Losing my mojo

Flea

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Think of it as a flip side to the "what's your motivation" thread.

I need to find myself a new motivation, and fast. Three years ago I was hooked at my very first class. I got started after finding someone crouched in the bushes by my door one night ... I trained three times a week, and had a blast most of the time. I'd often picture various Bad Guys as we worked drills. It was cathartic to visualize what I'd really like to do to them, and it also prepared me psychologically for an eventuality that thankfully never came. It was an awful place to live, and it took me several years to make my escape.

Now I'm in an infinitely better place - rural hippie town, very little crime. Even the tweakers are mellow here. It's been more than a year, and I find I'm still detoxing psychologically. All the things that made me a dedicated student before - the constant vigilance, the anger, the feeling of having something to prove to a (actual, not training) adversary, the compulsion to prepare myself - are all things I'm consciously trying to leave behind as I start a new life. It's working very well in general, but it's proving to be a real detriment to my training. I just don't have a fire under me these days, and I'm really afraid that I'll lose interest and quit.

Has anyone else gone through this? It's not as if the training in my new hometown isn't fun. And the teacher is great. It just isn't urgent now that I'm not running scared any more. Suggestions?
 

harlan

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Shoot for a belt? ;)

Seriously, tho', I think three years is one of those 'watersheds' in training, and it may just happened to coincide with other life events. I felt it then, anyway. At that point, I really realized...it was work. Without any belts, tournaments, and other BS to obscure that fact, it just became a matter of 'doing it' for me.
 

ATC

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Try to find someone crouched in the bushes again...:) J/K. Try teaching now. It is a different side of things and if you help kids it is really rewarding.
 

Flying Crane

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find a deeper reason to train.

When I first began my training as a teenager, I had this notion that I wanted to be able to defend myself. Actually, I had little need for it: I grew up in a small, safe town, I wasn't getting bullied or picked on, I wasn't getting into fights. But I had this notion that someday I might need it. That fueled my drive to train for a few years.

Gradually, as I got older and my outlook on life matured a bit (or so I'm fond of telling myself), the notion of self defense and actualy fighting started to take a back seat. It was no longer what was on my mind when I was training. It wasn't my motivation any more, tho it is always an element in what I do: it's part of the mental process of training because I want to understand how my stuff is actually useful and effective if I need it to be, but it's just not the number one priority in my mind.

Instead, I've found that I simply love and enjoy the process of training. The activity itself is something that I look forward to because I find it fascinating and fulfilling to train some very specific skills. I appreciate the results of the training: self defense skills, an active mind, and a high level of fitness. But those results are not what fuels my desire to train. I love the process of training itself, for its own sake.

If you can find that kind of motivation and love for the activity itself, then you will never burn out or lose your mojo.
 

Gemini

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I'm not sure how to effectively tell someone to change their motivation. It is what it is...or isn't. I don't train with the intensity I did years ago, and doubt I will again. There are times I down right disliked the idea of going in the dojang, but I keep training and teaching because I owe it to myself and those I've committed my time to not to quit and that was enough. Everytime I've pushed myself through this, I was always glad I did . All I can tell you is this is something that's pretty common for most practitioners, but if it begins to drain you instead of inspire you, maybe taking a break isn't a bad thing. The only true answer though, is inside you.
 
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Flea

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Try to find someone crouched in the bushes again...:) J/K.

:high5:

You know, my downstairs neighbor has studied kung fu for several years. Maybe I could pay her to do that at random a couple times a month.

As for belts, there aren't any in my art. And we all train together, no segregation by skill level. It's one of the things I love about it. I do enjoy taking the noobs under my wing though.

I think a lot of comes down to good old fashioned cognitive dissonance. Fear and anger are powerful motivators, and it kept me on task for a long time. They're also very unhealthy in large doses, and I moved because it's no way to live. In all honesty, it was eating me alive because (geographically speaking) there was no way to get away from it. Now that I've finally escaped it's the last mentality I want to have.

I haven't found an acceptable substitute for it in terms of my training. It's damned ironic, because it's the training that finally put me over the top in my volition to get out of there.

I'm not giving up, I'm just worried because I seem to be running out of ideas. I have faith that I'll find a solution. I just don't know what it is.
 

Brian King

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Recovery is a very major part life and of our art Flea. People are attracted to Systema for many different reasons, many of which they may be unconscious of. The art, the training methodology, the people, the results, speaks to them and attracts them. Often there is a weakness or imbalance that needs addressing that rests or boils below the surface. These might be written on the body, manifested in behaviors, or expressed verbally, often hidden in plain sight. One of the really cool things about our art is that the training strengthens these areas and balances out our psyche’s during every drill and exercise.


Three years ago you came to find Systema as method to address fear. The fears were legit, earned, and honest. They were a survival mechanism that helped you survive very difficult times and circumstances. In the three years that you have been practicing Systema you have I think learned better survival mechanisms. More than that you have been given tools to face future bitter and difficult circumstances that if used and maintained will see you not only survive but to thrive, not despite those circumstances but because of them and your new ways of navigating through them. As important these very same tools have started healing the past trauma’s which brings up further challenges which will be addressed further below.


We often see people come martial arts fearing physical conflict, they wish to learn to defend against a mugger. Once they learn those skills they then leave the arts. It is not necessarily sad. They came seeking to address a fear and once they no longer had that fear they moved on. It is a victory for both the student and the instructor leaving both stronger and better for the relationship and interactions. Same with those that enter the arts to achieve a black belt, or win some trophies. After this is accomplished or achieved to their satisfaction they move on. In my opinion it is natural and beneficial and should be recognized and acknowledged as so.


But as hinted at above there are further challenges. This is not just a Systema thing, for example the arts that are belt orientated experience this challenge between brown and black belts when many students leave the arts just prior to achieving the black. This is when truly difficult work and insights starts to happen. In Systema, these issues are addressed from day one but often below the surface in the background deep within the many layers of the drills and exercises. We attempt to strengthen the students whole psyche so that they may better face and address these issues when they pop up. And if training continues they will pop up, it is uncomfortable, confusing and healthy to deal with them in training. If training discontinues, well the issues will still pop up, how they are dealt with depends on the person. Many deal with them through self medication, some ignore until illnesses brought on force a dealing with.


Learning how to punch and kick is simple. Learning how to lock and throw is simple. Working on strength and flexibility is simple. Working on speed and timing is simple. All are beneficial and could easily be a lifetime’s work. It is a type of work. There are other types of work as well. Thinking in terms of types of work rather than levels is a better way of looking at these things in my opinion as all are intwined and weakness in one hinders others and strengthening one strengthens the other areas of study/work. Learning how to address past trauma’s is simple, learning how to address fears is simple, learning how to address spiritual weaknesses is simple, learning how to address mental imbalances is simple. All the above from punching and kicking to helping with chemical and wiring imbalances, while simple they are not easy. All will require lots of purposeful work and attention. It is not a easy path but it is beneficial. Beneficial not only to the individual doing the work but just as importantly beneficial to our communities.


Why address past trauma’s if they are so buried? Well, nothing stays buried forever, past trauma’s leave marks and scars. These marks and scars are out loud and public but like the little marks on a treasure map not all who see understand. Like a buried treasure, past trauma’s can help us deal with future trauma’s. Dealing with past injuries strengthens, like fixing a damaged bridge. Sure it was just a bit of damage but fixing it is obviously a good thing to do. Not only that but by dealing with past trauma’s in a safe and supporting environment gives us examples tools and experiences to deal with future trauma’s.


Once this experience is felt and the understanding gained then, even if drama/trauma is never again in our own lives, it will be in the lives of those that are around us. Help might not be possible but understanding and empathy is and both often lead to help.


Sorry for the long post. You perhaps came to Systema seeking protection. You sought and received physical tools to offer you protection from physical threats. It might be enough and time to move on. Three years ago you also had fear of personal contact. Physical illness at that contact. Today you are grappling. This is such a VICTORY. Perhaps this is enough and it is time to move on. If so, stand up and huzza, you have made great strides where many falter or fail. It is up to you to look and find your purpose and motivation. Is Systema you passion or your purpose? If it is your passion then perhaps the journey is nearing it’s end. Passions without purpose are hobbies and can start and end with little or no regrets.


But, perhaps as I suspect, Systema can be combined with your purpose. You are involved in the mental health field. You seek to be a healer. Learning to combine your physical training, your passion for the art with your purpose (helping guide others to a better place) will benefit both worlds. Start to see what the training you are doing is effecting on a different plane, different level, different type of work all found within the same drills and exercises.


In September we are hosting Vladimir up here in Seattle for the Systema Combative Body seminar. Highly recommended that you try to attend Flea.

Warmest Regards and good luck
Brian King
 

Flying Crane

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I'll say the same thing I tell people when discussing exercise in general: if you do not enjoy the thing you are doing for its own sake, not just for the benefits that it gives you, then it is unlikely you will stick with it in the long run.

It is possible that the art and/or the instructor, is not the best match for you in these terms. You may have gotten perfectly sound self defense skills that got you thru the critical stage when you really needed it, but without the deeper engagement that brings you to love the process itself with the ability to let go of the results and trust that they will fall into place as a result of the training.

It is possible that a different system, and a different instructor may help you find this.
 

Kong Soo Do

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It just isn't urgent now that I'm not running scared any more. Suggestions?

Because any place can be the wrong place, and any time can be the wrong time.
 

KELLYG

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Flea,

I remember from some of your posts, from way back, how uncomfortable you felt when you first started training. I am so excited that training has moved from something that, at times was overwelming, to something that is so relaxed that you feel that you are "loosing your mojo". I have been training for 9 1/2 years on average 4 days a week. Some days I train for the excersise, some times I train for the contact that I have with my friends, some days I train to realy get into an area that I am weak in. Sometimes I train just because I feel that I need to, some days I train to get rid of stress, some days I just don't want to go and go anyway. I guess what I am saying that just because you feel safe and comfortable does not mean that you just quit training. If your current system is something that you truly don't like then change to another art or add another art to your program.
 

oftheherd1

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I don't see any bad advice above. But only you can decide what you need to do. I can tell you it is not uncommon to have doubts at you stage of training, that is, about 3 years in. I can also tell you that it isn't uncommon to reach a plateau where you don't see yourself making any progress, and don't see any reason to continue. You have an added factor; you started training because of a trauma in you life, and you think you have removed yourself from any possibility of future trauma. Or at least you think you are sufficiently removed that further training is not needed.

Again, only you can decide if you are really comfortable with quitting. You may not know without trying it. Some things I would suggest you consider are: Is there another MA you would prefer? As you may know, in Korea, it isn't uncommon to encourage a student who has achieved 3rd Dan, to try another MA. I don't know that where you are at would correspond to 3rd Dan, but still it might be worth considering. Are you sure you are comfortable with the area you are in being completely safe? I wish I could share that. I would not want you or anyone else to have a false sense of security. Nor would I want to see anyone walk in constant fear when it isn't warranted. Do you get other satisfactions from your MA training that make it worth your time to continue? That is worth considering as well.

Good luck in your decision. I suspect you have just reached a plateau and will soon be back to training and enjoying it. Keep us informed how your journey progresses.
 
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Flea

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Thanks again everyone. It's all great advice.

I've hit plateaus before, but they've usually lasted 2-3 weeks. This has been building for several months. That doesn't mean that it isn't another plateau though.

The other thing that dawned on me after posting the above is that I lost one of my best friends to suicide just a couple months ago. It's true that I haven't enjoyed my training much lately, but I haven't enjoyed much of anything lately. The grief is having a ripple effect much wider than I expected and it's still spreading. I've done the best I can to keep myself going through the motions, but maybe having the same level of fun with this (or anything else, for that matter) is asking too much right now.

Depression can be an insidious and sneaky thing, so I really don't know. It's a work in progress.
 

Master Dan

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It is very common for people to start MA training motivated by fear or hate even if they have not yet been attacked but fear such. It is also very normal for 100% of them to loose thier motivation for thier training as soon as being tired from training. This usually happens quite soon months to maybe a year. Your have lasted quite some time. What replaces the old motivation with a new more lasting one is spirit. First from an instructor who has something more to share Chi Ki and many other levels of instruction. Your training should become self discovery and nurturing to your self to find your own divine nature. From that after three years you should have been learning to give by teaching others who are weaker and need lifting up and inturn those who are much stronger and knowledgable than you should be assisting you and feeding you more because you have earned it. Teaching forces you to study and train more or you will run out of anything to teach or at least be stuck only being able to take your students so far and hand them off?
 

jks9199

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Flea, grief takes time to heal. It will effect lots of your life. Try taking your concerns & problems to your instructor; they may be able to help you. And find someone to talk to becaujse this will ripple into your work, too.

Sent from my Ally using Tapatalk
 

etali

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In my school, if you'd been training for three years and were "average", then you'd probably be a black belt. The thing that I've noticed about the black belts that continue to reach second or third Dan is that they have a reason beyond just training to go to class. Some of them teach, others compete. A couple of them are learning to become referees and judges for local tournaments. One of the older blackbelts has become a historian, and is learning Japanese and studying old texts.

Is there something like that which you could use to help you stay motivated? A goal beyond just what you can learn at the next class?
 

OKenpo942

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This may seem a bit silly, but you might try watching the I.D. channel at night. Lots of shows about bad things happening in quiet little towns. Might cause you to think about the value of your training even in your new safer environment (congratulations on getting out of your previous abode).

You might also see if you can do some riding with your local or nearby law enforcement agency. It might show you a side of your community you may not be aware of and rekindle your inner desire to train because the threat is still there, even if not as glaringly obvious.

James
 
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Flea

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Kinda like this? :)

This isn't the agency I work for, but we have a lot of crossover with these folks. 20 hours a week I help people with severe disabilities to live independently. I help them make it to appointments, manage their homes, and make peace with their voices. For most of them, their disabilities are a direct result of trauma in their own lives. Riding along is an interesting idea, but I don't feel I need to because I see it every day in my clients' experiences.

Perhaps it's fair to say that by choosing this career I'm still mired in the chaos and danger I worked so hard to escape. Except that nowadays, I make a conscious decision to go back as a third party to someone else's chaos on rescue missions. I'm not charging at windmills to "fix" anyone. Many of them are out of my league, but at least I can show them with my presence that recovery is possible. I feel a sense of kinship with many of my clients for this reason; they also heal me as I turn my own experiences into a source of strength on their behalf.

Which is most certainly a form of training in its own right. Maybe what I need to do right now is expand my view of "the battle" from refining motor skills to strengthening my intellect and spirit to follow my true calling. The dojo is a perfect venue for that as well, and it's just a critical as training to save my own hide.


:knight2:
 
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