Attracted to the teacher?

[Jenny_in_Chico]

The internet is really really great

I met my ex-husband on the internet. I learned my lesson. From now on I only date men I meet in real life, in the normal course of events. Because you start talking to some guy on the internet, and he is SO PERFECT and you think he is The One, but you're basing all of your feelings on your emotions and your intellect and not your reptilian brain. I have a lot of faith in the reptilian brain with respect to making mate choice decisions.

 

[searcher]

I would say you need to slow down and think before you act.

Now that is me, the kettle, calling you, the pot, black. I met my wife while I was teaching at a karate school. I was not the head instructor, but an instructor none the less. For me, it was difficult, since the head instructor was dead-set against us dating. I was, however, prepared to leave teaching there and move on to another school. It worked out for us, but we did end up leaving, for other reasons.

 

[Archtkd]

It’s interesting how this thread has spun. A gentleman asks if it’s kosher to make romantic moves on his martial arts instructor and here’s how some of us have tried to help him: encourage and empower the man by trying to demystify the non-existent mysticism of the instructor and almost belittle her professional role. The tone from some of us even seems to suggest that the gentleman make his move because the instructor is after all just a mere athletic coach that he is paying. It’s as if athletic coaches are not trained, ethical, professional people, who continue to make our communities better every day. There’s always a few bad apples of course, but that’s in every profession, if I can even be allowed to use that term.

I don’t think my experience is unique. I’ve had a number of WTF Taekwondo teachers over the last 23 years who have a significant amount of education in addition to being a very experienced martial artists. Some have graduate and post graduate education in fields including education, pharmacy, kinesiology and law. I’m sure a number of MT members here – who teach and own studios – have the same if not more academic and practical qualifications. They are people I would put up against many doctors, psychologists, lawyers and engineers, any day, when it comes to raw intellect, professional development and standard.

There is no Eastern mysticism, American cultism or African pungu-pungu philosophies associated with the said instructors/coaches/masters. They – and others without higher education – are just good martial arts teachers, who also happen to know one or two things about life that they pass on to their students. They also understand how getting romantically involved with their students to say the least is ethically risky and bad for business. They apply the same rationale used by many professionals. Some of us might ask: how dare they?

 

[Archangel M]

Perhaps that because TKD is more "business" than anything else in the US. :uhyeah:

 

[Archangel M]

Anyway..unless you are the dojo owner, most of the BB instructors I have met are paying students at the school as well...so if a woman and I start class together and I get promoted to BB and an instructor I can no longer have a relationship with her?

 

[blindsage]

I think that people are manufacturing an equivalence between martial arts instruction and other professions that isn't there IMO.

I agree. But MA instruction is still a student/teacher relationship.

All of life is risk/reward.

Ok, and?

 

[KELLYG]

Archtkd
Just a couple of responses to your post


encourage and empower the man by trying to demystify the non-existent mysticism of the instructor and almost belittle her professional role.
From my point of view no one here has attempted to belittle the female instructors profession or her roll in it. I was merely suggesting that she Jane he Tarzan if the feeling is mutual what is the big deal?

just a mere athletic coach that he is paying. It’s as if athletic coaches are not trained, ethical, professional people, who continue to make our communities better every day. I agree that most Martial art instructors, good ones, are not just coaches however they are people and poop behind two shoes just like I do.

Some have graduate and post graduate education in fields including education, pharmacy, kinesiology and law. I also agree that, some Martial Art's instructors are educated beyond a high school level and some if not most are also well versed in law, physical education, business etc etc. Guess what some of the students that take classes are just as educated as they are.

I think that what two people do on their own time off is their business, it involves only the two people involved. If they are adult and responsible enough to handle life on the training floor and life off the training floor together the who am I to say that they can not behave in a manner the they deem as being appropriate. Now if you are an instructor and in your heart of hearts you feel that there would be a problem dating a student then by all means don't.

 

[blindsage]

Anyway..unless you are the dojo owner, most of the BB instructors I have met are paying students at the school as well...so if a woman and I start class together and I get promoted to BB and an instructor I can no longer have a relationship with her?

I know some people are saying that, I'm not. I'm saying there are specific factors to take into account in both how this person approaches the situation and how others provide advice to that person. Nobody here knows the actual maturity level of the OP, but most of us are giving advice (either direction) based on a surface analysis of the situation.

Can you have a successful relationship with your MA instructor? Sure.
Are there plenty of examples of situations where this worked out? Of course.
Where it didn't? Of course.
Are there plenty of example of failed relationships that affected the training of the individuals and/or of the school itself? Definitely.

I'd like the OP to take this into account and look at the whys of the last question, generally issues of maturity, and weigh his own and how he's approaching the situation. Some people take this too far and say that people should never have these kinds of relationships. I disagree, but people should think about it.

If you could handle a situation like this, that's great. But assuming everyone can handle it because some can just isn't reality.

 

[Cirdan]

So this might be the craziest thing you've heard of in a while. What do you do if you're attracted to the master of your dojo? Do you keep it hidden? Do you go for it? This woman is about my age, and I feel like she's attracted to me as well. I sometimes can't concentrate on the lesson because I'm so entranced by how pretty she is. I feel like it would be horrible if I wen't for it since she is the teacher and I am the student. Has anyone else been in this situation before??

Go for it. Worst thing that can happen you must find yourself a new dojo. Life is too short and we need a new generation of little MAists :lol:

 

[Tez3]

Just a couple of things, KellyG, I love your expressions! I agree with you as well.
The decision whether to date isn't ours, it isn't even the OPs, it's the lady in question. she may just not feel the same way, if she does and wants to take it further, good on her. Her decision, who are we to be sanctamonious about it!

 

[celtic_crippler]

I met my ex-husband on the internet. I learned my lesson. From now on I only date men I meet in real life, in the normal course of events. Because you start talking to some guy on the internet, and he is SO PERFECT and you think he is The One, but you're basing all of your feelings on your emotions and your intellect and not your reptilian brain. I have a lot of faith in the reptilian brain with respect to making mate choice decisions.

Would have never guessed based on your avatar. LOL

It's the OP's decision whether or not to pursue it. She can yes or no. Perhaps maybe....

There are several possible outcomes, both negative and positive (many possibilites have been stated already). The OP has to consider them all, weigh the risk, and then make a decision.

That's it really. 'nuff said.