How Do You Train With Someone You Hate

Akira

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I train twice a day 6 days a week. Sometimes (with increasing regularity), some massive bloke (Mr X) has been attending as well. Because I train in Muay Thai, usually I'm training alone, on the pads or with the bag, but twice now I've had to spar Mr X.

The first time, was grappling, and he kept kneeing me in the hip, trying to elbow me in the head (you don't do this during grappling sparring at this gym), and in the fourth round he kept pushing me away with kicks and wouldn't let me grab and spar him properly.

The second time he were meant to spar 'light contact' which he obviously never heard before. He hit me so hard he almost broke my nose. By the end of the first round I was spitting up blood, by the end of the second he'd managed to cut my head open. The trainer stepped in and reminded him it was light contact during round 3, but he kneed me so hard I couldn't continue. I'm not some kind of *****. I can spar hard when I need to, but that was not light contact. He kept telling me to go 'faster faster' but it was supposed to be light contact, and he obviously has little control.

During round one, I went for an outside thigh kick but he half stepped back (to switch from southpaw to regular stance) and while my shin missed, my foot collided with his groin. He did this twice before I realised why it was happening, so I didn't kick throw any more kicks to his thigh after this because I don't think he was aware of why it kept happening. He complained about this though I just apologized. Because he's been training longer than me he thinks he knows it all.

I'm really starting to hate this guy and his superiority issues. He has been training longer than me, but his technique is terrible. My trainer saw the whole thing. He's given me this afternoon off training, but I'm getting ready for a fight next month so I can't rest too much. I have full confidence in my trainer, if he thought I couldn't handle myself then he would have stopped it. Also, I do train in Thailand currently, so I'm prepared for the occassional beating. But it got me thinking...how am I going to continue training with this guy now I have a stong dislike for him? What mental strategys can I use to overcome this? The gym I train at is open to all and I enjoy the current atmosphere, I don't want to hate someone who I train with.

Thoughts/advice please?
 

Thesemindz

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how am I going to continue training with this guy now I have a stong dislike for him?

It can be really tough to train with someone you dislike. I've been there. The key is to focus on yourself and your growth. Act like a professional. Do your best to improve your technique, and let him focus on his. If he's out of control, encourage him to get in line. If he doesn't, just walk off the floor and wait to train with someone else. I wouldn't ever train with someone who was repeatedly hurting me out of negligence. I expect to get hurt training, but I won't tolerate getting hurt because of someone else's hubris.

And if he keeps getting kicked in the balls because of his sloppy technique, keep kicking him in the balls. It's the only way he'll learn.


-Rob
 

sgtmac_46

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I train twice a day 6 days a week. Sometimes (with increasing regularity), some massive bloke (Mr X) has been attending as well. Because I train in Muay Thai, usually I'm training alone, on the pads or with the bag, but twice now I've had to spar Mr X.

The first time, was grappling, and he kept kneeing me in the hip, trying to elbow me in the head (you don't do this during grappling sparring at this gym), and in the fourth round he kept pushing me away with kicks and wouldn't let me grab and spar him properly.

The second time he were meant to spar 'light contact' which he obviously never heard before. He hit me so hard he almost broke my nose. By the end of the first round I was spitting up blood, by the end of the second he'd managed to cut my head open. The trainer stepped in and reminded him it was light contact during round 3, but he kneed me so hard I couldn't continue. I'm not some kind of *****. I can spar hard when I need to, but that was not light contact. He kept telling me to go 'faster faster' but it was supposed to be light contact, and he obviously has little control.

During round one, I went for an outside thigh kick but he half stepped back (to switch from southpaw to regular stance) and while my shin missed, my foot collided with his groin. He did this twice before I realised why it was happening, so I didn't kick throw any more kicks to his thigh after this because I don't think he was aware of why it kept happening. He complained about this though I just apologized. Because he's been training longer than me he thinks he knows it all.

I'm really starting to hate this guy and his superiority issues. He has been training longer than me, but his technique is terrible. My trainer saw the whole thing. He's given me this afternoon off training, but I'm getting ready for a fight next month so I can't rest too much. I have full confidence in my trainer, if he thought I couldn't handle myself then he would have stopped it. Also, I do train in Thailand currently, so I'm prepared for the occassional beating. But it got me thinking...how am I going to continue training with this guy now I have a stong dislike for him? What mental strategys can I use to overcome this? The gym I train at is open to all and I enjoy the current atmosphere, I don't want to hate someone who I train with.

Thoughts/advice please?
You get that from time to time. Usually it's straightened out by someone in the gym who is a whole lot better than they are, putting them in their place.........which is sometimes unconscious. The game is played the way they want to play it, and if someone wants to play rougher than they should, we could always find someone who would accommodate them.....

......one of two things would happen.....

1) They'd get the message, and chill out and turn in to some pretty good training partners....
2) They'd get the message, and not come back

Some folks need a lesson in checking their ego at the door......at my old Judo dojo my instructor would accomplish that by ensuring that the guy ALWAYS sparred with him.....and he'd tell them that he'd go as hard as they wanted....and if they wanted to play rough, he'd slam them EXTRA HARD.......until they got the message, and then it was all respect both ways.
 

MJS

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I train twice a day 6 days a week. Sometimes (with increasing regularity), some massive bloke (Mr X) has been attending as well. Because I train in Muay Thai, usually I'm training alone, on the pads or with the bag, but twice now I've had to spar Mr X.

The first time, was grappling, and he kept kneeing me in the hip, trying to elbow me in the head (you don't do this during grappling sparring at this gym), and in the fourth round he kept pushing me away with kicks and wouldn't let me grab and spar him properly.

The second time he were meant to spar 'light contact' which he obviously never heard before. He hit me so hard he almost broke my nose. By the end of the first round I was spitting up blood, by the end of the second he'd managed to cut my head open. The trainer stepped in and reminded him it was light contact during round 3, but he kneed me so hard I couldn't continue. I'm not some kind of *****. I can spar hard when I need to, but that was not light contact. He kept telling me to go 'faster faster' but it was supposed to be light contact, and he obviously has little control.

During round one, I went for an outside thigh kick but he half stepped back (to switch from southpaw to regular stance) and while my shin missed, my foot collided with his groin. He did this twice before I realised why it was happening, so I didn't kick throw any more kicks to his thigh after this because I don't think he was aware of why it kept happening. He complained about this though I just apologized. Because he's been training longer than me he thinks he knows it all.

I'm really starting to hate this guy and his superiority issues. He has been training longer than me, but his technique is terrible. My trainer saw the whole thing. He's given me this afternoon off training, but I'm getting ready for a fight next month so I can't rest too much. I have full confidence in my trainer, if he thought I couldn't handle myself then he would have stopped it. Also, I do train in Thailand currently, so I'm prepared for the occassional beating. But it got me thinking...how am I going to continue training with this guy now I have a stong dislike for him? What mental strategys can I use to overcome this? The gym I train at is open to all and I enjoy the current atmosphere, I don't want to hate someone who I train with.

Thoughts/advice please?

I've been there many times, although its usually at seminars. There is one person, who seems that he feels its necessary to a) show off, b) start working on something else, c) feels its necessary to use too much force, etc.

He's done this with others as well, and we usually bring it to the attention of the person holding the event. There have been times that I've just excused myself right in the middle of whatever it is we're doing, and grabbed a drink of water or left for the bathroom. Upon my return, I just find someone else to work with.

Hes been spoken to many times about this. Hey, I have no issue with picking things up a bit as far as contact goes, but it needs to be mutual. I'm there to learn what the person conducting the seminar is teaching, not my partners version.
 

Big Don

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And if he keeps getting kicked in the balls because of his sloppy technique, keep kicking him in the balls. It's the only way he'll learn.


-Rob
Or, as my Sifu says: "If he isn't a good dummy, MAKE him a good dummy."
 

Guardian

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I say make him pay for his sloppiness, piss on him. Give as good as you get and make him pay. Allot of times, this crap that he'll learn from this or that is BS in my view, some people do not learn, they have to be made to quit or leave you alone.
 
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searcher

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I have been in several schools and observed this, as well as having been involved with similar situations, in one capacity or another. Here is my advice, give it to him hard. Most people only learn by hard knocks.

My wife had to knock out a couple of guys to get through to them.
 

MA-Caver

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I'll concur with the others... give as good as you get. Talk to your trainer again about it, and try talking with HIM about it again. If he persists then give it to him as good as he gives it to you. But do be careful... you say he's been training longer than you... he may have something up his sleeve that you haven't learned about yet. If you got a match/meet coming up soon don't jeopardize your ability to participate making him mad enough to seriously take you out of the game.

When you're at the meet/match put HIS face on all your opponents. Who knows you might win and end up buying the guy a beer and he won't know why. :lol:
 

Aiki Lee

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Here is my opinion:

1. Explain to him that you are trying to go light to work on proper form, perhaps he will lighten up.

2. If he does not lighten up, call him on it. Tell him, he's being to rough, and you don't want to go that hard.

3. If he continues, inform your instructor.

4. If all else fails, crush him. If you reach this point he is likely trying to challenge you, and while I try to avoid these types of things (and it sounds like you do too) sometimes you have to put someone down and let them know that they aren't as good as they think.

This reminds me of a story about a similar guy. I'll call him Mr. Z. Mr. Z is not a person I dislike really, but sometimes I find his ego irritating and he tends to overstep his lines. He's a lower ranking kyu and he tries to teach when he has no business to be coaching in the dojo (without permission from the head sensei), and it seems like he continues to "challenge" black belts by going rougher than he should be at his level and trying to out counter us by reversing the technique.

Now there is a time and place for this, but when we are working on our mechanics and going nice and easy, this behavior is not acceptable. I remember trying to teach him a technique and he breaks out and puts me in double underhooks and slams me to the ground. I informed the instructor and he chastized him, but my teacher told me that if this behavior continues to show him why I wear the black belt, and he doesn't. So I did, after warning him several times to got light I stopped training with him like I do with the other kyu ranks, and hit him like I hit the dan ranks. He got the point, and has lightened up a bit.

There should be mutal respect for all training partners, no one should feel like they're someone elses sandbag.
 

Jade Tigress

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I used to have a training partner that annoyed the hell out of me. (I started a thread on it at the time). Well, it turned out that after having to train with him for quite some time, he turned out to be a fantastic partner. I learned how to deal with him and he learned how to be a more courteous training partner. I now consider him a good friend as well.

Hang in there and heed the advice of Thesemindz. ;)
 

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That sucks... Kudos to you for not completely unleashing your fury while sparring.

If a new guy comes in and starts acting like a bruiser (we get a LOT of newbies) thinking he's Tyler Durden, I take him aside and say that his greatest training tool is his training partner. Don't break your training partner. A good one will elevate contact levels when you want, and start seeing holes in your game that you'll need to work on.

Don't break him. However, a direct line of communication is key.

If the guys persists, then he's too much of a liability, and gets put in his place... Or no one works out with him. It's pretty simple.
 

K-man

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It has only happened once in my training. The guy was a higher rank karateka and had trained Muay Thai. He was also an instructor. During awasse kumite we delighted to put in full power kicks to his partner's thigh. He did this to me one night and I gave him an indication I was not happy (because it was meant to be slow and soft). He did it a second time and I warned him. He did it a third time and I decked him. He never sparred me again and, to my knowledge, never tried it on anyone else. It turned out he was just a bully, it all turned to mush when someone called his bluff. Of course he reported me to the chief instructor who on hearing the story took no further action. In a subsequent grading he feigned an injury to avoid sparring other blackbelts.

If you are not confident in your own ability, talk to your head instructor.
 

Brian King

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Jade Tigress wrote:

I used to have a training partner that annoyed the hell out of me. (I started a thread on it at the time). Well, it turned out that after having to train with him for quite some time, he turned out to be a fantastic partner. I learned how to deal with him and he learned how to be a more courteous training partner. I now consider him a good friend as well.


Good for you JT
I think I remember that thread and that it had a lot of good information and coping ideas in it. Cant find the link (not unusual for me as my searching skill is weak) or I would post it.

JT do you remember what it was that changed the relationship between the two of you from a negative one to a positive one?

Regards
Brian King
 

bowser666

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Personally this macho hit him harder till he gets it crap doesn't fly with me. Just TELL him , and say hey look, its light contact , if you cant learn control then go practice some more and let me spar with someone who has control and understands what light contact means. If the trainer cant fix the issue then that is a deficiency with your training. Solving problems by brute force is NEVER the right answer. Or excuse me, more BRUTE FORCE than the other guy. All that crap is going to get you is a injury and prevent you from competing , which is your real goal. Don't put up with the BS and talk to the guy and say hey look. Back if off a bit. If he doesn't then stop playing his game, and find someone else to work with.

Fighting back with more force is just trying exert your ego over his. It doesn't sound liek that is your train of thought so I would give my suggestion a try if I were you and if the student doesn't respond then talk to your trainer and it is his responsibility to fix the issue.
 

Jade Tigress

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Jade Tigress wrote:




Good for you JT
I think I remember that thread and that it had a lot of good information and coping ideas in it. Cant find the link (not unusual for me as my searching skill is weak) or I would post it.

JT do you remember what it was that changed the relationship between the two of you from a negative one to a positive one?

Regards
Brian King

Well, I decided to do a search for it and found it here. It was nice rereading that thread and I was once again reminded of why I love all of you here.

What changed it...hmmmm. If I recall, it was around when we both tested for the next level. The next level contained kicks, which we had done none of previously. Turns out I'm pretty good at kicks, and he's not...at all. I think that somehow gave him a new perspective and he started referring to me as "partner". As in, "C'mon partner, time to train". And if we saw each other outside of class he would introduce me as his training partner. So I think I gained some respect from him and as we were both starting out at a new level together he didn't have the "I've been doing this longer, listen to me" attitude.

That, and I think just the time factor settled him down. There was a post in that thread where someone said they bet I wasn't I only one having problems with him. That ended up being true.

He and I were the only 2 at that rank in that class, so we always trained together. Well, another student at the same level that went to a later class, came to our class because of a work schedule change. So the three of us were rotating on training a drill with a partner and training alone while the other 2 worked on the drill. (This was after I posted that thread and before we tested for next level and things smoothed out).

Well, this guy had a BIG problem with *my* training partner. He was doing the same things as he had with me and the other guy was getting super pissed and let both him and the assistant instructor who was running the class know. Though I felt for the guy because I've been there, it was not a pretty scene in class and I think he should have handled it differently because while I could sympathize, he came across as a whiney baby.

It still made me feel better to know it wasn't just me.

Ok, enough of the thread drift. Hopefully this will help Akira in dealing with a similar problem. :asian:
 

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