The Junk Drawer
- Thread starter KenpoTess
- Start date
OP
OP
Budweiser Beer will condition your hair. *Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish. *Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 min. *Mayonnaise will KILL LICE. It will also condition your hair. *Elmer's Glue -- paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads. *Shiny Hair - rinse in brewed Lipton Tea. (without sweetener) *Sunburn -- empty a large jar of instant Nestea into your bath water. *Minor burn -- Colgate or Crest toothpaste *Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it! *Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in; kills insect sting pain, too. *Bee stings - apply meat tenderizer *Chigger bite -- Preparation H *Puffy eyelids -- Preparation H (avoid eyes) *Paper cut -- crazy glue or Chapstick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals). *Stinky feet -- Jello!! *Athletes feet -- cornstarch (or simply put an "Odor Eater" in each shoe - this will rid you of Athletes Foot - been there, done that!!) *Fungus on toenails or fingernails -- Vicks vapor-rub, or soak nails in Listerine. *Kool Aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. *Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also. *Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint. Your kids will love it, and it won't hurt them if they eat it! *Peanut butter -- will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee-filter paper. *Sticking bicycle chain -- Pam no-stick cooking spray or WD-40. *Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage and shop. *Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls. *When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with cornstarch. *Heavy dandruff - rinse scalp with vinegar! *A Slinky will hold toast and CD's. *To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste and wipe clean. *Wine stains -- pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt. *To remove wax - Iron a paper towel over the wax stain, the heat will cause the wax to absorb into the towel. *Body paint -- Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour into an empty 35mm film container and mix with the food color of your choice and allow to cool. *Tie-dye T-shirts -- Mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak. *Preserving a newspaper clipping -- large bottle of club soda and 1/2 cup of milk of magnesia -- soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years! *Remove labels off glassware etc. -- rub with peanut butter! WD 40 works good on this one too. *Baked-on food - Fill the container with water, put in a Bounce "static remover and softener sheet". Soak overnight. The static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Or you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight! * Efferdent tablets will also clean your toilet bowl. * Crayon on the wall -- Colgate toothpaste and brush it! * Dirty grout - Listerine * Stains on clothes - Colgate toothpaste * Grass stains -- Karo Syrup. Rub in, let soak and wash. * Grease Stains- Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from batteries! * Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax: sprinkle and let stand for 2-4 hours. * To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer, add a little Clorox or 2 Bayer aspirin in the water. Or just use 7-Up instead of water. *WHO KNEW? When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest? So did you "squeeze" for softness to determine freshness? Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different colored twist tie. They are: M - Blue, Tu - Green, Th - Red, F -White, S - Yellow. So if today were Thursday, you would want red twist tie, not white which is Friday's (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue - Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Saturday.
**disclaimer..I just copy and paste em... can't testify if they're true or not, and I'm not even gonna try *W*
**disclaimer..I just copy and paste em... can't testify if they're true or not, and I'm not even gonna try *W*
And here I thought we were going to talk about Sanford & Son.:rofl:
K
KatGurl
Guest
Suits you to a 'T'
OP
OP
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of this year's winning entries:
1) Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2) Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3) Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4) Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5) Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6) Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7) Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8) Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9) Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10) Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11) Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12) Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13) Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14) Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15) Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16) Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
1) Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2) Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3) Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4) Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5) Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6) Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7) Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8) Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9) Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10) Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11) Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12) Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13) Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14) Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15) Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16) Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
OP
OP
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths:
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
16.. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
And there you have it from George!
(I know most of these have been heard time and time again.. but life does need it's levity *G*)
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths:
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
16.. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
And there you have it from George!
(I know most of these have been heard time and time again.. but life does need it's levity *G*)
I always enjoyed George's take on the difference between cats and dogs.
If a dog runs through the house and slams into the sliding glass door he'll wobble around for a while as if he's just been knocked senseless. If a cat does the same thing he'll saunter away as if to say "I meant to do that" but if you look behind the couch a minute later he'll be there with both paws covering his head saying "Freakin' meow, man!"
If a dog runs through the house and slams into the sliding glass door he'll wobble around for a while as if he's just been knocked senseless. If a cat does the same thing he'll saunter away as if to say "I meant to do that" but if you look behind the couch a minute later he'll be there with both paws covering his head saying "Freakin' meow, man!"
OP
OP
heheee yeppers.. my cat will fall off the windowsill and look up at me with a look of .. queenly arrogance.. daring me to laugh.. ~!! my dog will fall off the bed .. lay there waiting for me to come make sure she's ok .. with a big sigh of relief when I do laugh~!!!
Silly critters~!!
Yes, PLease don't.
Oh, Elizabeth it's the big one. I'm coming to join you honey.:rofl:
Originally posted by Seig
That does it, I'm telling Heather!
That's fine. She's right here beside me now.
