit, figuring that at least he had a solid foundation in the martial arts and if he ever wants to return to it he knows that he has my full support.

The unintended consequence of me being there to cheer my son on for two years was that I developed a love of martial arts and this marks my fifth year training. I don't think there was anything that anybody could have said to cause me to love martial arts, it came naturally. For some it will never be there, and if our kids turn out to love it like we do, it is a wonderful thing, but we parents should always be on our guard against becoming those stage parents who unconsciously live through their kids' achievements. IMO, we should give them opportunities to find their own talents, then help them flourish.

So my advice is to encourage your daughter to try a MA for a set period of time that you think is reasonable for her to get a good feeling of it, but not to set your hopes on her becoming a prodigy. Then let her decide if she wants to continue or to find a different martial art to try out.

 

[ralphmcpherson]

I had the same thing happen with my little girl. She was 7 when she started tkd, she had an interest in martial arts from watching me do it and also loved the karate kid movies. She got to blue belt and was a natural at it and had amazing flexibility. The problems for her started because blue belt is when our club starts students sparring. Full contact sparring was something that really scared her away as she doesnt have an aggressive bone in her body, she enjoyed sparring but not getting hit or doing the hitting (which was a shame as she had a great prop side kick which she could deliver easily at head height with good power). It was a real shame as she liked the forms, sparring, timber breaking, self defence techs and the social aspect that tkd provided. She has since stated that she may at some point be interested in a martial art with non contact or light contact sparring such as karate (which some of her friends do and enjoy the lighter contact). Other times she talks up coming back to tkd with me. At her age she is basically just testing out many sports to see which one takes her fancy. But like you, manny, I would love to see her come back to tkd at some stage.

 

[dortiz]

My biggest regret as a kid was the things I quit. I tell myself this when my children say they want to stop. Funny thing is they are OK again after a period.
Not everything, but for somethings you have to decide that they are seeing it through. Its not on the same level but if they said school was not right for them would you accept that and let them stay home.

 

[Xue Sheng]

How can I convince them to train MA's?

By not trying to convince them of anything all.

Right now my youngest wants to be a TKD person/Doctor/Lawyer/Scientist/Pianist…. I am sure at least some of that will change at some point

My youngest is now in TKD and loving it, but to be honest I do believe in the long run she would do better at Aikido, Judo or Shuaijiao based on her personality. However I will let her do what she enjoys as it applies to MA. If at some point she leaves MA, I will not be happy about it but I will not try and convince her that she has to go train it either. I will talk to her about it and try and figure out why she left and if I can help with that issue and that gets her back to training. But if she is just plain board there is not much I can do other than offer options and possible go look at other schools and other styles. She may decide she wants yoga, or dance or soccer or whatever just as long as she is active I will be ok.

I agree that a girl needs to know some sort of MA today and it would make me a bit more relaxed if she did but she is, like her mother (most certainly not her father ), stubborn at times and if she makes a decision to leave MA I can only continue with my MA and hope that she decides she wants to return to MA later on, but it will have to be her decision not mine.

 

[Manny]

I had the same thing happen with my little girl. She was 7 when she started tkd, she had an interest in martial arts from watching me do it and also loved the karate kid movies. She got to blue belt and was a natural at it and had amazing flexibility. The problems for her started because blue belt is when our club starts students sparring. Full contact sparring was something that really scared her away as she doesnt have an aggressive bone in her body, she enjoyed sparring but not getting hit or doing the hitting (which was a shame as she had a great prop side kick which she could deliver easily at head height with good power). It was a real shame as she liked the forms, sparring, timber breaking, self defence techs and the social aspect that tkd provided. She has since stated that she may at some point be interested in a martial art with non contact or light contact sparring such as karate (which some of her friends do and enjoy the lighter contact). Other times she talks up coming back to tkd with me. At her age she is basically just testing out many sports to see which one takes her fancy. But like you, manny, I would love to see her come back to tkd at some stage.

Yes, I would love Ana will comeback or that Laura could get involved in some MA, but as you said it's up to hers.

Manny

 

[Nomad]

When I asked my (then) 3 year old daughter what she wanted to be when she grew up, she looked me right in the eye and said "A camel."

Interests and aspirations change (thankfully!) as a part of growing up.

I'm a bit like dancingalone on this one; both my daughters started training young, and haven't really been given a choice... karate is just something they do. Fortunately, they do both seem to enjoy it, and are quite competitive when it comes to tournament time.

The older girl (11) has now been training, with varying intensity levels, for 7 years.

 

[granfire]

It's a high wire act for a parent, balancing what we like, what we know is good for them and what they like.

Sometimes they just follow step, because it's what we do.
For some families it's martial Arts, some families have different things. My family it was horses. Almost all my cousins have ridden, are competent horse people, even if they are no longer into it (even my one cousin who happens to be highly allergic to horses), but then again, other than horses pursuits gain you no recognition (like my son and me getting Black Belts in TKD)

At that tender age, they lack focus, too. If the instruction is not top notch, kid oriented, they lose interest. I do blame modern technology for it: something that requires attention for more than a moment is really straining the capacity. Even I turned ADHD on TV matters. I don't think I have seen a movie front to back without getting fidgety or pausing or running out to do something important in years.

And then there is the instance when a parent has to put the foot down and insist on continued participation.
Sometimes kids hit a plateau, with little improvement, a but of fatigue/burnout, if you insist they continue it works itself out, if you let them drop out they never go back.

And all that without manual, by he seat of the pants...and no safety net...one heck of a high wire act.

 

[StudentCarl]

Manny,
My son is now 16. Over the years he's been into football (soccer), baseball, chess, ping pong, and the violin, before TKD. My wife and I have only insisted that he participate in something, and set him up to try out as many things as possible. Unexpectedly, when I returned to TKD he choose to start as well. At 6'3 and 155, and with ten years of higher level soccer agility training, he's gonna give some people fits next week at nationals. Honestly, I was just as happy when he was studying chess openings because he was healthy, active, and engaged in his world. I do think it's important to be both physically and mentally active, but that we can't predict, as parents, what activities will speak to our children's hearts.

I suggest you set the expectation that she be active, and create as many opportunities as you can for her. For kids, the social environment is as important as the instructor and the activity itself.

I bet you are a great dad, from what I know of you here. Your girls are lucky to have you.

Carl