I've decided to develop my own satirical martial art.

[Marnetmar]

Spirit has guided me to create a new system of self defense, more aggressive and lethal than any other in this world, and I shall call it Alfre-Do(TM).

Basic self defense techniques will include lying on the ground in a fetal position, shouting "Look over there!" to your opponent and kicking them in the nuts, and more. Because I invented it, I officially proclaim myself the Unachievable 69th degree diamond belt Eternal Enlightened Badass(TM) Handsome Grandmaster of Grandmasters(TM) of Alfre-Do(TM)(TM) and within this thread may only be addressed as Unachievable 69th degree diamond belt Eternal Enlightened Badass(TM) Handsome Grandmaster of Grandmasters(TM) of Alfre-Do(TM)(TM) Marnetmar

Feel free to ask me questions, but remember, you must address me as Unachievable 69th degree diamond belt Eternal Enlightened Badass(TM) Handsome Grandmaster of Grandmasters(TM) of Alfre-Do(TM)(TM) Marnetmar in order to get a response.

If you help me on my journey or I simply decide I like you, you get to be my disciple with the title of 10th degree platinum belt Eternal Servant of Marnetmar (Your Name Here).

I'll keep you guys posted on my developments, suggestions are welcome. Wish me luck!



Sincerely,

Unachievable 69th degree diamond belt Eternal Enlightened Badass(TM) Handsome Grandmaster of Grandmasters(TM) of Alfre-Do(TM)(TM) Marnetmar

 

[ballen0351]

Ummm ok

 

[Marnetmar]

You my friend have to stand in the corner and practice Rikatas(TM) by yourself.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

You are in esteemed company.

[h=3]Started my own martial art![/h][h=3]Introducing the "School of the Winded Tiger"[/h]
Then there's those Ameridote folks.

 

[K-man]

You my friend have to stand in the corner and practice Rikatas(TM) by yourself.

Do you get fries with that?

 

[Marnetmar]

Nope, and don't you even think about touching my vodka bottles.

 

[ballen0351]

Nope, and don't you even think about touching my vodka bottles.

after reading your posts I think the bottles are empty anyway

 

[Tony Dismukes]

The first rule of satirical martial art club is, you never admit that your art is satirical. Always insist with a straight face that your art is the most realistic and effective thing out there. Observe the examples of Ameri-do-te and Llap Goch for inspiration.

 

[Dirty Dog]

The first rule of satirical martial art club is, you never admit that your art is satirical. Always insist with a straight face that your art is the most realistic and effective thing out there. Observe the examples of Ameri-do-te and Llap Goch for inspiration.

Or Ashida Kim...

 

[RTKDCMB]

I started one for my dog - Its called Jui Shitzu.
I started one for my fridge - Its call Fujitsu.

 

[Carol]

I founded Rhee Bok Do. Because you win every fight you aren't in.

I also created Aishu-Tibeta specifically for the folks who like throwing a little lead downrange. Your gun might be biggest than mine, but I'll always make the center shots because Aishu-Tibeta.

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2

 

[Dirty Dog]

I founded Rhee Bok Do. Because you win every fight you aren't in.

I also created Aishu-Tibeta specifically for the folks who like throwing a little lead downrange. Your gun might be biggest than mine, but I'll always make the center shots because Aishu-Tibeta.

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2

Isn't Aishu-Tibeta derived from Chikchik-Pow?

 

[Carol]

Isn't Aishu-Tibeta derived from Chikchik-Pow?

Absolutely! I think of it as a refined evolution, all my students so far started with Chikchik-Pow, then they came to Aishu-Tibeta when they wanted to take their training to the next level

 

[Xue Sheng]

I once witness the birth of a new style....projectile-jitsu aka hurlfu.....but it is to awful to talk about

 

[Daniel Sullivan]

I believe that there was a guy out there promoting the art of Kim-Chi at one point. Mmmm, spicy!

 

[generalneon]

Dear Unachievable 69th degree diamond belt Eternal Enlightened Badass(TM) Handsome Grandmaster of Grandmasters(TM) of Alfre-Do(TM)(TM) Marnetmard, how similar is this art to the traditional Scottish martial art of Fuh-kyu, which involve a lot of headbutting and kicking people while they're down?

 

[Zero]

Or Ashida Kim...

C'mon enough with the jokes? AK is the real deal and has the self-certifications to prove it.

 

[Transk53]

i started one for my dog - its called jui shitzu.
I started one for my fridge - its call fujitsu.

psml :d

 

[Kong Soo Do]

I thought of calling my art, "Dave's bait, tackle and kung fu emporium". Put it to a catchy tune and I think it's a winner! :lol2:

 

[drop bear]

I have just realised my fundamental flaw in training. That I am training.

The best way to win a fight is to not be there. Avoiding a conflict is more effective and powerful that any method of engaging in one.

The only way to be properly prepared is to actively train in this very devastating technique. And the best way to train is to avoid training.

I tried this the other day by avoiding getting mugged. And it has successfully worked. I defended my self from literally hundreds of attacks that did not happen.

I found experts in martial arts and did not fight them.

Let me just say that again. My system defended themselves against martial arts experts.

A list of some of the names I have avoided.

Chuck Norris.
Anderson Silva.
The entire seal team 6.

This method has avoided real life street encounters and avoided proffessiional fighters.

This is the only realistic method of self defence because avoiding training is the same as avoiding a real fight.

That's right I avoid real fights not just avoiding dojo dancing with pads.

Here are some examples of real street altercations.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QfVQaeWM6Tk

Now you will notice the the one common flaw is that they were there at all. It is a foolish mistake brought about by training.

Here is someone who has trained avoiding training.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o-50GjySwew

Notice how effectively she has avoided being defeated in a fight.

That's right my system is not reliant on strength or size and is perfectly suited to men and women.

If you are still not convinced I have the avoidance challenge. I will not fight you. That's right any person who thinks the want to test my system is welcome to try. Pick a time and a place. Pick a weapon and start without me.

Because I am trained not to be there.