There are different types of respect.
There is respect shown to a position holder, regardless of the person. Many military officers and enlisted personnel saluted William Clinton, despite the fact that they thought very little of him as a person; they were saluting The President of The United States -- who just happened to be Bill Clinton. This is the respect you show your boss because he's the boss -- even though you may not like or trust him. In a case like this, the respect is being shown to the position and what that position means -- not the person who holds it. Personally -- I always grant this level of respect to a person who's been awarded a black belt (or equivalent status), as a bare minimum starting point. I'll bow to them, try to address them as they feel is appropriate, and so on. At this level of respect, you're quiet and listen when they talk if they're in charge -- even though you may know more than they do... or may disagree. This is the "Simon says" sort of obedience; you do what the teacher says, because you're in their house. Sadly, there are quite a few (some very well known) "masters" who fall into this category...
Another sort of respect is personal respect. There are people with no official status or rank who I'll move heaven and earth for. Typically, through years of association, these people have earned my direct, personal respect -- and they'd have it even if they weren't a black belt or sergeant or lieutenant. These are the people that, when they say do it -- you do it because they're saying so, not because you have to. I feel confident listing people like Ed Parker, Hatsumi, and Dan Inosanto as common examples of this sort of person.
Earlier, I mentioned that there are also different times and places where different sorts of respect are appropriate. When I'm at a tournament, or clinic, I expect a certain level of respect from people within the martial arts. I've got a black belt, my association patch... so you know who I am. In class, I expect students to listen when I talk, to do what I say... but they can call me by name (just like I called my teacher by name).
At work, in the station house, I'll call another officer by their name. But when we're in public, for example, on a call -- it's generally Officer X or Detective Y. If I'm calling them by first name... there's a message we're sending. I've got enough time on that I'll call the lieutenants and even the captain by first name, if we're chatting. When it's "work"... it's LT or Captain... and the chief is always "Chief" or "Colonel." I don't know him socially -- so I haven't hit that point. It'll be interesting in a few more years, when some of the folks I know and have come through the ranks with are making upper ranks. (Several people from my academy class -- or even later ones!-- are already sergeants; I don't think any are lieutenants yet.)
Where the problems come in are when you start getting martial arts teachers who expect you to bow to them when you bump into them outside of the training hall... That may not even be appropriate in Japan, as I understand it! (It's interesting how some American martial artists try to out-Japanese the real Japanese here in the US!) In class, I'm the teacher. Outside, I'm Jim; just another guy (unless you encounter me when it's Officer...) I'm confident enough of myself that I don't have to have my students "pay me respect" outside the training hall.
Outward signs of respect are funny things. I can bow or salute you with perfect form... and despise you. I can call you by silly, vulgar, or even offensive nicknames -- and respect you deeply. Too many people mistake the signs and trappings for the reality...
There is respect shown to a position holder, regardless of the person. Many military officers and enlisted personnel saluted William Clinton, despite the fact that they thought very little of him as a person; they were saluting The President of The United States -- who just happened to be Bill Clinton. This is the respect you show your boss because he's the boss -- even though you may not like or trust him. In a case like this, the respect is being shown to the position and what that position means -- not the person who holds it. Personally -- I always grant this level of respect to a person who's been awarded a black belt (or equivalent status), as a bare minimum starting point. I'll bow to them, try to address them as they feel is appropriate, and so on. At this level of respect, you're quiet and listen when they talk if they're in charge -- even though you may know more than they do... or may disagree. This is the "Simon says" sort of obedience; you do what the teacher says, because you're in their house. Sadly, there are quite a few (some very well known) "masters" who fall into this category...
Another sort of respect is personal respect. There are people with no official status or rank who I'll move heaven and earth for. Typically, through years of association, these people have earned my direct, personal respect -- and they'd have it even if they weren't a black belt or sergeant or lieutenant. These are the people that, when they say do it -- you do it because they're saying so, not because you have to. I feel confident listing people like Ed Parker, Hatsumi, and Dan Inosanto as common examples of this sort of person.
Earlier, I mentioned that there are also different times and places where different sorts of respect are appropriate. When I'm at a tournament, or clinic, I expect a certain level of respect from people within the martial arts. I've got a black belt, my association patch... so you know who I am. In class, I expect students to listen when I talk, to do what I say... but they can call me by name (just like I called my teacher by name).
At work, in the station house, I'll call another officer by their name. But when we're in public, for example, on a call -- it's generally Officer X or Detective Y. If I'm calling them by first name... there's a message we're sending. I've got enough time on that I'll call the lieutenants and even the captain by first name, if we're chatting. When it's "work"... it's LT or Captain... and the chief is always "Chief" or "Colonel." I don't know him socially -- so I haven't hit that point. It'll be interesting in a few more years, when some of the folks I know and have come through the ranks with are making upper ranks. (Several people from my academy class -- or even later ones!-- are already sergeants; I don't think any are lieutenants yet.)
Where the problems come in are when you start getting martial arts teachers who expect you to bow to them when you bump into them outside of the training hall... That may not even be appropriate in Japan, as I understand it! (It's interesting how some American martial artists try to out-Japanese the real Japanese here in the US!) In class, I'm the teacher. Outside, I'm Jim; just another guy (unless you encounter me when it's Officer...) I'm confident enough of myself that I don't have to have my students "pay me respect" outside the training hall.
Outward signs of respect are funny things. I can bow or salute you with perfect form... and despise you. I can call you by silly, vulgar, or even offensive nicknames -- and respect you deeply. Too many people mistake the signs and trappings for the reality...
