Getting back in the saddle

[Gemini]

People can change, so teach him how to become an apple pie instead of a plain ole apple by becoming one yourself...

I think someone would have to teach me first.

either way, he's definitely listening...so just keep talking.

This is a good point. Never though of it that way.

This is tricky and I don't envy you here! I wish you a good outcome!

Oh sure, my boat's sinking and you just stole the bucket.:jaws:

 

[MJS]

I don't mean this next part as a criticism, just something to consider. Is winning important to you? As parents we are proud of our children when they find success in something. It's very normal to be excited for them. In fact it is difficult not to be excited and enthusiastic when they win or do well at something! How can you not? artyon: The thing to be aware of though is that each time this happens we project something about how we feel about winning and losing to our children. I ask because sometimes our children are seeking our approval in the things that they do. If your approval is important to him and he believes that winning is important to you (whether or not it is), he may be having a difficult time accepting anything less because in doing so he may feel (from his perspective) he is letting you down. If this is the case it will be magnified by the fact that you are in a duel role here.

I agree with this statement. This is probably one of the main reasons why I never played sports in school. People were taking a high school game and giving the feeling that everyone was playing for $1,000,000!!! Now, there certainly is nothing wrong with some friendly competition, but everyone was taking things way too serious IMO, and this was no doubt due to their parents drilling into them that losing is not an option.

When I used to teach classes on a more regular basis, I'd constantly see parents drag their kid to class, and it was very apparent that the kid had little to no interest in being there. How productive is the training going to be? I've always been a believer that if someone has no interest in doing something, they are certainly not going to give it 100% effort.

Mike

 

[Gemini]

I agree with this statement. This is probably one of the main reasons why I never played sports in school. People were taking a high school game and giving the feeling that everyone was playing for $1,000,000!!! Now, there certainly is nothing wrong with some friendly competition, but everyone was taking things way too serious IMO, and this was no doubt due to their parents drilling into them that losing is not an option.

I've never promoted that way of thinking. It has to be for fun. The day it's no longer fun, there's no point in continuing. I by nature am very competitive, but that doesn't mean I must win at all costs. It just means I'm going to give it my all. I think often people confuse the two.

When I used to teach classes on a more regular basis, I'd constantly see parents drag their kid to class, and it was very apparent that the kid had little to no interest in being there. How productive is the training going to be? I've always been a believer that if someone has no interest in doing something, they are certainly not going to give it 100% effort.

Mike

I know what you're saying, but this isn't like that. I've always insisted that my boys take some type of activity, but what activity it was has always been up to them. My middle son and I practiced TKD for years while the older one did other things. He never had an interest in TKD. Fine. The at a tournament a few years ago, he was amazed at what was going on and said "I gotta do this!". Though I told him once he started he would have to stay with it, sparring has always been optional. It has always been his choice. He's free to quit competing anytime he wants. I just don't want it to be for the wrong reasons. As far as classes go, I'm fortunate in that I don't have to drag any of them. We do it as a family and we all enjoy it.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

I by nature am very competitive, but that doesn't mean I must win at all costs. It just means I'm going to give it my all. I think often people confuse the two.

I'm confused...did you give it your all last week blondie? :boing2:

Er, uh... I mean, you really seem like you are giving this your all. :asian:

Oh sure, my boat's sinking and you just stole the bucket.:jaws:

Only cuz it was leaky :uhyeah:...sheesh...

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Gemini I just found this on a swim site I was visiting for my son. It looks like an interesting book and it may be helpful. I imagine you can get it anywhere:





http://www.fluidmechanics.net/competitive_swimmers/products/psychology_emotion.asp#Will%20You%20Still%20Love%20Me%20If%20I%20Dont%20Win

Will You Still Love Me If I Don't Win?

In my experience, the emotional side of sports "the way athletes feel about themselves and the effect those feelings have on their performance" is the most significant issue affecting young athletes today. There is no doubt that unresolved anger, pressure-producing fear, disappointment, hurt, and other suppressed feelings can handicap an athlete's abilities. At the very least, emotional pressure can turn competitive athletics into an emotional struggle, taking all the fun out of the sports experience. These problems are not about thinking, they are about feeling: emotions.

Book$12.95

 

[arnisador]

Salespeople say that perhaps one in twenty cold calls result in a sale. They are trained to view each rejection as one of the nineteen needed to get to that one success.

Once you're no longer undefeated, you're free to focus on improvement rather than maintaining that perfect record! It's like having a 4.0 GPA--it becomes the goal.

 

[Gemini]

Thanks for the link, MJ. that was very nice of you to think of me. There were actually several books there that looked like they were worth a read. I think I'm way over due on putting in the study time on this anyway.

For the record, I mentioned it above, but I never condem the performance of my kids. In every sport we go to, there are parents/coaches that act that way, and quite frankly, they disgust me. I'm analitical, not emotional. I do critique, but I am not critical. There's a big difference. So this has me thinking now. I know I'm that way, but because I can't see myself through there eyes, I have to ask, do THEY see me that way. Hmmmm. I think I think too much. Maybe they'll having something for psychotic father coaches.

In my next life I'm gonna come back as Tigger...

 

[Gemini]

Once you're no longer undefeated, you're free to focus on improvement rather than maintaining that perfect record! It's like having a 4.0 GPA--it becomes the goal.

I agree, it takes a load off and though no one wants to loose, if handled correctly can be viewed as an opportunity to improve. It's far from the end of the world. He knows this. He's lost before, but he's never been "beaten". He was soundly beaten. The question is, what will he do with his new knowledge. I've seen kids leave and never come back. In my mind, it's not the kid's fault. It's the fault of the mentor. My whole reason for starting this thread was to avoid this happening to him. He may be just fine and I may be over reacting. Or maybe not. I'm the type that would rather stack the deck than roll the dice.

 

[arnisador]

Kids are resilient. I'm a aparent too and I think we worry about these things more than they do sometimes. Buy him a milkshake and give him the "We'll get him next time, tiger!" talk is what I'd do. I'd also remind him that being good at things requries hard work, and that if he's willing to invest the time, it'll happen. He may not be ready to be that competitive again yet. That's probably OK.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Thanks for the link, MJ. that was very nice of you to think of me.

:asian:...................... that will only last for one more week...

There were actually several books there that looked like they were worth a read. I think I'm way over due on putting in the study time on this anyway.

I agree I was thinking about checking a couple of these out for my kids.

For the record, I mentioned it above, but I never condem the performance of my kids. In every sport we go to, there are parents/coaches that act that way, and quite frankly, they disgust me. I'm analitical, not emotional. I do critique, but I am not critical. There's a big difference. So this has me thinking now. I know I'm that way, but because I can't see myself through there eyes, I have to ask, do THEY see me that way. Hmmmm. I think I think too much. Maybe they'll having something for psychotic father coaches.

In my next life I'm gonna come back as Tigger...

It's evident you are not that kind of a parent, and I think you are seeing the most important angle to examine this from... through your child's eyes. OK now no more metacognating (thinking about thinking) it's not healthy...I l:inlove:ve Tigger!

 

[Gemini]

:asian:...................... that will only last for one more week..

*gulp* You're REALLY not gonna let this go, are ya? I forgot the secret of the universe. Women never let ANYTHING go. :shrug: So I'll tell ya what. For your own protection, I'm going to envoke the "7 day rule" and let you off the hook. No, no. It's okay. Don't thank me. :ultracool

metacognating (thinking about thinking)

Hey, a new word! A big 'un too! I knew there was a good reason to wake up this morning. :wink2: It hurts my 'lil blonde head just trying to say it.

I l:inlove:ve Tigger!

Excellent! My new home! Somewhere down the road when you have an orange and white thing bouncing on your front door and the kids go "Mommy, mommy, can we keep it?" You'll say "Sure. We can name it Gemini."
*note* Tigger's are particlarly fond on Swedish meatballs, should the need to know ever arise.

I won't even pee on the rug.............much

 

[mj-hi-yah]

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*gulp* You're REALLY not gonna let this go, are ya? I forgot the secret of the universe. Women never let ANYTHING go. :shrug: So I'll tell ya what. For your own protection, I'm going to envoke the "7 day rule" and let you off the hook. No, no. It's okay. Don't thank me. :ultracool

Hey, a new word! A big 'un too! I knew there was a good reason to wake up this morning. :wink2: It hurts my 'lil blonde head just trying to say it.

Excellent! My new home! Somewhere down the road when you have an orange and white thing bouncing on your front door and the kids go "Mommy, mommy, can we keep it?" You'll say "Sure. We can name it Gemini."
*note* Tigger's are particlarly fond on Swedish meatballs, should the need to know ever arise.

I won't even pee on the rug.............much

7 day rule... LOL

Oh and by the way I only make my Swedish meatballs out of fresh meat:ninja:...do show up...anytime! :wink2:

Hey Gemini... let us know... if you get to read any of those parenting books how they are...I really am interested.

 

[Gemini]

Oh and by the way I only make my Swedish meatballs out of fresh meat:ninja:...do show up...anytime! :wink2:

Tigger has announced he's just become a vegetarian and will live as far away from LI as possible....Loves Tigger my :moon: ...Loves Tigger for dinner more like.

Hey Gemini... let us know... if you get to read any of those parenting books how they are...I really am interested.

I most definately will and thanks again for the link. I'm probably gonna pick it up on CD. If it's any good, I'll send it to ya. :cheers:

 

[arnisador]

Tigger was always my favorite...so of course the kids got me tons of Tigger trinkets for birthdays and holidays.

 

[Gemini]

Tigger was always my favorite...so of course the kids got me tons of Tigger trinkets for birthdays and holidays.

That's great! A houseful of Tiggers.


pssst. Keep 'em away from MJ. -vampfeed-





:uhyeah:

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Tigger has announced he's just become a vegetarian and will live as far away from LI as possible....Loves Tigger my :moon: ...Loves Tigger for dinner more like.


I most definately will and thanks again for the link. I'm probably gonna pick it up on CD. If it's any good, I'll send it to ya. :cheers:

LOL and thanks! :ultracool

 

[Lisa]

In my next life I'm gonna come back as Tigger...

I love Tigger!

All this tigger talk... all day long...my brain won't turn off!!! Make it stop!!!

The most wonderful thing about tiggers
are tiggers are wonderful things
their heads are made out of rubber
their bottoms are made out of springs
their bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful things about tiggers is....

I'M THE ONLY ONE!!!!


I'M THE ONLY ONE!!!

MAKE IT STOP PLEASE!

 

[arnisador]

Encore!

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Clap clap clap clap clap! Again...again! :boing2:

 

[Lisa]

Clap clap clap clap clap! Again...again! :boing2:

Encore!

NOOOOOOOOO!​

Make the lambs stop screaming!!!!!!

sorry for the thread gank... I'll be good now