Any tips for someone that becomes paralised with fear?

Towel Snapper

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Im an anxious person as it is, add to that an intimidating thug, and all the shouting and intimidating mannerisms they do, and a no rules street situation, and im so scared I go into wussy mode, where I dont even dare defend myself incase it makes him angrier and if I do something its half effort due to fear of the consequences, and I also get too scared to do anything at all, also my voice gets all jumpy and weird and makes me sound like a complete wimpy coward.

The fear just build and builds and it gets so intense.

Sparring, a sport fight not such a problem I know I can quit anytime and a ref will dive in to save my *** if I go unconscious and I know I wont die when my head hits the canvis.

On the street though, I dont know the guy, I dont know if he has a weapon, he does all the intimidation routine, if I fall/get KOed and smack my head on the concrete theres a good chance I will die, add to that my anxiety issues and overly negative imagination coupled with my pride of being a man and never backing down out of shame, and being hard on myself in my self talk, and I have a fear cocktail like no other.

Any tips to get rid of fear?
 
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Danny T

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Fear - is an emotion that all humans experience. One of best way to control fear is through training; operant conditioning. Train and practice, practice, practice the situations that create the fear. Visualization and mental walk through practice is a good way to keep mentally prepared. Fear will still grip you but by having experienced the actually possibilities the mind is easier to calm and will allow the training to take hold.

Acceptance of the potential consequences mentally, socially, spiritually will be a big help also.
 

Kong Soo Do

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This is a response to an adrenaline dump. Lots of stuff happens automatically: The eye flattens out, blood moves to the core so we loose some manual dexterity in the extremities, we breath deeper, don't feel pain as acutely, get tunnel vision and/or auditory exclusion. The catch phrase is 'fight, flight or freeze'.

My professional suggestion is to do some scenarios based upon some real life situations. Yes, it is a controlled situation due to safety needs, but it offers more possibilities than just 'sparring'. The person playing the bad guy needs to act like a real bad guy would (be it a drunk, a bully, a robber etc). That means cussing you out, verbally intimidating you, trying to punk you out, wildly rushing you rather than some sparring session that abides by a rule set. This allows you to get some training with some realism. It allows you to see options such as escape, evasion, improvised weapons, verbal de-escalation, loud verbalization to attract attention, watching for pre-fight indicators (breathing heavy, clenched fists, body language etc) as well as looking for other threats. Also, do this type of training outside of the school. Real fights don't occur in the school, they occur in a parking lot, an alley, in a car, on stairs, in the woods etc. Train scenarios in these types of environments. And do so in well lit areas, dimly lit areas as well as starting from positions of advantage and disadvantage.

This will give you some experience with these things that can help your situation tremendously. If you face a guy in a realistic training session that is cussing you out, acting like a bad guy and trying to do what a real bad guy would do then you'll be able to train for it better than just standing in a well lit school abiding by a rule set during a sparring session.
 

Touch Of Death

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My best advice is to train so much that you don't care if they hit you or not. Or at least that is what I did. I also avoid people that do that. I don't need that in my life, but when it happens, I don't care. :)
 

K-man

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Scenario training is an excellent way to work through the adrenal dump!
We had a Krav grading at the weekend. There was a maze set up and four of us were waiting inside, three concealed. I had a handgun and was just inside the entrance so that when the student entered my area he saw a guy with a stick in front of him. That meant none of them saw me coming from behind and it was interesting to see their reactions when I yelled at them. Almost all froze initially. Some actually forgot I had a gun and tried to punch me. Bang, bang! Some improvised which was fine. The only guy that responded instinctively the way we train was an ex cop (and one of my students). He told me later he didn't think about anything. He just reacted. Top marks!
:asian:
 
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Towel Snapper

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This is a response to an adrenaline dump. Lots of stuff happens automatically: The eye flattens out, blood moves to the core so we loose some manual dexterity in the extremities, we breath deeper, don't feel pain as acutely, get tunnel vision and/or auditory exclusion. The catch phrase is 'fight, flight or freeze'.

My professional suggestion is to do some scenarios based upon some real life situations. Yes, it is a controlled situation due to safety needs, but it offers more possibilities than just 'sparring'. The person playing the bad guy needs to act like a real bad guy would (be it a drunk, a bully, a robber etc). That means cussing you out, verbally intimidating you, trying to punk you out, wildly rushing you rather than some sparring session that abides by a rule set. This allows you to get some training with some realism. It allows you to see options such as escape, evasion, improvised weapons, verbal de-escalation, loud verbalization to attract attention, watching for pre-fight indicators (breathing heavy, clenched fists, body language etc) as well as looking for other threats. Also, do this type of training outside of the school. Real fights don't occur in the school, they occur in a parking lot, an alley, in a car, on stairs, in the woods etc. Train scenarios in these types of environments. And do so in well lit areas, dimly lit areas as well as starting from positions of advantage and disadvantage.

This will give you some experience with these things that can help your situation tremendously. If you face a guy in a realistic training session that is cussing you out, acting like a bad guy and trying to do what a real bad guy would do then you'll be able to train for it better than just standing in a well lit school abiding by a rule set during a sparring session.


Thankyou kind sir! Great answer!!!
 
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Towel Snapper

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We had a Krav grading at the weekend. There was a maze set up and four of us were waiting inside, three concealed. I had a handgun and was just inside the entrance so that when the student entered my area he saw a guy with a stick in front of him. That meant none of them saw me coming from behind and it was interesting to see their reactions when I yelled at them. Almost all froze initially. Some actually forgot I had a gun and tried to punch me. Bang, bang! Some improvised which was fine. The only guy that responded instinctively the way we train was an ex cop (and one of my students). He told me later he didn't think about anything. He just reacted. Top marks!
:asian:

Cheers mate much appreciated, so get to that trained state then there wont be any fear just an auto response excellent!! :)
 
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T

Towel Snapper

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Fear - is an emotion that all humans experience. One of best way to control fear is through training; operant conditioning. Train and practice, practice, practice the situations that create the fear. Visualization and mental walk through practice is a good way to keep mentally prepared. Fear will still grip you but by having experienced the actually possibilities the mind is easier to calm and will allow the training to take hold.

Acceptance of the potential consequences mentally, socially, spiritually will be a big help also.

Cheers bro! Great answer! That last sentence was really powerful immediately!! :)
 

ks - learning to fly

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..I have to agree with the scenario training..I try to use visualization in my training so when I visualize things that 'could' happen and
work on reactions and timing..While it does take time, it beats the heck out of the nightmares produced by the time I was jumped
and had no control over the situation - hence, my decision to start TKD..Most of all, remember - you can't live your life in a bubble..
If you can learn to control fear - fear can't control you! (or -F.E.A.R. = False Emotion Appearing Real)
 

Mark Lynn

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Im an anxious person as it is, add to that an intimidating thug, and all the shouting and intimidating mannerisms they do, and a no rules street situation, and im so scared I go into wussy mode, where I dont even dare defend myself incase it makes him angrier and if I do something its half effort due to fear of the consequences, and I also get too scared to do anything at all, also my voice gets all jumpy and weird and makes me sound like a complete wimpy coward.

The fear just build and builds and it gets so intense.

Just out of curiosity is this something that happened to you or are you just putting out a question here on the board? Is this type of a situation why you got into the martial arts in the first place, or one of your reasons?

Sparring, a sport fight not such a problem I know I can quit anytime and a ref will dive in to save my *** if I go unconscious and I know I wont die when my head hits the canvis.

Perhaps this is part of the problem. Your mindset here can be a crutch, that you will be saved by the ref and you know you won't die when you head hits the canvas. Maybe you need to approach your training like your life depends on it, that no one will save your *** but yourself and you are going to do your best not to hit the canvas knocked out.

I'm not trying to be an *** here myself, I'm just suggesting that if you have confidence issues and you go into a MMA type sport with the feeling that I'm safe, I know the ref is there, chances are I won't get knocked out etc. etc. and you do things from a half hearted mental state then that's not going to help your confidence, cause you'll always be someones punching bag. Because there will be others in your gym who have their mental state together and will use you as their sparring partner and beat the crap out of you while training to WIN their next fight, while you are training half heartedly.

Perhaps training to WIN, to stand up, will lead you to have more confidence in yourself.


On the street though, I dont know the guy, I dont know if he has a weapon, he does all the intimidation routine, if I fall/get KOed and smack my head on the concrete theres a good chance I will die, add to that my anxiety issues and overly negative imagination coupled with my pride of being a man and never backing down out of shame, and being hard on myself in my self talk, and I have a fear cocktail like no other.

Any tips to get rid of fear?

So far I believe everyone has given you good advice, the scenario and environmental training advice is spot on. However unless you live in a crime ridden war zone area in town where you face getting beat up and confronted every day (and people do have to live in environments like this), the chances of running into situations like you described might not happen but once in a few years, and that might be cut down even more if you don't frequent places where thugs like that might be. So that self defense type aspect for your training might only need to be a part of it.

But I think the real mental games, the real mental toughness and the rear fear comes into place with some guy you've never fought before standing across from you ready to do you harm. The guy on the street might be a untrained blow hard who's just as scared as you wanting to back down but can't because of pride issues. However the guy standing across the ring from you might be there to pound your butt into submission and he has trained pretty hard to do that.

To get rid of fear here are my suggestions
1) Adjust your mental state, by training seriously, with purpose. As an example: I know in Kobudo (traditional weapons) training that my partner and I are going to use control and not try and hurt one another. Like wise though when I'm fed a technique (attacked) I treat it as if it is real and hit back hard to their weapon (blocking) and then I strike back hard and fast with control. There is no doubt in my mind or anyone watching that I do it as if it is real. However others (in the class) who train with less commitment don't have the same intensity, the same power or control. I am way more confident with my weapons, and my skill is higher than theirs due to my training and my mindset.

2) Try and figure out what your fear is and put yourself in that type of environment over and over and over again. I don't mean hanging out with the thugs, but if you are afraid of getting attacked by a weapon then learn to have some simple responses and have some one feed you over and over and over again. I teach the FMAs so I'm comfortable with edged and impact weapons, but most people are scared to death of them. The first time doing drills when a person gets hit, they get scared and they make a big deal of getting their knuckles rapped by their partner etc. etc. For instance I had a young BB girl one time stop by and took a hit delivered by her father as they were practicing (it was a reverberation hit, meaning she blocked but not committed so her stick bounced off and hit her in her head). Tears came she stopped, she's done, that's it she sat out for the rest of the class. A couple of weeks ago one of my younger students (11 yrs old) took a hit to his head because he blocked to low, small amount of blood and the tears come etc. etc., the kid sat out for a little while then got back up accepted the apology and admitted he was in fault for not blocking correctly and got back in the game. This same student was afraid of sparring in my TKD class, he hated it, he would do it but he hated it, he was scared of it. He was scared too with the stick work but he wanted to do it so he manned up, after his first hit, he got back up and didn't quit, after his 2nd he didn't quit, his 3rd 4th 5th etc. etc. now he takes a blow to the head, admits it was his fault and gets back to it. He is learning to deal with his fear. In fact everyone in my class gets hit when training and they learn to accept it and not fear it (I'm speaking from the stand point of doing cooperative drills not sparring).

3) Adjust your training to fit your needs. Staying with the skills you are learning in a MMA type gym, apply them to a self defense type situations in order to gain confidence in handling "street type" situations. For example, you have focus mit (FM) drills where you learn jab cross hook etc. etc. so adjust your strike and method of delivery to something that might be more "street" like then ring like. Have your partner hold a FM and start from a fence position (both hands held out in front like "I don't want to fight") then step in and slap with a palm heel hitting the FM. This could be similar to a over hand (downward) cross etc. etc. like a preemptive strike. Use the elbows that you are use to in MMA to strike the arms to frog/stun the muscles or to the thighs if knocked to the ground. All of this can be scenario based training or drilled as skill drills but in positions that in MMA might not really happen.

Another example of this is in my advanced karate/TKD class, if it is self defense night; I mix in defenses against weapons from my Modern Arnis class, I might teach take downs from silat, joint locks etc. etc. but primary is still hitting, elbowing, kneeing and kicking the person. The do this on the floor, standing up, standing apart, and from the clinch/grabs or holds. Once again all bases are covered so they get use to it and they can have confidence they can deal with it.

Oh well another long post, so in closing let me say I got started in the martial arts due to a girl friend, I stayed in the martial arts after she and others left because of fear (some of what you described in you OP) and I've stayed in the martial arts for 30+ years now because I've moved past my fear. One of the greatest things for me is to see young kids who have confidence issues come into class and learn to struggle through them, some of my best students are these types of students. Hopefully I'm helping them to learn to deal with these issues long before (earlier in life) I even recognized or started to learn about mine.
 

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